Deaf Jokes


Funniest Deaf Jokes

Funny Deaf Jokes
Score: 11403

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girl friend is disabled. Now we wait.

Score: 2520

People told Beethoven he could not be a musician because he was deaf. He didn't listen though.

Score: 851

A man goes to the doctors as he thinks he’s going deaf “What are the symptoms?” The doctor asks

“They’re that yellow family that live in Springfield”

Score: 848

I told my girlfriend my mother is deaf... So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mom that my new girlfriend is disabled.

And now we wait.

Score: 843

Being told I was going deaf... was very difficult to hear.

Score: 811

My deaf sister asked me if I wanted to hear a joke I said: Sure.

She said: Me too!

Score: 711

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

Score: 547

What's the difference between a deaf person and an Italian? One talks with their hands and makes goofy noises at random volumes, and the other can't hear.

Score: 372

Two years ago my doctor told me I was going deaf I haven’t heard from him since.

Score: 355

If a deaf person goes to court Is it still a hearing?

Score: 281

(6-year old brother gave me this one) Why do farts smell? So that deaf people can enjoy them too!

Score: 268

I told my girlfriend that mom is deaf, so be sure to speak loud and slow… Told mom that my girlfriend is retarded…

Score: 268

There was a fight between a blind man, a deaf man, and a mute man I just have to ask, how long until we end this senseless violence?

Score: 251

I'm introducing my girlfriend to my parents for the first time tonight I told my girlfriend my parents were partially deaf, so she has to speak loud and slow. I told my parents my girlfriend is retarded.....this should be an interesting night.

Score: 211

Two years ago my doctor told me I'm going deaf I haven't heard back from him since

Score: 201

A group of deaf people get together to protest The group begins chanting

“What do we want?”

“Hearing aids!”

When do we want them?”

“Hearing aids!

Score: 158

When a deaf girl jacks you off It's technically oral

Score: 142

Never let anyone tell you what you can and can't do. Take Beethoven for example, they told him he could not be a musician because he was deaf ... but he didn't listen.

Score: 138

I had a deaf girlfriend once, she left me for a guy who was also deaf. I should have seen the signs.

Score: 127

A policeman on a motorcycle pulls over a car. ‘What’s up?’ says the driver.

‘Your wife fell out the passenger door three miles back,’ says the policeman.

‘Thank goodness for that,’ says the driver. ‘I thought I’d gone deaf.’

Score: 124

Scientists tested a frog. They cut off its legs and said "jump!"

The frog didn't jump.

Scientists therefore concluded that when frogs lose their legs, they become deaf.

Score: 119

How do you end two deaf persons' arguing? Switch off the light.

Score: 117

My best friend got cheated on by his deaf girlfriend... His girlfriend cheated on him with a deaf guy... To be fair, he should've seen the signs.

Score: 113

Deaf people probably get very excited when going on Omegle for the first time "ASL?"

"OMG How did you know?!"

Score: 105

Did you hear about the deaf gynecologist? He had to read lips.

Score: 105

They told Beethoven he couldn’t make music because he was deaf but he didn’t listen

Score: 105

What do you call a deaf gynaecologist? A lip reader

Score: 95

A tasteless joke. People who can't hear are called deaf.
People who can't see are called blind.
People who can't talk are called mute.

What do you call people that can't taste food?


Score: 95

Officer: Sir your wife fell out of your car about a mile back! Man: Thankyou for telling me officer! I thought I had gone deaf!

Score: 94

The doctor says to the old man "I'll need to check your blood, urine, and stool. The old man who is virtually deaf, turns to his wife and shouts "WHAT'D HE SAY?". His wife says "the doctor said he wants to see your underwear".

Score: 60

Deaf people aren't known to be very rational They have trouble making sound decisions.

Score: 54

Never let anyone put you down. Take my mate Jim for example. He was told just because he's deaf he can't play in an orchestra... But did he listen...

Score: 53

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

Score: 44

Deaf people seem tough to me Because they always let their fists do the talking

Score: 39

I gave a deaf blind child my seat in the taxi After he ran over several people I began to contemplate my decision, I told him to stop but he just wouldn't listen

Score: 39

What do you call a deaf dog? Doesn't matter, he ain't coming.

Score: 39

If a deaf person is missing a finger... they speak with a lisp?

Score: 34

Someone told me I couldn't be a musician because I'm deaf. But I didn't listen to them.

Score: 33

Murder A blind man, a deaf man and a mute are murdered.

These are senseless killings

Score: 33

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New Deaf Jokes

Deaf people make excellent gynecologists. They can read lips.

Score: 5

Thought I lost my hearing but I actually just left my ear buds in It was a near deaf experience.

Score: 4

How fresh are AirPods? Fresh to deaf

Score: 3

Just found out my OBGYN is deaf Guess that makes him a lip reader

Score: 4

I’m not sure you should have gone to that concert during our vacation in Europe, you lost your hearing for the rest of the trip! Are you sure it was worth it? Deaf in Italy.

Score: 3

What do you call it when two deaf people get in an argument? Smacktalk.

Score: 3

When you insult a deaf-mute murderer in sign language's a deaf-sentence.

