Greek Jokes

Contents

Funniest Greek Jokes

According to Greek Mythology, Chiron was a half-human, half-horse doctor. This made him the Centaur for Disease Control.

Funny Greek Jokes

I failed my final exam on Greek mythology. It's always been my Achilles elbow

My friend says he has the body of a Greek God... I had to explain to him Buddha wasn't Greek

I passed all my courses except for Greek mythology. It has always been my Achilles’ elbow.

When I left school, I passed every one of my exams with the exception of Greek Mythology. It always was my achilles elbow.

My girlfriend is absolutely beautiful. Body like a Greek statue... Completely pale, no arms.

An ancient Greek walks into a tailors with a torn pair of pants: "Euripides?" Asks the tailor.

"Yeah, Eumenides?" Replies the man.

My lack of knowledge of greek mythology is my one weakness. It's my Achilles elbow.

There's a Greek myth about a stream whose water will attach itself to your skin for all eternity. The river sticks

My friend says he has the body of a Greek god... I had to explain to him that Buddha wasn't Greek.

Who was the sexiest woman in Greek myth? Actually, it was Medusa. One look from her made guys rock hard.

My girlfriend has the body of a Greek Godess; Imaginary

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology Has been my Achilles elbow

Greek mythology in 3 words Zeus got horny

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek god. I had to explain to him that Buddha is not Greek.

An ancient Greek walks into his tailor's shop... ...with a pair of torn pants.

Euripides? Asked the tailor.

Eumenides? Replied the man.

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology... Has always been my Achilles’ Elbow.

What does a Greek say when he receives his salary? Danke schön.

According to Greek mythology, Chiron was a half horse/half human doctor. This makes him the centaur for disease control.

Have you heard of the Ancient Greek hero, Bophades? He was a lot like Achilles, he had only one weakness, but instead of his heel, it was his groin. You may have heard of Achilles’ heel but have you heard of Bophades’ nuts?

My friend told me he had the body of a Greek God... I informed him Buddha was not Greek.

Do you know the Greek version of Monopoly? It's called Monopoulos and you just borrow all the money from the bank.
Everyone loses.

Happy Greek Easter! Which Greek God loved to collect animals? Zoos

An ancient Greek goes up to a tailor... The tailor asks the Greek: "Euripides?"
The Greek replies "Eumenides?"

TIL where the word 'politics' comes from 'Poly' is from the Greek meaning *many*, and 'tick' is from *a bunch of blood sucking parasites*

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of? Poseidon. Because they Control C

What do you call the Greek God of Humour? Hilarios.

An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor... An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor with a torn chiton, asks the tailor, "Eumenides?"

The tailor responds, "Euripedes?"

Polyamory is wrong! You can't mix Greek and Latin roots.
It's either Multiamory or Polyphilia.

People say I'm not good with Greek Mythology... I guess that it's my Achilles wrist.

What's the motto of the Greek army? Never leave your buddy's behind.

What do you call the Greek God of Regret? Apollogies.

I ate some bad Greek food now I falafel.

Why did Germany hold a ceremony for the Greek bankruptcy? They wanted to give credit where credit was due.

My complete lack of knowledge about Greek mythology has always been my achilles elbow. thanks, Mike!

After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?” “Therefore, I’m your mother.”

The whole Greek Mythology could be summed up in one line............ "Unfortunately, Zeus was feeling a bit too horny."

My girlfriend is beautiful, like a Greek statue, completely pale, great body, no arms

My local Greek restaurant just started serving tacos and burritos.... I tried it earlier today and it turns out it's plain old Greecey Mexican food.

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New Greek Jokes

I tried to translate a joke I've heard in Greek Unfortunately I don't speak Greek, so I couldn't.

Anybody here heard of Molecules? He’s the smallest of the Greek heroes!

What were the rebels called during the Greek Civil War? The Confetaracy

I tried having a philosophical debate with Aristotle once, but I couldn’t follow the conversation at all. It was all Greek to me.

