Physical Therapy Jokes


Funniest Physical Therapy Jokes

Funny Physical Therapy Jokes

Where do people in Egypt go for physical therapy? To the Cairo-practor

I asked my cannibal friend where he gets his veggies. He replied "the local physical therapy clinic"

Joke Help? Does anyone have a good joke to submit for a job application? It’s a job related to Physical Therapy in the US. Thanks!

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Long Physical Therapy Jokes

A man and his wife are driving around

When suddenly another car crasher right on the passenger's seat.
The man then rushes his wife to the hospital where she is taken to the operating room for surgery.

8 hours pass and the man has been waiting outside worried for his wife, when the door opens and the doctor comes out exausted and says to the man: -"We have to talk, come with me"

The two go to the doctor's study and the man says: -"Doctor please tell, is my wife allright?"
-"Dont worry, she is fine" says the doctor "but she needs to sit for 2 years in a special wheelchair that costs 12.000 dollars".

-"We dont have that much... but i'll find a way, anything to help her" says the man.
And then the doctor adds : - "And she also need to do physical therapy every month for the next 3 years and every session costs 1000 dollars"

The man begins to despair : - "I dont know how to do this but I'll find a way"
And the doctor : - "She also needs to take these medicines for the rest of her life that are made only in Vatican City and cost 600 dollars for pill"

The man then breaks into tears "This is a tragedy! we'll have to make enormous sacrifices to sustain this life, I'll never get the money to do all this!"

And then the doctor, with a smile on his face says : -" Cheer up! I'm joking! She's dead!"

A sprinter is training one day when he beats the world record.

After this he wakes up in the hospital with a concussion and a completely shattered foot.
"I'm afraid this happens sometimes in jokes," says the doctor, "and frankly you got off lightly. You reached the limit of what the laws of physics allow for and hit the fourth wall."

"Does this mean I can never get any faster?" The sprinter asks.

"Exactly. You've gone beyond what any human has ever achieved but now your foot is lost. I can give you a good prosthetic and some physiotherapy but you'll never be as fast as you were. Perhaps it would be best to retire from running."

"But I am a sprinter!" exclaims the sprinter, "If I dont sprint, I'm not anyone! No invisible wall is getting the better of me!"

After months of physical therapy and retraining himself all over again, sheer force of will puts the sprinter back on the track and ready to beat his previous time.

The sprinter sets off again, and runs harder and faster than he even managed before, when- THUD. He sees his body smash into the invisible wall, blood and limbs spread everywhere. "Not again!" the sprinter screams, as everything goes dark and he passes into a coma.

He wakes up in hospital, weeks later. He can't see whatever's left of his body under all the plaster and tubes everywhere.

"Not you again," says the doctor. "Somehow we've managed to reconstruct most of your body from the mess you made on the wall and we had a team of engineers take care of the rest. But even if you can do this you really shouldn't, I don't know if I can fix you again."

Completely undeterred, the sprinter, now almost more machine than man, continues training to be even better than he was. He has his cyborg legs upgraded and improved upon, and trains his body ten hours a day every day for eight years.

It's the big day. The story's gotten out and the sprinter now appears in front of a stadium of thousands as the world gathers to watch his third attempt to get through the fourth wall.
Equipped with a titanium exoskeleton and battering ram, the sprinter takes his mark for his third and final showdown with the fourth wall.

As he speeds up, his life flashes before his eyes, he remembers being the fastest kid on the playground and how everything he's done since then has led up to this moment- the fastest being on Earth, facing his ultimate challenge- his destiny will be decided here and now. He will break the fourth wall or die trying.

He screams as he hits the wall at what to the audience might as well have been the speed of light.
As the dust from the track settles, the audience gasp in disbelief and horror.
All that remains of the sprinter is a puddle of red and grey goo running down an invisible wall with a very visible crack through the middle.

The same doctor who saved the patient twice before is there in the hospital when the sprinter's reconstructed brain is somehow revived in a robot body.

"Well," he says to the doctor, "I suppose this is a running joke.".

Edit: Changed a couple of phrases (and who delivers the punchline). I'm sorta making this up on the fly.

