Deaf Jokes

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Funniest Deaf Jokes

Funny Deaf Jokes
Score: 11403

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

Score: 2520

People told Beethoven he could not be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen though.

Score: 851

A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he’s going deaf “What are the symptoms?” The doctor asks

“They’re that yellow family that live in Springfield”

Score: 848

I told my girlfriend my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mom that my new girlfriend is disabled.

And now we wait.

Score: 843

Being told I was going deaf... was very difficult to hear.

Score: 811

My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke I said: Sure.

She said: Me too!

Score: 711

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Score: 547

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Score: 372

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf I haven’t heard from him since.

Score: 355

If a deaf person goes to court Is it still a hearing?

Score: 281

(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too!

Score: 268

I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow… Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

Score: 268

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

Score: 251

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.

Score: 211

Two years ago my doctor told me I'm going deaf I haven't heard back from him since

Score: 201

A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting

“What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!”

When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!

Score: 158

When a deaf girl jacks you off It's technically oral

Score: 142

Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.

Score: 138

I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf. I should have seen the signs.

Score: 127

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

Score: 124

Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Score: 119

How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.

Score: 117

My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend... His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.

Score: 113

Deaf people probably get very excited when going on Omegle for the first time "ASL?"

"OMG How did you know?!"

Score: 105

Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.

Score: 105

They told Beethoven he couldn’t make music because he was deaf but he didn’t listen

Score: 105

What do you call a deaf gynaecologist? A lip reader

Score: 95

A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.

What do you call people that can't taste food?

Ethiopian

Score: 95

Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back! Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

Score: 94

I almost lost my hearing in an accident... It was a near-deaf experience.

Score: 44

Deaf people seem tough to me Because they always let their fists do the talking

Score: 39

I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen

Score: 39

What did the deaf, dumb, blind, amputee kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Score: 32

My deaf girlfriend started talking in her sleep again. Nearly poked my eye out.

Score: 26

Tried cracking a joke about deaf people, but I guess it wasn't funny They just kept staring at me.

Score: 24

What does a deaf math nerd speak? Sine language.

Score: 18

What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse. Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.

Score: 15

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted? Deaf row

Score: 11

Is toasting with deaf people offensive? Hear hear...

Score: 6

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New Deaf Jokes

What did the innocent prisoner say to the partially deaf warden? I beg your pardon(?)

Score: 0

What type of fish does a deaf person keep? A herring aid.

Score: 2

How does a deaf couple end an argument? When one turns out the lights.

Score: 0

Why didn’t the deaf man go to court? Because it was a hearing

Score: 0

How do you call a deaf German bird? A Taube.

Score: 0

People said Beethoven couldn't be a composer because he was deaf He didn't listen

Score: 0

What do you never hear a deaf dad say? "I don't want to hear a peep out of you!"

Score: 1

How fresh are AirPods? Fresh to deaf

Score: 3

What do you call an ant who is deaf? A mutant

Score: 1

People who use sign language are the modern day Naruto Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

Score: 1

I’m not sure you should have gone to that concert during our vacation in Europe, you lost your hearing for the rest of the trip! Are you sure it was worth it? Deaf in Italy.

Score: 3

A Lot of Jokes Are Often Lame Nowadays. Doesn't take a blind man to see it, or a deaf man to hear it. Jokes nowadays just can't stand on their own.

Score: 1

You know why deaf people don't buy new products? They've never heard of them

Score: 5

What do you call it when two deaf people get in an argument? Smacktalk.

Score: 3

Why don't deaf people like rappers? They just keep saying meaningless gibberish

Score: 1

Did you hear what president Trump said about deaf people? I know they didn’t.

Score: 1

What do you get when you flip off a blind man, and cuss out a deaf man? Fired from your nursing job.

Score: 4

Hey, this girl keeps staring at my lips whenever I’m talking, I think she wants to kiss me Never mind she’s deaf and she’s trying to lip read

Score: 2

Why do deaf people find jokes so funny? They've never heard that joke before.

Score: 2

Did you hear the one about the bomb that mad everyone deaf? me neither

Score: 0

Never make a wish to a deaf genie I wanted to be more artistic. Instead, I woke up with severely impaired social interaction, impaired verbal and non-verbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behavior.

Score: 2

How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife? You turn off the lights.

Score: 1

Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

Score: 3

Hitler had a half-deaf secretary..... Hitler is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"

Score: 3

This guy kept telling people Reagan National Airport was wayyy too loud... but the complaints fell on deaf ears.

Score: 1

What did the deaf, blind, crippled kid get for Christmas? Cancer.

Score: 4

Why couldn't the trig professor teach the deaf kid? Cos sec sin!

Alternatively: cosecant sine

Thanks /u/mephysteaux

I came up with this while studying, I should probably keep doing that.

Score: 1

Why is it so hard to help deaf people? Because they never listen.

Score: 3

My doctor said I should stop thinking so much, it's bad for my health and could damage my liver He also say's I'm half deaf

Score: 6

The problem with dating deaf people... They're bad listeners

Score: 2

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