Animal Jokes


Funniest Animal Jokes

Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.

Score: 1423

They found a cat on mars... A live cat was found roaming the surface of Mars. Scientists planned to have the Mars Rover capture the animal to study it but unfortunately while attempting to capture the feline, Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 819

"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?" "Rhino!"

"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."

Score: 758
Funny Animal Jokes
Score: 671

Several of Hitlers Generals disappeared after the war, and became animal doctors. Because they were Veteran Aryans.

Score: 590

Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Score: 446

I phoned the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said ", are they moving?"
I replied "I don't know but that would explain the suitcase."

Score: 369

What's the dumbest animal in the jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 362

Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks? They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.

Score: 338

What do you call a vet that can only work on one animal? A doctor

Score: 245

What's a vegan's favorite animal? A high horse

Score: 243

What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole

Score: 204

What do you get when you mix human DNA with animal DNA? Kicked out of the zoo.

Score: 204

What's the stupidest animal in the Jungle? A Polar Bear

Score: 186

Girls say I'm an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours in a row.

Score: 178

Whats the stupidest animal in the Jungle? the Polar Bear

Score: 158

I was kidnapped by mad scientist who experimented on me, replacing my limbs with animal ones. If I ever see him again I'll tear him apart with my bear hands.

Score: 152

*Fantastic Ocean Life Facts* The Blue Whale is by far the world's largest animal...'s so big in fact that if you laid it out on a basketball court, the game would be over and the whale would die.

Score: 134

Did you know the average gazelle can jump higher than a two story house? This is due to the animal’s extremely powerful hind legs and the fact that a house can’t jump.

Score: 132

Why did the vet turn away the injured sea animal? Do not accept if seal is broken.

Score: 113

What is a black dad's favorite animal? Bison

Score: 106

What kind of animal would Hitler be? Adolfin

Score: 106

I went to a zoo the other day. The only animal they had was a dog It was a shitzu.

Score: 99

A man goes to a zoo and is disappointed to find it has only one animal, a dog It's a Shih Tzu.

Score: 98

[Blonde Joke] Two blondes are walking in the forest and they come across some tracks. They start arguing about what animal they belong to. In the middle of their heated argument they got run over by a train.

Score: 97

I went to a zoo where there was only one animal and it was a dog. It was a Shih Tzu.

Score: 85

What's Donald Trump's spirit animal? The wall-rus.

Yes, I do hate myself.

Score: 84

What was Hitler's favourite aquatic animal? Adolfin.

Score: 77

A man walks into a zoo and the only animal there is a dog. It's a shitzu.

Score: 72

In 1939, an unusual farm animal named Gertrude became the first cow to climb to the peak of Everest carrying gear for the climbers, setting a world record that still stands unbroken. Since then, the steaks have never been higher.

Score: 71

What do you call a white kid who’s also a furry? An animal cracker

Score: 17

What's the only animal that can't get hit in the head? Duck.

Score: 10

What's the most feared animal in the Romanian Savannah? Vlad the Impala

Score: 9

A man and his son walk into a zoo and the only animal is a dog The man looks to his son and says "this is a ShihTzu"

Score: 8

I traded five of my rolex wathces for a ballon animal... It really was a waste of time.

(Sorry for any bad english and what not, nord typing)

Score: 6

What did the animal say when it was told to leave the zoo? Fine! Alpaca my bags.

Score: 5

They told me to bring an exotic animal I said alpaca Llama

They asked if that was a hybrid

Score: 4

What does a transgender and a new animal species have in common? You don’t know what to call it

Score: 4

Need a ship that can hold two of every animal? I Noah guy..

Score: 4

Today I chopped up Onion for dinner and it made me cry. I guess it's true that you grow an attachment to an animal after you give it a name He was a good dog

Score: 3

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New Animal Jokes

What marine animal has the highest chance of getting cancer? The pufferfish

Score: 0

What Animal Planet is to us, Is Uber Eats to Chinese People.

Score: 0

What aquatic animal likes new media themost? A Sea Anemone

Score: 0

A plant asked an Animal: Hey, what do you think of the new kingdom? The Animal said: I don't know but he seems like a really fungi.

Score: 0

Yesterday I walked into a zoo. The only animal in the whole zoo was a dog.

It was a shitzu.

Score: 0

What animal gives the best head? Elk-elk-elk-elk-elk-elk

Score: 2

What's the dumbest animal in the Amazon jungle? The polar bear.

Score: 2

Animals have white skin too. Animal crackers, as my grandma likes to call them.

Score: 1

If lion is the king of the jungle, then what is a monkey? An animal.

P.S. courtesy of my 6 year old niece.

Score: 2

My spiritual animal is Eeyore I'm a depressed jackass

Score: 2

What you call an animal that moos? A cow, dumbass.

Score: 1

I'm glad I'm not a farm animal. If I was, I'd be in a baaaaaaa'd mooooooo'd

Score: 2

what type of animal are you stan for? I stan bull

Score: 1

I went to a zoo and the only animal theu had was a single dog. It was a Shitzu.

Score: 2

What's the difference between a singer and a farm animal that wants plastic surgery? One's Iggy Pop. The other's piggy op.

Score: 1

What animal did the cow and snake discuss? A Moose.

Score: 3

It’s not hard to tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile. You just have to pay attention to whether the animal sees you later or in a while.

Score: 3

What's the difference between an equine animal owned by the Dalai Llama and and equine animal at Cheltenham? Ones a Tibetan horse the others a horse Tibetan.

This is an entirely original joke that I came up with. I like it.

Score: 1

What is an arctic animal's favorite drink? A polar beer

Score: 1

What animal can a cow communicate with? A MOOse.

Score: 3

Bill Belichick arrested on animal cruelty chargers. The slaughtered carcasses of a ram, a panther, an eagle, a seahawk, and a falcon were found in his refrigerator by a friend visiting his house this morning.

i want to die

Score: 1

What farm animal makes the best cook? Pigs. They are always bakin'

Score: 1

A giraffe is the only animal that can walk into a bar and say ... ' The Highballs are on me'

Score: 1

Why did the large animal vet hospital go out of business? Too many HIPPO violations.

Score: 1

If a one "L" Lama is a priest and a 2 "L" llama is an animal, what is a 3 "L" lama? A fire in Brooklyn

Score: 2

Whats the dumbest animal in the desert? The polar bear.

Score: 1

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