Hilarious Chemistry Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Chemistry Jokes

It turns out my high school Chemistry teacher was right.... Alcohol IS a solution.

What did the scientist say when he found two isotopes of helium? HeHe...

Im making bad chemistry jokes coz all the good ones argon

How do you tell the difference between a chemistry professor and a politician ? Just ask them to read this word: unionized.

A chemistry lab is a lot like a party... Some people drop acid while others drop the base.

Don't drink water while studying... Why?

Because chemistry says that concentration decreases while adding water.

Note: My first attempt. Thanks.

I wanted to build my career on making chemistry jokes to cure my depression. Then I realized alcohol is a solution.

My chemistry teacher asked me what's an acid + base. A good party wasn't the correct answer, apparently.

That awkward moment when you tell a chemistry joke, and get no reaction. I guess all the good chemistry puns argon.

Are you made from Na, selenium and xenon? Because you are sodium SeXe.

Edit: I have yet to zinc of another chemistry joke.

My friends told me to stop making chemistry jokes, but then I told just one more I got no reaction, and now all my friends Argon

For our chemistry exam we had to write a thousand words on acid. Unfortunately my pen turned into a gorilla and the floor melted.

How often should you tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

So my friend asked me how often I make chemistry jokes. I replied "Periodically"

I'd like to apologize for all of my terrible chemistry jokes. All of the good ones argon.

How often do I make chemistry jokes? Periodically. I made one yesterday, but it had no reaction.

Chemistry jokes. Good or bad, it always gets a reaction out of you.

I make bad chemistry jokes periodically

I would make a chemistry joke, but seems like all the chemists here... ...Argon.

In a chemistry class, the teacher asks a girl - Mary, what is H2SO4?

- Oh god, this is so easy, why can't I remember, it's on the tip of my tongue.

Quickly, Johnny says:

- Then spit it out, that's sulfuric acid!

My chemistry teacher is a damn liar! He said that alcohol is a solvent. I've been drinking for years and it hasn't solved any of my problems.

Why don't people tell Chemistry jokes? Because they never get a reaction.

Chemistry Jokes Me :Is it a crime to throw Sodium Chloride at a woman?
Judge: Yes, that's assault
Me: I know it's a salt but is it a crime?

I tell bad chemistry jokes because the good ones Argon

Chemistry Joke I hate telling noble gas jokes there’s never a reaction.

Why do people consistently make bad chemistry jokes? Because all the good ones Argon.

I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

I was going to say a chemistry joke... But I was afraid I wouldn't get a reaction.

I was going to tell you a tasteless chemistry joke But all the good ones argon

My Chemistry teacher was right Alcohol IS a solution.

My chemistry teacher asked me if I knew anything about sodium hypobromite. I replied, "NaBrO"

They say alcohol isnt the answer. But chemistry says it is a solution.

The school counsellor told me that alcohol was never a solution. I said that my chemistry teacher would disagree.

I once told a chemistry joke There was no reaction

Chemistry Joke! Why can't acids argue well?

All their statements are baseless.

I blew up my chemistry experiment Oxidants happen.

I know its old but I have not seen it on here
So, wanna hear a Chemistry Joke? Nevermind, all the good ones Argon

Why should you never let a panda into a chemistry lab? Because it will create pandamonium

My chemistry blew up Oxidants happen....

New Chemistry Jokes

I knew chemistry jokes But all the good ones argon

A Hydrogen atom sits crying in the corner... I approached and asked if he was okay. He said "No, I lost my electron"

I said "Are you sure?"

He said "Yes, I'm positive"

(This joke once scored me a week's extension on some chemistry coursework I hadn't been doing)

What did x æ a-12 got when he was given a lithium iron battery, to reboot himself? Li-Fe

Edit: chemistry joke

I told a joke in chemistry class I guess no one one like it, because there was no reaction

Chemistry Joke. Anyone know any jokes about sodium?

Na

I came across this equation on my chemistry test - C2H6O... Looks like I'm dealing with an alcohol problem.

