Art Jokes

Contents

Funniest Art Jokes

Funny Art Jokes

How do you get an art major off your front porch? Pay for the pizza!

I went to an Art Gallery, it was $60 to enter and $80 to look at each picture. It was called Electronic Arts.

I just read Trump's book "The Art of the Deal" It had four Chapter 11's.

A person with an art degree walks into a bar. They then head behind the counter and start serving drinks.

Why did the console gamer get a headache at the art museum? Too many frames.

It annoys me that Engineering students call themselves engineers.. You don’t hear medical students calling themselves doctors, or art students calling themselves unemployed.

I accidentally bought too many art supplies I'm having an excess stencil crisis.

I heard Starbucks is trying to hire a lot more refugees Those poor art majors are going to suffer, then

What's the difference between an art major and a philosophy major? The philosophy major will ask you WHY you want fries with that.

What was the seal's favorite subject in school? ART ART ART!

Why are Subway cooks called "Sandwich Artists"? Even art majors deserve recognition

Give an Eevee a Water Stone and it turns into Vaporeon. Give an Eevee a Fire Stone and it turns into Flareon. Give an Eevee a couple dollars every month for their art project and it turns into Patreon.

R Kelly changed the rap game He took the art out of Rap Artist

Kamikaze It's a dying art

How do you make an art student’s car go faster? Just remove the huge Dominoes sign on top!

Minecraft is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

How do you get an art school graduate off your porch? Pay for the pizza.

I vandalized an art major's car today. Removing pizza delivery signs is surprisingly easy.

I was at an art gallery. "Absolutely beautiful, isn't it?" I asked the guy next to me. "The way the yellow combines with the grey. The way the colours intertwine. Truly remarkable."

He stepped away from the urinal and left.

What's the difference between an art student and a park bench? A bench can support a family.

My father told me not to make fun of people doing art or gender studied at University They might spit in my macdonalds fries in the future.

What's the difference between an Art major and a guy who mops bathrooms at KFC? One has a job.

What do you say to an art student with a job? "Uhh, I would like the Quarter Pounder with Cheese"

What's a seal's favorite class? Art art art :)

I went to an art contest recently... It ended in a draw.

What is the difference between an art student and a dead baby? The dead baby can feed a family of four.

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"

What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink? Sprite.

A critic goes to an art gallery and finds the artist of the pieces there. Critic: "Would you like to know what I think of your art?"
Artist: "Oh, yes please"
Critic: "It's useless"
Artist: "I know, but I would still like to hear it. "

R Kelly taking the art out of rap artist.

An Art Thief is Sitting in His Driveway... He didn't have any Monet, to buy Degas, to make his Van Gogh.

In Art Class... Teacher: Why did you submit a blank sheet?
Student: That's a cow in the field.
Teacher: Field? Where's the grass?
Student: The cow ate it.
Teacher: Then, where's the cow?
Student: There's no grass left, you expect it to stay there..?

I hate when Engineering students call themselves Engineers Like Med students don't call themselves Doctors

And Art students don't call themselves Unemployed

How many art directors does it take to change a lightbulb? Should it really be a lightbulb?

I used to think it was pretentious that Subway call their staff “Sandwich Artists”. But I suppose it is the most likely career option for an Art graduate.

Art Gallery Nudes A couple at an art gallery see a picture of a naked woman with only her privates covered with leaves.

The wife doesn't like it and moves on, but the husband keeps looking.



She asks, "What are you waiting for?"



He replies, "Autumn."

Nothing Original There’s a girl on my art course who never does any original work, she copies everything.

We call her Tracey.

How well did Jackson Pollock do in art class? He passed it with flying colors.




/heyo

Did you hear about the cannibal who perfected the art of cloning? He's so full of himself.

Popular Topics

New Art Jokes

Why did the yogurt go to the art exhibition? Because it was cultured.

Confederates are reverse Hitlers. Hitler first sucked at art and then lost the war while Confederates first lost the war and then sucked at art.

