Gun Jokes


Funniest Gun Jokes

Funny Gun Jokes
Score: 22284

Husband doing crossword with his wife Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

Score: 21999

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house... I told her, "Fear of the CIA".

She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo

Score: 9082

a guy with a gun bursts into a bank and screams “a person's regular occupation, profession, or trade. also known as a commercial enterprise.” the old lady in front of him whispers to the teller, “I’d do whatever he asks. He means business.”

Score: 6576

My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun, but I’m not impressed. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.

Score: 6263

You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.

Score: 2659

Bank robber pulls out gun, points it at the teller... Robber: "Give me all your money or you are GEOGRAPHY!'

Cashier (puzzled) "Did you mean to say "or you're history?"

Robber: "Don't change the subject."

Score: 2030

What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun has only one trigger.

Score: 1635

What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...

Score: 1551

My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house. "To fight the Decepticons," I said.

She laughed. I laughed.

The toaster laughed.

I shot the toaster.

Score: 1413

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez. “How was he killed” asked one detective. “With a golf gun.” Replied the second detective.

“A golf gun? What’s a golf gun?”

“I don’t know, but it sure made a hole in Juan”

Score: 1029

I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth

Score: 885

You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you. You have died from dissin' Terry.

Score: 841

A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.

Score: 826

Give a man a gun and he'll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he'll rob the world.

Score: 628

Give a man a gun, he'll rob a bank Teach a man to run a bank, he'll rob the American people.

Score: 620

I´m at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back... He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh.

Score: 493

My friend went to prison for something he didn't do. He didn't wipe the fingerprints off the gun.

Score: 471

I still remember my grandfather's last words Don't point that gun at me you idiot

Score: 427

A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"

Score: 415

What do gun owners and vegans have in common? They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.

Score: 396

Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank Give a man a bank and he can rob the world.

Score: 351

After an attempted mugging, I started to carry a gun around with me Now my muggings are more successful.

Score: 345

McDonald's will give you a free combo meal... McDonald's will give you a free combo meal and £127.38 if you go to the Drive Thru dressed as a clown.

With a gun.

Score: 338

I hate when I'm at someone's house and they ask stupid questions like... "Who are you?" and "Is that a gun?"

Score: 335

It's like my uncle always said: "The day I can't do my job drunk..." " the day I hand in my badge and gun."

Score: 328

Give a man a gun and he’ll rob a bank, Give a man a bank and he’ll rob the world.

Score: 313

I shot someone with a starting gun. I've been charged with race crimes

Score: 292

A Man walked into a bar with a gun The man - Which one of you F*cked my wife?!

Random guy in the bar - YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BULLETS!

Score: 273

Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."

Score: 264

A guy runs into a bank, pulls out a gun, points it at the teller and shouts, “Give me all your money or you’re geography!" Puzzled, the teller replies, “Don’t you mean history?” The robber screams, “Don’t change the subject!"

Score: 76

What is the difference between a millennial and a gun? A gun only has one trigger.

Score: 51

I got in to a gun fight with a mexican at a golf club. I shot a hole in Juan.

Score: 46

Similarity between a feminist and a gun? They are both loud when triggered.

Score: 21

My girlfriend asked why I carried a gun on me around the house... I said "Fear of the CIA"

She laughed, I laughed, Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo.

Score: 20

Why did the gun shoot the other gun? Because it was triggered.

Score: 16

What do you call a gun made out of sodium chloride? A salt rifle.

Score: 15

What's the difference between tumblr and a gun? The gun has only one trigger

Score: 13

Today I gave a man on the street everything in my wallet, my food, my cigarettes and even the shoes on my feet It was the best feeling in the world seeing him put the gun away and walk off.

Score: 8

What’s the difference between a firearm and a firework? Well one is banned in many us states for causing deadly injuries...

...and the other is a gun.

Score: 7

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New Gun Jokes

How do so many cops think they see a gun that isnt there this year? They have 2020 vision.

Score: 2

A man broke into my house with a Knife and a gun But I wasn’t scared Becuase if he stole anything it would be illegal

Score: 0

What kind of candy does a gun eat? Sub machine gum.

I can't take full credit for this joke, though. My 8 year old came up with it.

Score: 0

It sucks how much schooling has changed Homeschooling went from teaching your own kid to bringing your kid to the gun range.

Score: 2

I tried to test my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work. Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.

Score: 1

We need new laws on gun control, because criminals aren't following our current laws! It's funny because gun control doesn't work

Score: 2

I’m surprised by the nutrition facts of a gun! It’s only .50 cal

Score: 1

DJs and Policemens What's the difference between DJs and Policemens ?
One of them tells you to put your hands up without showing you a gun.

Score: 2

Why did Immanuel Kant lend his machine gun to forces plotting a military coup? Because he willed that his Maxim could make a general rule.

Score: 2

Say what you will about gun rights advocates... But they really hold deer their hunting rifles.

Score: 1

What do you call a Skunk with a gun? Pepe le pew pew pew pew.

Score: 1

What’s a Vsco Girls favorite Pubg Gun? a Sksksks

Score: 6

A man points a gun to an asians head and says "Get on your knees" The asian replies "Cantonese"

Score: 1

What do a gun and pack of gum have in common Everyone wants to be your friend when you pull one out in school

Score: 1

On 30th April 1945, Hitler's wife went up to him and asked Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Score: 3

What did the cat say to the octopus with a gun in each tentacle ? You're one short, buddy.

Score: 2

What do gun owners and people who wear tank tops have in common? They both have the right to bare arms.

Score: 2

What's black and dangerous and sits in a tree? A crow with a machine gun

Score: 1

Losing my virginity was just like the Olympics... there were eight black guys and a gun

Score: 1

I was walking down the street one day and I passed the gun store. I walked in and everything was half off... I didn't know back to school sales had already started!

Score: 2

My music teacher gave a lecture about gun control the other day It was a glock and spiel

Score: 1

Today, I donate a watch, a phone and a wallet to a poor guy today. You can imagine the happiness I felt when he put away his gun.

Score: 2

Why did the Amputee Buy a Gun? He Wanted to be Armed.

Score: 4

Perfect solution to make the Right want gun control... Rename schools to uteruses so they’ll care about kids dying there.

Score: 4

What do you call an anti-aircraft gun that shoots high-quality digital audio files? A .flac gun

Score: 4

Why don’t Republican politicians introduce stricter gun control bills? Because it’s easier for the NRA to write “no changes.” on the memo line of their donation cheques.

Score: 1

I asked a Republican about gun control... He said, "It's bad to politicize today's tragedy! It's too soon to discuss last week's tragedy. It's a bit late to discuss last month's tragedy."

Score: 1

My microwave asked me why I was walking around with a gun... I told it becuase of the CIA...

It laughed, I laughed, my wife laughed...

I shot my wife...

Score: 3

I don't understand why people say that it doesnt work to just "pull out" Whenever I pull out a gun, people listen right away!

Score: 2

Gun control is very similar to any Muslim It doesn't fly with me.

Score: 2

My dad got a gun to protect the 4 kids. Then got rid of the gun to protect the 3 kids.

(Credit: Anthony Jeselnik)

Score: 1

Why did gravity get a gun? So it could join the armed forces.

Score: 1

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