In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs.
I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...
The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"
The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "
The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"
Then a train hit them
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a moose kick than of a terrorist attack. Those damn mooselimbs.
What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? "Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"
What do you call a moose wearing a mask? Anonymoose
In Canada, you are more likely to be killed by a kick of a moose than by a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs!
I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once. The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it’s carrion.
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than from a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs!
Two blondes are walking through a forest...
When they come across a set of tracks.
One blonde says "Hey these look a lot like moose tracks"
Other blonde says "No no these are definitely bear tracks"
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
What do you call an Italian moose on an incline Moose-a-leani
Two blondes are on a hike through the woods They come across some tracks and stop to figure out what type they are. One blonde insists they're bobcat tracks, the other thinks they're moose tracks. Before they can figure it out, the train hits them.
What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink? Grey Moose
In Canada, you are more likely to die of a kick of a moose than of a terrorist attack. Those damn moose limbs.
A restaurant accidentally served me the weirdest talking steak. "I'm not beef," it confessed. It was an honest moose steak.
I like my women like I like my moose Big, brown, and horny
I hope I see some moose in Canada My hair is a mess.
I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday. How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.
How does a cow kill itself? With a moose
What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican? A Mexican moose
What do the Canadians use to hang themselves A moose
What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle? A Moosical
Sometimes, eating road kill Can be a big moose steak
What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought? Moose Code.
Did you hear about the moose who wanted to lose weight? He went on a diet and now he's a Muslim
A bear walks into an office and says to the receptionist "I have an interview". The receptionist just looks at him for a while so the bear continues "with Moose the manager". The receptionist smiles and nods then says "Why the big paws??"
What do you call a quadriplegic moose wearing a Guy Fawkes mask?
A non-knee moose!
The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump. It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"
What do you call a a moose who can't stop drinking? An elkoholic
Q. Why should you never order the T-bone in an Alaskan restaurant? Because it might be a moose steak.
The plural of Tooth is Teeth, Foot is Feet, Goose is Geese, then Moose is...
Just following up on that Gallagher joke.
What do moose eat for breakfast? Mooseli
My wife said she was bored with our love life... That it had gotten too vanilla... So we stopped inviting Robert Van Winkle to our weekly 100-person Butt Blast Bondage Moose Orgies.
My canadian friend has a three legged moose for a pet He calls him Mussolini.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose
Why are giraffes real but unicorns aren't? What's more believable a horse with a horn or a leopard moose camel with a 40 foot neck?
What does the Roman moose say to his pregnant wife? Habebimus a baby moose.
Courtesy of my dad
Have you read the new book that just came out, Green Specks on the Wall?
No?, It’s by pick em and flick em.
What about Antlers in the Tree Tops?
It’s by who Goosed the Moose
What do moose say instead of condolences? big hoof.
Two blondes were walking through the woods and came upon a set of tracks.
One blonde said that
they were deer tracks. The other blonde said
that they were moose tracks. They were still
arguing when the train hit 'em.
Did you hear about that moose that was forced out of its habitat? He was *cervid* with divorce papers and his old lady kicked him out
3 hunters walking in the woods
3 hunters are in the woods and come across a set of tracks.
Hunter 1: I think those are deer tracks!
Hunter 2: No no, those are Moose tracks!
Hunter 3: No guys, those are definitely bear tracks!
Then the train came.
Two blondes are walking through the woods On their hike they came across a set of tracks. The first said, "those are moose tracks." "No those are deer tracks", said the other. "No moose tracks!" "No deer tracks!" They were still arguing when the train hit them.
...you are more likely to be killed by a moose than a terror plot.