My lack of knowledge in Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow

I have a Greek friend who is a horrible wingman so we call him Icarus

Ordered a sandwich at the Greek deli and on my way home I realized it was the wrong one. Soon after my discovery a mugger tried to rob me. I hit him with the sandwich and he ran away... ...Turns out it wasn't the gyro I wanted, but it was the gyro I needed.

Me: It’s quite interesting, really. You see, “gym” comes from the Greek “gymnós” meaning “naked.” YMCA Attendant: “Yeah, we’re going to need you to put some pants on.”

What do you call a Greek philosopher who publishes his findings? Articles

After visiting The Getty my wife said the Greek statues reminded her of me. “Really?”

“Yes. They all have little dicks too.”

Everyone knows of Cassandra, the Greek woman cursed to see the future but to never be believed. I would like to propose a new figure as her opposite: a man who pretends to know to future and have everyone believe him. Or as I call him, Trump.

Someone told me I look like a Greek god: Incredibly vain, melodramatic fool who’s parents are probably siblings.

The other day, I was told "you cant make a British joke about Greek mythology" I told him "Pollux to that"

An Ancient Greek walks into a tailor shop with a torn pair of pants. “Euripides?” Asks the tailor
“Yeah. Eumenides?” Replies the man.

A long time ago, I had a job where I translated pre-classical Greek literature into Braille. It feels like ancient history.

Who's the idiot now? In ancient Greek the word “idiot” meant anyone who wasn’t a politician.

Today it's the exact opposite.

What's Gordon Ramsay's hated greek letter? It's ρ

If you want to get good at Greek pottery... you have to urn it.

The Greek god of open wounds! Herpes!

Ministers are like Greek gods. When a country can't explain something, they create a new one.

What do you call the Greek God of the Sickly? Meduser.

Why was the greek god arrested? cuz it committed a misDEMETER

My Greek doctor isn’t a physician He’s a gyropractor

An Ancient Greek walks into his tailor’s shop with a pair of torn pants. “Euripides?” Says the tailor.
“Yeah, Eumenides?” Replies the man.

I was planning on splitting the dinner bill with my girlfriend But she told me she wouldn’t go Dutch and Greek on the same night

What's the difference between an elephant and a Greek grandma? About 20 pounds and a moustache.

I’ve been told that I look like a Greek statue But only from the waist down.

Midas was greedy but, there's another Greek figure that's obsessed with collecting coins. Purseus

What do you call a wealthy Greek vampire? Count Drachma.

I quit my job translating Pre-Classical Greek literature into Braille. It feels like ancient history.

What's the best way to find information about Ancient Greek Mathematics? Just type in "Greek Mathology" and you're golden.

Seen some people throwing out random Greek words to sound smart. You won't see one iota of that from me.

What do you call a Greek Necrophiliac? Konfaksakarkas

My friend said I mock Greek names. That's preposterousalopalous.

I read about this figure from Greek Mythology, Chiron. He trained many heroes apparently, and was also a doctor. Ergo he was a Centaur for disease control.

I came home to find a Greek mathematician kidnapping my grandmother... He saw me. Immediately, my hands went towards my phone, and he shouted,

"You stop right there! Or else imma beta your gamma!"

What's the name of the famous Greek necrophiliac? Nick Porkakarkus

What is Samuel L. Jackson's favorite Greek tragedy? Oedipus Rex

Why is Greek food so fatty? Greece.

I've heard of a French kiss. But what's a Greek kiss? It's where they 69ner but suck each other's noses.

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Long Greek Jokes

How the Germans bailed out Greece

It is a slow day in a little Greek Village. The rain is beating down and the streets are deserted.

​

Times are tough, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.

​

On this particular day a rich German tourist is driving through the village, stops at the local hotel and lays a €100 note on the desk, telling the hotel owner he wants to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one to spend the night.

​

The owner gives him some keys and, as soon as the visitor has walked upstairs, the hotelier grabs the €100 note and runs next door to pay his debt to the butcher.

​

The butcher takes the €100 note and runs down the street to repay his debt to the pig farmer.

​

The pig farmer takes the €100 note and heads off to pay his bill at the supplier of feed and fuel.

​

The guy at the Farmers' Co-op takes the €100 note and runs to pay his drinks bill at the taverna.

