Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.
I have two requirements in my will....
1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World
2) I do not want to be cremated.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection...
He’s never gonna give you Up.
Two blondes are going to Disney Land
At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"
They went home crying.
Rick Astley is such a nice guy
He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!
He's Never Gonna Give You Up
A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.
A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes
Man: I have two final wishes
Friend: what are they?
Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land
Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.
Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!"
Doctor: Which knee?
Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White?
'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.
*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*
When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land... Also, I don't want to be cremated.
What is the difference between Disney and brazzer? Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ? Disney Movies still touch kids
Goofy tripped over a stone and got hurt
Mickey Mouse : Hey Goofy ! Are you okay?
Goofy(crying) : No i got hurt on my knee!!
Mickey Mouse : Oh No ! Which knee?
Goofy(pointing to his leg) : Disney
The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.
Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection apart from one. He's never gonna give you Up.
What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome? You've Got a Friend in Me
Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is: Yoda Lay-Heehoo
Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I’m never gonna give you Up.
Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter? It Disney land.
Whos the funniest disney princess?
*sits there laughing to self*
In Communist China Winnie the Pooh owns Disney
How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade
What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common? They can both bring out the child from within.
Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke! Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.
Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?
Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.
BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.
I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first
What do you call an emo kids cartoon? Disney XD.
Rick Astley will give you any of his Disney movies except this one. He's never going to give you Up.
What is Frankenstein's favorite Disney song? "I'll make a man out of you."
Who is the funniest Disney princess? Rapunzel
Which knee is Mickey's favorite knee? Disney
The Seahawks were going to go to Disney World... but they decided to pass.
Disney is already working on a sequel to Beauty and the Beast... They're calling it The French Prince in Belle's Snare.
Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel? Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.
When I die, I want my body to be scattered about at Disney World But I do not want to be cremated
Went to Disney World because my daughter is obsessed with Mickey Mouse. She was so excited when I got home and told her.
Which Disney princess has the most jokes Rapunzel
My shirt is a Disney movie Because it’s inside out
why do live action remakes never do well because the only thing faker than the animation is disney’s care for consumers
Disney Corp is so paranoid about the Coronavirus, they re-released the Snow White movie under another name It's now called, Snow White and the 6 Dwarfs.
What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song? “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”
What do the UK and Disney have in common? They're both ditching the EU
Do you think Disney wanted a ginger for the little mermaid But the casting director was dyslexic?
With the hype for Ariel The Mermaid remake. I made a suggestion to Disney, but they banned me from their website Apparently suggesting a remake of Tarzan with a black man was a bad idea.
What is the most annoying disney princess? Poke-ahontas
Disney Toy Story vs R rated Toy Story
Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"
R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"
What do Disney movies and Robert Kraft have in common? Target audience.
Why did the disney chicken cross the road? Because he had friends on the other side
My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic.
I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.
So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.
Do you wanna know my favorite Disney princess? Homer Simpson. Why not? Now that Disney owns everything.
A rollercoaster at disney got shut down for having a small gap in the middle of the ride It probably wasn't wise to have a clothing store in a rollercoaster anyway.
I'm really thankful that Disney/Pixar brought us Toy Story It means I can go to Toys R Us and walk out with a Woody without it being awkward.
A reporter was interviewing Hurricane Irma.
Reporter: "Now that you've been to the Bahamas and Puerto Rico, where are you headed next?"
Irma: "IM GOING TO DISNEY!!!"
Why did Disney create Moana? Because after watching Frozen, people wanted Mo' Anna.
Who do you get when you cross a large pair of scissors and a Disney villain? Shear Khan.
Frog noise Little boy said to his grandad one day, grandad, can you make a noise like a frog? Grandad replies, no why? oh, it's just dad says when you croak we are going to Disney land.
Disney princesses usually have a good reputation. But Sleeping Beauty is mistaken as a bad influence because she is always under a rest
If you turn on disney channel then you're supporting kids' TV... ...but if Disney channel turns you on. then you need help.
Rick Astley can give you every single one of his Disney movies, except one Up.
What do you call a disney movie about antique cooking wares pewter pan
Rick Astley will let you borrow any Disney movie from his shelf except one... He's never gonna give you Up.
Disney on Ice
WIFE: I bought tickets for me and (our daughter) to see Disney on Ice.
ME: (groan) Why?
WIFE: Your daughter will love it. It's Frozen.
ME: Of course it is, otherwise it wouldn't be Disney on Ice.
2 blondes go to disney world
They see a sign that's says Disney World left.
They start crying and head back home.
Who is a college student's favorite Disney King? MuFAFSA
I got in touch with my inner self today at Disney World I can't believe that a multi billion dollar company can't afford 3 ply toilet paper.
Why was Snow White fired from Disney? Because she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face, singing 'Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies!'
What is the name of Trumps favourite Disney movie? Wall-E
What do Intel, Google, Uber, eBay, McDonalds, Budweiser, AT&T, Oracle, Disney, Boeing, IBM and Apple have in common? Immigrants
Rick Astley told me that you could borrow any of his Disney movies, except Up He's never gonna give you Up...
Today I learned that Disney had to rename Moana in Italy because an Italian pornstar has the same name AND NO ONE KNOOOOOOOOWS HOW DEEP SHE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOES.
Hellen Keller was the first person to go to Disney land. Don't worry, she didn't know it either.
Which Disney character is Trump's favorite? WALL-E
What did Disney call their remake of Dante's Inferno? 101 damnations
PSA for vacationing families: Don't let your kids play PokemonGo at Disney. They'll get eaten by wild Feraligatrs.
Did you hear about Disney's new Tick Tock Crock ride? It's killer.
I knew this guy who was so dumb... he saw a road sign that said, "Disney Land Left", so he turned around and went home.
The Seahawks were going to go to Disney Land after the super bowl but they decided to pass.