[OC] Swimmer Michael Phelps vs. the robot

The year was 2019. Michael Phelps, retired swimmer, was starting to see the spotlight again.
Rumors were starting to circulate that he was going to come out of retirement for one last swim-- the 2020 Olympic games.
Nobody knew for sure. The one thing that anybody knew, though, was that everything would change with the accident.

On a rather unremarkable Thursday, a semi-truck carrying 4 tons of sweet potatoes suffered a failure in its autodrive system.
Instead of swerving right to avoid a gopher in the road (which it was supposed to do), the semi swerved left into oncoming traffic.
The investigation would later reveal that the software in question was written by a drunkard who forgot to spell check his work.
"Left" was misspelled as "Loft", which was a non-sensical word, triggering a fall to the "Right" command execution flow below. And, instead of thinking a hazard was on the left, it thought the hazard was on the right. These were the series of events that led to the accident with the driver in the left lane. Sadly, that driver was none other than Michael Phelps.

The impact of the accident was bad enough to send sweet potatoes flying up to fifty feet, damaging windshields and scaring a wayward cow.
The damage to Michael Phelps was far worse. He was hit head-on, and was almost killed (by metal, not by a sweet potato or a frightened cow).
He was lucky to walk away... well, technically "crawl" away. Unfortunately, he lost both of his legs.

It was at that point that things seemed to be all over for Michael Phelps. His return to Olympic swimming was over... or so he thought.
With the 2020 summer Olympic games fast approaching, a strange new entry was turning heads in all manner of pre-Olympic events.
His name was Simon-- and he was an android built by Google. He was competing in the Paralympics.

People wondered how Simon was even allowed to compete, but Google was able to show that the android had human components.
The brain contained soft tissue from Tom Selleck and J.J. Abrams. The body contained actual bone-- donated from a lady who once played a Mermaid in a TV drama.
And, the heart-- well, that was definitely metal. The cold, dead, heart of a robot... and a winner.

It was about this time that a despondent Michael Phelps was going through physical therapy. He was told he may never swim again.
He had lost all hope-- until he heard about Simon. If a Tom-Selleck-mermaid-Abrams bot could compete in the paralympics, why couldn't he?
So, he fashioned the greatest of robotic legs ever seen-- made out of Titanium and love.

Michael Phelps started out slowly, doing small paddling exercises in the pool in his house. After a few weeks, he could do a lap, although slow.
A few months passed, and he was back up to near his prime. And, this is when he submitted his bid for the Paralympics-- and qualified.
Of course, Simon qualified too.

Michael Phelps had qualified for three events. The 100 meter butterfly, the 200 meter butterfly, and the 200 meter freestyle.
Coincidentally, those were the same events that Simon had qualified for. It was going to be intense.

Their first competition together was the 100 meter butterfly. Google set Simon into the water, and Michael gritted his teeth.
Things got intense. The gun went off! It was neck and neck for the first 50 meters. Suddenly, Simon pulled past Michael at the halfway point!
But Michael found a last inner pull of human strength, pulling like he never had in his life. He pulled past Simon, and won!
He beat Simon by two seconds!

The Google engineers did not take too kindly to this, and pulled Simon's body out of the water. They had a plan.
The next day, Michael Phelps entered the water. Google brought back Simon, and unveiled something... different.
Simon was wearing nose-plugs.

Confused, Michael asked the engineer why the sudden change. He replied "well, we found a leak. Simon gets water in his nose, and that's how you beat him."
Dismayed, Michael focused on the task at hand as they lowered Simon into the water. This was a big event-- the 200 meter butterfly.
The gun went off! It was neck and neck for the first 50 meters. Then, Simon took the lead. At 100 meters, Michael Phelps had a perfect push off the wall.
He made up time, and caught up to Simon. The same thing happened at the 150 meter mark-- Simon pushed ahead, and then Michael Phelps pushed off beautifully.
It was neck and neck with only ten meters to go when Michael lunged ahead with all of his human strenght. He won! This time, he only beat Simon by a half a second.

The Google engineers were furious. They yanked a dripping Simon out of the water, and left. Tomorrow would be their day!

