Moose Jokes

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Funniest Moose Jokes

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs.

I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”

There were 3 blondes walking on a trail... The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"

The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "

The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"

Then a train hit them

Funny Moose Jokes

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack. Those damn mooselimbs.

What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? "Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"

What do you call a moose wearing a mask? Anonymoose

In Canada, you are more likely to be killed by a kick of a moose than by a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs!

I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once. The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it’s carrion.

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than from a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs!

Two blondes are walking through a forest... When they come across a set of tracks.
One blonde says "Hey these look a lot like moose tracks"
Other blonde says "No no these are definitely bear tracks"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

What do you call an Italian moose on an incline Moose-a-leani

Two blondes are on a hike through the woods They come across some tracks and stop to figure out what type they are. One blonde insists they're bobcat tracks, the other thinks they're moose tracks. Before they can figure it out, the train hits them.

What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink? Grey Moose

In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than of a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs.

‪A restaurant accidentally served me the weirdest talking steak. ‬"I'm not beef," it confessed. It was an honest moose steak. ‬

I like my women like I like my moose Big, brown, and horny

I hope I see some moose in Canada My hair is a mess.

I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday. How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.

How does a cow kill itself? With a moose

What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican? A Mexican moose

What do the Canadians use to hang themselves A moose

What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle? A Moosical

Sometimes, eating road kill Can be a big moose steak

What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought? Moose Code.

Did you hear about the moose who wanted to lose weight? He went on a diet and now he's a Muslim

A bear walks into an office and says to the receptionist "I have an interview". The receptionist just looks at him for a while so the bear continues "with Moose the manager". The receptionist smiles and nods then says "Why the big paws??"

What do you call a quadriplegic moose wearing a Guy Fawkes mask? A non-knee moose!

Ba-dum-tiss

The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump. It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"

What do you call a a moose who can't stop drinking? An elkoholic

Q. Why should you never order the T-bone in an Alaskan restaurant? Because it might be a moose steak.

The plural of Tooth is Teeth, Foot is Feet, Goose is Geese, then Moose is... Meese?

Just following up on that Gallagher joke.

What do moose eat for breakfast? Mooseli

My wife said she was bored with our love life... That it had gotten too vanilla... So we stopped inviting Robert Van Winkle to our weekly 100-person Butt Blast Bondage Moose Orgies.

My canadian friend has a three legged moose for a pet He calls him Mussolini.

What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose

What does the Roman moose say to his pregnant wife? Habebimus a baby moose.

Courtesy of my dad Have you read the new book that just came out, Green Specks on the Wall?

No?, It’s by pick em and flick em.

What about Antlers in the Tree Tops?
It’s by who Goosed the Moose

What do moose say instead of condolences? big hoof.

Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks. One blonde said that
they were deer tracks. The other blonde said
that they were moose tracks. They were still
arguing when the train hit 'em.

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New Moose Jokes

Did you hear about that moose that was forced out of its habitat? He was *cervid* with divorce papers and his old lady kicked him out

3 hunters walking in the woods 3 hunters are in the woods and come across a set of tracks.

Hunter 1: I think those are deer tracks!

Hunter 2: No no, those are Moose tracks!

Hunter 3: No guys, those are definitely bear tracks!

Then the train came.

Two blondes are walking through the woods On their hike they came across a set of tracks. The first said, "those are moose tracks." "No those are deer tracks", said the other. "No moose tracks!" "No deer tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.

In Canada... ...you are more likely to be killed by a moose than a terror plot.

Damn Mooselisms.

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Long Moose Jokes

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sheriff: Color of hair?

Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sheriff: What was she wearing?

Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?

Husband: She went in my truck.

Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?

Husband: A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, LED lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up.

Sheriff: Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!

Wife Missing?

The first thing a grieving husband should do is CALL THE COPS!

Husband: "My wife of 15 years is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!"
Sheriff: "Height?"
Husband: "I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall."
Sheriff: "Weight?"
Husband: "Don't know. Not slim, not really fat."
Sheriff: "Color of eyes?"
Husband: "Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed."
Sheriff: "Color of hair?"
Husband: "Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can't remember."
Sheriff: "What was she wearing?"
Husband: "Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly."
Sheriff: "What kind of car did she go in?"
Husband: "She went in my truck."
Sheriff: "What kind of truck was it?"
Husband: "A 2016 Brilliant Diesel Grey Pearlcoat Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4 l Hemi V8 engine ordered with the Ram Box bar and fridge option, led lighting, backup and front camera, Moose hide leather heated and cooled seats, climate controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, Weather Tech floor mats. Trailing package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio, Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4 power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom retracting running boards and under-glow wheel well lighting."
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: "Take it easy sir, we'll find your truck!!!"

(Thanks to Ron P.)

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

My Wife Is Missing

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not comehome!
Sheriff: Height?
Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.
Sheriff: Weight?
Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.
Sheriff: Color of eyes?
Husband: Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.
Sheriff: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t
remember.
Sheriff: What was she wearing?
Husband: Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know
exactly.
Sheriff: What kind of car did she go in?
Husband: She went in my truck.
Sheriff: What kind of truck was it?
Husband:A 2016 pearl white Ram Limited 4X4 with 6.4l Hemi V8 engine ordered
with the Ram Box bar and
fridge option, led lighting, back up and front camera, Moose hide leather
heated and cooled seats, climate
controlled air conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the
bed, Weather Tech floor mats.
Trailering package with gold hitch, sunroof, DVD with full GPS navigation,
satellite radio,
Cobra 75 WX ST 40-channel CB radio, six cup holders, 3 USB port, and 4
power outlets.
I added special alloy wheels and off-road Toyo tires. It has custom
retracting running boards and underglow wheel well lighting.
At this point the husband started choking up.
Sheriff: Take it easy sir, *we'll find your truck*.!

