Classic Jokes


Funniest Classic Jokes

Funny Classic Jokes
Score: 2069

classic germans Angela Merkel arrives at Passport Control at Paris airport.

"Nationality?" asks the immigration officer.

"German," she replies.


"No, just here for a few days."

Score: 961

Hollywood is remaking Brokeback Mountain with Margot Robbie and Emma Watson On the one hand, I hate that they have to remake all the classic movies with female leads as if that somehow makes them better. On the other hand, lotion.

Score: 447

The other day I saw Denzel Washington walking down the street. I shouted to him ,"Hey Denzel!" He responded, "Does every black man look like Denzel Washington to you?"

Classic Denzel.

Score: 366

Classic dad joke, but in bad taste So we were having a family dinner for the first time in a while.
My mum was saying how terrible the situation in Nepal is, when my Dad says "it's nepalling isn't it?"
I had a good laugh, feeling guilty after :(

Score: 285

What classic game do Hawaiian kids love the most? The floor is lava.

Score: 243

Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave? He had to go to the Bat Room.

[an old classic]

Score: 210

Captain Hook is claiming that he was sexually assaulted by his first mate some years ago. It's a classic case of he said, Smee said.

Score: 66

Why did Mr Ohm marry Mrs Ohm? Because he couldn't resistor...

Old but classic!

Score: 62

Batman told me he was skipping church this week. Classic Christian Bale

Score: 60

Classic. Q: If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?

A: Big hands.

Score: 54

A classic from my grandfather. How do you catch a unique rabbit?

Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Tame way. Unique up on it.

Score: 45

A twist on a Thanksgiving classic . . . Written by my twelve-year-old brother:

Q: April showers bring May flowers. What do May flowers bring?
A: Separatists and small pox.

Score: 42

Timeless Classic: What do you call a cow with two legs? Yo momma

Score: 40

When I first started playing chess, I thought the castle could move diagonally. Classic rook-y mistake.

Score: 39

Repost Joke #781 Hahaha that one’s a classic.

Score: 31

How do you think the unthinkable? With an itheberg.


Score: 28

I got kicked out of a bar last night... It was a goofy place, they had a “classic music” dance contest. I was the clear winner. They played “The Hustle” so I did The Hustle. They played “The Twist” so I did the twist.

But then they played “Come On Eileen”

Score: 23

Classic Why'd the mushroom go to the party?

Cause he's a fungi!

Why'd the fungi leave the party?

Cause there wasn't mushroom!

Score: 17

Just witnessed this classic on the bus Passenger: Which bus are you?
Driver: I'm not a bus, I'm the driver.

Score: 17

I asked a German the other day if he wanted to hear a joke... I had the classic "How many ____ does it take to change a lightbulb" joke in mind.... But before I got to tell it,

He responded, "Nine"... How did he know?!?!

Score: 15

Another classic Dutch Bakerjoke * A dog walks into a bakery
* Baker: How can I help you?
* Dog: Woof!
* Baker: Anything else?
* Dog: Bark!
* Baker: That'll be 12 Euro's. Do you want a receipt?
* Dog: No.

Score: 14

Who decided to call it "Dwayne Johnson's Wrestling Career" instead of... Classic Rock?

Score: 14

why was the computer late to work? because it had a hard drive! (stole it from ellen, from her classic joke tuesday)

Score: 13

I use to know a classic rim shot joke, but...umm tiss

Score: 13

Warning: Dad Joke But it's a classic.

Grasshopper walks into a bar and sits. Bartender says, "Hey, we got a drink named after you.". Grasshopper says, "Wow. You got a drink named Kevin?".

Score: 12

Classic. I’d be surprised if this was not posted already. One afternoon the teacher asked the Johnny “Can you explain what oxidation is?” He replied “No my science is a little rusty.”

Score: 12

(Classic) There are only 10 types of people in this world Those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Score: 11

What's the difference between a nut and bolt and a pregnant woman? You can unscrew a nut and bolt.

Above is the classic punchline, but it occurs to me there is another:

...but you can't unscrew a pregnant woman, you can only nut and bolt.

Score: 11

Have you seen that old movie about the KKK? I hear it's a real cult classic.

Score: 10

Why did the mattress go to the therapist? Because it was depressed

(Did I tell this before I mean it’s my classic joke)

Score: 7

What do you get when you cross hard alcohol with a classic American novel? Tequil-a Mockinbird

Edit: I've been told this is apparently a real drink... whatever, classic comedy

Score: 7

In the classic story of the tortoise and the hare, what was the tortoise's name? Winslow.

Score: 7

If you've heard of Post Malone maybe you've heard of Ho Malone It's this classic movie about a young boy who gets left behind by his family at Christmas and has to defend his house from burglars.

Score: 6

Why is shrek a classic meme Cause that’s what ALL STARted it

Score: 5

Did you hear about that Reese lady? Guy 1: Hey, did you here about that celebrity that stabbed some poor guy to death? What was her name, Reese... Reese Wither... Wither...

Guy 2: Witherspoon?

Guy 1: No, with her knife.

Classic that I haven't seen for awhile

Score: 3

Groundhog Day is a classic. It sure has great replay value.

Score: 3

My favorite classic joke: What did the blind man say when walking past the fish store? Good day ladies. Sorry, I'll see myself out. This won't happen again.

Score: 3

I've recently written a romantic comedy It's about a guy and a girl - *classic.*

Initially, they hate each other - *classic.*

But they end up in bed together - *classic!*














It's called: "The Rapist"

Score: 2

A classic nuts joke, with a twist. What do you get when you put nuts on a wall?


What do you get when you put nuts on your chest?


What do you get when you smoke a crack rock, and put nuts on somebodys window?

An errection.

Score: 2

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New Classic Jokes

Andrew Luck just retired spontaneously from the NFL. What World of Warcraft classic server do you think he's playing on?

Score: 1

A classic one told by my philosophy teacher today... A man dies. He goes into heaven. Later, he sees his wife. He can't believe it and when she comes to greet him, he backs off, and explains:

"I promised we'd be together until death do us part".

Score: 1

Did you hear the Song about a clock? Its a timeless classic

Score: 2

BREAKING: Jack Black and Lewis Black arrested after fight outside NYC comedy club. A classic case of Black on Black crime

Score: 2

Have you heard the latest news about the remake of Arnie's classic film Commando? The lead role has been given to Knickerless Cage.

Score: 1

Let's start using better, more friendly terms for 'Crackhead', 'Methhead', or the classic: "Wow that guy has done way too many drugs." I prefer 'Pharmaceutically Gifted'

Score: 1

Pop music is like a party hat Classic and fun, but you look like a douche if you put it on in the car.

Score: 1

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