A zombie is trying to get his kid to eat their dinner "Eat your food, there's people in America with no brains at all"
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
What does a buff zombie want? Gaaaaaaaiiiinnnnnnnnnssssss.
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grrrains.
What do zombie bodybuilders want more than anything? GaaAAAiiNnns!!
Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day.
Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns.
What does a vegan zombie eat? GRAAAIIINNNSSS!!!!
What does a vegan zombie eat? GRAAAAINS!!
Where do you go during a zombie apocalypse? The living room.
What do you call a zombie with a hickey?
RIP GEORGE A ROMERO
Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion? Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains
What does a vegan zombie eat? Ggrrraaaaiiinnnnssssss
What does a dyslexic zombie eat?
What do zombie vegans eat? Grrrraaaaaaiiiinsssss
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Grainsss...
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
What does a vegan zombie eat? Graaaaaiiiinns
What did the zombie say when he walked into the wrong tomb? I have made a grave mistake.
What do you call a zombie father? The Walking Dad
Why did the Zombie miss her wedding? Cold feet
A zombie walks into a bar.
Bartender: We don’t serve zombies around here!
Zombie: That’s fine. Is the human fresh?
"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." A zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner.
what does a vegan zombie eat?
What happened to the brain eating zombie that went to Washington? He starved to death.
I was engaged to a zombie but it fell apart.
What Does a Vegetarian Zombie Eat? Coma patients.
Why don't you give a zombie mashed potatoes? Because they're already a little grave-y.
Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
I bought zombie insurance recently it was a no brainer
News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead
What did the dyslexic Zombie crave? Brians
What does a vegan zombie moan? graaaiins...
What do zombie vegans eat? ... Grains!!!
How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed? An arm and a leg.
What does a Vegan zombie eat?
And they love to tell you about it.
What do you call a bunch of zombie chickens? The Bawking Dead
Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
I'm reading a book about a zombie dog. Can't put it down.
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brians.
Why did the Zombie eat a Pirate? Because he wanted a career change and you ARR what you eat.
If a Canadian zombie were to win some brains in a contest... ...would he have to answer a skull-tasting question?
I can't think of any good zombie jokes lately I must've gone *braindead* or something.
While humans get their Miranda rights, what does a Zombie get when they are arrested? They get habeas corpus.
Why did the zombie get a job in the ICU? Because he was a vegetarian....ok I'll see my way out
What is it called when a zombie makes a lame joke? A groaner.
A robber and a zombie meet in a dark forest
The robber demands: "Give me all you've got!"
The zombie replies: "Over my dead body!"
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? GRRRAAAIIINNNS!!
What do you call a zombie apocalypse in Wisconsin? Parmageddon
The reason why anti-vaxxers don't worry about a zombie apocalypse arising is.... because they don't have a brain
What does a vegan zombie say?
"Grains! Grains! Grains!...
You know that dude who played the Joker, right? He's starring in a new zombie flick. The Joaquin Dead.
Working in retail right now must feel like a zombie apocalypse... ...because one wrong move and you alert the hoard
A zombie walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind here."
So two zombies walk out of the bar.
When Harry Belafonte dies ...will he be a part of the Zombie Apocalypso?
When Ted Cruz rises from the grave during a zombie apocalypse... It'll be the Zodiac Thriller.
Axl Rose seems like a good name for a zombie or a vampire... way better than Keith Richards.
In case of an actual zombie apocalypse, your best bet is going to a Costco.
There are tons of food, thick concrete walls, and the zombies can't get in without a membership.
(Not mine originally but definitely one of my favorites!)
Loved the Korean zombie movie "Train to Busan" and can't wait for it's sequel to come out? Then catch a train to Wuhan.
What did the vegan zombie eat when he had a horrible headache? My grrrrrraaaaaainnnnnns
What does the vegan zombie eat? GRAAAAIIINNNS...
Costco would be the best place to go in the event of a zombie apocalypse. They have food, water, entertainment, loads of room, and best of all, you can't get in without showing your membership card!
Yo mamma is so stupid... If a zombie walked up to eat her brain, it'd just keep on walking.
Halp! I am in desperate need of a zombie donut joke! Anybody got anything?
Best parts of having a zombie SO
They never complain.
They dont cheat.
You never feel inadequate, they're always moaning
What did one Australian zombie say to the other? Good eye.
what do zombie cows say?
what do ghost cows say?
What does a vegetarian zombie moan? "Grains!!"
Why did the zombie never laugh at jokes? Because he was always so dead serious.
What do you call a zombie made out of cheese? A Zombrie
Why don't zombies post zombie memes? Because it's a dead meme.
Got one of those email chain forwards that said if I didn't forward it to five people, a zombie would appear in my closet at night. Guess who's getting laid tonight?
Whats a zombie's favourite dessert?
A Brain Freeze
Zombie Clowns If you are attacked by a pack of ravenous zombie Clowns.. go for the juggler.
I gave a zombie a piece of my mind today. He thought it was delicious.
How do you feed a zombie that your really disagree with? You give it a piece of your mind...
What does a vegan zombie say? ...grains.... ...grains.....
Q: How many friends does a zombie have?
I went to a zombie party I guess you can say is that I was the life of the party
Why did the female zombie join the online dating site?
Because she wanted to find Mr. Wight.
I know its lame, but I wrote it myself, so I was proud.
What's the difference between a Halloween zombie and an Easter zombie? Well, there aren't many actually. For example, they both like *RawBits*.
Did you know that Rob Zombie is actually a cannibal and a terrible cook? I went to a dinner party at his house. The main course was more cumin than human.
What does a vegan zombie eat?
Have you heard of this new zombie like disease, stricking moses and deers? Hollywood is already on it. Nightmare on elk street.
What do you name a zombie that knows how to serenade? Dead Sheeran
Why don't Hollywood make zombie movies anymore? Because they've been done to death
I told my friend that he would probably survive a zombie apocalypse. Only the dumbest zombies go for Brians.
What did the horny zombie say to superman? See you in the kryptonite.
Why aren't Hungarians worried about the prospect of starving in a Zombie apocalypse? Well there will always be Ghoul hash.
What does a zombie vegetarian eat? Graaaaaaaains!
Where should you go in the event of a zombie apocalypse? Old folks home. Nobody has teeth to bite you!
So I booted up Fortnite twice simultaneously, and it turned into a zombie survival game It was 28 Days Later
What does a vegetarian zombie eat? Graaaaaaaaiiiiins!
what does a zombie call a person in a wheelchair? Meals on wheels
How does a zombie freshen their breath? They eat a liga**mint**.
What does a healthy zombie eat? Vegans
In 1944, a unit of zombie dolphins were deployed by the allies to assist in the invasion of Normandy. They were named the “marine corpse”
"Hey. Did you know I'm a zombie hunter?"
"What? Zombies don't exist."
I saw a Zombie coming to me, I thought he was going to eat my brain.. But he just kept walking...
What is the Zombie equivalent of a Leprechaun's Pot o' Gold? Crypt o' Currency.
I was walking through the woods when I heard some noise behind me...
So, I was walking through the woods, alone. Suddenly, I heard some noise from behind me. I turn around to see a zombie coming towards me.
I ran as fast as I could.
It was a no-brainer!