Football Jokes

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Funniest Football Jokes

What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team? A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...

Bit of British humour right there ;)

Score: 12000
Funny Football Jokes
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I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.

Score: 2485

Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.

Score: 462

What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Score: 309

8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?! 11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Score: 281

What's the point of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.

Score: 261

I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire. it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.

it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."

Score: 237

How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem

Score: 167

What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool

Score: 130

The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday.. "It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.

Score: 129

How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...

Score: 119

If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.

Score: 99

What's Al Qaeda's favourite football team? The New York Jets

Score: 98

What's the aim of a Jewish football match? Getting the quarterback.

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What's the point of Jewish football? Getting the quarter back.

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Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!

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The reason women don't play football The reason women don't play football is that eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

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Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team? She ran away from the ball.

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The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.

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Why is Cinderella so bad at football? A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach

B. Because she keeps running away from the ball

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Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team? He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.

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What's the object of Jewish football? Get the quarter back.

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Britons vs. Americans Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby

Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

Score: 36

Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven. A few days later I saw his ghost. He said

"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow."

Score: 33

My girlfriend left me bacause all I do is talk about football. Im so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.

Score: 31

What happens to football players who go blind? They become referees

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Football joke How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?

Paint an endzone on it.

Score: 30

what's al qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets

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I used to play football for Jerry Sandusky. I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.

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The difference between football and my father? Football's coming home

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What is al-queda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

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What was the Taliban’s favorite football team? The New York Jets

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What is Al-Qaeda's Favourite Football Team? The New York Jets.

Score: 9

How many Alabama football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team, and they all get a semester's credit for it.

Score: 9

How is Colin Kaepernick like Al Bundy? They both sucked at Football and then moved on to sell shoes

Score: 7

What was Osama bin Laden's favorite football team? The New York Jets.

Score: 7

What does a cannibalistic football player say to his teammates before a high five? “Give me some skin!”

Score: 7

Ofcourse it's you honey !! 8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!


11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.

Score: 6

I knew R Kelly was headed for trouble when we were kids. Playing football, he always tried to score before the first period.

Score: 5

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New Football Jokes

What is the difference between the United States and England? They both like football.

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My wife laughed when I got out of the shower and I said I still had the body of a teenage football player. Until she checked the deep freeze.

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Why didn't the bicycle turn up to play football? It didn't have the right gear...

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What do the colors in the Portuguese flag stand for? Green: towels.

Red: women with moustaches

Black: the best football player in the world

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If you already drafted Andrew for your fantasy football team You're out of Luck.

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Stupid people are sure on themselves A football player tells his son:
\-You know, smart people are always full of doubts while stupid ones are very sure on themselves.
\-Really, dad?
\-Absolutely.

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Aaron Hernandez's lawyers had him looking forward to prison. The told him it would be just like playing football again and that he would still have a lot of large men opening holes for him.

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What's Robert Kraft's favorite football play? The tug and rub in the end zone.

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If hitler would be a football coach and his team lost what would he say Get to the showers

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Did you hear about tje score in the Egypt vs. Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't

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How do you know the thai football team are fair football players? Because they don't know how to dive.

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What's the difference between the Thai cave boys and English football? The boys are coming home

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Brazil have started playing 'Rock & Roll football' They play with a rock solid defence, midfield and attack, and have Neymar rolling around on the ground.

Score: 2

Did you hear the score of the football game between Egypt and Ethiopia? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t

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I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.

My apologies to Rodney Dangerfield.

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What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.

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I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.

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What did the octopus need to win the football match? Ten tackles.

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I was asked to play fantasy football today I declined because being a Jets fan is enough fantasy.

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Did you see the Egypt-Ethiopia football game last night? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.

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What's the difference between the Cowboys and the Indians? One plays football the other plays baseball

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Why India never qualified for football World Cup? Because every time they got a corner ,they opened up a shop .

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Why is going to a football game cheaper than going to a concert? With the concert, you get to see Nickelback but with the football game, you get to see your quarterback.

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I guess Aaron Hernandez and I are not too different after all I too would kill to be a rich and famous football player

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You hear the one about the kid in Las Vegas? He asks his dad, "Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?" And his father says, "Keep dealing."

Score: 1

Watching this election has been like watching my fantasy football team on sundays... Always projected number 1 in points
( owning bell, brown, rodgers) , and always losing games

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What is Al-Qaeda's favourite football team? New York Jets

Score: 1

Why don't Dallas Cowboy fans take their wives to the football games?

'Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass.

Score: 2

Who wants to hear a football joke? The Philadelphia Eagles.

Score: 4

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