Gujarati Jokes

Gujarati needs plastic surgery

One gujarati 'fell down the stairs' and broke his face. Doctors said he needed to get plastic surgery. So he goes to plastic surgeon.

"How much?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor takes one look at his face and says "2 million"

"Oh no, that is too high. I have mouths to feed, sisters and mother depend on me."

Doctor reconsiders... say "Okay, for your families sake, lets say 1.75 million".

"What? You call that a reduction? Make it 1.25 million"

"I dont know why I am even doing this... but okay 1.5 million" Says the doctor.

"1.5 million for everything?" asks the gujarati.

"Yep all in." says the doctor.

"Okay then. Now tell me, how much will you go down if *i* bring the plastic?"

Collection of Jokes that Indians tell each other about ethnic stereotypes from various parts of India.

Gujju (Gujarati)

One Gujarati = a stock-broker in a Bombay train.

Two Gujaratis = rummy game in a Bombay train.

Three Gujjus = Bombay's noisiest restaurant.

Four Gujjus = stock market scam.


One Bengali = poet.

Two Bengalis = a film society.

Three Bengalis = political party.

Four Bengalis = two political parties.


One Bihari = Laloo Prasad Yadav.

Two Biharis = election booth-capturing squad.

Three Biharis = caste killing.

Four Biharis = entire literate population of Patna.


One Punjabi =100 kg hulk named Pinky.

Two Punjabis = Pinky with his bigger brother Twinky.

Three Punjabis = assault on the McAloo Tikkis at the local McDonalds.

Four Punjabis = combined IQ equal to one.

Mallu (Kerala person)

One Mallu = coconut stall.

Two Mallus = a boat race.

Three Mallus = Gulf job racket.

Four Mallus = oil slick.

UP Bhaiyya (From Uttar Pradesh)

One UP bhaiyya = a milkman.

Two UP bhaiyyas = halwai shop.

Three UP bhaiyyas = a fist-fight in the UP assembly.

Four UP bhaiyyas = mosque-destruction squad.


One Andhraite = chilli farmer.

Two Andhraites = software company in New Jersey.

Three Andhraites = Naxalite outfit.

Four Andhraites = song-and-dance number in a Telugu movie.


One Kashmiri = carpet salesman.

Two Kashmiris = carpet factory.

Three Kashmiris = terrorist outfit.

Four Kashmiris = shoot-at-sight order.

Tam-Brahm (Brahmin from Tamil Nadu)

One Tam-Brahm = priest at the Vardarajaperumal temple.

Two Tam-Brahms = maths tuition class.

Three Tam-Brahms = queue outside the U.S consulate at 4 a.m.

Four Tam-Brahms = Thyagaraja music festival in Santa Clara


One Bombayite = footpath vada-pav stall.

Two Bombayites = film studio.

Three Bombayites = slum

Four Bombayites = the number of people standing on your foot in the train
at rush hour

Marwari (Trading caste from Northwest India)

One Marwari = the neighbourhood foodstuffs adulterator.

Two Marwaris = 50% of Calcutta.

Three Marwaris = finish off all Gujaratis.

Four Marwaris = threaten the Jews.

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