Santa Jokes

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Funniest Santa Jokes

My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise... I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!

Funny Santa Jokes

I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.

A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister". Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".

My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.

I took my son to see Santa Claus yesterday and he stank of booze and cigarettes. God knows what Santa Claus thought of him.

Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.

I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.

What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.

How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.

Why doesn't Santa have any kids?.... Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.

Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

I remember as a child my parents filling my head with nonsense such as the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, and the Tooth Fairy. Now I dont believe in any of that made up rubbish, thank God.

What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? Santa goes *down* the chimney.

When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.

What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're alseep.

The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.

4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa

2. You don´t believe in Santa

3. You are Santa

4. You look like Santa

Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

Why does Santa Clause have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.

Why do Chinese kids not believe in Santa ? Because they make the Toys

What's the difference between Santa and a Jew? Santa goes down the chimney

I remember when I was younger lying there in bed waiting for Santa to come.. I also remember the awkward silence while waiting for him to get dressed and leave.

A joke from my dad: Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where the naughty girls live.

Why is Santa always so jolly? Cuz he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What did Santa give to his parents when they asked for a divorce? He gave them semicolons; they are great for separating independent clauses

I am faced with a Christmas dilemma If I tell Santa what I want for Christmas, then I’ll definitely be on the naughty list.

I remember lying in bed as a kid, waiting for Santa to come… Then there was awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

As kids, we were gullible enough to believe in fictional characters we never see like Santa and the Easter Bunny. As adults, we know better... Thank God.

You know Santa came when.. There's more milk in the glass than when you left it.

Why does Santa have the best job in the world? He knows where all the naughty girls live

As a child my parents used to tell me about the Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy and Santa I dont believe in those stories anymore, thank GOD

Why has Santa Claus such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year.

You know, I’ve never seen my Dad and Santa Claus in the same room Come to think of it, actually, I’ve never seen my Dad.

Why is Santa Claus always a man? Because no woman will wear same dress year after year for same occasion.

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New Santa Jokes

When I Was A Child Santa Gave Me Coal One Year For Christmas, So I Poisoned His Cookies And Milk Somehow he found out and killed my dad!

Have you heard about the dyslexic who was working too hard on his imagination skills? He ended up in Santa Fe.

Why does Santa only come around once a year? He's locked up for breaking and entering the rest of the year.

It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa

Why does Santa clause have such a big sack? Because he only comes once a year

Why don't Chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they made the toys

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three ho’s

Why don't Jews celebrate December 25th? They don't believe Santa Claus Israel

If a fat man puts you in a sack tonight don’t worry I just told Santa I wanted you for Christmas

Why don’t Chinese people believe in Santa clause? Because they are the ones who make the toys

What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claustrophobic

What your Girlfriend and Santa Claus have in common? You want them to come. But do they?

What did santa say when he meets a cheating gf ? Hoe Hoe Hoe

Why is santa Claus a man? Because no women will wear the same dress every year!

Forget writing Santa asking for miracle... ...I'm writing Willy Wonka and asking for an Everlasting GOPstopper.

How does Santa count his girls Ho ho ho

Confession: I believed in Santa Claus until I was 15. I cringe at my stupidity looking back, but fortunately I've come to my senses and don't believe in silly fairy tales anymore, thank God.

Santa thinks I'm naughty. Penguins think I'm nice. I think I'm bipolar.

Santa walks into a bar and says, “HO HO HO!” The bartender says, “oh sorry, we’re not that kind of establishment “

Why was Santa mad when he heard that Mrs. Claus was pregnant? Because, at this point in his life, he didn't want a dependent clause.

Why is Santa Claus always so jolly? He knows where all the bad girls live.

My 8-year old nephew told me a joke the other day, and it was priceless... Why can't Santa touch his toes? Because he doesn't exist!

What did tulsi say when santa asked her what she wanted for christmas this year? Present

What’s the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after three HOs

What do Santa Claus and pop-up ads have in common? They both know there are naughty girls in my area!

How are Bill Cosby and Santa Claus alike? If you're awake, they're not going to come.

How much does Santa pay to park his sleigh? Nothing, it's on the house.

Why did Santa go to the liquor store? He was looking for the holiday spirits.

What do you call a person who breaks into a house, steals food and drinks, and leaves in a getaway vehicle? Santa Claus.

What kind of motorbike does Santa ride? A Holly Davidson

Where does Santa store his suit? Is the Santa Clauset.