What do you call an art studio on the bad side of town? Sketchy

A musical canon piece is currently being hung from the art gallery ceiling for all to see. We tried asking a worker for directions, but he was too busy hanging a round.

“Known thy enemy” Sun Tzu-The Art of War “What?” -Colonel George Custer after the Battle of Little Bighorn.

My friend draws beautiful nudes, starting from the feet, up. They're amazing art but he always throws them all away... I think it's 'cuz he always finishes on the faces.

6ix9ine is changing the game of rap He takes the art from rap artist.

None if the nail art tutorials on youtube are good All the thumbnails look trashy.

I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to.

>!I think they’re making ceramic bowls.!<

The thief pulled out his gun, pointed it at the art gallery manager and said "This is a robbery, give me all your monet!"

One of my art students made a voodoo doll of me after I SPECIFICALLY told her not to. I feel like I've been stabbed in the back.

Karen visits an art gallery Karen: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art?

Art dealer: I beg your pardon Ma'am, that is a mirror.

A friend told me that he started but couldn't complete a book called "the subtle art of not giving a f**k" I replied - "but I think you got the point regardless!"

Hitler took his art professor's advice literally. He told him "You suck, go paint maps."

Visiting the Modern Art Museum , a lady turned to an attendant standing near by . "This" she said " I suppose is one of those hideous representations you call Modern Art ?"

"No , madam " replied the attendant " That one's called a mirror "

I've perfected the art of clever comebacks Too bad I have no friends to talk to in first place.

a german kid fails his art class and his dad changes his last name

Why was trumps book 'the art of the deal' such a long read? It had 4 chapter 11s.

My art teacher said my self portrait looked horrible However she did say it was extremely realistic and lifelike.

They say my fine art degree is useless. But I'll have you know I doubled my income last year!! Finding that quarter on the ground really helped.

Art Teacher: Why are you staring at an empty piece of paper? I'm drawing a blank.

Art of undressing What's the difference between undressing a 21 year old woman & a 71 year old woman?





Depends

One eraser says to another “Look at ‘em, that Art Gum thinks he is so great.”

“Calm down bud, isn’t it enough to be kneaded?”

One time I gave my honest thoughts on this dude’s art I said “I appreciate the effort, but you should really look into another career, Adolf”

What’s the difference between an art major and a homeless man. About 5 years.

I was walking through an art gallery when I saw a solid white cube. I looked closer but didn't find any details or artwork of any kind on it. Confused, I asked someone who was near me, who simply said "Oh, that's artist's block"

What did the Ethics Professor say to the Art Major? You have to draw the line somewhere!

People are always making jokes about hitler getting rejected from art school. But if I was in that one guys shoes I would have rejected him too. The guy massacred 6 million Jews!

Which martial art is the bakers favorite? Tae Kwon Dough

No child of my will ever participate in the unholy art of race mixing. If they want to do a triathlon, they will do three separate races like god intended

Chinese government is sending their deadliest commandos into Hong Kong They're all trained in the art of Kung-Flu.

How many Yorkshiremen does it take to change a lightbulb? Why? Art frit of dark or summat?

I just bought an art piece featuring several Pikachus playing Texas Hold'em. It's called Pokermon.

What is it called when someone from the art gallery gets set up? Framed

What do you call a dare devil that does art Easel kaneevil

My brother didn't get his dream job as sport color comentator. He now doesn't know what to do with his visual art degree.

I had a performance in an art gallery today. It was to draw in more people.

Roses are crimson, violets are violet I have an art degree...you want fries with that?

I tripped over my drawing supplies this morning. Art really is pain.

Why didn't Hitler get accepted to art school? Because he didn't like to mix colours

Popular Topics

Long Art Jokes

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says “I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else’s job for a day.”

The professor says “I’ll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?” so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids’ screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says “I’ll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This’ll be a breeze” so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says “I’ll be an artist” so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says “I got a masters degree in art.”

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...

