How much does Santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.
My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise... I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!
I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up
However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.
They're great at separating independent Clauses.
There are no divorce courts at the North Pole,
so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.
They're great for separating independent Clauses.
What ethnicity is Santa? North Poleish
Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa.
How come Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa? Because they’re the one who make the toys.
A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister". Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".
My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.
Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.
I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year
What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.
How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.
Why doesn't Santa have any kids?.... Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.
Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? Santa goes *down* the chimney.
When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.
What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're alseep.
4 stages of life....
1) You believe in Santa.
2) You don't believe in Santa.
3) You are Santa.
4) You look like Santa.
The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.
4 stages of life
1. You believe in Santa
2. You don´t believe in Santa
3. You are Santa
4. You look like Santa
What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
Why is Santa's sack so full? Because he only comes once a year
What does Santa Claus and Michael Jackson have in common? They both leave little boys rooms with lighter sacks.
I remember laying in bed as a child waiting for Santa Claus to come.... Then there was always that awkward silence afterwards as he put his pants on and left.
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped at 3 Ho's
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three Ho's.
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three ho's
What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're asleep.
Why is Santa's ball sack so big? He only comes once a year.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stops at three hoes.
(sorry if repost)
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa Claus stops after three ho's.
I don't claim... heard from a colleague of mine.
A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.
What do you get when you cross Santa with the Kool-aid Man? Ho Ho Ho YEAH!
Soon not even Santa Claus can say ho ho ho Because apparently it's offensive to your mom sister and grandmother
What the best thing of being a Santa? Santa Know where all the Naughty girls live
What did Santa say to the slow working elves? Wrap it up
How does Santa Clause make sure everyone stays asleep while he visits? He uses his HO, HO, HO
Why doesn't santa give gifts to black people? Because jails haven't needed chimneys since the Holocaust.
What will Santa Claus say when he see your mom? Ho Ho Ho
100 days to go before Christmas...and who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley
I read an article about how FDR dressed up as Santa Claus one time He told kids he was from the North Polio
A plumber, Santa clause and a smart blonde are in an elevator with a dog
The dog gets killed, who did it?
The plumber. Santa clause and smart blondes don’t exist.
What do you call Santa after a divorce? A Single Kringle ready to Jingle.
I've got a Christmas cracker joke so good it can't wait. Why do crackers love Santa? Because he's white.
Did you hear Santa’s been kicking off at his workers again? He’s got mental elf problems.
The perfect celebrity candidate for the job of being santa is...
John Cena of course.
Because NO ONE CAN SEE HIM !!!
I got a lump of coal last Christmas... Jokes on you Santa! I’m too poor to afford heating!
So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner
She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.
I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!
Why does santa carry such a large Sack Well he does only comes once a year....
What Type of kids are Santa’s Favorites? Naughty Girls.
What do you call a kinky Santa? A subordinate clause
What’s the difference between between Santa ang Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 ho’s
Do you remember when you were young and you believed things that weren’t true? Like Santa Claus, the Easter bunny, that you’re parents were happy together...
When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad. But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!
What do you call Rudolph before he joined the rest of Santa’s reindeer? Rebel without a Claus
Why is santa so jolly on Christmas? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What’s the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped after three hoes.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stopped at three ho's.
What did Santa say when his reindeer made him laugh? You sleigh me
Of course Santa is so jolly! He knows where all the naughty girls live.
A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa. She claims he called her a hoe three times.
Which was Santa’s worst and least known reindeer?
Olive, the other reindeer.
Since Tiger Woods is back in the news and it's the holiday season....
What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?
Santa stopped at 3 ho's
What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents? Santa Claws
What train did santa go on when he couldn't make his mind up? The Bipolar Express
What does Santa say when he goes into brothel? Ho Ho Ho
Why is Santa Clause such a jolly old man? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm?
A jolly rancher!
What happened to Santa Clause when he took an English class to write his own letters? He became an independent clause.
What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses.
Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks They were all star bucks
What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause?
He knows where all the naughty girls live
#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops at three ho's
Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.
What's the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after three HOs.
What do black fathers and Santa Claus have in common? Neither are going to show up on one special day of the year to give you gifts and neither really existed in the first place.
How do you know Santa Claus is married? He only comes once a year.
why was santa's little helper so depressed? he had low elf esteem!
Where does Santa's stripper mom work? The North Pole
What's the difference between Santa and Tiger Woods? Santa stops after the third 'Ho'
some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old
*what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree