Contents
Contents
When Batman is investigating a crime, the most likely explanation is that the Joker did it. That's Arkham's Razor.
Why does Batman only wear dark colors? Easy. Batman doesn't want to get shot. Why does Robin only wear bright colors?
Easy.
Batman doesn't want to get shot.
My friend said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” I said, “That’s Superman.” He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the new Batman film. Our dates can be summarized as followed: Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, BATMAN
Robin: The batmobile won't start. Batman: Check the battery Robin: What's a tery
One day Bruce Wayne learned that his great great great great great great grandmother encountered a vigilante who called himself "The Man of Bats..." It was his Nana's Nana's Nana's Nana's Batman.
I always wanted to be Batman when I grew up Not for the gadgets or the money. I just hate my parents.
What do you call it when batman skips church? Christian Bale.
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar… followed by Batman.
What does Batman put in his beverages? Just ice.
Sixteen sodiums walk into a bar... ...followed by Batman.
What's the difference between a black man and Batman? Batman can go inside a store without Robin
ROBIN: the batmobile won’t start
BATMAN: check the battery
ROBIN: what’s a tery
What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bail.
What follows 16 Sodium atoms into a bar? Batman.
A buddy said to me, “Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression!?” I said, “Go on, then.” He shouted, “NOT THE KRYPTONITE!” -
I said, “That’s Superman.”
He said, “Thanks man, I’ve been practicing a lot.”
Why did Batman rush to the Bat Cave?
He had to go to the Bat Room.
[an old classic]
Batman
Two men in a bar. One says "Hey, I can do an awesome Batman impression."
"Go on then" the second one says.
"OK, here we go..." the first one responds, "Oh no! Not the KRYPTONITE!"
The second one shouts "That's SUPERMAN"
"Oh thanks man, I've been practicing for a while."
Batman: The Batmobile isn't starting
Robin: Check the battery
Batman: What's a tery?
What’s the toughest part about being Batman? Knowing that you’ll never make your parents proud.
What's it called when Batman skips church? Christian Bale
What's the difference between Batman and a black man? Batman can walk the streets without Robin.
A woman asked me if I thought she was wearing to much makeup. I told her it depends on whether or not she was trying to kill Batman.
You want to know what's the most unrealistic thing from Batman V superman? (not a spoiler) A democratic senator from Kentucky.
What's the difference between batman and Blackman?
Batman can go to the store without robin
Edit: glad you'll liked it :-)
Auto-correct walks into a bar... And the batman says, 'why the log fence?'
Why so serious?
A lady asked me if I thought she was wearing to much makeup.
I told her it depends ...
on whether she was trying to kill Batman or not.
I saw Batman leaving Church early on Easter It was the first time I had seen a Christian Bale
Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis
What does Batman put in his tea? Just ice.
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? Get in the batmobile.
Joker: "Hey Bats, Wanna hear a joke?"
Batman: "Sure"
Joker: "Parental Love"
Batman: "I don't get it"
Joker: "Exactly."
What do you call a Batman that skips church? Christian Bale.
What do you call Batman running out of a church? Christian Bale
What do you call Batman the morning after a big fight? Bruised Wayne
How do the ladies get Batman to come?
Ask Lt. Gordon to turn on the bat-signal.
Get your mind out of the gutter.
What does Batman take with his alcohol? Just ice
Why doesn't Batman like going to Robin's house? They don't like rich people in Robin's hood
What does batman put in his water? Just ice.
When batman doesn't use his utility belt Its just a waist of equipment
Robin told batman that the batmobile stopped working
Batman: check the battery
Robin: who is tery?
Why did Batman never take down a Chinese mastermind? He would have ate him up.
If batman had a stutter
"Who are you?"
"I am B-B-Batman
Batman hit me in the head with a vase and said “t’pau” and I said “don’t you mean kappow” and he said “No, I’ve got China in my hand”
The Batman actor's talent agent was just arrested. He's fine, he made Bale.
Why has no one ever pulled a “your mom” joke on Batman or Superman? Oh...right...
What did the Pope call Batman when he caught him leaving church early? Christian Bale
Batman is the new spokesperson for the pork ad campaign Got Ham?
The parents who named their child Batman. \[removed\]
what's the difference between Bat Man and a black guy?
what's the difference between batman and a black guy?
Bat Man can walk into a store without Robin'!