... and a well known art critic is in attendance.

The critic says to the young artist, "would you like my opinion on your work?"

"Yes, " says the artist.

"It's worthless," says the critic

The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

A horse is sitting at home, watching MTV...

He's watching a heavy metal music video, and the guitarist plays an amazing solo. The horse says "that looks amazing, I want to do that!"

The horse goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play guitar." Says the horse.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the horse. "I'm a horse."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach horses. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the horse gets really good at the guitar and he can play that amazing solo. He wants to show his friends, so he picks up the phone and calls chicken.

"Hey Chicken, come over!" he says. Chicken comes over, watches horse play the guitar and thinks it's pretty cool. Chicken watches the music video and says "hey, that drum part is pretty cool, I want to learn to play that."

Chicken goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play the drums." Says the chicken.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the chicken. "I'm a chicken."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach chickens. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the chicken gets really good and begins to jam with the horse. Eventually, they think that something's missing. They watch the video again and realize they need a bass guitarist. They call their friend Cow and show them what they've been up to. Cow thinks it's pretty cool, and wants to learn how to play the bass guitar.

Cow goes to the phone book, looks up a music teacher and calls him. "Hi, I'd like to learn to play bass guitar." Says the cow.

"Sure," says the man on the phone. "Just come to your lesson and we'll get you started."

"There's just one problem," says the cow. "I'm a cow."

"Not to worry," the man says. "We have new state of the art technology to teach cows. You'll be playing like a pro in no time."

Sure enough, the cow gets really good at the bass and the animals have a nice band going.

One day, while they're practicing, a man walks by and hears them. He goes up to the animals and says "hey, you guys are pretty good! I'm from a record label, I'd like to sign you!"

The band records an album, puts out some singles and becomes a massive success. They go on a worldwide tour and make tons of money. Right before the last show of the tour, which is supposed to be in Vegas, Horse gets a call. His mother is in hospital.

Horse goes to visit her before the show while the rest of the band goes to Vegas to set up. It turns out that she's all good, it's just a cold. As horse is leaving the hospital, he gets another call. The private jet that was carrying the band and their producer crashed into the ocean, and there were no survivors.

Horse is devastated. All of his best friends are dead, he's out of a job and he's stuck with nowhere to go. He breaks down in tears and decides he'll drink himself to death.

So the horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "why the long face?"

*****

Obligatory "thank's for the gold" edit. I'm glad you all enjoyed this joke so much.

Two men are in a pub...

“I want to kill my wife”, says one. “Why not ask Arti, over there”, says the other man, pointing to a man at the fruit-machine. “Arti over there is a top hitman” the friend goes on. So the man approaches Arti. “Are you Arti the hitman?” asks the man. “Sure am”, replies Arti. “You couldn’t murder my wife for me, could you?” asks the man. “I can”, replies Arti, “And you know, I promised my Master, who taught me the noble art of assassination, that I would do my one hundredth kill for a fee of just one pound, and give the client two further kills for free”. “Great”, says the man”could you kill my wife, her sister and my mother in law”. “OK”, replies Arti. “Get them to go to Tesco’s tomorrow at 10.00am”. “Right”, says the man. The following day the man’s wife, her sister and his mother-in-law are tricked by the man to go to Tesco’s. In walks Arti and in no time at all he strangles the wife, her sister and mother-in-law. All the newspapers lead with the same headline the following day – Arti chokes three for a pound at Tesco’s.

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery

A struggling artist gets his first painting in to an art gallery. An art critic approaches him:

-Would you like to hear my professional opinion on your painting?

-Sure.

-It's pretty much worthless.

-I don't mind, you can tell me anyway.

A kid in school hands in a blank piece of paper for his art homework.

The teacher says, "What's this?"

The kid says, "A picture of a cow eating grass."

The teacher asks, "Where's the grass?"

The kid says, "The cow ate it all."

"Ok, then where's the cow?"

"It left because there was no more grass."

