Animal Jokes

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Funniest Animal Jokes

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.

Score: 1423

They found a cat on mars... A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 819

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

Score: 758
Funny Animal Jokes
Score: 671

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors. Because they were Veteran Aryans.

Score: 590

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Score: 446

I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."

Score: 369

What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 362

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 338

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal? A doctor

Score: 245

What's a vegan's favorite animal? A high horse

Score: 243

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole

Score: 204

What do you get when you mix human DNA with animal DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.

Score: 204

What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle? A Polar Bear

Score: 186

Girls say I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.

Score: 178

Whats the stupidest animal in the Jungle? the Polar Bear

Score: 158

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

Score: 152

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal... ...it's so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

Score: 134

Did you know the average gazelle can jump higher than a two story house? This is due to the animal’s extremely powerful hind legs and the fact that a house can’t jump.

Score: 132

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.

Score: 113

What is a black dad's favorite animal? Bison

Score: 106

What kind of animal would Hitler be? Adolfin

Score: 106

I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu.

Score: 99

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog It's a Shih Tzu.

Score: 98

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to. In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

Score: 97

I went to a zoo where there was only one animal and it was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

Score: 85

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal? The wall-rus.

Yes, I do hate myself.

Score: 84

What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin.

Score: 77

A man walks into a zoo and the only animal there is a dog. It's a shitzu.

Score: 72

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

What animal has two gray feet and two brown feet? An elephant with diarrhea.

Score: 36

If an animal was little, blue and had leaves coming out of it you'd think it's odd But if it was a Pokemon, you'd think it's just Oddish.

Score: 36

What grows when you squeeze it, explodes if you rub it too hard, and children love it? A balloon animal!

Score: 27

Where does an animal that lost its tail go? To the retail store.

Score: 19

What animal has four legs and one arm? A pit bull on a playground.

Score: 16

Two big, strong, grey animals are talking to each other... Animal 1: Hey, you realize we have horns on the top of our heads right?

Animal 2: Rhino

Score: 13

A man and his son walk into a zoo and the only animal is a dog The man looks to his son and says "this is a ShihTzu"

Score: 8

What animal is prone to both manic and depressive episodes? A bipolar bear.

Score: 4

They told me to bring an exotic animal I said alpaca Llama

They asked if that was a hybrid

Score: 4

What does a transgender and a new animal species have in common? You don’t know what to call it

Score: 4

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New Animal Jokes

Yoh mama so fat that when she buys a fur coat... a whole specie of animal is gonna become extinct.

Score: 2

What marine animal has the highest chance of getting cancer? The pufferfish

Score: 0

Which animal killed Osama bin Laden? Seal

Score: 0

What Animal Planet is to us, Is Uber Eats to Chinese People.

Score: 0

What aquatic animal likes new media themost? A Sea Anemone

Score: 0

Who’s the dumbest animal in the Jungle? The Polar Bear [elbow nudge]

Score: 0

A plant asked an Animal: Hey, what do you think of the new kingdom? The Animal said: I don't know but he seems like a really fungi.

Score: 0

hahahahahahahgahahahahahgagahahahah i went to a zoo and it only had one animal...it was a shih tzu

Score: 0

Yesterday I walked into a zoo. The only animal in the whole zoo was a dog.

It was a shitzu.

Score: 0

What animal gives the best head? Elk-elk-elk-elk-elk-elk

Score: 2

Today I chopped up Onion for dinner and it made me cry. I guess it's true that you grow an attachment to an animal after you give it a name He was a good dog

Score: 3

What's the dumbest animal in the Amazon jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 2

Overheard the wife on the phone ... Just heard the wife talking to one of her friends, she described me as a wild animal in bed 😲😁😁😁😁







BTW what is a Sloth

Score: 3

Animals have white skin too. Animal crackers, as my grandma likes to call them.

Score: 1

If lion is the king of the jungle, then what is a monkey? An animal.

P.S. courtesy of my 6 year old niece.

Score: 2

Need a ship that can hold two of every animal? I Noah guy..

Score: 4

I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd

Score: 2

Whats the difference between a Kangaroo & Kangaroot Ones an Australian Animal, and the other is a Geordie Stuck in a lift

Score: 1

what type of animal are you stan for? I stan bull

Score: 1

I went to a zoo and the only animal theu had was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

Score: 1

What’s Alanis Morissette’s favorite animal? You otter know.

Score: 1

What do you call an animal which has mood swings? A bipolar bear

Score: 3

It’s not hard to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. You just have to pay attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Score: 3

Bill Belichick arrested on animal cruelty chargers. The slaughtered carcasses of a ram, a panther, an eagle, a seahawk, and a falcon were found in his refrigerator by a friend visiting his house this morning.






i want to die

Score: 1

What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'

Score: 1

What would Lebron be called if he was a sea animal? Leprawn James.

Score: 3

I don't understand why so many people like animal puns. Personally, I think they're boaring.

Score: 3

What did the Middle Eastern sheepherder say when he was asked what animal he was herding Islam

Score: 2

What is a Jew's least favorite animal ? A dolphin

Score: 4

What do you call a promiscuous farm animal A Horse

Score: 1

A giraffe is the only animal that can walk into a bar and say ... ' The Highballs are on me'

Score: 1

Why did the large animal vet hospital go out of business? Too many HIPPO violations.

Score: 1

If a one "L" Lama is a priest and a 2 "L" llama is an animal, what is a 3 "L" lama? A fire in Brooklyn

Score: 2

What's the stupidest animal you can find in a jungle? A polar bear.

Score: 1

Whats the dumbest animal in the desert? The polar bear.

Score: 1

What do you call an animal with a long neck and a love for oranges? A Jiraffa.

Score: 2

PETA sponsored a new hot spot to get money from partying rich and famous animal lovers. It closed after one week. Apparently "Club Baby Seals" wasn't a good name for it.

Score: 3

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