What store does Batman go to? Bed, Bat, and Beyond
How does batman schedule a task on his computer? With a .bat script
Batman's investments have been declining steadily over the years... I guess you could say they've Wayned.
Batman at McDonald’s
What's your chicken sandwich called?
- A McChicken
And the rib?
- A McRib
[Pulls out his Batwallet] I like your style.
What do you say when Batman Beyond spills your beer? Terry, Me Guinness!
What is it called when Batman skips out on church? Christian Bale
Why does Batman have such a hard time making decisions? Because he grapples with lots of things
My 9 year old nephew told me he wished he could be like Batman. So I killed my brother & his wife & tossed my my nephew into a pit filled with bats.
We all know the devastation caused by Hurricane Harvey And it is time for Hurricane Batman to take the blame for it.
Why was Batman in Texas trying to stop the Hurricane? Because it kept leaving Harvey Dents everywhere
What do you call Batman and Robin after being run over by a steamroller? Flatman and Ribbin
Batman impressionist
Do you want to hear a really good Batman impression?"
"Go on then"
"NOT THE KRYPTONITE!"
"That's Superman"
"Thanks, I've been practicing."
What do you call Batman and...
What do you call Batman and Robin after the Joker ran them over with a steamroller?
Flatman and Ribbon!!!
--Apparently this was my 5yo self's fav joke.
How do they communcate in prison?
Cell phones...
--Batman
A lady and I once spent our 9th date seeing the dark knight rises So to summarise our dating life it was like this, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Dinner, Batman
Batman and robin came out 20 years ago today But we always sort of suspected.
There is an ice cream called batman Just ice was served
Sixteen sodium atoms walk into a bar…followed by Batman Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
What did Batman say to his girlfriend... Tell Me Do You Bleed?
What's the difference between Batman and a Black Man?
Batman can go out at night without robbin'...
Totally racist dude told me this joke many years ago, I was mad at first but it's funny!
They say dress for the job you want not the job you have... Is it ok to dress up as batman? I hear there's an available spot for that job
What did Batman say to Robin before they got in the batmobile? Get in the batmobile, Robin.
The Pope, Hitler and Batman walk into a bar Bartender says, "Holy Seisse Batman."
The media should be more like batman
They shouldn't bring the news people want,
they should bring the news people need.
What do you get when you combine 8 Sodium atoms? Batman.
What do you call it when Batman skips out on church? ...Christian Bail...
Michael Keaton took roles like Batman, Birdman, and now the Vulture from the new Spider Man movie I guess you can say he's a good wingman.
What did the ice sculpturer say when someone asked him what he made his latest batman sculpture out from? "It's ice... Just-ice!"
Superman: "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, and more powerful than a locomotive" Batman: "I fight a penguin and a really persistent clown"
What travels down an alley and has holes in it? Batman's parents!
What do you call a Yellow Batman? a banananananananana batman
What did Batman say when he found a stranger in the Batcave? I can't believe it's not Butler
What's Batman's favorite drink? Nothing...just ice
What do you call Batman running out of church? Christian Bale
What's Batman's favourite Pokémon? Cubone, because they both don't have parents :(
Reporter questions Superheroes
"So how did you get these superpowers?"
Superman: "r/nofap"
Flash : "r/nofap"
Green Lantern : "r/nofap"
Batman: "What superpowers?"
Did you know that Lil Wayne's parents were murdered right in front of him? It was what inspired him to become the Batman.
What did batman say to the joker when he finally caught him? Gotham
What does Batman use to wash his hair? Conditioner Gordon.
Where did the Joker prank Batman? Got 'Em City.
What does Batman like for breakfast? Ba-NANANANANANANANANANA-AH bread
What moment is Batman History was the worst for Batman?
Christmas.
He lays an egg, smells bad, and Joker gets away.
Also his parents are dead.
How is Batman different from a black man? Batman can go in a store without Robin.
What's black and blue and about to hurt someone? Batman thinking about his dead parents.
Batman took some flak going to the Police Ball dressed as the Joker But sometimes he’s his own worst enemy.
What is the one thing batman and superman don't have to worry about? Dad Jokes.
what's the difference of Batman and a black-man? batman can go to shop without robin.
What super power does Batman wish he had? Parental supervision.
Who followed 16 sodium atoms into a bar? BATMAN!
Why are batman and black man different? Bat man can go a whole night without robin
Funniest Jokes
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