An art thief broke into the Louvre.

Through careful studying of the building plans and months of meticulous planning, he was able to evade all the security and stole several priceless paintings.

He then loaded the paintings into his van parked nearby. Just as he was about to leave, he heard the alarm go off in the building.

Without a moment's hesitation, he kicked the van into high gear and sped away. However, his van ran out of gas less than 5 minutes later, and he was caught and arrested by the police.

"I don't understand", Said the police officer. "How could you plan all that so carefully, yet forget to fill up your gas tank?"

To which the thief replied: "But monsieur! Zat is exactly why I stole ze paintings! I had no Monet, to buy Degas, to make ze Van Gogh!"

The art of joke writing

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre.

After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings, and made it safely to his van.

However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, 'Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings.'

I had no Monet

To buy Degas

To make the Van Gogh.

I had De Gaulle to post this because I figured I had nothing Toulouse .

The Art Collector [Clean]

A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store. He does a double take.

He knows that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.

The store owner replies, "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you 20 dollars for that cat."

And the owner says "Sold," and hands over the cat.

The collector continues, "Hey, for the twenty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish."

The owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week I've sold sixty-eight cats."

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The fairy asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

A professor, a janitor, and the school's principal are leaving for the day when they discover a magic fairy.

The fairy says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After just a few minutes, he can't take the kids' screaming any longer, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The principal says "I'll be a waitress. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze." She is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive her insane, so she smashes her plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'd like to be an artist." He is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, and sells it for several million dollars. The fairy asks the janitor "The other two did not go well at their job. How were you able to become so successful?"

The janitor says "I have a masters degree in art."

A girl brings her new fiance home to meet her parents for the very first time.

So a girl brings her new fiancee home to meet her parents. Boy looks like a hipster (scarf, big bushy beard, etc.) Understandably, her father would like to know the boy better and so he takes him to his study for a private conversation.

Dad: "So, John. What do you do for a living?"

Fiancee: "Well, I'm an artist."

D: "So you're doing well?"

F: "I paint, and god provides me with all I need to live."

So the dad is a bit confused.

D: "And what will you do when you marry my daughter? Will your art provide for the two of you?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for us."

D: "And when you have kids?"

F: "I will paint, and god will provide for my family."

The dad nods and walks out of the study. Outside, his daughter is anxiously waiting for him.

Daughter: "So, daddy? What'd you think of him? He's great, isn't he?"

"Well, sweetie," says the father, "I don't like his job choice. But, on the other hand, I LOVE what he calls me!"

A professor, a CEO, and a janitor are in a forest when they discover a lamp.

After rubbing on it, a genie pops out!

The genie says "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The professor says "I'll be an elementary school teacher. What can be so hard about teaching a bunch of 6-year-olds how to read?" so he is teleported into a classroom. After a few minutes, all the kids' screaming gets to his nerves, so he throws all his supplies and gives up.

The C.E.O says "I'll be a waiter. All you do is carry food back and forth. This'll be a breeze" so he is teleported to a restaurant. After about an hour, all the annoying customers drive him insane, so he smashes his plates on the ground and gives up.

The janitor says "I'll be an artist" so he is transported to an art facility. He glues all the classroom supplies and shattered plates to a canvas, then sells it for a billion dollars. The genie asks the janitor how he was so clever.

The janitor says "I got a masters degree in art."

A lawer, a surgeon, and a janitor are going on a camping trip...

when they discover a magical wizard. He says, "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The lawyer says, "Easy! I'll be a kindergarten teacher! How hard can it be to read to a bunch of little kids?" He gets transported into a classroom. He starts off strong, but after two hours, the kids' screams get to him and he gives up in frustration.

Next, the surgeon says, "I've got this! I'll just be a waiter, all they do is walk around with trays of food all day." He is transported into a restaurant. After three hours, the annoying customers drive him insane and he quits out of rage.