6 Moose

Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They
managed to bag 6.
As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could
take only 4 moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the
same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy, Mick & the pilot
survived the crash.
After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we
are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.

They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

​

They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

​

The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

​

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.

​

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the

crash.

​

After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we

are?"

​

Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Three blondes were walking through a forest...

Three blondes were walking through a forest when they came across a set of tracks. They stopped, bewildered, wondering what animal could have made them. The first blonde says, "I know, those are moose tracks." The second blonde goes, "no, those are bear tracks." The third blonde says, "guys, those are definitely wolf tracks." They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Moose Hunt

Two Moose hunters named Stosh and Thad hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose.

The hunters objected, saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both...and he had exactly the same airplane as yours."

Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load, and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"

Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two hunters with a cunning plan

These two hunters went moose hunting every year without success.

Finally they came up with a cunning plan.

They got themselves a very authentic cow moose costume and learned the mating call of a cow moose.

The plan was to hide in the costume, lure in the bull, then come out of the costume and shoot the bull.

So, they set themselves up on the edge of a clearing, in their costume, and began to give the moose love call.

Before too long their call was answered by bull in the forest.

They called again, the bull answered closer to them.

They called again, the bull answered, and came crashing out of the forest and into the clearing.

As the bulls' pounding hoof beats got closer the guy in front said, "OK, let's get out and get him!"

After a moment, that seemed like an eternity, the guy in the back shouts - "THE ZIPPER IS STUCK, WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?!"

The front guy says, "Well, I'm gonna start nibbling grass, but you better start to brace yourself!"

Moose hunters never learn . . .

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.

They managed to bag 6.  As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't possibly handle the load and went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year!"

Two blondes are walking through the woods......

They come across a set of tracks. The first blonde said those have to be bear tracks. The second blonde disagrees and said those have to be moose tracks.
Bear tracks
Moose tracks
Bear tracks
The argument would have gone on all day if a train hadn't hit them both.

3 blondes

3 blondes were walking through the forest when they came upon a set of tracks. The first blonde said "Those are deer tracks". The second blonde said "No those are elk tracks". The third blonde said "You both are wrong, those are moose tracks". The blondes were still arguing when the train hit them.

Three blondes are walking through the woods.

Three blondes are walking through the woods. Suddenly, they stumble upon a set of tracks. The first blonde says, "I think they're moose tracks!" The others disagree. The second blonde says, "You're wrong! They're bear tracks!" The third one, tired of hearing the other two argue, says "You're both wrong! They're obviously wolf tracks!"

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Polish Moose Hunt

Two Polish hunters named Stosh and Thad, hired a pilot to fly them into the Canadian wilderness, where they managed to bag two big Bull Moose.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only the hunters, their gear and one Moose. The hunters objected strongly saying, "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let us take them both. And he had exactly the same airplane as yours." Reluctantly the pilot, not wanting to be outdone by another bush pilot, gave in and everything was loaded.

However, even under full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down, crashing in the wooded wilderness. Somehow, surrounded by the moose, clothing and sleeping bags, Stosh and Thad survived the crash. After climbing out of the wreckage, Thad asked Stosh, "Any idea where we are?"

Stosh replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Two Irishmen flew to Canada on a hunting trip. They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.....

With some luck they managed to bag Six.

As they were loading the plane to return, the pilot said the plane could take only Four moose.

The two lads objected strongly. "Last year we shot six as well! The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours!?!"

Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains even on full power the little plane couldn't handle the extra load of the Moose and promptly went down.

Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, Paddy and Mick survived the crash.

After climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick, "Any idea where we are?"

Mick replied....... "I can't be sure, but I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

Boudreaux and the moose hunt

Boudreaux and Thibodeaux get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. They bag six of them. As the two Cajuns start loading the plane for the return trip, the pilot says, "The plane can only take four of those."

The two Cajuns object strongly. "Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board; he had the same plane as yours!"

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and all six are loaded. However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.

A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Boudreaux asks Thibodeaux, "Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," says Thibodeaux.

Three friends decide to go on a hiking trip...

But they get lost in the wilderness and wander around for hours.

They stumble upon some strange tracks in the forest. The first friend says,

"These are moose tracks!" The second friend says, "No, these are clearly bear tracks!"

The third friend however did not get a chance to say anything as he is run over by a train.

Two blondes

Two blondes are going on a nature walk, but only a few wrong turns and they completely lose their way. They try to find their way again, but they become even more lost. After a few hours, they begin to panic, but before long, they come across some tracks. They figure they can follow them to safety. After a few minutes of following them, the first blonde says, "It's good we found these bear tracks."
The second one says, "You mean moose tracks."
They stop and argue about it for five minutes. Then, a train hits them.

A hunter and his guide were deep in the mountains when they stopped to rest.

The hunter gazed at his companion and mused, "You know, I'm a pretty big fellow. If I had a heart attack or broke a leg, how would you get me out?"


"Last year, I shot a sixteen hundred pound moose way back there and got it out all right," the guide replied.


"How'd you manage that?"


"Twelve trips."

Blondes

3 blondes were hiking when they saw some tracks. One blonde said “Wow cool, those are moose tracks”. Another said “Um no, they’re obviously elk tracks”. The third said “Are you guys stupid? They’re clearly deer tracks”. That’s when the train hit them.

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