Hilarious Animal Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Animal Jokes

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.

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They found a cat on mars... A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

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"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

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Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors. Because they were Veteran Aryans.

Score: 590

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Score: 446

I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."

Score: 369

What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 362

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 338

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal? A doctor

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What's a vegan's favorite animal? A high horse

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What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole

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What do you get when you mix human DNA with animal DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.

Score: 204

What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle? A Polar Bear

Score: 186

Girls say I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.

Score: 178

Whats the stupidest animal in the Jungle? the Polar Bear

Score: 158

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

Score: 152

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal... ...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

Score: 134

Did you know the average gazelle can jump higher than a two story house? This is due to the animal’s extremely powerful hind legs and the fact that a house can’t jump.

Score: 132

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.

Score: 113

What is a black dad's favorite animal? Bison

Score: 106

What kind of animal would Hitler be? Adolfin

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I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu.

Score: 99

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog It's a Shih Tzu.

Score: 98

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to. In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

Score: 97

I went to a zoo where there was only one animal and it was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

Score: 85

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal? The wall-rus.

Yes, I do hate myself.

Score: 84

What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin.

Score: 77

A man walks into a zoo and the only animal there is a dog. It's a shitzu.

Score: 72

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

I was going to post a really long joke about a mythical fire breathing animal But it'd drag on.

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what animal takes up the most land? a groundhog.

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What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine? An animal that knits its own sweaters.

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If you ever need to fit 2 of every animal on a boat... I Noah guy.

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What animal spins around about 200 times after it dies? A rotisserie chicken

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What's an incest lover's favorite animal? Aunt-eater.

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Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying, “I’m a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal.” It was at that moment that I suddenly realized just how many gynecologists there are on the roads.

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A man goes to the zoo and the only animal in there is a dog... ...It was a Shih Tzu.

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What do you call a white kid who’s also a furry? An animal cracker

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TIL that the Welsh first made condoms out of sheep intestines The English then improved the idea by taking it out of the animal first

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New Animal Jokes

My wife is kicking me out because she's fed up with my South American animal puns... 'OK,' I said, 'Alpaca my bags.'

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Today I chopped up Onion for dinner and it made me cry. I guess it's true that you grow an attachment to an animal after you give it a name He was a good dog

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What's the most feared animal in the Romanian Savannah? Vlad the Impala

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A man and his son walk into a zoo and the only animal is a dog The man looks to his son and says "this is a ShihTzu"

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Need a ship that can hold two of every animal? I Noah guy..

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What does a transgender and a new animal species have in common? You don’t know what to call it

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What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.

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It’s not hard to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. You just have to pay attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

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What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.

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What did the animal say when it was told to leave the zoo? Fine! Alpaca my bags.

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What animal rotates at least 200 times after it dies? A rotisserie chicken.

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I took my niece to the zoo the other day... The only animal there was a small, scruffy looking dog.

I called the zookeeper over.

"What's with the scruffy old dog? Why is that the only animal?"

"It's a Shih-Tzu"

Score: 8

What is a Vegans favourite animal? The high horse.

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Q: what's the friendliest animal in the sea? A cuddle-fish.

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What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One's a heavy animal and one's a little lighter.

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My girlfriend is a perfect lady in the streets, but an ANIMAL in the sheet! I wish she'd told me before we started dating. I'm not into lycanthropy.

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Why does animal hate fast food? Because It keeps running away from them

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I recently went to a zoo, and the only animal on display was a dog. It was a shih tzu.

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Why is a pig M. Night Shyamalan's favorite animal? Cause it has a little twist at the end.

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You know the animal that kills the most people in the world? The Hepatitis Bee

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Teaching a kid about animals and asked her: "Which animal is the largest animal in the world?" She replied: "You."

(True story, just happened minutes ago while tutoring a kid. *Cries*)

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What is the fastest animal on Earth? A chicken in an Ethiopian village!

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What did the animal lover get put on their body? A cattoo

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A man walked into a zoo, but the only animal was a dog... It was a Shih Tzu

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Did you hear about the chef who never understood how animal-based oils help the cooking process? For him.... The Lard works in mysterious ways!

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We were driving through the Welsh countryside when my little girl said… "Look at that strange animal daddy, man at the back, sheep at the front."

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which animal has the smallest genitals? a peacock...

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What animal likes to give a pig a ride on his back? A police horse.

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Madame Scarlatti is attracted to Boutlaire, her new game keeper Although he professes to love her, he appears to love his game more.
for when she asked him to capture and bring her an animal as a token,
he says: "frankly, madame, I don't give a deer."

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Did you hear about the animal that pulled the girl into the water? It was given the seal of approval.

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Why shouldn't you trust the animal? 'cause he's lion

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Which animal lies on its back, one hundred feet in the air? A dead centipede.

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As a vet, attention to detail is vital. However, attention to de rest of de animal is important too.

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Why are horses the most unproductive animal to have in office meetings? Because they're all just neigh-sayers

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I saw a bumper sticker today that read "My job is a Veterinarian, so I can drive like an animal!"

I suddenly realized how many how many Proctologists there are on the road!

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How did you catch a one of a kind animal? Unique up on it.

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What's the fastest animal in the world? The Spanish government worker. The job ends at 3 and he's home by 2.

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Store owner: Good morning Janet! What can i get for you? Janet: Something for dinner, please
Store owner: I have some lovely fresh ox tongue!
Janet: Oh, no! Yuck! I couldn't eat something that comes out of an animal's mouth! I'll just have a dozen egg

Score: 5

A Joke is like an Animal If you dissect it it dies.

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I saw a car with a sticker saying, "I am a vet, therefore, I can drive like an animal"… Suddenly, I realized how many gynecologists there are on the road…

EDIT: spelling

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What's the most controversial animal product? A boar shin.

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What would Lebron be called if he was a sea animal? Leprawn James.

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What animal satisfies it's females until they are so pleased they can take no more? Macaque

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Why do you never play cards with the fastest animal? He's a Cheeta

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What's the hardest animal for the Trump administration to catch? A break.

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I don't understand why so many people like animal puns. Personally, I think they're boaring.

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What is Mexico's National Animal? The drug mule.

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What did the Middle Eastern sheepherder say when he was asked what animal he was herding Islam

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My friend was telling animal puns I thought they were boaring.

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Why is the eel considered the most romantic animal? Because its a moray.

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What is a Jew's least favorite animal ? A dolphin

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They told me to bring an exotic animal I said alpaca Llama

They asked if that was a hybrid

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Stoned wife wants you to rate her joke Do you remember the type of animal that has a memory that is the opposite of an elephant's?

...

I forgot

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A man asks his friend to stop telling animal puns. His friend says "Sorry, it's a bad rabbit I have."

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If a one "L" Lama is a priest and a 2 "L" llama is an animal, what is a 3 "L" lama? A fire in Brooklyn

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What animal do psychiatrists bring in to mental hospitals to help patients with social anxiety? Squirrels; they're the best at getting nuts out of their shells.

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I always have to throw out my animal crackers. They always have that label: "Do not eat if seal is broken".

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When the animal kingdom had a poker party who didn't they invite? The Cheetahs!

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What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck.

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I traded five of my rolex wathces for a ballon animal... It really was a waste of time.

(Sorry for any bad english and what not, nord typing)

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