Score: 5

What are deaf people tired of hearing? Nothing.

Score: 4

What did the deaf, mute, paraplegic get for Christmas? Cancer

Score: 6

Did you hear the one about the deaf guy? He didn't.

Score: 5

My impression of 2 old nearly deaf guys at the park sitting on a bench together. Old guy 1. Boy, it sure is windy.

Old guy 2. No it's not! It's Thursday!

Old guy 1. Yeah me too. Lets go get a beer.

Score: 6

'I see,' said the blind man to his deaf dog as he peed into the wind. 'It's all coming back to me now.'

Score: 3

”Did you see that?” said the blind man to the deaf man.

Score: 5

Did you hear about the deaf person who was cut up but was surprisingly happy about the whole thing? The headline was: Mutilated mute elated

Score: 3

Did you hear about my large donation to the Charity of Deaf People? Cause they sure haven't.

Score: 8

Why do farts stink? So that deaf people can enjoy them too..

Score: 11

I asked my doctor if I was going deaf a few weeks ago. I STILL haven't heard back.

Score: 11

I vacationed to an island for the deaf The people there enjoyed all the rights of any of us, but the freedom of speech was not aloud

Score: 6

My deaf friend committed suicide... I never saw the signs.

Score: 7

Did you hear about the Deaf guy with Parkinson's? His sign language was a little shaky

Score: 3

Never make a wish to a deaf genie I wanted to be more artistic. Instead, I woke up with severely impaired social interaction, impaired verbal and non-verbal communication, and restricted and repetitive behavior.

Score: 2

Tried cracking a joke about deaf people, but I guess it wasn't funny They just kept staring at me.

Score: 24

If a deaf person goes to court Is it still called a hearing

Score: 4

I just found out my girlfriend is deaf... It took me by complete surprise, but my friends told me that the signs were there.

Score: 3

Did you hear about Pavlov's deaf dog? He was the exception to the drool.

Score: 7

What do you call a group of deaf cows? Deafinitely not a heard.

Score: 13

Did you hear what happened today at the national school for the deaf? Neither did they.

Score: 3

Man achieves legendary status in composing music while being DEAF. But who is he? ClickBeethoven

Score: 8

What did the blind, deaf, crippled, retarded 12 year old get for Christmas? Cancer

Score: 3

Deaf people are violently protesting because They don't feel their voices are being heard

Score: 10

Why did the deaf man put a watch on his ear? Because he wanted to hear all the time.

Score: 21

What did the blind, deaf, orphan with no friends get for Christmas? Cancer.

Score: 2

Want to hear a deaf joke? So do they

Score: 32

A man narrowly escaped a head shot but it grazed his ear. He was between life and deaf.

Score: 6

What do you call a deaf woman during a solar eclipse. Whatever you want to. It's not like she's going to know.

Score: 15

If a deaf person gives a hand-job... Is it considered oral?

Score: 31

A deaf-mute man came on a Talent show. And what is your talent?
- I can speak!

Score: 12

What did the blind deaf mute child get for Christmas? Cancer

Score: 4

Last night my deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep... She almost took my eye out.

Score: 30

I’m not Deaf I shouted to the barmaid, “Two pints of lager please.”
She said, “I’m not deaf.”
I said, “Sorry, I noticed your wedding ring and the black eye. I presumed you had a problem listening.”

Score: 7

I think I might be deaf That's a sentence I never thought I'd hear myself say

Score: 14

If blind people wear sunglasses... Why don't deaf people wear ear muffs?

Score: 2

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts? Sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

To be fair though, the ones in Ireland are all deaf.

Score: 3

Why does the grim reaper need a hearing aid? Because he's deaf.

Score: 11

One advantage of telling a joke to a person who was born deaf is that no matter how old your joke is... can be sure they never heard it before

Score: 6

If you are deaf and you have Parkinson's... that like having a stutter?

Score: 2

Mr. Trump, did you know Beethoven was deaf? Trump: And how was he able to make all those movies?

Score: 2

How did the deaf teacher give his deaf students their homework instructions? He assigned it

Score: 3

New movie coming out about a golden retriever who helps a deaf boy. It's called "Ear Bud."

Score: 4

Helen Keller was blind and deaf. She would still lip sync better than Mariah Carey.

Score: 2

Why was Hellen Kellers belly button bruised... Because her boyfriend was blind and deaf too

Score: 3

Say what you want... ...about deaf people...

Score: 3

I wonder if deaf schizophrenic people hear voices... I never asked them

Score: 5

How do you sell a sheep to a deaf person? (yells loudly) DO YOU WANNA A BUY A SHEEP!!!!!!

Score: 2

Hitler had a half-deaf secretary..... Hitler is fuming furious one day, he called his half-deaf secretary to his office after recieving some news. He yells, "Glass of juice, not gas the jews!"

Score: 3

My girlfriend broke up with me for spending too much time taking care of my deaf sister... She said I was too ear-responsible

Score: 8

Did you hear about the deaf astronaut? Neither did he.

Score: 6

What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted? Deaf row

Score: 11

Why is it so hard to help deaf people? Because they never listen.

Score: 3

The problem with dating deaf people... They're bad listeners

Score: 2

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