​

The publican slips the money along to the local prostitute drinking at the bar, who has also been facing hard times and has had to offer him 'services' on credit.

​

The hooker then rushes to the hotel and pays off her room bill to the hotel owner with the €100 note.

​

The hotel proprietor then places the €100 note back on the counter so the rich traveller will not suspect anything.

​

At that moment the traveller comes down the stairs, picks up the €100 note, states that the rooms are not satisfactory, pockets the money, and leaves town.

​

No one produced anything.

No one earned anything.

However, the whole village is now out of debt and looking to the future with a lot more optimism.

Two Cows

**Edit: Just to make it clear, I am not taking credit for the joke(s). I just merely found it/them whilst browsing around and thought you guys would appreciate it/them.**



SOCIALISM

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbour



COMMUNISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk

FASCISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk



NAZISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you

BUREAUCRATISM

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then
throws the milk away

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy
grows.

You sell them and retire on the income

ROYAL BANK OF SCOTLAND (VENTURE) CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption
for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to
produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why
the cow has dropped dead.

A GREEK CORPORATION

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds,
dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.

You still only have two cows.


A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and
market it worldwide.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the ** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

Marrying a Canadian woman

Three friends married women from different parts of the world.

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.
The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.

A black man, an Irish guy, a Jew and a Greek guy die and go to heaven.

When the get to heaven, St. Peter says “All of you will go through a test of temptation, if you pass the test, you can come back to life”. The four men agree and begin their test.

It involves them walking down a street with multiple forms of temptation on the sides.

As they’re walking the black man looks at a KFC, he goes in and he disappears.

The other three men continue walking. The Irish guy sees a pub. He enters the pub and he disappears.

Now it’s just the Jew walking in front followed by the Greek guy. They walk for a while and upon reaching the end of the street, the Jew sees a quarter on the ground. He bends down to pick it up. Then they both disappear.

An Ancient Greek man walks into his tailor’s shop with some torn togas...

Tailor: Euripides?

Man: Yeah, Eumenides?

EDIT: Yes, I know togas were worn by the Romans. Greeks wore an early version of the toga called the himation, but nobody would get that joke.

The difference if you marry a Canadian girl...

Three friends married women from different parts of the world...

The first man married a Greek girl. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning.

It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a Thai. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the cooking.

The first day he didn't see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Canada. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, laundry washed, and hot meals on the table for every meal.

He said the first day he didn't see anything, the second day he didn't see anything either but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.

He still has some difficulty when he pees.

A man boarded an aircraft at London 's Heathrow Airport for New York...

... and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.

He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.

"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"

She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual Nymphomaniac convention in the United States ."

He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!

Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"

"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to disprove some of the popular myths about sexuality.."

"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"

"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.


Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.


We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."

Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"

"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

An Italian and A Greek debate culture.

An Italian and a Greek are debating the intellectual and cultural values of their respective countries. The Greek scoffs, "You Italians learned everything you know from us Greeks. For instance, we came up with the Classical Pantheon." The Italian replies, "Yes, but we improved upon everything you did. We changed their names and made some more practical ones too."

The Greek responded, "We invented architecture." The Italian said back, "Yes, but we created the Coliseum."

The Greek responded, "We created the art of sculpture." The Italian said back, "Yes, but we had Michelangelo's David Statue."

The Greek responded, "We created the art of painting." The Italian said back, "Yes, but we made the Mona Lisa."

The Greek responded, "Aha! But we created the art of love." To which the Italian retorted, "Yes, but we introduced it to women."

Edit: User-friendly formatting

Bovine Economics

Basic Economics, brought up to date...

**SOCIALISM**

You have 2 cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

The government charges a gift tax.



**COMMUNISM**

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.



**FASCISM**

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.



**NAZISM**

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.



**BUREAUCRATISM**

You have 2 cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away.



**TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM**

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.



**Goldman Sachs (VENTURE) CAPITALISM**

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.



**AN AMERICAN CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.



**A GREEK CORPORATION**

You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds. You still only have two cows.