The relationship between the Physics teacher and biology teacher in my brother's school didn't last long... They had no chemistry et. al.

I would really like to tell you a Chemistry Joke, But all the good ones argon...

Walks into a bar chemistry jokes Silver walks into a bar
He sees gold in the distance and yell’s,
“AU! Get outa here!”

Helium walks into a bar
The bartender says,
“Sorry we don’t serve noble gases here”
Helium doesn’t react

My middle school chemistry teacher once told us... "Alcohol is not a solution, it's a distillation" \*smirks\*

I was going to tell a chemistry joke But all the good ones argon.

I told a Chemistry Joke to a class. But the students were so dumb, I saw no reaction.

When you wipe a spill, you are only are spreading out the liquid to promote evaporation through the mitochondria I learned chemistry yesterday

Chemistry jokes #3 H2O is water and H2O2 is hydrogen peroxide. What is H2O4?

Drinking

I’m trying to find the best chemistry jokes but all the good ones argon

Silver walks up to Gold in a bar and says, "AU, get outta here!"

What did the student say to chemistry YouTuber? I watch your videos periodically

I was gonna make a joke about chemistry But it wasn't really that funny

I was going to make a chemistry joke But I arrived too late and all the good ones argon

I would tell a chemistry joke... ...but there would be no reaction.

Chemistry joke #2 Two atoms were walking down the street together.

Atom 1: Oh no! I think I lost an electron.

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: Yes, I’m positive.

Why should you not drink water during chemistry class? Coz it decreases your concentration.

Where Guacamole's grow From @neiltyson

Geeky Chemistry Humor for Foodies:

If Avogadro’s Number is 6.022 x 10^23 (which equals one Mole) then 6.022 x 10^23 Avocados equals one Guaca-Mole.

I was going to make a good chemistry joke.. but all ARGON

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table. But skips Oxygen.

I tried telling a chemistry joke once But i got no reaction

We should take all these terrible chemistry jokes and barium

I really want to tell a chemistry joke. But i can’t tin of any right now

Chemistry class has only taught me one thing... Alcohol is always a solution.

Bit of a Chemistry joke Water is basically acid.

What did the chemistry teacher say to his friend when they found a mineshaft? BrAu

(if you don’t get it look at the periodic table)

I told someone a chemistry joke earlier today. I can't remember what it was, but I got the reaction I was looking for.

A chemistry lab is like a big party! Some people drop acid while others drop the base

Why did the physicist and the biologist break up? There was just no chemistry

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table They're good at chemistry

My chemistry teacher threw sodium chloride and Lithium ions at me That’s a salt and battery

I cracked a chemistry joke in class There was no reaction

New Years Parties at my place are like being in a chemistry lab Some people drop the base, some drop acid while others do ether one.

I was going to make a chemistry joke, but since I'm old to this sub... ... I don't have any Neons...

... and all the good ones Argon!

I told a joke I told a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.

People ask me why I make chemistry jokes Because I always get a positive reaction

Recently, monkeys escaped from an animal testing lab and broke into the adjacent chemistry lab. Some ingested potassium metal and exploded. There were Rhesus pieces everywhere.

Chemistry Joke

So a Physicist, Chemist and Biologist walk down the beach to the ocean. They stand together and watch the waves as the water splashes up to meet their feet. "Look at those waves, the shear crushing weight of the water powered by tidal forces! I must study them further!" Says the Physicist, as he walked out into the water, never to be seen again. "All that life in the ocean, from the smallest plankton to the giant whales! I must study them further!" The Biologist says as he wades into the waves, never to be seen again. The Chemist watches the waves for a couple more minutes, checks his watch, pulls out a pad of paper and writes: Physicists and Biologists are soluble in seawater... clicks his pen and walks home.

Definitely a repost but it will make some people laugh.

At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them
had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they
decided to visit some friends and have a big party.

They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire.
As a result, they missed the final.

The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.

Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms,
thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points:
Which tire? _________

Chemistry joke.

