Did you hear that NYC paid Hillary Clinton $2,000,000 as a consultant for New Years Eve? They wanted an expert on dropping the ball at the last second.
I finally managed to achieve my new years resolution My 4K monitor turned up this morning, I'm so happy!!
New Years resolution Programmers are always grumpy on January 1st - they turn on their monitor and the screen has the same number of pixels even though they keep hearing about the New Year’s Resolution
Seeing as it's almost time for New Years Celebrations for myself Tonight I am an exorcist, as I shall be ridding the house of all Spirits.
Enough with the “I’ll see you next year” jokes on New Years! Those jokes are a decade old now!
For this New Years resolution I'm not going to smoke any more weed. But I'm not gonna smoke any less either.
Happy New Years 2013! Hey guys I'm sending this through Internet Explorer, hope you guys had a great 2012!
My New Years resolution is to go to the gym more often, get into grad school, pay off my bills, and learn a new language. I don’t have a clue how I’m going to get all that done by tomorrow.
I got arrested... I got arrested for punching a guy at a new years party, when you hear an Arab counting down from ten your instincts kick in.
They say New York has the best New Years Eve Party I’d say it’s overrated - every year they drop the ball
This year, my New Years resolution is to finally go to the gym... ... and cancel that membership I’m been wasting money on every month since last year.
My new years resolutions are:
1: Stop making lists.
B: Be more consistent.
7: Learn to count.
I got kicked in the nuts at Midnight on New Years. I started the year off on the highest note possible.
My internet went out for a few minutes on new years.. Met my family downstairs. They seem like nice people.
My dad told me his New Years resolution was to embrace his mistakes. He hugged my sister and I :(
LPT: Be careful driving on New Years Eve A lot of men will be drunk, so their wives and girlfriends will be the ones driving.
Hats off to those people brave enough to wear those silly New Years hats at work. No... I meant take your hats off. You look stupid.
My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often. But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.
I was buying a Christmas tree off this lady, and she asked "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied "No, I was thinking of putting it up in the living room actually"
(Nothing better than a christmas joke on new years eve.)
chinese new years
All served with rice or chips, bat and pangolin scale sauce £1.00 extra.
This quarantine is a lot like the time between Christmas and New Years. I got new underwear, alcohol all over my hands, and my dad still hasn’t come back.
Last Christmas, the boss promised everybody a little something crisp and green in our year-end paychecks. After New Years he had to promise that never again would he put freeze dried frogs into our paychecks.
What happens if you keep your Christmas lights up after New Years in West Virginia? Mothman steals them and takes them to his cave.
It’s nice to see one New Years resolution is being followed. One month in and the EU has already lost a pound.
On Midnight of New Years Eve, I lifted my left leg. Just wanted to start the year on the right foot.
My New Years Resolution this year was to be more selfless, but I gave up after four days. I realized that it isn’t for me.
So ever since new years my son has been making dinosaur noises. Hes really getting into the roaring 20's
For everyone who have made New Years' Resolutions... Come next year after you fail them, you'll realise hindsight is 2020.
Since it's New Years, I can say I haven't showered in a year! Actually it's probably been about a year and a half
I saw Albert Einstein at the New Years Masquerade Party yesterday He was dancing as Spooky Action at a Distance.
I asked some of my foreign friends how the new years fireworks were, and for some reason they showered me with profanities I'll never understand Australians.
Happy new years I just got pulled over and got a ticket because I was driving with out my glasses. I don't get it though I though I finally had 2020 vision.
I asked my bully what his New Years resolution was. He told me “To be nice to you.” I answered “Really? Why?” He said because nobody ever keeps their New Years resolution.
New Years Parties at my place are like being in a chemistry lab Some people drop the base, some drop acid while others do ether one.
When I was younger I distinctly remember a woman with a snake knocking on our door every December 31st to deliver fresh fruit. As a child I was terrified. But when I got older I realised it was just new years Eve.
If you're afraid of new years parties, it's just some auld lang syne ity Auld lang syne is old English pronounced "old ang sy" commonly.
As a new years resolution, my wife suggested I should remove excess fat... So I filed for divorce!
My new years resolution is to try to always be a "Cup half full" type of person. Whiskey. Vodka. Wine. Whatever.
I have decided I wanted to be healthier so one of my new years resolutions is instead of snacking on processed and sugary foods I am just going to eat nuts instead. The other is to come out to my parents.
Join us at the New Years Party for fuckups! We’ll sit around and watch the Dropping of the Ball.
Just got out of prison after attacking a man on New years eve. Excuse me for getting nervous because an Arab was counting down from 10.
"New Years resoultion" I have been reading so many bad things lately about how all the bad things sugar and junk food could do to me, so my New Years resoultion is no more reading ?
Finally decided to introduce my girlfriend to my family for New Years, but they just would not get along. My wife can be such a b!tch during the holidays.
New Years resolution to recycle water I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don’t care what everyone else at the gym says.