Orphan Jokes


Funniest Orphan Jokes

The f in orphan stands for family wait

Funny Orphan Jokes

Why was the orphan so successful? When they told him "go big or go home", he only had one option.

Why can't an orphan play baseball? Because he can't run home

What did one orphan say to another? Get in the Batmobile Robin.

What did one orphan say to another? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

Why did the orphan turn to a life of crime? To find out what it was like to be Wanted for once in his life.

What did one orphan say to the other orphan? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin! Get in the batmobile!"

Why couldn't the orphan watch the movie? Because it was PG

What did the orphan poker player say? Will you raise me?

What did an orphan say to the other? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

What did the deaf, dumb, blind orphan get for Christmas? *Cancer!*

What did the Orphan get for Christmas? Lonely.

My ex was orphan as a child I should have taken that as the first sign.
If her parents didn't want her, why would I.

What do you call a black child with 2 dads? An Orphan

Why was the orphan so successful? When he was told to "go big or go home," he only had one option.

(I've posted this joke here before, but I believe I've been the first, so if you recognize it as a repost it's because I wanted to tell it again!)

What did one orphan say to the other orphan? To the Batmobile!

Edited from my mistake earlier today: what do paedophiles and napalm have in common? They can both strip a Vietnamese orphan in under 30 seconds.

What did one orphan say to another? "Robin, get to the bat mobile."

What did the deaf, dumb, blind orphan get for Christmas? She got cancer.

What does an orphan get for Christmas? Really lonely.

What did one orphan say to the other? "Get in the Batmobile Robin."

Why can't an orphan play baseball? It couldn't find home

How do you call a virgin from Alabama An orphan

Batman, but it’s a Japanese action film Mighty Orphan Power Ranger

What do you call a virgin redneck? An orphan

My wife opened one of her birthday presents early, saying that it was "practically screaming out at her" That's the last time I buy her an orphan

When you feel like beating up someone, beat an orphan What is he going to do? Tell his parents?

If you ever get mad, just punch an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What did one male orphan say to another when they were forced to share a bed? "No home bro."

Where do all the orphan chickens end up? Foster Farms

What did one orphan say to the other? "Robin, get the bat mobile."

What does a person with Alzheimers and an orphan have in common? They both don’t know their parents

What did the deaf, blind orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

A man goes to court after murdering both parents Judge: You are guilty for killing your parents. How do you plead?

Man: Guilty

Judge: I sentence you to thir...

Man: (In tears) Please Sir, don't be too harsh. You know I'm an orphan

What do you call an orphan who suffers from horrific parental abuse? A paradox.

Why can’t orphan play baseball? They don’t know where home is.

What did Batman say to Robin before they got into the Batmobile? "Robin, let's get in the Batmobile."

Bonus joke:

What did one orphan say to the other orphan as they got into their car?

"Robin, let's get in the Batmobile."

Which orphan is best at baseball? Bat man

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New Orphan Jokes

Dark humour is like an orphan with cancer It never gets old

Why can’t orphan exit out of an app He can’t find home

Why did the orphan not know how to play baseball??? He didn't know where home was

why did the orphan go to church? so he had someone to call father

What do you call it when an orphan takes a family photo? A selfie.

Why was orphan confused by chemistry? He doesn’t know what Bromines

Why is the I phone x the first phone an orphan gets? Because there is no home button

[DARK] If you are ever bored, punch an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What did the dumb, deaf and blind orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

Did you hear about the orphan who lost both his right limbs in a car wreck? He was all that was left

Beat up an orphan What are they going to do? tell their parents?

(so sorry my friend told me this a few months ago)

What did the deaf, dumb, and blind orphan get for Christmas? Cancer

When your bored, bully an orphan Its not like they can tell their parents

What’s the same about an orphan boy and a champagne bottle without a cork? They both lost their pop

Disturbing/offensive why couldn’t the orphan get the toy. It said parent assembly’s required

An Orphan boy at my school did really bad in a test and started crying I said"don't worry your parents won't say anything

Punch an orphan What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

Why is being an orphan like not being able to pay your phone bill? Because you ain't got no data

What did one orphan say to the other? “Robin, get in the Batmobile.”

What did the orphan say to the other orphan? Robin, get in the Batmobile.

Why is Annie the Orphan crying? There was a solar eclipse.

What did the blind, deaf, orphan with no friends get for Christmas? Cancer.

An atheist orphan receives an Academy Award. "I have no one to thank, but myself."

What did the crippled orphan baby get on Christmas? Molested

Why can't the orphan play baseball? Because he can't find home!

Remember when Anty died in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids? I wonder if he left behind any little orphan anties.

