Deaf Jokes


Funniest Deaf Jokes

Funny Deaf Jokes
Score: 11403

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

Score: 2520

People told Beethoven he could not be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen though.

Score: 851

A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he’s going deaf “What are the symptoms?” The doctor asks

“They’re that yellow family that live in Springfield”

Score: 848

I told my girlfriend my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mom that my new girlfriend is disabled.

And now we wait.

Score: 843

Being told I was going deaf... was very difficult to hear.

Score: 811

My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke I said: Sure.

She said: Me too!

Score: 711

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Score: 547

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Score: 372

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf I haven’t heard from him since.

Score: 355

If a deaf person goes to court Is it still a hearing?

Score: 281

(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too!

Score: 268

I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow… Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

Score: 268

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

Score: 251

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.

Score: 211

Two years ago my doctor told me I'm going deaf I haven't heard back from him since

Score: 201

A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting

“What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!”

When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!

Score: 158

When a deaf girl jacks you off It's technically oral

Score: 142

Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.

Score: 138

I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf. I should have seen the signs.

Score: 127

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

Score: 124

Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Score: 119

How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.

Score: 117

My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend... His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.

Score: 113

Deaf people probably get very excited when going on Omegle for the first time "ASL?"

"OMG How did you know?!"

Score: 105

Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.

Score: 105

They told Beethoven he couldn’t make music because he was deaf but he didn’t listen

Score: 105

What do you call a deaf gynaecologist? A lip reader

Score: 95

A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.

What do you call people that can't taste food?


Score: 95

Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back! Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

Score: 94

Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.

Score: 54

Deaf people seem tough to me Because they always let their fists do the talking

Score: 39

Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf. But I didn't listen to them.

Score: 33

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted? Deaf row

Score: 11

Why does the grim reaper need a hearing aid? Because he's deaf.

Score: 11

My girlfriend broke up with me for spending too much time taking care of my deaf sister... She said I was too ear-responsible

Score: 8

Did you hear about the deaf astronaut? Neither did he.

Score: 6

What did the deaf, mute, paraplegic get for Christmas? Cancer

Score: 6

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language's a deaf-sentence.

Score: 5

Deaf people make excellent gynecologists. They can read lips.

Score: 5

Popular Topics

New Deaf Jokes

"Who is that?" Asked my old fashioned,slightly deaf,southern raised grandfather looking at my black girlfriend at the Thanksgiving gettogether. "She is Annika" I replied

"I can see that" he barked "My eyesight is still fine".

Score: 0

When a deaf guy wins at an auction I've won... but at what cost?

Score: 1

How does a deaf couple end an argument? When one turns out the lights.

Score: 0

Why didn’t the deaf man go to court? Because it was a hearing

Score: 0

How do you call a deaf German bird? A Taube.

Score: 0

People said Beethoven couldn't be a composer because he was deaf He didn't listen

Score: 0

What do you never hear a deaf dad say? "I don't want to hear a peep out of you!"

Score: 1

If a deaf person turns a dude on talking about their disability He's going to be hard of hearing

Score: 2

Thought I lost my hearing but I actually just left my ear buds in It was a near deaf experience.

Score: 4

How fresh are AirPods? Fresh to deaf

Score: 3

Just found out my OBGYN is deaf Guess that makes him a lip reader

Score: 4

What do you call an ant who is deaf? A mutant

Score: 1

People who use sign language are the modern day Naruto Fastest way to stop an argument between a bunch of deaf people?

Just switch off the lights.

Score: 1

I’m not sure you should have gone to that concert during our vacation in Europe, you lost your hearing for the rest of the trip! Are you sure it was worth it? Deaf in Italy.

Score: 3

What do you call it when two deaf people get in an argument? Smacktalk.

Score: 3

Why don't deaf people like rappers? They just keep saying meaningless gibberish

Score: 1

Did you hear what president Trump said about deaf people? I know they didn’t.

Score: 1

What are deaf people tired of hearing? Nothing.

Score: 4

Why do deaf people find jokes so funny? They've never heard that joke before.

Score: 2

How would Beethoven react to Mettalica, if he's alive now? Probably not much, since he's deaf

Score: 2

Did you hear the one about the bomb that mad everyone deaf? me neither

Score: 0

Never make a wish to a deaf genie I wanted to be more artistic. Instead, I woke up with severely impaired social interaction, impaired verbal and non-verbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behavior.

Score: 2

How do you win a late night argument with your deaf wife? You turn off the lights.

Score: 1

Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

Score: 3

I wonder if deaf schizophrenic people hear voices... I never asked them

Score: 5

How do you sell a sheep to a deaf person? (yells loudly) DO YOU WANNA A BUY A SHEEP!!!!!!

Score: 2

Hitler had a half-deaf secretary..... Hitler is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"

Score: 3

This guy kept telling people Reagan National Airport was wayyy too loud... but the complaints fell on deaf ears.

Score: 1

What is the only deaf animal? Def Leppard

Score: 1

Why couldn't the trig professor teach the deaf kid? Cos sec sin!

Alternatively: cosecant sine

Thanks /u/mephysteaux

I came up with this while studying, I should probably keep doing that.

Score: 1

Why is it so hard to help deaf people? Because they never listen.

Score: 3

The problem with dating deaf people... They're bad listeners

Score: 2

Popular Topics