A Chinese chemist took part in a chef competition in UK. His English was barely passable during the presentations, but his cooking skills were great, and he went on qualifying. In the last round, he got tied with another contestant for the first place. So an innovative tie-breaker was devised. Each of them was given a random substance from the shelf which they had to identify and come up with a story within a minute, that involved the substance in the punchline.

The Chinese guy was given baking soda, which he did identify, but didn't know what it was called in English. He thought for a while and went,

"Once upon a time, one big company. It have district manager and regional manager. Both get car from company. One day, RM car DM car crash on road. RM car break front bonnet. Fault of RM. But RM angry boss and ask for replacement, or DM lose job.

....

So DM buy car bonnet!"

Old joke, still funny

A genius senior in high school takes a chemistry test. He gets his score back and is shocked he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have?” In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.
Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a bronze oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface of the lamp, a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, “I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire?” The student eyes light up and immediately replies, “I wish I had gotten that question right,” and the universe explodes.

A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy asked, "we can't settle here, oxygen must be very rare."

"We are not here to settle, kid" the Chief said "we are here to export. It's the biggest stroke of luck the Gaia Company has had since we found that big diamond inside Jupiter. We'll all be very rich after this, you can count on that."

They travelled in silence after that until they reached the settlement gates. The new guy couldn't believe his eyes.

"The buildings are made of gold!", he said.

"Not just gold , it's alloyed with one part platinum and one part radium, to glow at night."

When they entered the settlement the guy was even more surprised.

"A nuclear reactor at every home?"

"Yep, Uranium's as common as dirt here. You just have to dig two inches and there it is. Also very radioactive, that's why we had the ground covered with gold to keep the radiation contained. Now we just supply the uranium through pipes."

The guy saw some people carrying large bags down to their houses.

"Who are those guys?" he asked.

"Scientists. The old buggers are very happy nowadays. All the elements that had to be artificially manufactured on Earth are naturally occuring here. They have been conducting experiments since the day we came here. Some of them haven't been seen for six months."

They travelled like this for an hour until they finally reached the Department of Communication.

"This is where you are assigned kid" the Chief said "Radio wave communication doesn't work very well here, all the radioactivity in the atmosphere interferes with the signal. So we are going old school, telegraphs. Your job is to manage the lines and look after the posts. You will be the Department Head. There are 20 guys working under you. Come on, let's meet some of them."

They walked a little while until they came to a forest. The guy couldn't keep his jaw shut. The trees were made of metals. Some of them were glowing radioactively. Some were burning just by exposure to some oxygen. Some were made of gold, some of platinum, some of silver.

"I don't believe this."

"Well, it's right in front of your eyes. We brought some trees from Earth to plant here for the oxygen. But things changed. The guys from NASA tell me that because of the lack of common elements found on Earth, the trees had to make use of what they could get. So here we have trees of every precious metal - gold, silver, platinum - you name it. We cut them off and send them to Earth. Pretty soon they're going to become common as iron but till then make hay while the sun shines, right? We don't use them for making the posts as they are actually quite soft and the people try to steal them. Here we also have trees of Seaborgium (chemical symbol Sg, atomic number 106), Flerovium (chemical symbol Fl, atomic number 114) and Oganesson (chemical symbol Og, atomic number 118). All very rare and very important, the guys at NASA are paying us very big money to supply them. They say it's the biggest find in Chemistry since Lavoisier discovered Hydrogen."

The Chief was talking while they walked. He stopped near a plantation of trees and pointed to them. The new guy looked at a bunch of trees, silvery-gray in colour, shining smoothly in the moonlight.

"Now those are the trees you are interested in", the Chief said. "Made of pure Rhenium (chemical symbol Re, atomic number 75). The fourth or fifth rarest element on Earth. Very strong, third highest melting point, highest boiling point, denser than lead, not affected by strong alkalies, sulphuric acid, hydrochloric acid or even aqua regia. It's the perfect metal for this job. Strong, sturdy and not radioactive. That's what we have been using for the posts all this time."

"You don't mean to say..." the new guy began to say.