What did one orphan say to the other? ~~"Robin, get in the batmobile."~~

"Our parents are dead."

What did the orphan get for Christmas? 200 upvotes

What's the difference between an orphan home and a terrorists' boot camp? I don't know. I'm retiring next month.

Growing up an orphan was great I could cry in the morning because I was alone.
I could cry during the day because I was alone.
I could cry at night because I was alone.

All without my parents ever bothering me!

What do you call an orphan named Rose? Self-raising flour

What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing.

Because he's Jewish.

What did one orphan said to the other? Robin, get in the batmobile!

(credits to /u/Overpants)

What does an orphan and a bottle of champagne have in common? They both lost their pop.

What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest? Father Les.

And yes, as a matter of fact, I am a dad.

- Mom, mom ! My classmates call me an orphan ! -

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Long Orphan Jokes

An orphan had a rough year...

He had been adopted three times. The first family had a dog that the boy loved, but the father beat the dog daily. The boy reported the family, and he returned to the foster home. The second family had a loving mother that took care of the boy, but the father beat his wife daily. The boy reported the father, and the mother was forced to return the boy to the foster home. The third family seemed very nice at first, but when the father got drunk, he beat the boy. Yet again, the boy reported the father, and returned to the foster home. At this point, the boy was feeling like he would never find a home he could stay in. But a local judge, hearing his story, wanted to give the boy a Christmas present. He visited the boy, and asked what he wanted for Christmas. The boy said, "I want to be adopted by the Houston Texans." Confused, the judge asks the boy why he would want to be adopted by a sports team. The boy smiles and yells, "Cause they don't beat anybody."

[Insert the listener's favorite sports team for bonus laughs]

Two orphan children are on the run after stealing a big basket of tangerines from the store

They run into the cemetery to hide, but drop two at the gate
Child 1: It's fine! We have plenty more in the basket. Hurry! We must hide!

They find a bush to take cover and begin counting out the tangerines...
"One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you"

They'll continue counting until they empty out the basket.
As they're counting, a drunk man overhears them, he goes to the gate to eavesdrop.

"One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you"
His face goes pale, and he runs to the church to call for the priest.

"Father! You must come with me quick! The devil and his demon are counting out human souls they're going to collect!"
The priest, rather reluctantly, gets up and quickly paces over to the man. Together, they run to the cemetery.

"Just listen!" The man whispers, the priest puts his ear up to the gate.
"One for me, one for you, one for me, one for you"

The priest's face goes white, he and the drunk man just stand there in silence, listening.
Soon enough, the two boys finish counting, but as they get up, Child 2 asks, rather loudly

"What about the two at the gate?"

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The two young men, sympathetic to a creature in need, approached the crocodile and released it from the trap.

Once freed, the crocodile transformed into a wispy, glowing fairy! “Thank you, young men” said the fairy, “Your hearts are truly selfless, and I will grant each of you one wish. What are your names?”

“This is my friend Set, and you can call me ‘Ep’”, said Amenhotep.

“Very well, Ep” said the fairy “What is the desire of your heart?”

“I wish I was the strongest man in the world!” Amenhotep wished.

“Very well”, said the fairy, “but you must always use your strength to help others.” Smoke gathered around Amenhotep, and when the smoke cleared Ep was 7 foot six and rippling with muscles.

The fairy turned to Set “And what is your wish, Set?”
Set responded “I never want to be poor again! I wish for money!”

“Very well,” said the fairy. Smoke gathered in front of the two of them, and when the smoke cleared a small elf remained, bowing to the two boys. “Greetings, sirs! My name is Elmon, and I am here to serve!”

“Elmon is an expert in all things money,” said the fairy, “He will help you make wise decisions and turn any business profitable, but will only help you so long as he is only asked to do good for your fellow man.”

Amenhotep and Set were inseparable. True to his word, Amenhotep used his great strength to build many houses for people in need. Set helped, as well, but his comparatively small size next to the now massive Amenhotep earned him the nickname “Imp”. With Elmon’s financial savvy, the two started a non-profit dedicated to building houses for the less fortunate, and Elmon kept all their paperwork in perfect order.

Years passed, and the two lived very fulfilling lives helping the homeless. Amenhotep met a girl while building houses and the two got married and had a beautiful baby boy, Josep.

Ep and Set’s business expanded globally. 15 years passed and Amenhotep grew kinder and more generous, giving to people in need at any of the places he went to build houses. Set built a campus in Cairo for the headquarters of their business, and directed global efforts. Over the years, Set lost touch with the people he was helping, and became more focused on business expansion and money of the business.