**A FRENCH CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.



**A JAPANESE CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.



**AN ITALIAN CORPORATION**

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.



**A SWISS CORPORATION**

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.



**A CHINESE CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.



**AN INDIAN CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

You worship them.



**A BRITISH CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

Both are mad.



**AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.



**A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION**

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks rather attractive.........

Breaking News: Al-Gebra Operative Arrested

A man was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport , New York, as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Jeff Sessions said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

Al-Gebra is a problem for us', the Attorney General said. 'They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values.' They use secret code names like "X" and "Y" and refer to themselves as "unknowns" but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philosopher Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."

When asked to comment on the arrest, the President said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes."
White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President.

Land of the free

I was shooting heroin and reading “The Fountainhead” in the front seat of my privately owned police cruiser when a call came in. I put a quarter in the radio to activate it. It was the chief.

“Bad news, detective. We got a situation.”

“What? Is the mayor trying to ban trans fats again?”

“Worse. Somebody just stole four hundred and forty-seven million dollars’ worth of bitcoins.”

The heroin needle practically fell out of my arm. “What kind of monster would do something like that? Bitcoins are the ultimate currency: virtual, anonymous, stateless. They represent true economic freedom, not subject to arbitrary manipulation by any government. Do we have any leads?”

“Not yet. But mark my words: we’re going to figure out who did this and we’re going to take them down … provided someone pays us a fair market rate to do so.”

“Easy, chief,” I said. “Any rate the market offers is, by definition, fair.”

He laughed. “That’s why you’re the best I got, Lisowski. Now you get out there and find those bitcoins.”

“Don’t worry,” I said. “I’m on it.”

I put a quarter in the siren. Ten minutes later, I was on the scene. It was a normal office building, strangled on all sides by public sidewalks. I hopped over them and went inside.

“Home Depot™ Presents the Police!®” I said, flashing my badge and my gun and a small picture of Ron Paul. “Nobody move unless you want to!” They didn’t.

“Now, which one of you punks is going to pay me to investigate this crime?” No one spoke up.

“Come on,” I said. “Don’t you all understand that the protection of private property is the foundation of all personal liberty?”

It didn’t seem like they did.

“Seriously, guys. Without a strong economic motivator, I’m just going to stand here and not solve this case. Cash is fine, but I prefer being paid in gold bullion or autographed Penn Jillette posters.”

Nothing. These people were stonewalling me. It almost seemed like they didn’t care that a fortune in computer money invented to buy drugs was missing.

I figured I could wait them out. I lit several cigarettes indoors. A pregnant lady coughed, and I told her that secondhand smoke is a myth. Just then, a man in glasses made a break for it.

“Subway™ Eat Fresh and Freeze, Scumbag!®” I yelled.

Too late. He was already out the front door. I went after him.

“Stop right there!” I yelled as I ran. He was faster than me because I always try to avoid stepping on public sidewalks. Our country needs a private-sidewalk voucher system, but, thanks to the incestuous interplay between our corrupt federal government and the public-sidewalk lobby, it will never happen.

I was losing him. “Listen, I’ll pay you to stop!” I yelled. “What would you consider an appropriate price point for stopping? I’ll offer you a thirteenth of an ounce of gold and a gently worn ‘Bob Barr ‘08’ extra-large long-sleeved men’s T-shirt!”

He turned. In his hand was a revolver that the Constitution said he had every right to own. He fired at me and missed. I pulled my own gun, put a quarter in it, and fired back. The bullet lodged in a U.S.P.S. mailbox less than a foot from his head. I shot the mailbox again, on purpose.

“All right, all right!” the man yelled, throwing down his weapon. “I give up, cop! I confess: I took the bitcoins.”

“Why’d you do it?” I asked, as I slapped a pair of Oikos™ Greek Yogurt Presents Handcuffs® on the guy.

“Because I was afraid.”

“Afraid?”

“Afraid of an economic future free from the pernicious meddling of central bankers,” he said. “I’m a central banker.”

I wanted to coldcock the guy. Years ago, a central banker killed my partner. Instead, I shook my head.

