How much does Santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.
My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise... I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
What ethnicity is Santa? North Poleish
Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa.
How come Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa? Because they’re the one who make the toys.
A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister". Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".
My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.
Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.
I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year
What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.
How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids?.... Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? Santa goes *down* the chimney.
When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're alseep.
4 stages of life....
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You are Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
4 stages of life
1. You believe in Santa
2. You don´t believe in Santa
3. You are Santa
4. You look like Santa
What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Santa's sack so full? Because he only comes once a year
A boy told his teacher he wanted to be Santa.
"Why so? It seems like a lot of work." said the teacher.
"Because Santa knows where all the naughty girls live."
What does a hooker get from Santa? 50 bucks
What does Bill Cosby have in common with Santa? They both come while you sleep
What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve? You wipe it off and apologize.
Why does Santa always have a smile on his face? 'Cause He knows where all the naughty girls live
Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa. Apparently they didn’t trust him with the naughty list.
What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops at three Ho's
What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops at 3 ho's
Was Hitler on Santa's Naughty or Nice list? Both. He was on the "Naughtcy" list.
The government was making a law against breaking into people’s homes...
Santa burst through the door and said,
“How am I gonna deliver presents?”
So they made the Santa Clause.
Americans, Before You Make Fun of Kids This Christmas for Believeing in Santa, Remember, Almost 70 Millions of You Believed in Trump.
What kind of credit card does Santa Claus use? ~~American~~ Polar Express
What do you get when you cross Santa with the Kool-aid Man? Ho Ho Ho YEAH!
My son keeps asking why Santa is always visiting our house, I tell him that he only visits once a year He then asks if Santa will help him with his dyslexia
What is the scientific name for a child's fear of sitting on Santa's lap at the mall? Claustrophobia
Soon not even Santa Claus can say ho ho ho Because apparently it's offensive to your mom sister and grandmother
How does Santa count his girls Ho ho ho
What the best thing of being a Santa? Santa Know where all the Naughty girls live
What did Santa say to the slow working elves? Wrap it up
How does Santa Clause make sure everyone stays asleep while he visits? He uses his HO, HO, HO
Why doesn't santa give gifts to black people? Because jails haven't needed chimneys since the Holocaust.
What will Santa Claus say when he see your mom? Ho Ho Ho
100 days to go before Christmas...and who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley
I read an article about how FDR dressed up as Santa Claus one time He told kids he was from the North Polio
I think Santa Claus is my dad. A month before Christmas when I was 10 I wrote Santa a letter asking him to bring my dad home for Christmas. That Christmas neither of them showed up.
Did you hear Santa’s been kicking off at his workers again? He’s got mental elf problems.
The perfect celebrity candidate for the job of being santa is...
John Cena of course.
Because NO ONE CAN SEE HIM !!!
So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!
Some people like to call me Santa Clause Because I love to shove my bag down little children's chimneys
What do married men and Santa Claus have in common? They only come once a year.
What Type of kids are Santa’s Favorites? Naughty Girls.
What do you call a kinky Santa? A subordinate clause
What’s the difference between between Santa ang Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 ho’s
What did Santa ask for Cristimas? To rape all >!resources for !<kids
(DARK JOKE)What's the diference between Santa Claus and a jew Santa goes down chimney
When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad. But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!
What do you call a Jamaican Santa Claus? Bumba Clause!
Santa’s wife has been sleeping around with a lot of people… She has been kind of a ho ho ho
All of Santa’s reindeer celebrate their birthdays except one... Santa decided that the Donner Party was not to be repeated.
What do you call Santa Claus riding a horse? A jolly rancher.
What do you call Santa after he retires and buys a farm? A Jolly Rancher
Why is santa so jolly on Christmas? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party? Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.
What did Santa say when his reindeer made him laugh? You sleigh me
Of course Santa is so jolly! He knows where all the naughty girls live.
What's the best thing about working for Santa Claus? Universal elf care.
A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa. She claims he called her a hoe three times.
Since Tiger Woods is back in the news and it's the holiday season....
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stopped at 3 ho's
What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents? Santa Claws
What train did santa go on when he couldn't make his mind up? The Bipolar Express
What does Santa say when he goes into brothel? Ho Ho Ho
Hellen Keller was sure that Santa Claus existed She could feel his presents.
Santa on the bad list? Impossible!!! On the 1st of December a little boy called Jim sends Santa a card asking "can I have a sister for Christmas. The next day he sent one back saying "Ok Jim send me your mother".
Why is Santa Clause such a jolly old man? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm?
A jolly rancher!
A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.
What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses.
A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins? The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.
Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks They were all star bucks
What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?
He knows where all the naughty girls live
#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
What is the difference between Santa and a black person? One stops after the third ho.
Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
What's the difference between Santa and a black person? Santa stops after the 3rd ho
What do Santa and Jared from Subway have in common? They both leave kids rooms with an empty sack
Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety
Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache.
Where does Santa's stripper mom work? The North Pole
Why do kids in Colorado get more presents? Because Santa likes their cookies more.
some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree
What did the racist ask Santa for? A white Christmas.