"Yes," the Chief cut him off, "this place is full of Re posts."

Students are smart

Chemistry Professor: Now, class, here I have a beaker of H2SO4, and here I have a gold ring. Suppose I drop the ring into the sulphuric acid. Will the gold dissolve?

Student: No

Professor: Good. And will you please tell us why not?

Student: If it would dissolve, you wouldn’t put it in.

A chemistry professor is giving his final exam...

... he says on the friday before the final, "If you miss the final you have to have a great excuse for missing the final next monday." Two students decide to study together all weekend so all friday night they study, all saturday morning and night they study, then they study all sunday morning and decide, "We've been studing all that we can study, let's go out and relax for a while." They drive 150 miles to the next town, they get drunk and pass out later sunday night. They woke up late monday morning and realized they missed their test. They drive back and tell the profesor, "We had a flat tire and couldn't get it fix and that is why we are late." The profesor agrees that having a flat tire is a legitimate excuse. He then proceeds to put them in two seperate rooms and hands them the new test they have to retake. First question: (5 points out of 100) What is the chemical compound for sugar? "That's an easy question" the one student says. He goes and answers the question. Second question: (95 points out of 100) Which tire was flat?

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test

A genius high school chemistry student takes a test, gets his score back and is dismayed to find that he missed exactly one question and thus would not be accepted to his university of choice. He is especially bummed because the question he missed was “How many valence electrons does a Hydrogen atom have?” In his haste to complete the test, he had answered 2.

Depressed and despairing, he takes a walk alone along a beach and is lost in thought when he trips on a metal object in the sand. Picking it up, he finds it to be a brass oil lamp, and as his fingers brush the surface a genie suddenly appears. The genie thunders, “I can grant you any one wish, but you must answer now. What do you desire?” The student immediately replies, “I wish I had gotten that question right,” and the universe explodes.

This Exam Is FINAL

Two guys were taking Chemistry at the University of Mississippi. They did pretty well on all of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, such that going into the final they had a solid "A". These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chemistry final was on Monday), they decided to go up to the University of Tennessee and party with some friends.

They had a great time, however, with hangovers and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Mississippi until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found their professor after the final to explain to him why they missed the final.

They told him that they went up to the University of Tennessee for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back, and didn't have a spare, and couldn't get help for a long time, so they were late in getting back to campus. The professor thought this over and told them they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. They studied that night and went in the next day for the final.

The professor placed them in separate rooms, and handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was worth 5 points. It was something simple about Molarity & Solutions.

"Cool ," they thought. "This is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were not prepared, however, for what they saw on this page. It said: (95 Points). Which tire?

An oldie but a goodie...

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an A so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them each the 100 point exam. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? ____

You're not supposed to understand, it's.. (science joke)

A student is in biology lecture when the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's chemistry."

So the student later takes a chemistry lecture and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

So the student later takes a quantum mechanics course and the professor gets to a part he doesn't understand. The student asks, "I don't understand, why does this happen?" The professor answers, "You're not supposed to understand, it's quantum mechanics."

This must have been written before cell phones

The dangers of easy money [long]

Timothy was always a bright man. He always excelled in his studies, and so naturally when it came time to apply to colleges, he had his pick of the top ones in the nation.

Being able to go anywhere, Timothy chose to go to Harvard. He was accepted into their prelaw department as a social science major. However, Harvard was much more difficult than high school and Timothy was overconfident. It didn't take long before Timothy had flunked out due to laziness.

Downtrodden, Timothy began walking the streets around the college late at night, wondering what to do. He had spent so much money on just that first semester, and now he had no life plans. However, as he turned a corner and walked past an alley, he saw a mysterious door standing in the middle of the alleyway. It stood up on its own, and had a faint glow about it.

Curious, Timothy walked up to it, turned the handle, and opened it. To his amazement, there appeared to be a long hallway on the other side of the door! Timothy walked in, shutting the door behind him. He walked down the hallway and found three doors on the opposite end. Timothy chose the door on the left and opened it.