“Let this be a message to all your central-banker friends out on the street,” I said. “No matter how many bitcoins you steal, you’ll never take away the dream of an open society based on the principles of personal and economic freedom.”

He nodded, because he knew I was right. Then he swiped his credit card to pay me for arresting him.

Three Greeks and Three Turks are riding a train.

The Turks each buy one ticket, but the Greeks only buy one ticket total. The Turks are confused.

"How can you ride with one ticket?"

"Watch and you shall see."

The Greeks get on the train and pile into the bathroom. The Turks sit near the bathroom and observe. The conductor knocks on the door and says "Ticket please." The Greeks slide the ticket through the door.

The Turks think this is ingenious! They decide to try it, so on the ride back they buy only one ticket. But the Greeks don't buy any.

"How will you ride without any tickets?"

"Watch and you shall see."

They get on the train. The Turks pile into one bathroom, the Greeks into another. One Greek gets out of the bathroom, walks over to the bathroom the Turks are hiding in, and says:

"Ticket please."

Two Greek philosophers get into an argument...

Euclid: You've been a very good pupil this past year, Eubulides, but now it's time for you to pay the 50 drachma you owe me for all the philosophy I've taught you.

Eubulides pauses to think for a moment.

Eubulides: Hm, as much as I would love to pay you back, I'm afraid that's not possible.

Euclid: Why not?

Eubulides: Imagine that I have a heap of sand in front of me. Suppose I were to take a single grain away from the heap of sand. Is it still the same heap?

Euclid: Well, perhaps...

Eubulides: Now suppose I were to continue taking away grains of sand one by one. Eventually, you'd agree, the heap is no longer the same.

Euclid: Yes, I agree that it would be different at some point.

Eubulides: Then you understand precisely my problem! Just as the heap of sand changes as grains are removed, I have also changed over this past year. The Eubulides who promised to pay you 50 drachma no longer exists. So you see, it's impossible for me to ever pay you back.

Euclid pauses to think for a moment. He then proceeds to beat up Eubulides and take his 50 drachma.

Eubulides: Ow! What'd you do that for?

Euclid: Who? Me?

Friend of mine just got his wife pregnant. Told him it reminded me of this joke.

This very young and innocent country girl fell madly in
love with this Greek guy and was determined to marry him.
Her mother tried hard to stop her, but when she knew she
couldn't stop her daughter, she said to her, "Listen child,
marry him and may you live happily ever after. But the day
or night he asks you in bed to turn over, you come back to
me, for he has lost respect for you."

The daughter agrees to this and the wedding takes place.
Couple of years go by and they are one happy couple. Then
one night, when they are about to make love, the guy tells
her, "Turn over honey, let's do it the other way."

The girl is very unhappy. She is crying and begins to pack
her bags.

The husband doesn't understand and asks, "What's wrong, hon?"

"My mom told me all about you guys. You have lost respect
for me, so you want me to turn over. I can't live with you
when you have no respect for me."

But honey," replied the Greek, "I thought you wanted to
have a baby."

The Greek Legal System

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court in Greece, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his side of the story.

After a long moment of silence, the man rose from his chair and replied, "Your Honor, when I put a coin into a vending machine, and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or to the machine?"

Nymphomaniac Convention

A man boarded an aircraft at London's Heathrow Airport for New York and taking his seat as he settled in, he noticed a very beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He realised she was heading straight toward his seat and bingo - she took the seat right beside him.
"Hello", he blurted out, "Business trip or vacation?"
She turned, smiled enchantingly and said, "Business. I'm going to the annual nymphomaniac convention in the United States .."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting for nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded,” I use my experience to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.."
"Really", he smiled, "what myths are those?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed when, in fact, it's the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that French men are the best lovers, when actually it is the men of Greek descent.
We have also found that the best potential lovers in all categories are the Irish."
Suddenly the woman became uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry," she said. "I really shouldn't be discussing this with you, I don't even know your name!"
"Tonto," the man said. "Tonto Papadopoulos, but my friends call me Paddy."

A man was accused of beating his wife to death... [long]

A man is in court.

Judge: "You are accused of beating your wife to death. If you want to expect
any mercy, you'll have to give us a damn good reason."

