What's the difference between a tea bag and the German football team?
A tea bag stays in the cup for longer...
Bit of British humour right there ;)
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football. Nobody expects the Spanish in position.
Why are Italians so good at football? Because it involves changing sides halfway through.
What is the objective of jewish football? To get the quarter back.
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?! 11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
What's the point of Jewish football? To get the quarter back.
I saw a billboard the other day for a sports team called the Chicago Fire.
it made me wonder just how long it takes before you can name a team after a tragedy.
it'd be like naming a football team "the New York Jets."
How do you get a football player to stop resisting arrest? Sing the national anthem
What does the average Alabama football player get on his SATs? Drool
The England Football Team visited an Orphanage in Russia yesterday.. "It's heart breaking to see their little faces with no hope", said Vladimir, aged 6.
How many hearts can the Belgium football team break at once? About a brazilian...
If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.
What's Al Qaeda's favourite football team? The New York Jets
What's the aim of a Jewish football match? Getting the quarterback.
What's the point of Jewish football? Getting the quarter back.
Why don't any American football players wear glasses? Because it is a contact sport!
The reason women don't play football The reason women don't play football is that eleven of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
Why was Cinderella kicked out of the football team? She ran away from the ball.
The England football team went to visit an orphanage in Russia this morning. "It's good to put a smile on the faces of people with no hope, constantly struggling and facing the impossible" said Anatoly, aged 6.
Why is Cinderella so bad at football?
A. Because she's got a pumpkin for a coach
B. Because she keeps running away from the ball
Did you hear about the baby ghost who joined the football team? He heard the coach say they needed a little team spirit.
What's the object of Jewish football? Get the quarter back.
Britons vs. Americans
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
It's School not Shooting Range.
Before my buddy died I asked him if there was football in heaven.
A few days later I saw his ghost. He said
"Good news, there is. Bad news, you're playing in goal tomorrow."
My girlfriend left me bacause all I do is talk about football. Im so sad, we were together for 3 seasons.
What happens to football players who go blind? They become referees
How do you keep the St. Louis Rams off of your lawn?
Paint an endzone on it.
what's al qaeda's favorite football team? The New York Jets
I used to play football for Jerry Sandusky. I started out as a tight end but finished the season as a wide receiver.
I once volunteered to help out at a special needs school
I played games with them like football, tennis, basketball etc.
It makes you feel so good inside...
Because you always win.
Why aren't there many female football teams? Because you can't convince 11 women to wear the same clothes
The difference between football and my father? Football's coming home
Why did jews play football? To get the quarterback!
Why is Spain so good at football (soccer)? Because no one expects the Spanish in position!
What's Bin Laden's favorite football team? The New York Jets
What is al-queda's favorite football team? The New York Jets.
What was the Taliban’s favorite football team? The New York Jets
Who has the cheesiest jokes on a football team? The punter.
What is Al-Qaeda's Favourite Football Team? The New York Jets.
Why didn't the bicycle turn up to play football? It didn't have the right gear...
If you already drafted Andrew for your fantasy football team You're out of Luck.
Stupid people are sure on themselves
A football player tells his son:
\-You know, smart people are always full of doubts while stupid ones are very sure on themselves.
Aaron Hernandez's lawyers had him looking forward to prison. The told him it would be just like playing football again and that he would still have a lot of large men opening holes for him.
Ofcourse it's you honey !!
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
What does a cannibalistic football player say to his teammates before a high five? “Give me some skin!”
I knew R Kelly was headed for trouble when we were kids. Playing football, he always tried to score before the first period.
What's Robert Kraft's favorite football play? The tug and rub in the end zone.
How is Colin Kaepernick like Al Bundy? They both sucked at Football and then moved on to sell shoes
How many Alabama football players does it take to change a light bulb? The entire team, and they all get a semester's credit for it.
How do you know the thai football team are fair football players? Because they don't know how to dive.
What's the difference between the Thai cave boys and English football? The boys are coming home
Brazil have started playing 'Rock & Roll football' They play with a rock solid defence, midfield and attack, and have Neymar rolling around on the ground.
Did you hear the score of the football game between Egypt and Ethiopia? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t
I was watching a movie where the acting was so bad
that it turned into a football (soccer to us yanks) game.
My apologies to Rodney Dangerfield.
What’s the difference between a football (soccer) referee and a politician? When the referee gets bribed at least someone wins.