Inside this room were rows and rows of lit candles, and more importantly, a massive pile of cash at the opposite end of the room. Timothy was apprehensive at first, but he decided to himself "I need the money, and what's the worst that could happen?" So Timothy walked over and began filling his pockets with the hundred dollar bills laying around.

No sooner had he taken the first bill when candles began falling over, causing the floor to catch fire. Timothy quickly began stuffing as much money as he could into his pockets, his shirt, his pants, even his mouth. The fire quickly grew and Timothy had to sprint for the door. He barely made it out and slammed the door behind him. The fire somehow appeared to be contained by this, so Timothy left with his fortune.

As Timothy left the magical door back into the alleyway, he spotted none other than his best friend and one semester roommate, Mark. They hadn't known each other for long, but there was a certain special chemistry that let them become such strong friends.

"Tim?!", yelled Mark. "What happened to you?! You're loaded with cash but your eyebrows are singed and you look like you've got some first degree burns! And what's with that door?"

"Hey Mark!" replied Timothy. "You may not believe me, but this door takes you to a long hallway with three rooms. There's a lot of money in there free for the taking. Just be careful!"

Mark trusted his friend Timothy, so as Timothy walked away, Mark entered the door. He walked all the way down the hallway until he came upon the three doors. Being an avid marching band member, Mark started with his left foot and thus first came to the left door. He saw an orange glow and felt the handle was hot.

"Hmm," thought Mark, "this must be how Tim got burned. I better try another door."

Mark proceeded to the middle door. Upon entering, he found himself in a long hallway with an aquarium in the ceiling. At the end of the hallway was an open treasure chest filled with diamonds, emeralds, and rubies. Mark excitedly ran over and took out a diamond.

As soon as he did this, he heard a crack in the aquarium ceiling and saw one appear. He thought nothing of it though and took another jewel. This caused another crack to appear. Now scared, Mark hurriedly grabbed as many jewels as he could. This caused the aquarium to begin to shatter. Mark sprinted out as water and fish fell from the ceiling, and he barely made it out and shut the door behind him before the room completely flooded.

With his pockets filled with valuable jewels, Mark left the hallway and went back into the alley. No sooner had he entered the alleyway than he saw his crush, Marlene. Marlene was a one of a kind beauty. Long, flowing, raven hair with piercing green eyes and a smile that sent chills down your spine.

"What are you doing here?" sputtered Mark.

Marlene replied "I like to take walks late at night sometimes. The better question is what are you doing here Mark? And why are you soaking wet?"

Mark pulled out a diamond and explained to her the nature of the magic doorway. Marlene was intrigued to say the least, so she decided to enter.

She walked down the hallway and saw the three doors. She noticed the first door was glowing and felt heat coming from it, so she decided against it. She saw water leaking out from the middle door, and realizing it was likely the reason Mark was wet, also decided against it. Thus, she chose the rightmost door.

Upon entering, she found that she was in a dimly lit room filled with tombstones marked with many names. However, there also was a large sack of gold and platinum bars sitting at the end of the room. Nervously, Marlene walked up and picked up the bag. As soon as she did however, a tombstone sprouted from the ground in front of her, with her name on it!

The floor began to fall away in front of her, prompting her to sprint away with the sack slung over her shoulder. She nearly slipped and fell into the rapidly growing abyss beneath her, but she narrowly escaped and slammed the door shut behind her.

10 years later, each of those three people were in their separate homes. Timothy was in an enormous mansion secluded away in a mountain, when one day his house mysteriously caught fire, killing Timothy.

Mark had a beachside mansion in a gated community. He had long since moved on from Marlene and was happily married and had two adorable children. Sadly, one day there was a tsunami that reached his home. Strangely, nobody was killed in that tsunami other than Mark.

This left Marlene as the last living person who had taken from that home. She had a penthouse suite with multiple stories and her own personal butler and chef. Life was good, to say the least. One day, she heard a booming knock on her door. A knock that was inhumanly loud and strong. She got out of her bed and walked downstairs to check. As she approached the door, a second knock occurred, so strong that the door fell down entirely. On the other side was a floating casket.

