Disney Jokes


Funniest Disney Jokes

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

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Funny Disney Jokes
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I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated.

Score: 2496

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection... Except Up.
He’s never gonna give you Up.

Score: 1237

Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Score: 346

Rick Astley is such a nice guy He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!

He's Never Gonna Give You Up

Score: 234

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.

Score: 167

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.

Score: 149

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.

Score: 139

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

Score: 125

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Score: 108

When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land... Also, I don't want to be cremated.

Score: 100

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer? Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

Score: 98

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ? Disney Movies still touch kids

Score: 89

Goofy tripped over a stone and got hurt Mickey Mouse : Hey Goofy ! Are you okay?

Goofy(crying) : No i got hurt on my knee!!

Mickey Mouse : Oh No ! Which knee?

Goofy(pointing to his leg) : Disney

Score: 81

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

Score: 67

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection apart from one. He's never gonna give you Up.

Score: 61

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome? You've Got a Friend in Me

Score: 55

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is: Yoda Lay-Heehoo

Score: 51

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I’m never gonna give you Up.

Score: 50

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter? It Disney land.

Score: 45

Whos the funniest disney princess? raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

Score: 40

In Communist China Winnie the Pooh owns Disney

Score: 37

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade

Score: 34

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common? They can both bring out the child from within.

Score: 33

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke! Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

Score: 31

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

Score: 28

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Score: 24

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

Score: 23

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first

Score: 21

What do you call an emo kids cartoon? Disney XD.

Score: 20

Rick Astley will give you any of his Disney movies except this one. He's never going to give you Up.

Score: 15

What is Frankenstein's favorite Disney song? "I'll make a man out of you."

Score: 14

Who is the funniest Disney princess? Rapunzel

Score: 14

Which knee is Mickey's favorite knee? Disney

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The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass.

Score: 8

Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast... They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.

Score: 8

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel? Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Score: 8

When I die, I want my body to be scattered about at Disney World But I do not want to be cremated

Score: 8

Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.

Score: 8

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New Disney Jokes

Which Disney princess has the most jokes Rapunzel

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My shirt is a Disney movie Because it’s inside out

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why do live action remakes never do well because the only thing faker than the animation is disney’s care for consumers

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Disney Corp is so paranoid about the Coronavirus, they re-released the Snow White movie under another name It's now called, Snow White and the 6 Dwarfs.

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What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song? “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

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What do the UK and Disney have in common? They're both ditching the EU

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Do you think Disney wanted a ginger for the little mermaid But the casting director was dyslexic?

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With the hype for Ariel The Mermaid remake. I made a suggestion to Disney, but they banned me from their website Apparently suggesting a remake of Tarzan with a black man was a bad idea.

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What is the most annoying disney princess? Poke-ahontas

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Disney Toy Story vs R rated Toy Story Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"

R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"

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What do Disney movies and Robert Kraft have in common? Target audience.

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Why did the disney chicken cross the road? Because he had friends on the other side

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My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic. I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.

So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.

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Do you wanna know my favorite Disney princess? Homer Simpson. Why not? Now that Disney owns everything.

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A rollercoaster at disney got shut down for having a small gap in the middle of the ride It probably wasn't wise to have a clothing store in a rollercoaster anyway.

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I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.

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A reporter was interviewing Hurricane Irma. Reporter: "Now that you've been to the Bahamas and Puerto Rico, where are you headed next?"


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Why did Disney create Moana? Because after watching Frozen, people wanted Mo' Anna.

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Who do you get when you cross a large pair of scissors and a Disney villain? Shear Khan.

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Frog noise Little boy said to his grandad one day, grandad, can you make a noise like a frog? Grandad replies, no why? oh, it's just dad says when you croak we are going to Disney land.

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Disney princesses usually have a good reputation. But Sleeping Beauty is mistaken as a bad influence because she is always under a rest

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If you turn on disney channel then you're supporting kids' TV... ...but if Disney channel turns you on. then you need help.

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Rick Astley can give you every single one of his Disney movies, except one Up.

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What do you call a disney movie about antique cooking wares pewter pan

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Rick Astley will let you borrow any Disney movie from his shelf except one... He's never gonna give you Up.

Score: 2

Disney on Ice (True story)

WIFE: I bought tickets for me and (our daughter) to see Disney on Ice.

ME: (groan) Why?

WIFE: Your daughter will love it. It's Frozen.

ME: Of course it is, otherwise it wouldn't be Disney on Ice.

Score: 2

2 blondes go to disney world They see a sign that's says Disney World left.
They start crying and head back home.

Score: 6

Who is a college student's favorite Disney King? MuFAFSA

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I got in touch with my inner self today at Disney World I can't believe that a multi billion dollar company can't afford 3 ply toilet paper.

Score: 5

Why was Snow White fired from Disney? Because she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face, singing 'Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!'

Score: 1

What is the name of Trumps favourite Disney movie? Wall-E

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What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common? Immigrants

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Rick Astley told me that you could borrow any of his Disney movies, except Up He's never gonna give you Up...

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Today I learned that Disney had to rename Moana in Italy because an Italian pornstar has the same name AND NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOWS HOW DEEP SHE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.

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Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land. Don't worry, she didn't know it either.

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Which Disney character is Trump's favorite? WALL-E

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What did Disney call their remake of Dante's Inferno? 101 damnations

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PSA for vacationing families: Don't let your kids play PokemonGo at Disney. They'll get eaten by wild Feraligatrs.

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Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer.

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I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.

Score: 7

The Seahawks were going to go to Disney Land after the super bowl but they decided to pass.

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