My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise... I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister". Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".
My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
I took my son to see Santa Claus yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes. God knows what Santa Claus thought of him.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.
What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids?.... Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
I remember as a child my parents filling my head with nonsense such as the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy. Now I dont believe in any of that made up rubbish, thank God.
When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.
4 stages of life
1. You believe in Santa
2. You don´t believe in Santa
3. You are Santa
4. You look like Santa
I remember when I was younger lying there in bed waiting for Santa to come.. I also remember the awkward silence while waiting for him to get dressed and leave.
What did Santa give to his parents when they asked for a divorce? He gave them semicolons; they are great for separating independent clauses
I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I’ll definitely be on the naughty list.
I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come… Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better... Thank God.
As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD
You know, I’ve never seen my Dad and Santa Claus in the same room Come to think of it, actually, I’ve never seen my Dad.
When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk Somehow he found out and killed my dad!
Have you heard about the dyslexic who was working too hard on his imagination skills? He ended up in Santa Fe.
Why does Santa only come around once a year? He's locked up for breaking and entering the rest of the year.
It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa
If a fat man puts you in a sack tonight don’t worry I just told Santa I wanted you for Christmas
Why don’t Chinese people believe in Santa clause? Because they are the ones who make the toys
Forget writing Santa asking for miracle... ...I'm writing Willy Wonka and asking for an Everlasting GOPstopper.
Confession: I believed in Santa Claus until I was 15. I cringe at my stupidity looking back, but fortunately I've come to my senses and don't believe in silly fairy tales anymore, thank God.
Santa walks into a bar and says, “HO HO HO!” The bartender says, “oh sorry, we’re not that kind of establishment “
Why was Santa mad when he heard that Mrs. Claus was pregnant? Because, at this point in his life, he didn't want a dependent clause.
My 8-year old nephew told me a joke the other day, and it was priceless... Why can't Santa touch his toes? Because he doesn't exist!
What do Santa Claus and pop-up ads have in common? They both know there are naughty girls in my area!
What do you call a person who breaks into a house, steals food and drinks, and leaves in a getaway vehicle? Santa Claus.
What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was? It looks like rain, dear.
Why doesn't santa give gifts to black people? Because jails haven't needed chimneys since the Holocaust.
He is coming!!!!
When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa
Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa,
"Dear Santa, this Christmas I want a baby brother."
"Send me your mother."