Santa Jokes

Contents

Funniest Santa Jokes

How much does Santa's sleigh cost? $0, it's on the house.

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My wife just told me that in 9 months, I’m in for a big surprise... I can’t wait for Santa to come now!!

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Funny Santa Jokes
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I remember as a child, lying in bed waiting for Santa to come... Then there was always that awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

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Santa and Mrs. Claus have decided to break up However, finding a divorce lawyer at the North Pole is next to impossible, so instead they got a semicolon.

They're great at separating independent Clauses.

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There are no divorce courts at the North Pole, so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

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What ethnicity is Santa? North Poleish

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Why is Santa Claus always so Jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Did you hear about the goth kid with dyslexia? He sold his soul to Santa.

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How come Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa? Because they’re the one who make the toys.

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A boy wrote Santa: "please send me a sister". Santa wrote back: "Alright, send me your mother".

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My girlfriend left me 6 weeks ago because she thinks I'm immature. Now I'm all alone on Christmas day and crying my eyes out because Santa didn't come.

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What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They don't come until you're asleep.

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Why don't chinese kids believe in Santa Claus? Because they make the toys.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? The way they traveled through the chimney.

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I would like to be Santa Claus He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Why is Santa's sack so big? He only comes once a year

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What does Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? You have to be asleep or they can't come.

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How does Santa know if he lands on a Jewish house? There's a parking meter on the roof.

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Why doesn't Santa have any kids?.... Because he only comes once a year, and when he does it's down the chimney.

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Christmas always sucked when I was a kid... I believed in Santa Claus, and unfortunately, so did my parents.

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What's the difference between Santa Claus and the Jews? Santa goes *down* the chimney.

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When I was a child, I remember lying in bed with my eyes closed and waiting for Santa to come... Then crying myself to sleep as he put his clothes back on and left.

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What do Bill Cosby and Santa Claus have in common? They both come when you're alseep.

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4 stages of life.... 1) You believe in Santa.

2) You don't believe in Santa.

3) You are Santa.

4) You look like Santa.

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The reason why Santa is so jolly ...is he knows where all the bad girls live.

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4 stages of life 1. You believe in Santa

2. You don´t believe in Santa

3. You are Santa

4. You look like Santa

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What do you call a guy who is afraid of Santa? Claustrophobic!

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Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Why is Santa's sack so full? Because he only comes once a year

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A boy told his teacher he wanted to be Santa. "Why so? It seems like a lot of work." said the teacher.

"Because Santa knows where all the naughty girls live."

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What does a hooker get from Santa? 50 bucks

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What does Bill Cosby have in common with Santa? They both come while you sleep

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What do you do when you come across Santa on New Years Eve? You wipe it off and apologize.

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Why does Santa always have a smile on his face? 'Cause He knows where all the naughty girls live

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Kevin spacey got turn down to play Santa. Apparently they didn’t trust him with the naughty list.

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What is the biggest difference between Tiger Woods and Santa? Santa stops at three Ho's

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What's the difference between a Tiger Woods and Santa Claus? Santa stops at 3 ho's

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Was Hitler on Santa's Naughty or Nice list? Both. He was on the "Naughtcy" list.

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The government was making a law against breaking into people’s homes... Santa burst through the door and said,

“How am I gonna deliver presents?”

So they made the Santa Clause.

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New Santa Jokes

Americans, Before You Make Fun of Kids This Christmas for Believeing in Santa, Remember, Almost 70 Millions of You Believed in Trump.

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What kind of credit card does Santa Claus use? ~~American~~ Polar Express

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What do you get when you cross Santa with the Kool-aid Man? Ho Ho Ho YEAH!

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My son keeps asking why Santa is always visiting our house, I tell him that he only visits once a year He then asks if Santa will help him with his dyslexia

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What is the scientific name for a child's fear of sitting on Santa's lap at the mall? Claustrophobia

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Soon not even Santa Claus can say ho ho ho Because apparently it's offensive to your mom sister and grandmother

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How does Santa count his girls Ho ho ho

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What the best thing of being a Santa? Santa Know where all the Naughty girls live

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What did Santa say to the slow working elves? Wrap it up

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How does Santa Clause make sure everyone stays asleep while he visits? He uses his HO, HO, HO

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Why doesn't santa give gifts to black people? Because jails haven't needed chimneys since the Holocaust.