As all fathers do, Amenhotep wanted his son to eventually take over the business and help the next generation of needful people find purpose in their lives. He sent Josep to the the HQ in Cairo to learn business from Set. Once there, Josep was surprised to find that much of the financial success was due in large part to the financial savvy of Elmon, the elf.

Josep spent months at HQ learning how to run the business. While there, Set decided that it was time to expand the company into a more profitable venture. Instead of building houses for the needy, he drafted up a plan to buy up land around urban areas and construct rental properties at expensive prices while preventing construction of new, affordable housing. He sent Josep with the proposal to Elmon to determine the financial logistics.

Upon reading the proposal and its ill-nature’s effect on Set’s fellow man, Elmon keeled over and died, instantly.

Josep was shocked, and ran to alert Set right away, who wailed in dismay at the loss of his financial mastermind. In a rage, he accused Josep of killing Elmon, and sent the teenager to jail.

Amenhotep, hearing of the distress, caught the first flight back to Cairo to find himself neck-deep in a legal battle between him and his old friend.

Without the financial and legal savvy of Elmon, Set’s case was a mess. Amenhotep, distraught, tried to reason with his childhood friend. “Come, Imp, release my boy and call off the lawsuit. Let’s use our energy to help those in need and not further what we both know is a fruitless path.”

Set refused, furiously gathering circumstantial evidence to bring to the court to frame Josep for Elmon’s murder.

The case was brought before the court, but Set’s claims were weak and unsupported. The judge, thoroughly disgusted with the lack of evidence from the prosecution, dismissed the case outright.

Obviously, Ep’s teen didn’t kill Imp’s elf.

There was a lad named John

There was a lad named John who was dealt a bad hand since he was born. He was an orphan who was brought up in a for profit orphanage, leading him to suffer mental trauma amongst other issues. After turning 16, he was kicked out of the orphanage with no support whatsoever. Not knowing what to do, he resorted to a life of crime to keep him off the streets, and for a while, he was quite successful. This was because he was stealthy. Very much so. He would walk around barefooted in order to not make a sound, putting on his shoes after committing his crimes. Some of the most spectacular bank robberies and museum heists were carried out by himself on his own. However, after an illustrious criminal career, he was finally uncovered by law enforcement and caught, eventually getting sentenced to 20 years in jail. He was restricted to a maximum security prison, but was given access to medical help as his years spent barefoot on broken glass and the like meant that he had callouses and corns all over his feet and toes. The doctor provided him with a device that drew out moisture for John to use on his injuries. John immediately loved the device, and a daily activity for him was to use it on the gigantic corns on his toes, seeing that leisurely activities were severely restricted on the account that it was a maximum security prison. However, John quickly noticed that the prison's power supply cut off in the middle of the night during light's out, after which he could not use his electrically powered dryer. The next morning, he complained to the jail warden. The jail warden, upon hearing this, decided to hook the dryer up to a gigantic battery pack that would be more than enough to last John through the week. John was elated. Soon, night fell, and the power was out. John wanted to use his dryer, but quickly realised that he couldn't see clearly due to the darkness of the cell. He quickly found the electrical wiring system and, having tinkered with appliances during his stint as a criminal, hooked up his device to his mains. The lights in his cell lit up, catching the attention of the prison warden. The prison warden asked John how he did it, to which John promptly replied:
"My toe corn dryer is the powerhouse of the cell"

There was this quaint old town . . .

There was this quaint old town, but it had a huge church with a large bell at the top. Every day at noon, a man who had the job of ringing the bell would hit it. A young orphan boy would always go wait around the back of the church to listen to the bells ring. One day, the priest noticed him. "What are you doing all alone, here?"
The boy replied, "I love listening to the bells ring, they should be ringing in exactly one minute!"
The priest smiled and invites the boy in. He walks him up to the big bell, and offers him the opportunity to ring it. After the priest walks away, filled with excitement, the boy rushes up towards the bell, but trips and falls forward into it. A powerful ring comes, echoing across town, from the orphan's face slamming into the giant metal bell. The priest comes back running up the stairs, and the boy starts apologizing, saying how he tripped and hit his face on the bell, but immediately after finishing, the priest exclaims, "That was amazing! I've never heard such a beautiful bell! How would you like to ring it every day, seeing as you already know the timing?"
The boy is ecstatic, and immediately accepts the offer. He is so dedicated to the job, that he spends all his time in the bell tower, only sneaking out late at night to steal food. Many years later, nobody in the town remembers him, due to his constant absence. Shop owners forget his daring thievery, mothers forget the kid playing and running around the street, and the priest forgets him too. However, one night, as he is stealing a loaf of bread from a bakery, the baker spots him, and reports it to the authorities. They sketch him as best they can, and ask around town if they know who it is, but no one does. Then, they go into the old church and ask the priest. The old man ponders for a moment and says,
"I don't know his name, but his face rings a bell."

