Disney Jokes

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Funniest Disney Jokes

Disney now owns Star Wars, Marvel, Indiana Jones, Disney World and the Simpsons. If they acquire my parent's divorce they will own my entire childhood.

Score: 30627
Funny Disney Jokes
Score: 15930

I have two requirements in my will.... 1) I want my remains spread out at Disney World

2) I do not want to be cremated.

Score: 2496

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection... Except Up.
He’s never gonna give you Up.

Score: 1237

Two blondes are going to Disney Land At the turn off, they see a sign saying "Disneyland left"

They went home crying.

Score: 346

Rick Astley is such a nice guy He'll let you borrow any of his Disney Pixar DVD collection! Except Up!

He's Never Gonna Give You Up

Score: 234

A million or more lab rats die each year and my fiance screams at me for running over a mouse. That's the last time we're going to Disney.

Score: 167

A man on his deathbed is telling his friend his final wishes Man: I have two final wishes

Friend: what are they?

Man: firstly I'd like my remains scattered over Disney Land

Friend: and?

Man: secondly, I don't want to be cremated.

Score: 149

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection, except one. He's never gonna give you Up.

Score: 139

Mickey Mouse "Doc, my knees hurt!" Doctor: Which knee?

Mickey: Disney

Score: 125

Why did Walt Disney fire Snow White? 'Cause she kept sitting on Pinocchios' face singing 'tell me lies, tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies'.

*Joke's from my Dad and his friend*

Score: 108

When I die I'd like my remains to be scattered at Disney Land... Also, I don't want to be cremated.

Score: 100

What is the difference between Disney and brazzer? Disney teaches you how to hate your step mom while Brazzer teaches you how you can show your love.

Score: 98

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Disney Movies ? Disney Movies still touch kids

Score: 89

Goofy tripped over a stone and got hurt Mickey Mouse : Hey Goofy ! Are you okay?

Goofy(crying) : No i got hurt on my knee!!

Mickey Mouse : Oh No ! Which knee?

Goofy(pointing to his leg) : Disney

Score: 81

The Ukrainian government is opening up a tourist attraction in Chernobyl. It will be like Disney World, except the six foot tall mouse is real.

Score: 67

Rick Astley will let you borrow any movie from his Disney collection apart from one. He's never gonna give you Up.

Score: 61

What's the best Disney song to listen to while having a threesome? You've Got a Friend in Me

Score: 55

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is: Yoda Lay-Heehoo

Score: 51

Rick Astley asked for my Disney films the other day. I said, you can have Cars and Toy Story, but I’m never gonna give you Up.

Score: 50

Why does Scottish Mickey Mouse no longer use his helicopter? It Disney land.

Score: 45

Whos the funniest disney princess? raPUNzel

*sits there laughing to self*

...so lonely..

Score: 40

In Communist China Winnie the Pooh owns Disney

Score: 37

How do you hydrate a 2 year old at Disney World? Gatorade

Score: 34

What do Disney movies and coathangers have in common? They can both bring out the child from within.

Score: 33

Gimme your best Mickey Mouse/Disney character joke! Going on a Disney Cruise and need your funniest, raunchiest or most nasty joke involving a Disney character.

Score: 31

Disney shouldn't have to post warning signs Don't their gators make a ticking sound as they approach?

Score: 28

Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? Because every time they shoot them off, the French try to surrender.

Score: 24

BREAKING. With Disney buying Star Wars Donald Duck will now have four nephews. Huey, Louie, Dewey and Chewie.

Score: 23

I just got a lifetime ban for spreading my wife's remains around Disney World Guess we should of had her cremated first

Score: 21

What do you call an emo kids cartoon? Disney XD.

Score: 20

What is Frankenstein's favorite Disney song? "I'll make a man out of you."

Score: 14

Why is Pinocchio the most requested at the Disney brothel? Because he lets girls sit on his face while he tells them lies.

Score: 8

My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic. I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.

So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.

Score: 5

They told me I couldn’t bring my favourite Disney movie to class yesterday But I showed them Up.

Score: 4

My ex girlfriend cried in a Disney movie when we were dating. Probably because I dumped her.

Score: 4

What’s a racist’s favourite Disney song? “Put That Thing Back Where It Came From, Or So Help Me”

Score: 4

With the hype for Ariel The Mermaid remake. I made a suggestion to Disney, but they banned me from their website Apparently suggesting a remake of Tarzan with a black man was a bad idea.

Score: 4

Do you think Disney wanted a ginger for the little mermaid But the casting director was dyslexic?

Score: 4

What do you call a Mexican Disney Princess? A Taco Belle.

Score: 3

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New Disney Jokes

Why didn't the Disney Princess go to the doctor when she got sick? Because the cold never bothered her anyway.

Score: 0

Which Disney princess has the most jokes Rapunzel

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My shirt is a Disney movie Because it’s inside out

Score: 1

why do live action remakes never do well because the only thing faker than the animation is disney’s care for consumers

Score: 2

Rick Astley would give you any Disney movie except one... He's never gonna give you Up!

Score: 0

Why did Snow White get kicked out Disney World? She threw Pinocchio on the ground, sat on his face, and said "Lie to me!".

Score: 0

What do the UK and Disney have in common? They're both ditching the EU

Score: 1

I hear Disney is doing a live-action remake of Snow White... ...one of the dwarves is rumored to be played by Bagel Boss Short King.

I think he’ll play Bashful.

Score: 1

Disney Toy Story vs R rated Toy Story Disney Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my boot"

R Rated Toy Story Woody "I got a snake in my booty"

Score: 1

What do you want to be done with you when you die? I wanna be scattered at Disney Land Also I don’t want to be cremated

Score: 2

What do Disney movies and Robert Kraft have in common? Target audience.

Score: 2

Why did the disney chicken cross the road? Because he had friends on the other side

Score: 3

Did you hear what's happened with Mickey Mouses new helicopter? It Disney Land

Score: 0

A rollercoaster at disney got shut down for having a small gap in the middle of the ride It probably wasn't wise to have a clothing store in a rollercoaster anyway.

Score: 0

What's a Fortnite player's favorite Disney character? SCAR

Score: 1

What did Walt Disney have to say about "OK"? "It's a small word after all"

Score: 0

What is Bill Clinton's favorite Disney movie ? ....First Lady and the Tramp.

What is Lindsey Graham's favorite Disney movie ? Chip & Dale

What is The Donald's favorite Disney movie ? First Lady and the Trump.

Score: 1

I rode the "It's A Small World" ride at Disney World over the holidays. I sat right next to my next door neighbor.

Score: 1

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