What did Mrs. Claus say to Santa when he asked what the weather forecast for Christmas was? It looks like rain, dear.

Why doesn't santa give gifts to black people? Because jails haven't needed chimneys since the Holocaust.

He is coming!!!! When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.

Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

What is the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops after 3 hos

Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa Jimmy wrote a letter to Santa,
"Dear Santa, this Christmas I want a baby brother."

Santa replied,
"Send me your mother."

Why does does Santa have such a large sack? Because he comes only once a year.

Santa saw your Facebook posts this year. He’s gonna give you a dictionary.

Can i take a picture of you So i can show santa what i want for Christmas

What part of a contract entitles you to free gifts? The Santa Clause.

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Long Santa Jokes

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl.

"Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!"

"Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

Did Santa get you that?

Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?"

"Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5.

The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?"

The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas , and talked with an old rancher.

He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there," as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!" Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land! No questions asked! Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores. A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE!!"

Random Drug search

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

Santa's bad day

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were gone, heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished the cider and the liquor.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the liquor bottle, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa stomped to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

A cop on a horse says to a little girl...

Cop on a horse says to little girl on bike, "Did Santa get you that?" "Yes," replies the little girl. "Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!" and fines her $5. The little girl looks up at the cop and says, "Nice horse you've got there, did Santa bring you that?" The cop chuckles and replies, "He sure did!" "Well," says the little girl, "Next year tell Santa that the d*ck goes under the horse, not on top of it!"

Here's an immature Christmas joke my older brother told me when we were kids...

It's Christmas eve and Santa is delivering presents. In one house, a young woman is waiting for him when he climbs down the chimney. She says to him "Santa, will you stay?" And he says "Ho ho ho, Santa's gotta go, I got presents to deliver you know". "Well, if I take off my gown will you stay?" and she drops her gown, standing there in her bra and underwear. "ho ho ho, Santa's gotta go, I got presents to deliver you knoooow" he responds. "If I take off my bra, will you stay?" and she takes off her bra. "Ho ho ho, santa's gotta go, I got presents to deliver you knoooow". "If I take off my panties will you stay?" and she takes off her panties, standing there naked. Then Santa says "Hey hey hey, Santa's gotta stay, can't get up the chimney with a stiffy in his way!".

When four of Santa's elves got sick and the trainee elves didn't produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule…

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her mom was coming to visit.

This stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.

More stress.

Then, when he began to load the sleigh, one of the boards cracked and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.

Frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum.

When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor and there was nothing to drink.

In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor.

He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.

Just then, the doorbell rang and an irritable Santa trudged to the door.

He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.

The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa! Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree…

"Santa Claus"

A girl is sitting at the edge of a tall building, contemplating suicide on Christmas day. Santa Claus sees the girl and sits down beside her.

"What's wrong my child?" asks the man.

"I have no job, no friends and no one who loves me and today i'm reminded of this even more.. there's no point."

Santa Claus thinks for a moment and replies: "What if i were to grant you 3 wishes, would that change your mind?"

The girl's eyes light up and she asks for her first wish " I want a beautiful house, one which money can't buy". The old man pulls out a piece of paper with an address and tells the girl that her new home is waiting for her there.

"I want more money that i could ever spend so that i can enjoy my house and new life and never need to worry about a job ever again"

"Next time you check your bank account, it will be there. More than you could ever spend." replies Santa.

"And finally, i want the perfect husband to live my dream life with and never have to be alone ever again!"

"Done, he will be waiting for you at your new place"

The girl gets up and begins to walk away from the ledge, Santa claus looks at her and asks a final question. "You seem a lot happier now, how would you feel about returning the favor to and old lonely man?"

"Sure, anything!" replies the girl.

"How about a BJ?" he asks.

The girl keeps her promise and starts doing her thing.

Towards the end, the old man asks the girl -- "How old are you child?"

"24" she replies.

"And you still believe in Santa Claus?"

The Perfect Man and the Perfect Woman

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect.
One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.



There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys.



Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.

Who was the survivor? (Scroll down for the answer.)

























The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke.

Men keep scrolling****.























So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: women never listen.

Little Tommy was born as just a head, no arms, no legs, no body.

One day he turns to his Mom and says, “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me a body for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, right below his neck, a torso. He rolls down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me a body!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies.

Almost a year goes by and Christmas rattles around again. “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me arms for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, sure enough, Little Tommy has arms. He leaps onto his palms and down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me arms!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies.

