What did the Catholic priest say to the other Catholic priest as they entered the orphanage? "Let us prey."
They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but... A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.
I've never really understood it why would you become an Islamic suicide bomber on the off-chance you might get 72 virgins when you die. Become a Catholic priest and get them now.
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne waits untill a boy's 12 before it comes on his face.
why would you be a suicide bomber...
And wait for the 72 virgins in heaven... When you could become a catholic preist and have them now!
Source: Jimmy Carr
What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep? Roman Catholic.
A Higgs Boson walks into a Catholic church The Priest says " you can't be here!". The particle replies "you can't have mass without me ”
Why are Catholic priests always referred to as "father"? Because "daddy" would make it too obvious...
What's the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne waits until you're 12 years old to come on your face.
You don't need to die as a muslim to get 72 virgins Just be a catholic priest
Why are Catholic priests called "Father"? Because "Daddy" would be a bit too suspicous.
My cousin is so poor.... that when she couldn't afford pay the Catholic church for her exorcism, they repossessed her.
What do you call a catholic boy that can run faster than the priest? A virgin
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boy's face after he turns 12.
What do you call a Mexican fighting a Catholic priest? Alien vs. Predator
What's the difference between Woody from Toy Story, and a Catholic priest? One goes limp when a child walks in the room.
Chemistry teacher: Did you know protons have mass? Student: I didn't even know protons were Catholic.
What's the difference between a coal mining company and catholic priests? A coal mining company puts miners in shafts.
How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator
A Catholic boy in confession says “bless me father,i have sinned,i masturbated while thinking of my sister”. “That’s a disgrace”,said the Priest. “Especially when you have two gorgeous brothers “.
Why are catholic priests adressed as "father"? "Daddy" would be too obvious.
What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face.
Whats the difference between a muslim and a catholic priest? The muslim has to die before he gets his virgins.
What do you call a sleepwalking Nun? A Roamin' Catholic
My 13 year old son was victim of a stabbing in North London.
Cradling his head on the cold, wet pavement I heard him mumble,
"I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die. Get me a priest,"
"A priest?" I said. "We're not Catholic."
"No," he cried. "But I don't want to die a virgin."
What's the difference between a Catholic and Baptist? A Catholic will say hello to you in a liquor store.
Why is acne better than a catholic priest? At least acne waits till a kid is 14 to come on his face.
What do you call a nun that walks in her sleep? A roamin' Catholic.
What's the difference between a Catholic Priest and Acne? Acne waits until you're 12 before it comes on your face.
What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roam'n catholic
What do you call a nun that is going for a walk? A roamin catholic
Whats the difference between catholic priests and acne? One doesn't come on your face until your at least 13
I don't get why you would become an Islamic fundamentalist and suicide bomber, just so you might have a chance to get 72 virgins when you die Just become a Catholic priest and have them now!
Did you know that protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic!
Best Higgs Boson Joke so far
Higgs Boson goes into a Catholic church.
The priest says, "You're not welcome here."
Higgs Boson says "You can't have mass without me."
What's the difference between acne and a Catholic priest? Acne doesn't come on a boys face till 14
What's the difference between a catholic priest and acne? [personal favorites] Acne doesn't come on a boy's face until he's thirteen.
If I ask a Catholic sister to work for me as a manager ... Does that make her nun of my business?
The Pope is stepping down because he's "too old"... ... I see the Catholic Church applies the same criteria to Popes as it does to their choirboys.
What is the similarity between a cop and a catholic priest?
Bad ones just get transferred.
Edit: sorry for bad phrasing, just thought of it, probably can be put in better words.
What do Catholic Priests and McDonalds have in common? 40 year old meat between 8 year old buns.
What is the difference between the Roman Catholic Church and the Russian Orthodox Church? The Roman Catholics drink Holy Wine while the Russian Orthodox drink Holy Vodka.
My neighbour, a Catholic priest, collects car exhausts........ He's a Catholitic converter.
What do you call a catholic circumcision? A suck off.
What do the military and Catholic priest's have in common? Predator Missiles.
Where does this donation policy best fit: A nickle for each pickle? The Catholic Church
I can't wait to become a Catholic priest For the first time a girl can call me her daddy
What do you call a priest who walks in his sleep? A roaming Catholic
What do you call a spider in a catholic church? Father Longlegs.
A photographer went to a Catholic church... ...and caused a mass shooting.
What do Catholic Priests and Mcdonalds have in common? They both put their meat in 10 year old buns.
What is a jazz musician that got kicked out of the catholic church? Sax-communicated.
What did the old Catholic priest say when he arrived at a 6 year old boys birthday party? Happy birthday.
A Catholic a Lutheran and a Baptist are talking about their faiths.
The Catholic say "I'm Catholic, we carry rosaries"
The Lutheran says "I'm Lutheran, we have the Lutheran rose"
Finally the Baptist says "I'm Baptist, I have a chicken spaghetti!"
I once met a member of the Catholic faith who could only face North, East, South and West... His name was Cardinal Directions
What do you get when you mix a hypocrite, Catholic, and comedian into a blender? Louis CK
A catholic choir is composing their own material. “Sweet Gsus, but I think what we need here is A minor.”
What did the Catholic bodybuilder say when he went to confession after falling off a new diet plan? Forgive me Father, For i have binged
What do you call a Catholic Priest and an illegal immigrant fighting? **Alien** vs **Predator**
How did the Catholic priest make one team lose the Superbowl? He told the quarterback to do 20 hail Marys.
I honestly believe if Kevin Spacey confesses his crimes that he can be forgiven. As a Catholic Priest.
Was explaining that i wasn't much of a catholic after my church's Priest was arrested for rampant child abuse to my friend... ...He replied, "So your loss of religion wasn't really one huge blow, it was dozens of little ones."
How much common sense does a catholic church have? Nun.
How do you insult a Catholic? Any way you like, they have to forgive you!
Do you know the difference between acne and a Catholic Priest? Acne waits until after puberty to come on your face
whats the difference between acne and catholic preists acne doesnt come on a boys face until 13
What do you call an illegal immigrant and a Catholic priest fighting? Alien VS Predator
What's the difference between acne and catholic priests? Acne waits until you've hit puberty to come on your face.
The Higgs Bosom Particle (xpost from /r/science) The Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church, and the priest says to him, "sorry, we don't allow Higgs bosons here." The Higgs boson replies, "but without me, you can't have mass!"
Photons have mass? I didn't even know they were catholic!
Why does the Catholic Church protect paedophiles? Because the last time they shunned a child molester, he started Islam.