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What will Santa Claus say when he see your mom? Ho Ho Ho

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100 days to go before Christmas...and who is Santa’s favorite singer? Elf-is Presley

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I read an article about how FDR dressed up as Santa Claus one time He told kids he was from the North Polio

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I think Santa Claus is my dad. A month before Christmas when I was 10 I wrote Santa a letter asking him to bring my dad home for Christmas. That Christmas neither of them showed up.

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Did you hear Santa’s been kicking off at his workers again? He’s got mental elf problems.

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The perfect celebrity candidate for the job of being santa is... John Cena of course.









Because NO ONE CAN SEE HIM !!!

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So this is how gullible my best friend is, I told her to come quickly because Father Christmas was talking to Caitlin Jenner She says, no, I don't believe you, Caitlin Jenner isn't real.

I cant believe she's 30 and still believes in Santa!

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Some people like to call me Santa Clause Because I love to shove my bag down little children's chimneys

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What do married men and Santa Claus have in common? They only come once a year.

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What Type of kids are Santa’s Favorites? Naughty Girls.

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What do you call a kinky Santa? A subordinate clause

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What’s the difference between between Santa ang Tiger Woods? Santa stops at 3 ho’s

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What did Santa ask for Cristimas? To rape all >!resources for !<kids

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(DARK JOKE)What's the diference between Santa Claus and a jew Santa goes down chimney

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When my parents told me Santa wasn't real, I was incredibly sad. But then I bumped into him at the mall last December and he cleared that all up for me! Nice joke, Dad!

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What do you call a Jamaican Santa Claus? Bumba Clause!

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Santa’s wife has been sleeping around with a lot of people… She has been kind of a ho ho ho

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All of Santa’s reindeer celebrate their birthdays except one... Santa decided that the Donner Party was not to be repeated.

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What do you call Santa Claus riding a horse? A jolly rancher.

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What do you call Santa after he retires and buys a farm? A Jolly Rancher

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Why is santa so jolly on Christmas? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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Why did the lawyer have to dress as Santa on his company's christmas party? Because he didn't read the Santa Clause.

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What did Santa say when his reindeer made him laugh? You sleigh me

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Of course Santa is so jolly! He knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What's the best thing about working for Santa Claus? Universal elf care.

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A feminist has taken legal action against a shopping mall Santa. She claims he called her a hoe three times.

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Since Tiger Woods is back in the news and it's the holiday season.... What is the difference between Santa Claus and Tiger Woods?

Santa stopped at 3 ho's

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What do you call a raven that delivers Christmas Presents? Santa Claws

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What train did santa go on when he couldn't make his mind up? The Bipolar Express

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What does Santa say when he goes into brothel? Ho Ho Ho

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Hellen Keller was sure that Santa Claus existed She could feel his presents.

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Santa on the bad list? Impossible!!! On the 1st of December a little boy called Jim sends Santa a card asking "can I have a sister for Christmas. The next day he sent one back saying "Ok Jim send me your mother".

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Why is Santa Clause such a jolly old man? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

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What do you call Santa Claus working on a farm? A jolly rancher!

TY

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A Smart Blonde, Big Foot and Santa Claus Jump From A Building. Who reaches the ground first? No one, none of them exists.

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What is the linguistic description of sentences like 'ho ho ho' and 'merry Christmas'? They are both santa clauses.

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A dumb blonde, a smart blonde and Santa Claus are playing a card game. Who wins? The dumb blonde does. The other two don't exist.

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Santa was late delivering presents on Christmas because his reindeer needed so many coffee breaks They were all star bucks

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What's the best part of Christmas for Santa Clause? He knows where all the naughty girls live

#*( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)*

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What is the difference between Santa and a black person? One stops after the third ho.

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Why did Horse Santa put his dentist on the naughty list? You don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

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What's the difference between Santa and a black person? Santa stops after the 3rd ho

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What do Santa and Jared from Subway have in common? They both leave kids rooms with an empty sack

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Why was Santa sacked two days before Christmas? Elf and safety

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Daddy, is Santa coming tonight? No sweetie, mommy has a headache.

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Where does Santa's stripper mom work? The North Pole

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Why do kids in Colorado get more presents? Because Santa likes their cookies more.

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some jokes I came up with when I was 10-13 years old *what does Santa want for Christmas? Hoe Hoe Hoes
*what do hunters like to do? Shoot birds
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*what did the tree say when the math teacher passed by? Gee-I'm-a-tree

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What did the racist ask Santa for? A white Christmas.

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