I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”
A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...
I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.
I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping .. ...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
I just saw some idiot at the gym he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but they never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
I invited my girlfriend to the gym and then I didn’t show.... I hope she gets the message that we aren’t working out,
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That’s right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! The only problem is I’m British...
I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.
The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ... It's really great how they notice my effort.
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.
I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit. I just handed in my too weak notice.
I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on
Why did the priest go to the gym?
For muscle mass.
I thought of this one in the shower this morning.
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand
I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but I didn't go I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
I signed up for a gym membership this year So far I've managed to lose £200.
Why do some couples not go to the gym together? Because not all relationships work out.
Just got a repressed memory foam mattress, it holds me just like my gym teacher did
Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they don't even lyft.
My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.." "it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"
I'm like a ninja at the gym Cause you'll never see me there
I was at the gym the other night, I found a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in. Long story short, she filed a complaint and I'm banned for life.
I tried to take my dog to the gym once But it didn't work out
I told my girlfriend to come with me to the gym. Then I stood her up. Hopefully, she’ll realize the two of us are not going to work out.
I asked my date to meet me at the gym, but she never showed up. I guess we aren’t going to work out.
A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend.
She said no.
I guess it didn’t workout.
Its Been 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing bas changed. Maybe its time I go there personally and find out what's wrong
Earlier today, I was at the swimming pool with my gym class. The teacher yelled at me for peeing in the pool, and I replied that everyone pees in the pool "Yeah, but not from the diving board" was his reply!
This man at the gym just proposed and she said no Well, that didn't workout
My new years resolution was to hit the gym more often. But I'm on my fourth car this year now. This is getting kind of expensive and I think the police are suspicious.
What do you call Adolf Hitler's personal gym? The liftwaffe.
Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history. Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.
New Years resolution to recycle water I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don’t care what everyone else at the gym says.
A bodybuilder drops his protein shake Everyone in the gym shouts "Wheyyyyy"
Did you hear about the laundry machine at the gym? It has washboard abs.
Old guy with his personal trainer
Old Guy in the gym with a personal trainer: What machine do I use to get the hot girls?
Trainer: The ATM in the lobby!
I'm so unfamiliar withe the local gym I have to call it the *James*
I cancelled my gym membership... Now I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
My personal trainer was giving me advice.
He said, "You have to have a life outside the gym."
I was so offended that I walked out with my sleeping bag.
They said I'd get stronger if I hit the gym they didn't mention it would hit back
Why don't legs have to pay to use the gym? Because they're members.
What do they do at the nihilistic gym? Exercises in futility
Why do pallbearers hit the gym often? They need to be good at deadlifts!
Why do uber drivers skip the gym? Because they aren't trying to Lyft.
I was at the gym and i found a hole in my trainer that i could fit my whole finger in Unfortunately she made a complaint and now I'm banned for life.
I've had my gym subscription for 4 months now and nothing has changed Guess I'll have to go there personally and see what's happening
Why did hamburger go to the gym? To get better buns.
I just cancelled my overpriced gym membership I feel like I've finally lifted a huge weight off my chest
When i went to ask mom for gym money
Me:Mom give me some money for the gym.
Mom:Will you become John Cena after going to gym?
Me:Am I becoming Einstein by going to school?
I went to the local gym.
And asked the manager which one of these machines should I work out on to attract me a woman the fastest.
He pointed over at the ATM!
Why I love working out at the gym I go to!
There's this hot MILF always walking around checking me out.
I love home gyms.
I broke up with my gym We were not working out
Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of Randy Savage. The Slim Gym
I was complaining about my lack of muscle growth to a buddy of mine in the gym...
Me: I come here everyday, 3 hours each day and I look the same as I did 6 months ago.
Buddy: No whey!
My favorite machine at the gym is The vending machine
I recently cancelled my expensive gym membership... I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I just cancelled my gym membership I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.
Why don't couples go to the gym? Because most relationships don't work out.
Only been going to the gym a week
And already hitting the max weight on one of the machines.
Shame it's the scales
Why do impatient people hate the gym? Because there's too many waits.
I went down to the gym, and lost 1200 calories Next time, I'll take the pizza out of the oven
I go to the gym the same way I finish a book on science fiction. I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
I was having a quick rest at the gym last night when i noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to fit my finger in, to cut a long story short, she complained and now I have to find another gym.
What do you call someone born in a gym? Weight I forgot the punchline
I go to the gym so infrequently... I have to call it the James
Why do some couples not go to the gym? Because some relationships just don't 'work out'
Going to the gym
Me: "can you teach me to do the splits? "
Instructor: "how flexible are you?"
Me: "I can't make Tuesdays"
Why don't couples go to the gym together? Because relationships don't work out
Banging your head against a wall burns 150 calories an hour. It also gets you removed from your local gym.
Why do some couples avoid the gym? Some relationships just don't work out.
Why don't some couples go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out.
What do people say when Elon Musk says ,"I'm going to the gym."? Musk-u-liar
Not every couple goes to the gym Because some relationships don't work out
Why did the printer go to the gym? To get toner.
Loving beer and wanting abs is hard So I had to cancel my gym membership due to conflict of interests
I did some shrugs in the gym. After someone asked me, "What are you doing here?"
Everyone was admiring me in the gym while I was working out. I think they liked my new suit and tie.
I went to the gym the other day...
...I asked the instructor could he teach me to do the splits.
How flexible are you? He asked.
I can't do Tuesdays.
2016 has been a bad year: my attorney sued me for assault, my health-club canceled my membership for non-payment. On the plus side, my social media presence increased! So 2016: Hit attorney, deleted gym...but Facebook up!
I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits.....
He said 'how flexible are you?'
I said 'I can't do Thursdays.'
Credit: Tommy Cooper
What's the only thing working out at the gym? The business plan.
I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out.
When I want to exercise, I wear my gym clothes... ...but when I want to wear something more formal, I wear my James clothes.
what did the canadian guy say after working out at a gym so much the machines broke? I'm sorey...