The casket began floating towards Marlene. Terrified, she began trying to run away. Not thinking, she ran up to her room and locked the door to her bedroom. The casket simply knocked down that door too, trapping her. Desperate, she started throwing things at it. Pillows, books, her cell phone, anything she could get her hands on.

Finally she opened her nightstand drawer and threw its contents at the casket. Magically, this caused the casket to disappear! Marlene, shaken, called the police.

They promptly arrived and saw the devastation in her apartment. They asked her what happened, and she explained that a floating magic casket had attacked her, then disappear d when she threw her nightstand drawer at it.

One cop mocked her for even suggesting such an occurrence was possible, but the second motioned for the first to be quiet.

"Ma'am," he said, "you were lucky. This nightstand had NyQuil in it, and NyQuil makes the coffin go away."

Chemistry joke about dry ice.

There are two guys: Bob and Steve. Bob is carving "Drink Coke" into a block of dry ice. Steve asks "why are you carving drink coke into that block of dry ice?" Bob replies "I just heard about this thing called subliminal advertising and I thought I would give it a try."

Final Exam

The Final Exam

There were four University sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to school until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The
guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thought this was going to be easy. Then they turned the page. On the second page was written...

For 95 points: Which tire? _________

Hear are sum morre punny science jokes

How often do I tell chemistry jokes? Periodically.

Is Silicon the same in English as in Spanish? Si.

The last time I told a chemistry joke there was no reaction.

Chemistry puns Im in my element.

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Barium

Ion-estly cant think of anymore... All the good ones Argon!

Edit 1 just thought of this.

What does Barium Cobalt and Nitrogen make?
BaCoN

Chemistry Joke!

Hydrogen and Carbon are walking down the street when they run into each other.

The Carbon says to Hydrogen, "Are you all right? You don't look so good."

"I'm not feeling very well," says the Hydrogen. "I lost an electron!"

"Are you sure?" asks the Carbon.

"Yeah, I'm positive." says the Hydrogen.

The Excuse

This past fall semester, at Duke University, there were two sophomores who were taking Organic Chemistry and who did pretty well on all of the quizzes, midterms, labs, etc. Going into the final exam, they had solid "A's."

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the weekend before finals week (even though the Chem. final was on Monday), they decided to go up to University of Virginia to a party with some friends.

So they did this and had a great time. However, they ended up staying longer than they planned, and they didn't make it back to Duke until early Monday morning. Rather than taking the final then, they found Professor Aldric after the final and explained to him why they missed it. They told him that they went up to Virginia for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and couldn't get help for a long time. So they were late getting back to campus.

Aldric thought this over and agreed that they could make up the final on the following day. The two guys were elated and relieved. So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that Aldric had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms, handed each of them a test booklet and told them to begin. They looked at the first problem, which was something simple about free radical formation and was worth 5 points. "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy." They did that problem and then turned the page.

They were unprepared, however, for what they saw on the next page.

It said: (95 points) "Which tire?"

Chemistry Puns

What do you do with a dying chemist? If you can't helium, you might as well barium. That joke was quite the knee-slapper, wasn't it. I certainly slapped my neon that one. It was just so-dium funny. Why do chemists like high altitudes? The views arsenic. If you're not laughing yet, don't worry. I'm only through with hafnium. Come on, I think ironed some laughter for that one. Where do chemists wash their dishes? In the zinc. I'm sorry if you didn't like that one. I'm no einsteinium. I would tell you another one, but I think they all argon.

Three professors go to the nudist beach

They start reading their newspapers, when suddenly Miss Ridgewell approaches them from the Chemistry Department. The alarmed professors react immediately. Two of them hide their manhood with their newspapers, the third, however, hides his face. They politely salute the lady, who simply passes by to join her friends.

When she's far gone, one of them asks the third professor, "Why did you hide your face?"

To which the third professor replies, "I don't know about you guys, but people usually recognise my face..."

Chemistry Jokes