Finally, it's the janitor's turn. He says, "I'll be an artist for a day." So he is teleported into an art studio. He takes a bunch of random paint and junk from around the studio and makes an abstract painting which he sells for 100 million dollars.

In awe, the genie asks, "Wow, that was amazing! How did you do it?"

The janitor replies, "I have a masters degree in art."

A husband and wife who travel with the circus go to an adoption agency, but are met with skepticism.

"Do you really feel that a traveling circus is suitable evironment to raise a child?" the lady from the adoption agecy asks.

"Certainly," he couple reply. "We have a beautiful, fully equipped, state of the art nursery that we will be traveling with.

Still showing reservations, the woman asks, "What about the child's education?"

"Not to worry," the couple assure her. "We have a full time tutor with years of experience that can provide our child with the finest education that money can buy."

"I see," says the woman behind the desk. "But what about the child's health?"

"We also have in our employ a full time nurse with a degree in pediatric medicine who will be able to attend to all of our child's needs."

"Well, it certainly sounds like you've thought of everything. Were you looking to adopt a girl or a boy?"

"Doesn't matter", the couple tell her. "As long as it fits in the cannon."

Why did the chicken cross the road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

Joe Biden: Why did the chicken do the...thing in the...you know the rest.

SARAH PALIN: The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn it, he's a maverick!

BARACK OBAMA: Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be required to cross the road to surrender her eggs. Period.

AOC: Chickens should not be forced to lay eggs! This is because of corporate greed! Eggs should be able to lay themselves.

JOHN McCAIN: My friends, the chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where's my gun?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken.

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens white?

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he is acting by not taking on his current problems before adding any new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross the road so badly. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a NEW CAR so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way the chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

KING DAVID: O Lord, why dost the chicken cross the road? And why art the chicken hawks beset around it? Surely in vain the road is crossed in the sight of any predator.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2014, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2014. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?


Edit: wow I’m so glad you guys are enjoying this, and my first gold!! Thank you!!!

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

A Lawyer, representing a wealthy art collector called him and said, "Paul, I have some good news and I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; Let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today and she informed me that she invested $1,500 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. And I think she could be right."

Paul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you & your secretary."

Martial arts

The Israelis developed Krav Maga - the art of disabling an opponent as quickly as possible.

The Japanese developed Jujitsu - the art of defeating an armed and armored opponent.

The Brazilians developed Capoeira - the art of defeating an opponent using dance and acrobatics.

The French developed parkour - the art of running away as quickly and efficiently as possible.

A Well-Argued Court Case

The beauty of a language and the art of constructing the words of the language significantly lead to their meaning. This is not a case of twisting, but of the refined manner of presentation by witty minds. A good case for reference.

One evening, after attending the theatre, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give $250 to spend the night with that woman."

Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard their remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that offer."

She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The following morning, as he prepared to leave, the man gave her $125.

She demanded the rest of the money, stating, "If you don't give me the other $125 I'll sue you for it."

He laughed, saying "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

Within a few days, he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said, "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's Lawyer addressed the court as follows:
"Your Honour, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $250. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purposes for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $125, one-half of the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance."

The defendant's Lawyer was not only surprised but also impressed AND amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. Naturally, his defence was somewhat different from the way he had originally planned to present it. He rose to the occasion!

'Your Honour," he said, "my client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for the rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted."

The young lady's lawyer answered, "Your Honour, my client agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones, pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted."

In the Judge's decision, he provided for two options, "Pay the balance $125 to the plaintiff, or have the equipment detached from its current location and provided to the plaintiff for damages."

The defendant wrote out a cheque immediately.

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is a true story of a poor ditzy blond flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

The pilot has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic,calls out a May Day.

"May Day! May Day! Help Me! Help Me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead and I don't know how to fly. Help Me! Please Help Me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Now give me your height and position!"

She says, "I'm 5'4 and i'm in the front seat."

(pause)

"O.K." says the voice in the radio.......
"Repeat after me: Our father who art in heaven........"

Popular Topics