I'm glad that Saudi Arabia didn't score any goal in football match against Russia few hours back If not, their supporters would have yelled Allahu Akbar and the game would be stopped halfway.
80,000 blondes meet in a football stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.
and last blonde to walk in says,
"now to change that light bulb."
UNC received no sanctions for their decades of cheating... ...but they're forced to keep their football team.
"Oh my goodness," said my wife, "our baby's kicking." I said, "Yes. That's generally how football works."
What is the difference between Crystal Palace football club and a spear? A spear actually has a point.
I don't understand why people are so mad about football players taking a knee Its a solid strategy for running out the clock in the 4th quarter.
Did you hear about the score of the Egypt versus Ethiopia football game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't
Anybody a fan of college football? I heard the Miami Hurricanes are looking strong this year.
Why did the football coach break into the vending machine? To get his quarterback.
Why do Europeans never win the most gold in water sports? All their best divers are playing football.
Why don't University of Wisconsin football players ever date University of Minnesota cheerleaders? Ever seen what a badger does to a gopher hole?
People think I have ADHD and I really don't.. To prove it I'll give you 10 reasons why Football is better than rugby
I was asked to play fantasy football today I declined because being a Jets fan is enough fantasy.
What's the difference between a football player and a rugby player? A football player spends 90 minutes trying to get the referee to think he's hurt while a rugby player spends 80 minutes trying to get the referee to think he's not.
After looking over the BBC wage list on thing has become clear... Women knowing nothing about cars or football is really hurting their income
People keep telling me that concussions are really bad for my health. I can safely say that after three years of playing high school football, my Brian is working just fine!
Did you see the Egypt-Ethiopia football game last night? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn't.
What does a Patriot football player and a Patriot football have in common? They deflate under pressure.
What's the difference between the Cowboys and the Indians? One plays football the other plays baseball
Why India never qualified for football World Cup? Because every time they got a corner ,they opened up a shop .
All the guys I was juggling the football with are straight None of them could keep it up.
Why is going to a football game cheaper than going to a concert? With the concert, you get to see Nickelback but with the football game, you get to see your quarterback.
If two teams of football players hosted a game at a beach.. Would it be a Jersey Shore?
8 p.m. I get an SMS from my girlfriend: Me or football?!
11 p.m. I SMS my girlfriend: You of course.
What position in football is the best at telling jokes? The PUNter!
If football had never existed, Messi would've been just a normal guy. Maybe I'm the best player of a sport that doesn't exist and that's why I'm a normal guy.
Why are the Pro Football Hall of Fame and the Cleveland Browns in the same state? To keep all the busts in one place.
I don't get football.... At the beginning of the game, they flip a quarter to see who kicks off first. Then the rest of the game everybody just keeps trying to "get the quarter back". I mean, it's just a quarter, what's the big deal!?!
You hear the one about the kid in Las Vegas? He asks his dad, "Pop, why can't I go out in the street and play football and baseball like the other kids?" And his father says, "Keep dealing."
A drowning man was shouting "Help I don't know to swim Help!!" So what? even I don't know to play football... am I shouting about that..
What's the difference between a tv remote and a newborn? You can't play football with the remote.
What's Al-Qaeda's favorite American football team? The New York jets.
Watching this election has been like watching my fantasy football team on sundays...
Always projected number 1 in points
( owning bell, brown, rodgers) , and always losing games
Why is the LSU football team like my car? They both used to have Les (less) Miles!
What was Bin Laden's favorite Football team? The New York Jets
What is Al-Qaeda's favourite football team? New York Jets
Do you like getting inebriated with yo' bruv's and watching groups of men in tights prancing around and occasionally slapping each others arses? No, you say. Then why do you like American football?
What do you call.......
What do you call a white guy surrounded by five black guys? Coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by eleven black guys? Football coach.
What do you call a white guy surrounded by hundreds of black guys? Warden.
Have you heard about the Flint, Michigan football team? Their lead is unstoppable!
Liverpool football club
Why shouldn't you play American football with feminists? Because they'll constantly shift the goal posts.
Two Flordia football players have been suspended for Saturday's game vs. Tennessee for refusing to take a urine test... I guess you might say urine or your out.
Why don't Dallas Cowboy fans
take their wives to the football games?
'Cause they jump the fence and eat the grass.
Who wants to hear a football joke? The Philadelphia Eagles.