And then, it was time. The great 200 meter freestyle race. Michael Phelps left the locker room, intensely focused. When he looked around, sure enough, he saw Simon.
This time, he was wearing a streamlined swimmers cap. "What's that?" asked Michael.

The engineer replied. "THAT, my friend, is a swimmer's cap. But, not any swimmer's cap. This one is made very tight-- so tight that it pushes the components of Simon's brain together so that they can connect faster and give him the win."

Michael Phelps studied it. "That doesn't make any sense. Swimmers need to be properly fitted for their cap. If it's too small, it'll cause blood-flow problems. If it's too big, it'll fall off. Mine had to be custom fitted."

The engineer sneered. "There you go, throwing away money. A tighter cap is better. You'll see."

They took their places in the water. This time, Phelps was right next to Simon. It almost looked like Simon was... goading him? No-- it couldn't be.
But, the distraction took hold of Michael Phelps just long enough for him to miss the starting gun. He started two seconds late!

The 200 meter freestyle race started out as an embarrassment. And, Michael Phelps dug deep inside, pulling to catch up to Simon.
At 50 meters, he was still behind.
At 100 meters, he was still behind.
At 150 meters, he did a perfect push off the wall and was still behind.
At 190 meters, he was going to lose. Until...

Until a funny thing happened.

Simon shorted out. Thankfully, the electronic components didn't kill anyone in the pool! Simon's body stopped, mid stride, and floated up to the surface.
Meanwhile, Michael passed him, going for gold. His hand touched the landing and... he won! The audience cheered.

He caught his breath, and then looked back at Simon, trying to figure out what happened. And, that's when he noticed it.
Simon's head had caved in. He floated on his side, immobile, as the engineers rushed to get a pole to pull him out of the water.

Michael Phelps thought for a minute. "Ah!", he said. "Capsize".

One day, DJ Khalid’s son found a magical lamp...

One day, DJ Khalid’s son stumbled upon a magical lamp. After rubbing it, a mystical genie poured out of the stem and asked for boy what he wanted for his wishes. Knowing his father’s great love of music, the boy wished to become a keyboard, something Khalid enjoyed using for his music. “Granted”, said the genie with a snap of his fingers, and in a puff of purple smoke the boy had been turned into a grand piano with an engraving of his name on the side. He couldn’t talk nor ask for another wish, so the boy was stuck this way. DJ Khalid returned to his son’s room to find that he had been turned into an instrument, and vowed to help him however he could. Days of physical therapy turned to weeks, and weeks to months as the boy tried to move anything at all. Until late one evening in the middle of a session, a bright C Chord rang out through the air. “Congratulations,” DJ Khalid said with a tear in his eye. “You played yourself”.

Very slightly based on a true story

When I was in college, our RA was in a frat, Alpha Chi Rho (usually Chi Rho for short.) They had this setup with some various clubs, athletes usually of some sort, because a lot of them majored in physical therapy and/or massage therapy, where they'd have the guys in the frat give therapy sessions.

At one point the drama clubs got interested - they were adding some more physical stunts to their shows, so they wanted to get the same setup with the frat. Eventually since there were only so many students available to do this, they exclusively worked with the drama clubs. Each member of the drama club had one physical therapy major from Chi Rho giving them weekly treatments.

In other words, they established a Chi Rho per actor.

A man owes money to the mob

A man owes money to the mob and can't pay it. His three chances come and go, and finally a group of thugs come to his apartment one night, drag him down to the subway, and throw him in front of a moving train. He manages to drag himself out of the way in time to survive, but he loses both of his legs.

He spends a year in hospitals and physical therapy, learning to live with his disability. From the very first day he plans his revenge. He trains, working his upper body until he's stronger than the average man. He buys a gun and learns to shoot, from a sitting position of course, until he's a crack shot.

Finally when he's prepared he goes to the mobster's house, waiting in the shadows outside to kill him. But it fails. A bodyguard sees him and stops him, taking his gun and throwing him out of his wheelchair. He tries to crawl away pathetically, crying with rage; they seize him and drag him to the boss, pressing a gun against his temple. The boss frowns down at him.

"Let him go," the boss says. "He's already defeeted."

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