Disney Jokes

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection... Except Up.
He’s never gonna give you Up.

Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Rick Astley is such a nice guy He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!

He's Never Gonna Give You Up

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land... Also, I don't want to be cremated.

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer? Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ? Disney Movies still touch kids

Goofy tripped over a stone and got hurt Mickey Mouse : Hey Goofy ! Are you okay?

Goofy(crying) : No i got hurt on my knee!!

Mickey Mouse : Oh No ! Which knee?

Goofy(pointing to his leg) : Disney

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection apart from one. He's never gonna give you Up.

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome? You've Got a Friend in Me

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is: Yoda Lay-Heehoo

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I’m never gonna give you Up.

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter? It Disney land.

Whos the funniest disney princess? raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

In Communist China Winnie the Pooh owns Disney

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common? They can both bring out the child from within.

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke! Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first

What do you call an emo kids cartoon? Disney XD.

What is Frankenstein's favorite Disney song? "I'll make a man out of you."

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel? Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic. I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.

So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday But I showed them Up.

My ex girlfriend cried in a Disney movie when we were dating. Probably because I dumped her.

What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song? “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

With the hype for Ariel The Mermaid remake. I made a suggestion to Disney, but they banned me from their website Apparently suggesting a remake of Tarzan with a black man was a bad idea.

Do you think Disney wanted a ginger for the little mermaid But the casting director was dyslexic?

What do you call a Mexican Disney Princess? A Taco Belle.