Periodic Table Jokes

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Funniest Periodic Table Jokes

Funny Periodic Table Jokes

I auditioned for a musical about the periodic table I got the lead role!

Breaking: scientists sneak up on periodic table And add the element of surprise

Chuck Norris joke cause it's been a long time. Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Which element of the Periodic Table is the poorest? Antimony. ^I'm ^so ^sorry...

The chemistry department cafeteria has good food, but finding a place to sit can be a challenge. They only have periodic tables.

What does AH stand for in the Periodic Table? The Element of Surprise

What did Gold say to the periodic table? Hey you!

The periodic table just got one block smaller Scientists now say Plutonium is not a real element

I wanted to post a periodic table joke... But all the good ones argon

If I was an element on the Periodic Table... ...I'd be a noble gas. I don't form bonds easily, if at all.

What do you call a table with dots all over it? The periodic table!

What do you call a periodic table when the gold is missing? Au revoir.

I just noticed the Periodic Table has been updated recently. Welcome #119- "AH"! The element of surprise!

What did the scientist say when a lump of gold jumped on to his periodic table? Ay You, get off my table!

What is a pirate's favourite element on the periodic table? Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgon

It's never a good idea to steal a periodic table Coppers always Cu

I was going to tell a Periodic table joke... ...But they all Argon

What's a weeb's favorite element on the periodic table? Manganese

Apparently some people on Tumblr say they're sexually attracted to elements on the periodic table. That's not really my thing ... except for that time in college when I experimented with carbon dating.

Why is the element Ah always so hard to find on the periodic table? It’s the element of surprise.

What do you say when leaving the Periodic Table of Elements' police station? Cu Copper.

Why must aspiring ninjas study the periodic table? To master the element of surprise! - haha happy Saturday ?

My friend asked me if she could use my periodic table I said "sorry, I left it atom"

Edit: thanks for the Au!!

Do I have a joke about periodic table of elements? Na

If Iron on the Periodic Table is "Fe," Couldn't Iron Man also be called Female?

Nerdy pickup line. Hey baby, Are you uranium because I'm Iodine and if it was up to me I would rearrange the periodic table around and put U and I together. ;)

A friend showed me a periodic table app he made. I told him, "Cool. When's the next update?"

He replied, "You see, one of the basic elements of app-making is that you have to update it periodically."

What's after the last element on the periodic table AH- the element of surprise

What is all this #Brexit going around? When did Bromine decide to leave the periodic table?

Who wants to hear my joke about the periodic table? Actually Na, people won't get it.

What element in the Periodic Table of Elements can you not take seriously? Silly-con!

What did the student say after learning all the symbols on the periodic table? “Fluorine-Uranium-Carbon-Potassium this! Never again!”

Have you heard the joke about the periodic table? It’s Oxygen Potassium.

What's the stupidest element on the periodic table? Silicon

How do you track the reproductive cycle of pachyderms? With the Periodic Table of Elephants.

Just got a job as a scientist and I fell in love with the periodic table whilst the music was on.

It was my chemical romance.

Did you hear about the guys who stole Ar off the periodic table? They Argon and got away.

Chuck Norris doesn't recognize the Periodic Table... ...because the only element he believes in is the element of surprise.

Eminem is that guy in chemistry class that raps the whole periodic table. But skips Oxygen.

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New Periodic Table Jokes

What does Mr Krabs have to do with the periodic table? Agagagagagagag

What did the chemistry teacher say to his friend when they found a mineshaft? BrAu


(if you don’t get it look at the periodic table)

If you ever encounter an evil witch show them the periodic table They're good at chemistry

My friend drew a giant periodic table and tripped on number 10 He's fine, but he could have hurt his Neon that

What do you call a collapsable outdoor table? A periodic table of the elements

I'm very possessive of the 83rd element on the periodic table? It's my bismuth.

Periodic table lesson What did the scientist say when he found two helium atoms?


"He-He!"

​

(It's ok I know where the door is, bye)

I can never remember what Ag is on the periodic table. Edit: Thanks for the silver, kind stranger!

Now young chemist, never forget the Iron code of the periodic table... Fe-26

What goes across the periodic table? The periodic table cloth.

Which element on the periodic table is best at concealing itself? Hydrogen.

Chuck Norris does not acknowledge the Periodic Table of Elements ... because the only element he cares about is the element of surprise.

Somebody once told me that the symbol for Lithium was LT. I glanced at the periodic table. Clearly, it was Li.