Almost another year passes and Christmas arrives again. “Mommy Mommy, if I’m a good boy all year and I eat all my vegetables will Santa bring me legs for Christmas?” “We’ll see!”, says Mom. The year goes by and Christmas arrives, Little Tommy wakes up bright and early to discover, a pair of fully functional legs with feet to boot. He sprints down the stairs yelling “Mommy Mommy, Santa brought me legs!!” “That’s amazing Darling!”, Mom replies.

Little Tommy can’t believe his luck. “Mommy Mommy, I just have to go tell Little Billy I have legs!” Little Tommy throws open the front door, bounds outside and is immediately killed by a passing car.

The moral of the story?

Quit while your a head.

A little girl sits on Santa's lap.

In a jolly manner, Santa asks "What would you like for Christmas?"

The girl replies without hesitation: "I would like a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa sits for a moment, thinking about the request. Caught off guard, he says "But little girl, Barbie comes with Ken."

The girl looks at Santa and with incredible confidence, states: "No Santa, Barbie only fakes it with Ken."

A DEA agent and a rancher

A DEA officer stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked with an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs."

The rancher said, "Okay , but don't go in that field over there.....", as he pointed out the location.

The DEA officer verbally exploded saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me!"

Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher.

"See this badge?! This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish.... On any land!! No questions asked or answers given!! Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?!!"

The rancher nodded politely, apologized, and went about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher heard loud screams, looked up, and saw the DEA officer running for his life, being chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull.

With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it seemed likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified.

The rancher threw down his tools, ran to the fence and yelled at the top of his lungs.....

"Your badge, show him your BADGE.........!!"

Why some put angels as Christmas tree toppers.

One year, Santa procrastinated too much and had an hour to go over his naughty nice list.

He was in a cabin gaining some progress when he heard a knock on his door. "Santa, we need your help in the workshop!"

Frustrated, Santa yelled "I'm busy right now, handle it yourselves. I can't afford to be interrupted!" And slammed the door.

Not 15 minutes later another knock is heard and his agitation is climbing. He opens the door and yells "What?!"

It was Mrs. Claus and she said startled "I brought you some food."

His face tuning red, he says "I've got a half hour left to check this list, I can't be interrupted!" He then slammed the door on his wife. He then says "I swear, the next interruption I get I'll just lose it."

About 20 minutes passed when he heard a knock at the door. He stormed to the door with a burning hatred when he opened it. It was an angel holding a Christmas tree. "Hey Santa, where do you want the tree?"

policeman VS little girl

A policeman sees a little girl riding her bike and says, “Did Santa get you that?" “Yes,” replies the little girl. “Well," says the policeman, "tell Santa to put a reflector light on it next year,” and fines her five dollars. The little girl looks up at the policeman and says, "Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?” The policeman chuckles and replies, “He sure did!" “Well,” says the little girl, “next year, tell Santa the d*ck goes under the horse and not on it."

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas...

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas , and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.

The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, " Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me." Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher. "See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish . . . . On any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?"

The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.

A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis bull . . . . . .

With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored

before he reaches safety. The officer is clearly terrified.

The rancher runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs . . . . . "Your Badge, show him your Badge!"

Please notify if repost. (first)

A woman walks into a tattoo parlor, asking the man in charge to put a picture of a turkey saying "Happy Thanksgiving!" on one thigh and a picture of Santa saying "Merry Christmas!" on the other. The man looked confused by her odd request, so he asked her why. She calmly looked at him and replied without even a stutter. "My husband always complains that there's nothing good to eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving."

Christmas Angel

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful Christmas tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'


And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

A father puts a gold watch in one son's stocking and a pile of manure in the other son's...

The first son brings the watch to his father and with a worried face says, "dad I'm not sure what to do with this watch, it's fragile, and small, and I don't really wear watches. I don't like it."


The father wasn't surprised by his son's reaction because he typically has a poor perspective on things.


Minutes later, the second son, who had a stocking full of manure, comes running to his father with excitement and says, "Dad! I think Santa brought me a pony! Now I just have to go find it!"


It's all about perspective.

Dad, is Santa real?

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000 th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stocking, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the ! ! sleigh and get onto the next house.

Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second--3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.

The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized LEGO set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousands tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the "flying" reindeer can pull 10 times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them---Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch). 600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance - this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft reentering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would adsorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,000 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo. Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now. Merry Christmas

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