Mexican Jokes

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Funniest Mexican Jokes

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder who runs out of protein? No Whey José.

Score: 10995
Funny Mexican Jokes
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A mexican magician told the audience he'll disappear on the count of three. He said "Uno, dos" *POOF* He disappeared without a tres.



**edit Front page??? Thats Punbelieveable!

Score: 2360

Mexican and African jokes are all pretty much the same.... Once you’ve heard Juan, you’ve heard Jamal...

Score: 2136

Why did the Mexican take xanax? Hispanic attacks.

Score: 2050

How does a Mexican cut a pizza? With *little* *caesars*

Score: 1977

What is the only reason Donald Trump is watching the Olympics? So he can determine how high Mexican pole vaulters can jump.

Score: 1720

I don't understand why some people say, "Taco Bell isn't real Mexican." It gets the job done for less than half the cost. That's about as Mexican as it gets.

Score: 1499

My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication It's for Hispanic attacks

Score: 1468

What do you call a Mexican midget? A paragraph cause he isn't a full essay

Score: 1450

Why does the Mexican guy take xanax? For hispanic attacks

Edit: Happy Cinco de Mayo

Score: 1298

Why is Trump so keen to build a wall to keep out Mexican rapists? He's afraid of the competition.

Score: 1225

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

Score: 1029

Why did the Mexican man take Xanax? For Hispanic attacks

Score: 1007

I was about to smoke weed with a couple cute Mexican girls... I asked them if they had papers. They immediately ran off.

Score: 978

Did you hear about the Mexican train bomber? He had locomotives.

Score: 929

I asked my Mexican friend if he will be upset if Trump manages to build the wall. He said, “ Eh. I’ll get over it.”

Score: 739

Once upon a time a Mexican magician performed in a magic show. He counted:

“Uno...”

“Dos...”

And disappeared without a trace.

Score: 713

A Mexican Magician... ...told his audience he'd disappear on the count of three.

He began counting "Uno, dos..."

And he disappeared without a tres.

Score: 663

What do you call a bodybuilding Mexican who's run out of protein? No whey Jose.

Score: 637

Why did the Mexican Army only bring 5000 soldiers to the Alamo? They only had 2 vans

Score: 593

I’ve been saying “mucho” to all of my Mexican friends. It means a lot to them.

Score: 573

The illegals protesting with Mexican flags, shouting "Trump is not my President" are telling the truth. Their president is Enrique Peña Nieto.

Score: 526

A Mexican magician tells the crowd he will disappear on the count of 3... He says "uno... dos..." *poof*! and disappears without a tres.

Score: 515

I asked my Mexican friend if he was upset about Trump's wall... He said, "Eh, I'll get over it."

Score: 480

Did you hear about the crazy Mexican train thief? He had loco motives.

Score: 463

The Mexican Magician A Mexican magician declares that he will disappear on the count of three. He begins to count, "uno, dos..." *POOF* The magician vanished without a tres.

Score: 462

What are Mexican proteins made of? Amigo-acids

Score: 457

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Priest? (slightly offensive) Alien vs. Predator

Score: 453

A Mexican magician was performing on stage He tells the audience he is going to disappear on the count of three,

"Uno"
"Dos"

And then he vanished, and disappeared without a tres

Score: 425

What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car? Carlos...

Score: 370

Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican? Because they steal all the green cards

Score: 192

What is an alcoholic Mexican's favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird

Score: 123

What is a drunk Mexican's favourite book? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 96

What does a fat girl and a pallet of shingles have in common? ...they both have a 90% chance of being nailed by a Mexican.

Score: 74

What book does every Mexican student read in school? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 45

What do you call a boxing match between a Mexican and a priest? Alien vs. Predator

Score: 38

Just played Uno with my Mexican co-workers... ...they stole all the green cards.

Score: 36

A jew and a mexican are talking... The jew says, "lemme ask you something, are theres jews in mexico?"

The mexican replies "oh yes my friend, plenty of jews...apple jews, orange jews, and tomato jews."

Score: 34

What do you call an elderly Mexican man? A senõr citizen

Score: 33

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New Mexican Jokes

A Mexican magician tells the audience, "I will disappear on the count of 3" he starts his countdown, "Uno.... Dos..." then suddenly disappeared without a tres.

Score: 5

What’s the best tool in the Mexican Magician’s arsenal? His Magic Juan.

Score: 10

I’m sick of all these Mexican and black jokes Once you’ve heard Juan you’ve heard Jamal.

Score: 3

My Mexican friends always drink their drinks warm... it's like they're afraid of ICE or something.

Score: 26

Why did the Mexican need a Xanax? For HISpanic attacks.