An Orphan walks into a Middle school filled with brats

Suddenly everyone starts joking about being better than an orphan.
Suddenly, the Orphan turns back and say, “Hey at least I didn’t have people who could decide whether I should get a Polio vaccine on my behalf. ”

A kid walks into a restaurant and asks the waitress for a family-sized pizza

A bit confused, the waitress accepts the order and delivers it to the kid’s table.

A few minutes go by and the waitress decides to check on the kid. To her surprise, the 26” pizza was gone.

Waitress: How did you finish a family sized pizza all on your own!?!?!

Kid: Well, I am an orphan

The Orphan

A boy was living happily with his brother, mother, father, and dog. His father worked in a factory. The pay was ok, but the work was hard. One day, a man knocked at the door of the family. The man sat them down and informed them that the father had been caught in some machinery and had died. The mother was inconsolable. She took two jobs to support her kids. They did not have much to eat, and their house was always cold. One day, the boy's brother was crossing the road and he was hit and killed by a drunk driver. After his funeral, the mother had undergone so much stress that she went crazy and committed suicide. The boy was brought to the orphanage, and they took away his dog, his only remaining friend. At the orphanage, he met a boy named Bob. They became great friends, and they went everywhere together. Soon the boy's life seemed to be looking up. Then, one day, Bob was shot when trying to help an old woman who was being mugged. The boy, now more than ever, felt truly alone.

The next week, the orphanage was going on their yearly field trip. This time they went sailing on huge sailboats. The boy got to man the bird's nest to look out for storms. He was having the time of his life when suddenly the boat heeled over on a particularly strong gust of wind and the boy was thrown from the bird's nest. He landed with a splat on the deck, fifty feet below. Everyone gasped, but to their surprise, the boy stood up and dusted himself off. He was perfectly fine.

"How did you survive that fall? You were fifty feet up!" someone exclaimed.

"I don't know," said the boy. "I guess I'm just used to hardships."

A farmer who is addicted to weed leaves a joint out in the barn by accident

His two cows escape their pens, eat the joint, and run down to the river. Meanwhile, the farmer runs all around town looking for his cows. He asks the baker, the chef, the police officer, and the doctor. He can’t find them anywhere, and is about to give up when an orphan sees him in despair and asks what’s wrong.

“My two cows escaped and no one in town knows where they are!”

“Oh I saw them, they’re down by the river.”

The farmer jumps up in excitement and begin to run towards the river. Before he can go, the orphan stops him and tells him to be careful

“Why’s that?” The farmer asks

“The steaks are high”

The Tragic Tale of Ai and Jack

Once there was a Chinese orphan girl named Ai. When she was a child, she would pass by a genetic research lab on her way to school every day. So Ai decided to become a genetic researcher. She stayed up late every night studying and doing homework so that she could move to America and attend Yale, the best Genetics school she could find. Then when she turned 18, her hard work paid off and she flew from her home city of Hangzhou to the entirely foreign city of New Haven, CT.

On her first day in New Haven, Ai got lost and her English wasn't too good so she couldn't find help. Then a Chinese-American man walked up to her and introduced himself in Chinese as Jack Fun. He gave her directions to where she was headed and they parted ways. Then, when classes started, Ai met Jack again. As it turned out, both of them were students. After a few months, Ai and Jack started dating, and they were very happy.

However, on Ai's 20th birthday, all her organ systems started failing. She died soon after, but Jack couldn't handle losing her, so he got some of his friends from the Biomedicine and Engineering departments to make a new Ai that was part-human, part-machine and looked and acted almost exactly like the original Ai. The newly dubbed Ai-2 broke down and died a month after her creation. Jack refused to give up. He built another Ai, but she died three months after she was created. The Ais kept dying, but Jack couldn't bear to wake up every day without knowing that Ai would be there. So he kept building them, even after he graduated Yale and moved across the country, losing funding for his projects and plummeting himself into debt.

Eventually, he built a seemingly successful Ai, after six attempts. This one - after 10 years of total medical stability and on the day after their wedding - went into a coma. Jack's friends heard about this, so they decided to build him yet another Ai so that he could be convinced to pull the plug on the previous one. However, by the time they flew across the country to tell him, Ai-6 died and Jack had committed suicide, no longer able to deal with the grief of losing his beloved six times.

And that's why Ai Fun-7 has no Jack.

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