A zombie is trying to get his kid to eat their dinner "Eat your food, there's people in America with no brains at all"
Why is the South the best place to hide in case of zombie takeover? Southerner zombies don't have any teeth to bite with.
Please join me. My daughter an I did this for hours one day.
Zombie phlebotomist, veinnnnns.
Zombie engineer, traaaaiiins.
Zombie Dixie Chicks fan, Natalie Maiiiinns.
Why is sorority row the safest place to be during a zombie invasion? Cause the zombies are looking for braaaaaaaains
If there's ever a zombie apocalypse, I really hope it starts in Vegas Because what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.
As soon as the Zombie Apocalypse hits I'm grabbing a sledgehammer and heading down to the local cemetery for the greatest game of Whack-A-Mole ever.
A zombie walks into a bar.
Bartender: We don’t serve zombies around here!
Zombie: That’s fine. Is the human fresh?
"A mind is a terrible thing to waste." A zombie trying to convince his son to finish his dinner.
Zombie Apocalypse has begun... Man, it's hectic out there. I've killed like 6 zombies already. How's everyone else holding up? Anyone know why they all have bags of candy?
News headline indicates there's been a zombie outbreak in North Korea Headline: Kim Jong, Un-Dead
Imagine being in Walmart during the zombie apocalypse On one side are lumbering, fat things with mucus coming out there nose dragging themselves across the ground and on the other side are zombies
While humans get their Miranda rights, what does a Zombie get when they are arrested? They get habeas corpus.
Why did the zombie get a job in the ICU? Because he was a vegetarian....ok I'll see my way out
A robber and a zombie meet in a dark forest
The robber demands: "Give me all you've got!"
The zombie replies: "Over my dead body!"
The reason why anti-vaxxers don't worry about a zombie apocalypse arising is.... because they don't have a brain
You know that dude who played the Joker, right? He's starring in a new zombie flick. The Joaquin Dead.
Working in retail right now must feel like a zombie apocalypse... ...because one wrong move and you alert the hoard
A zombie walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "Get out! We don't serve your kind here."
So two zombies walk out of the bar.
When Ted Cruz rises from the grave during a zombie apocalypse... It'll be the Zodiac Thriller.
In case of an actual zombie apocalypse, your best bet is going to a Costco.
There are tons of food, thick concrete walls, and the zombies can't get in without a membership.
(Not mine originally but definitely one of my favorites!)
Loved the Korean zombie movie "Train to Busan" and can't wait for it's sequel to come out? Then catch a train to Wuhan.
Costco would be the best place to go in the event of a zombie apocalypse. They have food, water, entertainment, loads of room, and best of all, you can't get in without showing your membership card!
Best parts of having a zombie SO
They never complain.
They dont cheat.
You never feel inadequate, they're always moaning
Got one of those email chain forwards that said if I didn't forward it to five people, a zombie would appear in my closet at night. Guess who's getting laid tonight?
Why did the female zombie join the online dating site?
Because she wanted to find Mr. Wight.
I know its lame, but I wrote it myself, so I was proud.
What's the difference between a Halloween zombie and an Easter zombie? Well, there aren't many actually. For example, they both like *RawBits*.
Did you know that Rob Zombie is actually a cannibal and a terrible cook? I went to a dinner party at his house. The main course was more cumin than human.