I told my niece that I saw a moose on the way to work this morning She said, “How do you know he was on his way to work?”
There were 3 blondes walking on a trail...
The first blonde said "Those look like deer tracks!"
The second blonde said "No those are totally moose tracks... "
The third blonde said "Nope, they are goat tracks!"
Then a train hit them
In the UK we call them lifts but in the US they call them elevators
Because we’re raised differently.
What did the chef say when he cooked up moose meat instead of beef? "Oh no! I've made a huge MooseSteak!"
What do you call a moose wearing a mask? Anonymoose
I tried getting on a plane with a dead moose once. The attendant said I had to check it as luggage. I said, no it’s carrion.
Why do Canadians always have such good hair? Because of all the moose.
Two blondes are walking through a forest...
When they come across a set of tracks.
One blonde says "Hey these look a lot like moose tracks"
Other blonde says "No no these are definitely bear tracks"
They were still arguing when the train hit them.
What do you call an Italian moose on an incline Moose-a-leani
Two blondes are on a hike through the woods They come across some tracks and stop to figure out what type they are. One blonde insists they're bobcat tracks, the other thinks they're moose tracks. Before they can figure it out, the train hits them.
What brand of vodka does a Canadian drink? Grey Moose
A restaurant accidentally served me the weirdest talking steak. "I'm not beef," it confessed. It was an honest moose steak.
Trump and Pence go on a hunt.
As they are walking through the woods, they see an elk foraging.
"Hey look, an elk!" says Pence.
"Fake moose" says Trump.
Three hunters find a set of tracks in the woods
The first hunter says, “Hey guys, I think these are moose tracks!”
The second one says, “No, I’m pretty sure these are wolf tracks.”
The third one didn’t say anything, because they all got hit by a train.
What do you get when you cross a moose with a Mexican? A Mexican moose
What do you call a rebellious teenager whose parents are a lamb and a moose? A radical mooselamb
What do the Canadians use to hang themselves A moose
I was hit by a moose driving my motorcycle yesterday. How he managed to drive it is a mystery to me.
I hope I see some moose in Canada My hair is a mess.
Moose are falling from the sky A crazy wife says to her husband that moose are falling from the sky. The husband replied: it’s reindeer
Sometimes, eating road kill Can be a big moose steak
What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle? A Moosical
Did you hear about the moose who wanted to lose weight? He went on a diet and now he's a Muslim
What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.
What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.
Trump and Pence go hunting.
As they're walking through the woods, they come across an elk foraging on leaves.
"Hey, look, it's an elk" says Pence.
"Fake moose" says Trump.
What did Canadians use to communicate during the various wars they fought? Moose Code.
What do you call a cow with antlers?
(Credit to my 5 year old son. He makes dad so proud!)
I was very confused the other dah I was discussing religion with a man and he claimed to be a "moose limb". Must be some kinda canadian thing I guess.
What do you get when you cross a cow and a goose? a moose
How did the Americans know the latest suicide bombing was perpetrated by a Canadian Islamic extremist? Because, at the center of the detonation site, they found a moose-limb.
The NSA just intercepted a message from Vladimir Putin to Melenia Trump. It said,"good, now that you are First Lady, GET MOOSE AND SQUIRREL!"
What do you call a quadriplegic moose wearing a Guy Fawkes mask?
A non-knee moose!
Why do you want to keep your hot dog away from your moose? They'll cover it in moosturd.
I have heard that the PM of Canada has a pet moose... Is it Trudeau?