New Years Jokes

Contents

Funniest New Years Jokes

Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.

Score: 13288

I'm doing well on my New Years resolution to lose 10 pounds I only have 15 more to go.

Score: 54

I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!

Score: 52

Are you a new years resolution? Cuz I could see myself doing you for a month or two

Score: 49

What was the console gamer's New Years Resolution? 1280x720

Score: 47

New Years resolution Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution

Score: 34

Seeing as it's almost time for New Years Celebrations for myself Tonight I am an exorcist, as I shall be ridding the house of all Spirits.

Score: 31

My New Years Resolution was to lose 20 lbs. by the end of summer I’ve only got 30 lbs to go.

Score: 25

For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.

Score: 23

Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!

Score: 22

My new years resolution for 2017 1920x1080

Score: 22

10 things for my new years resolution: 1. Stop being lazy.

Score: 21

My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get all that done by tomorrow.

Score: 20

What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve? You wipe it off and apologize.

Score: 18

My 2015 new years resolution 1920x1080

Score: 15

How do they say “Happy New Years” in Australia? sɹɐǝ⅄ ʍǝN ʎddɐH

Score: 15

They say New York has the best New Years Eve Party I’d say it’s overrated - every year they drop the ball

Score: 14

My new years resolution is to lose my virginity I think its time after 85 years

Score: 13

My new years resolutions are: 1: Stop making lists.


B: Be more consistent.


7: Learn to count.

Score: 12

I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years. I started the year off on the highest note possible.

Score: 11

My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :(

Score: 10

Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work. No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid.

Score: 10

Whats a low-end PC's New Years Resolution? 800x600

Score: 10

LPT: Be careful driving on New Years Eve A lot of men will be drunk, so their wives and girlfriends will be the ones driving.

Score: 10

My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often. But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.

Score: 10

My new years resolution is the same as last year. 1920x1080

Score: 8

A New Years Resolution is.. Something that goes in one year and out the other.

Score: 8

My new years resolution........ Hopefully 4k 55''

Score: 7

"New Years resoultion" I have been reading so many bad things lately about how all the bad things sugar and junk food could do to me, so my New Years resoultion is no more reading 😊

Score: 7

Roy Moore missed the New Years Eve countdown. He’s demanding a recount.

Score: 6

My new years's resolution was to lose 10lbs Only 14 more to go!

Score: 6

What is every gamers New Years Resolution? 3840x2160

Score: 4

My new years resolution was to lose 10 pounds. I only have 30 pounds to go!

Score: 4

What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas? Cancer.


Happy new years folks!

Score: 4

Why is New York so disappointing during every New Years? They always drop the ball.

Score: 3

Making a New Years resolution to not shart myself I hope I can keep the streak going

Score: 2

My New Years Resolution was to cut all my old ties, so that is exactly what I did. But now I have a meeting and need to buy a new one to wear.

Score: 2

Finally came up with my new years resolution. I'm going to stop procrastinating!

Score: 2

Join us at the New Years Party for fuckups! We’ll sit around and watch the Dropping of the Ball.

Score: 2

My new years resolution was to lose 40 pounds by the end of summer... I've only got 50 to go.

Score: 1

Popular Topics

New New Years Jokes

Happy new years day 260 days in advance Its a dope joke but still....

Score: 1

This quarantine is a lot like the time between Christmas and New Years. I got new underwear, alcohol all over my hands, and my dad still hasn’t come back.

Score: 0

Last Christmas, the boss promised everybody a little something crisp and green in our year-end paychecks. After New Years he had to promise that never again would he put freeze dried frogs into our paychecks.

Score: 0

What happens if you keep your Christmas lights up after New Years in West Virginia? Mothman steals them and takes them to his cave.

Score: 0

everyone who made new years resolutions to become vegetarians and have stuck with it are now seventh day advegtists jokes fight me

Score: 0

For everyone who have made New Years' Resolutions... Come next year after you fail them, you'll realise hindsight is 2020.

Score: 0

My new years resolution is to improve my vision My goal is 2020

Score: 0

I asked some of my foreign friends how the new years fireworks were, and for some reason they showered me with profanities I'll never understand Australians.

Score: 0

My new years resolution is to actually make a new years resolution next year On second thought maybe it should be to stop procrastinating so much

Score: 0

My new years resolution is to try to always be a "Cup half full" type of person. Whiskey. Vodka. Wine. Whatever.

Score: 0

Nice to see that the New Years pole... wasn't the only thing to drop the ball tonight

Score: 0

Popular Topics