Score: 6

(Offensive) A black person and a mexican are in a car, who is driving? The police

Score: 3

What's worse than yelling FIRE in a mexican neighborhood? ICE

Score: 11

A Mexican serial killer killed dos people He never even left a tres

Score: 7

What’s a mexican’s favorite book? Tequila mockingbird

Score: 7

Why did the Mexican gangster fail school? Because he wouldn’t turn in his ese.

Score: 5

What did the Mexican fireman call his sons? Jose and Hose B.

Score: 3

Cop spots a guy driving past with a South American plate. He's eating some kind of Mexican food and has no clothes on! He pulls him over and asks, "Where are you from? What are you eating? Aren't you cold?" "Chilly", he replies.

Score: 26

What do you call a Mexican who lost his big toe and replaced it with a rubber prostheses? Roberto.

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Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they take all the green cards.

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I decided to open up a Mexican soul food restaurant. It's called Nacho Mama's!

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How do you get out of a Mexican jail? Taco Bail

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Why do you call when mexican twins fight? Juan on Juan match

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What kind of tooth brush does a Mexican New Yorker use? Orale-B

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What do you call two mexican clones playing basketball? Juan on Juan

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I wanted Mexican food, but I was in a hurry So I ordered it ta-co

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My dad’s Mexican and my mom’s Canadian... But I don’t wanna taco boot it

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What is a drunk Mexican’s favorite book? Tequila Mockingbird

Score: 15

What you call a fight between a Mexican and a Priest? Alien vs Predator

Score: 25

I'm starting a private Mexican restaurant. It's called Nacho Business.

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Why does the Mexican Air Force stress out Donald Trump? Bc he can’t stand the sound of twenty Juan pilots.

Score: 13

What do Mexican kids read in middle school? Tequila Mockingbird.

Score: 31

You know, I agree with Trump about refugees... ...we can't just let all of these Syrians come into America and take all of our Mexican people's jobs!

Score: 3

What is a Mexican's favorite novel? Tequila Mockingbird

Score: 32

Why don't you play UNO with a Mexican? They steal all the green cards.

Score: 4

What does a Mexican bachelor make for dinner? Dinner for Juan.

Score: 8

I had to stop playing UNO with my Mexican friends... They kept taking all the Green Cards.

Score: 8

What's a Mexican's favourite novel? Tequila Mockingbird.


(I'm sure this joke has been made before, but I thought it up this morning.)

Score: 6

I don't play Uno with my Mexican friends.. They're always stealing the green cards.

Score: 13

What do fat white girls and bricks have in common? Chances are they were laid by a Mexican

Score: 3

Did here about the Mexican fireman who had twins? He named them Jose and Hose B

Score: 3

What did the homeless Mexican bodybuilder say when he ran out of protein? No whey, homes.

Score: 4

What is a Mexican with a rubber toe called Roberto

Score: 12

What do you call a street on the Mexican border? Wall Street

Score: 4

What do you call the smell of leftover Mexican food in your car? A Texas air freshener.

Score: 5

I wanted to smoke a joint at the Mexican border... I wonder why everyone ran away when I asked for papers

Score: 7

What do you call Mexican food when it gets cold? A burrrrrrito.

Score: 7

Why can't you cross the Mexican border in groups of three? There's no tres-passing!

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What does a Mexican carpet fitter say to motivate his colleagues? Underlay! Underlay!

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What's the difference between a black joke and Mexican joke? Nothing. If you've heard Juan you've heard Jamal.

Score: 16

A Mexican and black person are in a car, who is driving? The cop

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What do you call a Mexican fighter pilot? Air Force Juan.

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How do you get a Mexican across the border using only math? Carry the Juan

Score: 22

What do you call a Mexican walking on the moon? An astronaut you racist..

Score: 9

Why were there only 1000 people at the Million Mexican March? They only had 2 trucks.

Score: 15

What do you call a Mexican Disney Princess? A Taco Belle.

Score: 3

What does an elderly Mexican have? Señority

Score: 8

Why do you never play uno with a mexican? Because they will steal all the green cards.

Score: 25

George HW Bush fell and broke his neck today It's in the news. Today George HW Bush fell and broke his neck at home in Maine. Fox news is blaming it on Hillary. Donald Trump said his Mexican Maid pushed him down the stairs.

Score: 3

Did you know the first sniper was a Mexican? Juan shot, Juan kill.

Score: 6

What do you call a Mexican bodybuilder without a protein shake? No whey José

Score: 23

How does a Mexican build a house? Juan nail at a time.

Score: 15

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos.... I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

Score: 20

Why should you never play Uno with a Mexican? Because they'll steal all the green cards.

Score: 22

A Mexican plays uno, And steals all the green cards..

Score: 4

Did you hear about the insane Mexican train saboteur? They say he had some real loco-motives.

(I know, it's pure genius, and totally original.)

Score: 27

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