My friend claims he can print a gun in using his 3D printer... But I'm not impressed, I've had a canon printer for ages.
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house...
I told her, "Fear of the CIA".
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon Echo laughed. I shot the Amazon Echo
"So is that a gun in your trousers or are you just happy to see me?" "Both ,now get in the van"
You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.
What does Superman and a Blood gang member who lost his gun have in common? Neither one of them want to see a Kryptonite...
My wife asked me why I carry a gun around the house.
"To fight the Decepticons," I said.
She laughed. I laughed.
The toaster laughed.
I shot the toaster.
My girlfriend asked why I carry a gun around the house? I looked her dead in the eye and said, "the motherfucking decepticons". She laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster, it was a good time.
A guy with a gun walks into a bar..
"Which one of you fuckers slept with my wife?!"
A voice from the back shouted "I don't think you have enough bullets, mate"
I always wondered why gun barrels tasted salty Until I realized I'm always crying when I put one in my mouth
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you. You have died from dissin' Terry.
A cop is confronted by a white guy with a gun and a black guy with a nerf bat. Who does he shoot first? The bystander with the camera.
I took my new gun out to the range, but couldn’t make it work. Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I´m at the ATM when a robber holding his gun at my back...
He asks: do you want to see your family again?
I said "no".
We both had a good laugh.
A bank robber pulls out gun points it at the teller, and says, "Give me all the money or you're geography!" The puzzled teller replies, "Did you mean to say 'or you're history?'" The robber says, "Don't change the subject!"
What do gun owners and vegans have in common? They're both in your face about how they're not murderers.
I started carrying a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago. Since then my muggings have been a lot more successful.
After an attempted mugging, I started to carry a gun around with me Now my muggings are more successful.
I started carrying a gun after an attempted mugging a few years ago.... ...since then my mugging attempts have been a lot more successful.
A Man walked into a bar with a gun
The man - Which one of you F*cked my wife?!
Random guy in the bar - YOU DON'T HAVE THAT MANY BULLETS!
Holding a gun to his teacher, the student demanded, "Tell me the square root of -2!" The teacher begged, "Please, let's be rational here."
A man comes into his bedroom and sees his wife with his best friend in bed.... The man quickly takes out his gun and shoots his best friend, killing him. The wife shouts - "If you continue with that attitude you are going to end up with no friends!"
What's the difference between a feminist and a gun? A gun actually does something when it's triggered.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
My wife asked my why i carry a gun in the house. I looked at her and said "Decepticons". She laughed, i laughed, the toaster laughed, i shot the toaster. It was a good time.
The first time I asked a woman to sleep with me my hands were shaking and I was sweating uncontrollably I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before
Wow I got all this for free today. iPhone, some weed, and $2 000 ... it’s like this gun is magic!
My wife asked why I carried a gun around the house. I told her : Fear of CIA.
She laughed, I laughed, the Amazon echo laughed.
I shot the echo.
"So is that a gun in your trousers or you are just happy to see me ?" "Both , now get in the van ."
A woman walked into a bank and took off her top and pulled out a gun she stole thousands, shame no one could remember her face.
I like to keep a gun in my nightstand drawer just in case someone breaks in That way I can shoot myself to avoid social interaction
I bought myself a gun a few years back after an attempted robbery Since then, I have been a lot more successful in my attempts
What do a bag of chips and a gun have in common? When you pull them out in class suddenly everyone wants to be your friend
My friend keeps bragging that he can make a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
What do most people do instinctively when a gun is pointed at them?
edit: that's a person raising his arms.
I tried to test my new gun at the range, but it wouldn’t work. Now I have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual.
I was playing Oregon Trail
I met a man named Terry. I chose to laugh at him for having such a girlie name. He pulled out a gun and shot me.
I died from dissin' Terry.
*turns in gun and badge*
“You’re a waiter where did you get those”
I got a gun for Christmas but I can’t fire it I suppose I should check the “Trouble Shooting?” guide
a grade A+ joke My friend asked why I carry a gun around the house. I said "decepticons." he laughed, I laughed, the toaster laughed, I shot the toaster. it was a good time.
Thank you Alexa
Burglar: *points gun at me* Alright buddy just show me your valuables and nobody gets hurt
Me: Haha sure thing dude - ALEXA CALL THE POLICE
Alexa: “Shuffling songs by The Police”
*Roxanne plays as I get shot 16 times*
Yesterday i've donated my purse,watch and cellphone to a poor guy. You Can't imagine the happiness that I felt as i saw him putting his gun back in his pocket
This guy looked really scared when I pulled the gun out. He looked at me as it to say, "What was that doing up your arsehole?"
A man arrived to a gun fight with nothing other than a pencil and paper. He then proceeded to draw his weapon.
My friend was bragging that he can print a gun using his 3-D Printer, but I wasn’t impressed. I’ve had a Canon printer for years.
Proud of myself Yesterday I've donated my cellphone watch and wallet to a poor guy. You Can't imagine the happiness that I felt as i saw him putting his gun back in his pocket
Never criticize a gun owner until you've walked a mile in his shoes That way he'll be barefoot and you'll be out of range
The first time I asked a woman to make love to me my hands were sweating and shaking uncontrollably.. Ive never pointed a gun at anyone before.
What does a gun and a pack of gum have in common? Everyone suddenly wants to be your friend when you take it out at school.
A man with a gun bursts into a bar
He shouts "which one of you fuckers slept with my wife"
A voice from the back calls back "you haven't got enough bullets mate"
I think my wife is putting glue on my antique gun collection. She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.
My Boss: "You're Fired"
Me: turns in gun and badge
My boss: “You’re a waiter where did you get those”
A man walks into a bar with a gun and yells "WHO SLEPT WITH MY WIFE! I'M GONNA KILL 'EM!" A man calmly stands up and says, "You ain't got enough bullets, mate."
Today I donated my watch Today I donated my watch, my phone and 500$. You don’t know the happiness I felt when he put his gun away.
My boss: "you're fired"
Me: *turn in gun and badge*
My boss: "you're a waiter, where did you get those?"
What's the difference between a gun and a social justice warrior? The gun has only one trigger.
I always keep a loaded gun on my nightstand in the event of an intruder So I can shoot myself to avoid meeting new people
Feminists are way more dangerous than someone with a gun At least a gun only has one trigger...
My Boss: You're fired
Me: *turns in gun and badge*
My Boss: Where did you get those? You're a teacher.