Confucius Jokes

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Funniest Confucius Jokes

Funny Confucius Jokes
Score: 535

Confucius Say It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve a problem without violence.

Score: 493

Confucius says... It is good to meet girl in park
but BETTER to park meat in girl

Score: 201

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

Score: 97

Wisdom from Confucius Man who run in front of car get tired. Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Score: 74

Confucius Say Confucius say: Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.

Score: 73

Confucius say... Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

Score: 54

confucius say man who run in front of car get tired

man who run behind car get exhausted

Score: 49

Confucius say, "Good to meet girl in park... but better to park meat in girl."

Score: 45

Confucius say virginity like giant bubble One prick, all gone

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Confucius say Man who run behind bus get exhausted. Man who run in front of bus get tired.

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Confucius say lucky girl is girl who meet boy in park and lucky boy is boy who park meat in girl

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Confucius says "man who goes through turnstile sideways..." "Is going to Bangkok."

Score: 24

Confucius say man who run in front of car... ...get tired.

Score: 22

What would Confucius say about errors made in elevators? He who makes a mistake in an elevator is wrong on many levels.

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Confucius say.. Man who stand on toilet bowl, high on pot.

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Confucius say: Man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

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Confucius say: It is good if boy meets girl in park... It is better if boy parks meat in girl.

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Confucius say..... Confucius say man drunk in cemetery make grave mistakes

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Confucius says, that it is good to meet girl in park... ...but it is better to park meat in girl

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Confucius say... Confucius say, man going thru airport turnstyle sideways Going to Bangkok.

Score: 11

Confucius say . . . . Man who wrong on elevator, wrong on many levels.

Score: 10

Confucius said, it's better... to park meat in girl than meet girl in park

Score: 10

Confucius say, man who walk through airport turnstile sideways... Going to Bangkok

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Confucius say to quiet the herd One must shut the flock up

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Confucius say, piano falls down mineshaft... Get tone of A Flat Miner.

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Confucius say man who run behind car... ...get exhausted.

Score: 8

Confucius say "Virginity is like bubble; one prick, all gone."

Score: 8

Confucius Says Baseball is wrong. Man with 4 balls cannot walk.

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Confucius say: "Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day."

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Confucius say, man who sits on top of toilet, is high on pot

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Confucius say... Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

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Confucius say... Confucius say man with beard face rough time!

Score: 6

From the book I'm reading: Confucius Say: Man who run in front of speeding car get tired. Man who run behind speeding car get exhausted.

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Confucius says: Woman who sleeps with judge..... receives honorable discharge

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Confucius say man who stand in front of car get tired... ...and man who stand behind car get exhausted.

Score: 6

Confucius say its good to meet girl in the park ...But its better to park meat in the girl.

Score: 6

Confucius say "He who run in front of car get tired..." "...But he who run in back of car get exhausted"

Score: 6

I don't understand chinese philosophy. It Confucius me.

Score: 5

Confucius say, many hand make for light work, But one hand make for quick job.

Score: 5

Confucius says - He who goes to bed with itchy butt Wake up with stinky fingers.

Just remembered this from when I was 13

Score: 5

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New Confucius Jokes

Confucius said there are three type of men. Those who can count and those who can't.

Score: 3

Confucius say, man who fall over book case... ...gets the sore arse.


Edit: actually made this up years ago for my kids

Score: 4

Confucius say... Man who no gamble is good


But man who gamble is better

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Ouch, that smarts Confucius say, man who go through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

Score: 3

Confucius says, Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.

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Confucius say woman who sit on Adjutant General's lap ... ... get honorable discharge.

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Confucius say, virginity like bubble. One prick - all gone

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Confucius once said... Woman who sit on brother-in-law's lap make it hard for sister.

Score: 2

Confucius say... Man who keeps hands in pockets feels cocky all day.

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Confucius Says: Man who drops watch in toilet is bound to have a crappy time

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Confucius say: Man who jump off bridge in Paris is in-Seine.

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Confucius say - To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

Score: 3

Confucius say... Man who goes to bed with stiff problem wakes up with solution in hand

Score: 4

Confucius say, man who walks through airport turnstiles sideways... Is going to Bangkok.

Score: 4

Confucius once said... Man who loses key to girlfriends flat gets no new-key.

Score: 2

Confucius say, man who have no helping hands get defeat!

Score: 3

Confucius day.... Man who farts in church sits in own pew.

Score: 4

Confucius says. He who stands on toilet... ...is high on pot.

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Confucius say... Crowded elevator smell differently to midget.

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Confucius says.. Boy who go to bed with itchy bottom wakes up with smelly finger.

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Confucius says that a man who wants a pretty nurse has to be patient

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Confucius say "Man who stand on toilet..." Forgot his stool

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Confucius say man walking around feeling little cocky all day... must have hole in pocket.

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Confucius say: panties not best thing in world... ...but next to it.

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Confucius say, Man who pull out too fast, leaves rubber behind.

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Confucius say, Athletic finger... Make broad jump.

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Confucius say, "American baseball is wrong"... "man with four balls cannot walk"

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Confucius Says Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.

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What does Confucius clean himself with? A Tao-el

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Confucius say: Man who tie knot... Soon looking for scissors.

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Confucius say, Man who stand on toilet, is high on pot.

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Confucius once said, "the perfect wife does 71 jobs..." Cooking, cleaning, and 69

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Confucius Say . . . Man who run in front of car get tired.

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

Stabbing a man with a spoon is pointless.

Score: 2

Confucius Say... Confucius say man who sleep with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.

Score: 2

Confucius says Man entering airport door sideways bound to Bangkok

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Confucius said Girl meets boy in park.
Boy parks meat in girl.

FYI: Saw this online in a picture of a graffiti

Score: 1

Confucius say Confucius say: go to bed with itchy bum, wake up with smelly finger.

Score: 4

Confucius say... Baseball is wrong! Man with four balls cannot walk!

Score: 1

Confucius say 7 days of honeymoon make one whole week.

Score: 2

Confucius say... Man who walks everyday barefoot will have a tough sole

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Confucius says: good to meet girl in park But better to park meat in girl

Score: 4

Confucius say... Do not meet girl in park. Park meat in girl.

Score: 4

Confucius say... Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

Score: 1

Confucius say... man who jump off cliff, jump to conclusion.

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I heard this pitiful joke when I was a teen. Confucius say, woman who fly upside down have crack up.

Score: 4

Confucius say... He who farts at church, sits in his own pew.

Score: 1

What's your favorite "cute" joke? I.e. jokes that may make you laugh, but make you say "Awww" even more. The punchline is not shocking or hilarious, but cute.

E.g. The Confucius saying: Marriage like poker. You start with pair and end with full house.

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Confucius say... Man who walk through airport sideways going to Bangkok.

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confucius say when you take old hooker to all you can eat seafood you walk away with a big bag of crabs

Score: 3

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