Man: "She was so stupid, I just had to kill her."

Judge: "That is even worse. If you don't want to be declared guilty on the spot, you better give us a plausible reason."

Man: Well it happened like this. We live in this apartment complex and the
property manager lives in the first floor with his family. The kids all have a
growth deficiency.

So one day, my wife comes up and says: Those little kids, they look like pyrenees.

So I say: You mean pygmy.

"No", says my wife. Pygmy is what you have under your skin, it causes freckles.

"That's pigment", I say.

So she says "No, pigment is what the ancient Romans were writing on."

I sigh and say: "No, that's parchment!".

"No", says she, "parchment is an unfinished sentence".

"Your honor, you can imagine, I swallowed the 'fragment', I got back to my armchair
and my newspaper. But then suddenly she's back with a book, and she says:

"Honey, check out this weird sentence, it says: 'The sun roof of the purse was
the teacher of pimp fifteen".

I take the book and say, "but honey, this is in French. It says 'La Marquise
de Pompadour est la Maitresse de Lois XV.' It means 'The marquise of Pompadour
was the lover of Louis the 15th'"

"No!", says my wife, "you have to translate it literally:"

La Marquise - the sunroof. Pompadour - the purse. La Maitresse - the teacher,
Louis XV - pimp 15. I should know, I got a legionnaire for my french lessons.

I say: "You mean a lector".

"No", says my wife, "Lector was an ancient Greek hero."

I say: "That was Hector, and he was a Trojan."

"Nope", says she, "Hector is a measure of area."

"That'd be hectare"

"No! Hectare is the drink of the gods!"

"That'd be nectar".

"No", says she, "the Nectar is a river in southern Germany."

So I say: "That's the Neckar."

She says: "No, I must know, there's even a song about it. I recently sung it
in a duo with my friend"

I say: "It's a duet"

She replies, "No, that's when two men are fighting with a saber."

"That's a duel", I say.

"No, a duel is where a railway goes through a mountain!"

Well, your honor, so I took a hammer and beat her to death...

There was a long silence, shocked faces. Finally the judge says: Not guilty.
I would have killed her at "Hector".

An Australian in Greece

An Australian guy decides to travel around the Greek Islands. He walks into a bar and Jill (the Australian barmaid) takes his order, Fosters, and notices his accent.

Over the course of the night they get to know each other quite well. At the end of Jill's shift he asks her if she wants to make whoopee.

Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for some whoopee. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short on funds she agrees.

The next night the guy turns up again, orders Fosters and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will make whoopee with him again for $200.

Jill remembers the night before and is only too happy to agree. This goes on for 5 nights.

On the 6th night the guy comes in, orders Fosters and sits in the corner. Jill thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention and shake some more cash out of him. So she goes over and sits next to him.

She asks him where he's from in Australia and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I... What suburb in Melbourne?" "Glen Iris," he replies.

"That's amazing..." she says, "...so am I - what Street?" "Cameo Street," he replies. This is unbelievable..." she says,"...what number?"

He says, "Number 20" and she is totally astonished. "You are not going to believe this but I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"

"I know..." he says, "...your Father gave me $1,000 to give to you!"

My buddy questioned, "How do you get so many girls into bed with you?" I laughed, "Easy, I just do what Arnold Schwarzenegger does." Puzzled, he asked, "What, work out all day and look like a Greek God?"

"No, I pull out a shotgun and say, 'Come with me if you want to live'."

Explanation of the crisis in Italy & Greece.

A small town in Italy twinned with a similar town in Greece.
The Mayor of the Greek town visited the Italian town. When he saw the palatial mansion belonging to the Italian mayor he wondered how he could afford such a house. The Italian said; "You see that bridge over there? The EU gave us a grant to build a two-lane bridge, but by building a single lane bridge with traffic lights at either end this house could be built".

Soon after, the Italian visited the Greek town. He was simply
amazed at the Greek Mayor's house, gold taps, marble floors, it was marvellous. When he asked how this could be afforded the Greek said;
"You see that bridge over there?"

The Italian replied; "No."

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