I think the 79th element in the periodic table is hilarious It's comedy gold!

New element on periodic table It is called AH! It is an element of surprise

Call me the 7th noble gas. Cuz I'm Og.

(yay for the completion of the 7th row of the periodic table!)

The one that knows their periodic table better than anyone else.... has to be a girl.

What's a pirate's favorite element on the periodic table? Gold!

(works better when told - most will interrupt with "Arrrrrrrrrgon!")

Sherlock Holmes, how is the periodic table structured? It's elementally, my dear Watson.

Prostitute Teacher: Describe hydrogen Student: It is a prostitute element


Teacher: Who taught you that?

Student: You said it does not belong to a particular group and it reacts with almost all the elements in the periodic table.

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Long Periodic Table Jokes

Some (eye-rolling) Chemistry Pick-up Lines for the Valentine's season

* Are you made of Carbon? Because it feels like my world revolves around you.
* You're my Lithium.
* Are you an anion? Because I'm positive we're meant to be together.
* My heart is made of Gallium. It melts when you're close to me.
* Are you Fluorine? Because i can't seem to get myself away from you.
* My heart burns like a mole of suns for you.
* If I could rearrange the periodic table, I'd put U and I together.
* Who needs Hydrogen if you're my #1?.
* I can feel a bond forming between us.

Any others would be appreciated

A student isn't paying attention in a Chemistry class.

The teacher notices this.

"JOSEPH!" She shouts.

Joseph, the student, snaps his head up, to look at the teacher.

"Have you even heard a WORD I've said?!" she yells.

Joseph nods.

"Oh REALLY?! Then, I hope you won't mind telling me and the rest of the class the 116th element on the periodic table!"

Joseph looks at her blankly and goes, "Uuh..."

If Donald Trump was asked "If oxygen was discovered in 1783, how could human breathe before", this would probably be his answer.

I have to say a lot of people have been asking this question. No, really. A lot of people come up to me, and they ask me. They say, 'How do people breathe before the discovery of oxygen'? And I tell them, look, we know what oxygen is. We've had almost eight years of the worst kind of chemistry you can imagine. Oh, my God, I can't believe it. Without the discovery of oxygen, the world would be terrible. It's just terrible. Look, if you want to know what oxygen is, do you want to know what oxygen is? I'll tell you. First of all, it's the O in the periodic table. By the way, I love the element O. It's probably my favorite element, no it is my favorite element despite I don't know what O is. You know what, it's probably more like the Hydrogen but with a lot of proton in it. A lot. If I'm being honest, I mean, if I'm being honest. I like a lot of proton. Except for Marco Rubio, now he's a neutron that I don't like. Though, I probably shouldn't say that. He's a nice guy, but he's like, 'Helium, Neon,' on and on, like that. He's inert! You know what I mean? He's like a inert gas. I don't know. I mean, you know. So, we have all these proton, and we can add them and subtract them and add them. TIMES them even. Did you know that? We can times them OR divide them, they don't tell you that, and I'll tell you, no one is better at the order of periodic table than me. You wouldn't believe it. So, we're gonna be the best on breathing oxygen, believe me.

New (Periodic Table) Element

A new element added to the PERIODIC TABLE :

Name: Girl
Symbol: Gl
Atomic weight: Don't even dare to ask.

Physical properties:
1. Boils at any time,
2. Melts when handled with love and care,
3. very bitter when mishandled.

Chemical properties:
1. Very reactive,
2. Highly unstable,
3. Possesses high affinity to gold, platinum, diamond, branded clothes and other expensive items.

Nature:
1. Money reducing agent.
2. Volatile when left alone.

Occurrence:
Mostly found in front of the mirrors.

The world famous scientist was angry....

"What do you mean you lost them?" he shouted to his assistants "I told you a thousand times that they were extremely important."

"What's wrong, Doctor?", his colleague asked.

"Well, I told this fools to take special care of my life-size periodic table but they have lost 12 of the elements. Could you give me some from your lab?"

"Well let's see" his colleague said "I've got C, Ca, He, Zn, Fe and Ne. Do you want them?"

"Yes, those are just what I needed!" the scientist laughed.
"Now all I need are some U, P, V, O, Te, S."

Famous physicist Dirac is talking about his favorite elementary particles...

Dirac says he is "very fond of electrons, they exist in all the atoms in our bodies, explain chemical reactions and the periodic table, and their flow in electrical circuits enables much of modern technology and beautiful lighting at night. Positrons however, well that's another matter altogether."

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