Catholic Jokes

What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but... A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die. Become a Catholic priest and get them now.

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.

why would you be a suicide bomber... And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!

Source: Jimmy Carr

What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? Roman Catholic.

A Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church The Priest says " you can't be here!". The particle replies "you can't have mass without me ”

Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...

What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until you're 12 years old to come on your face.

You don't need to die as a muslim to get 72 virgins Just be a catholic priest

Why are Catholic priests called "Father"? Because "Daddy" would be a bit too suspicous.

My cousin is so poor.... that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her.

What do you call a catholic boy that can run faster than the priest? A virgin

What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.

What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest? Alien vs. Predator

What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest? One goes limp when a child walks in the room.

Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.

What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator

A Catholic boy in confession says “bless me father,i have sinned,i masturbated while thinking of my sister”. “That’s a disgrace”,said the Priest. “Especially when you have two gorgeous brothers “.

Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"? "Daddy" would be too obvious.

What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face.

Whats the difference between a muslim and a catholic priest? The muslim has to die before he gets his virgins.

What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A Roamin' Catholic

My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London. Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."

What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist? A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store.

Why is acne better than a catholic priest? At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face.

What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep? A roamin' Catholic.

What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and Acne? Acne waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face.

Whats the difference between a coal mining company and the Catholic Church? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts not the other way around.......

What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic

What do you call it when an immigrant walks into a Catholic Church? Alien vs Predator (this is my son’s joke)

I don't get why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist and suicide bomber, just so you might have a chance to get 72 virgins when you die Just become a Catholic priest and have them now!

What is the difference between a pimple and a Catholic Priest? A pimple doesn't come on a boys face until he's 13.

This joke is all in good fun, sorry if anyone happens to be offended!

What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? [personal favorites] Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's thirteen.

What do you call a priest who walks in his sleep? A roaming Catholic

I managed to escape Neverland Ranch with my virginity intact, only to wind up in a nearby Catholic church. Out of the flying Pan, into the friar.

What did the old Catholic priest say when he arrived at a 6 year old boys birthday party? Happy birthday.

whats the difference between acne and catholic preists acne doesnt come on a boys face until 13