I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”
I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out.
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
I just saw some idiot at the gym he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I invited my girlfriend to the gym and then I didn’t show.... I hope she gets the message that we aren’t working out,
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That’s right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! The only problem is I’m British...
I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.
The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ... It's really great how they notice my effort.
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.
I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit. I just handed in my too weak notice.
I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on
It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress I’m going there in-person to see what’s going on
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's six years in a row now
I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but I didn't go I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"
Three months have passed Since I have subscribed to the gym membership and I didn't lose a single pound. I might have to go there in person to see what's happening.
Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today Guess I should've prepared whey in advance
I go to the gym so infrequently I still call it James
I exercise religiously I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.
An old man goes to the gym...
An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"
I signed up for a gym membership this year So far I've managed to lose £200.
Why do some couples not go to the gym together? Because not all relationships work out.
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show up I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls Apparently it’s the ATM machine at my local bank.
I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."
I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym
My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.
My local gym costs $120 for an entire year That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.
Best Way To Impress a Girl.. Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"
Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage. He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.
It was a real pain canceling my gym membership. They made me hand in a too weak notice.
What’s the name of Cardi B’s very much fitter gym focused sister? Cardi O
An American is exercising in a gym
"This workout is intense," he huffs. "My heart is pounding."
"Eh?" says a fellow next to him.
"Oh sorry, I forget that you're European. My heart is 'kilogramming'," he replies.
"Oh yeah same," says the European.
I haven’t been to the gym in so long that I have to call him James
After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.
My gym recently went bankrupt Who's the quitter now?
Yesterday, I wanted to tell a joke about gym but nobody laughed Looks like it didn’t work out
I've been breaking my Dad's gym records. I really don't know whe he still listens to these old relics while working out
It's not 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.. Maybe it's time i go there personally and find out what's wrong...
There was a fat guy at the gym the other day. He was raging over his tired limbs. I guess he really is a sore loser.
I was doing well in gym class until we got to the skiing unit. It was downhill from there.
I usually bench like 225, 230 or 3 o'clock depends what time I get to the gym
You know what would really lift my spirits these days? If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.
I once pushed a guy off his bike I've since been banned from that gym
Why don't some couple go to the gym Because some relationships don't work out
My gym teacher told me that I cannot wear any religious socks .. He said, "Do not bring your holy socks to class"
Just found out that my gym teacher got arrested for selling drugs, and I was pretty shocked to hear the news I had no idea he was a gym teacher
Two Guys Are Changing At The Gym
One is putting on a pair of lace knickers,
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
Do you know about that fascist dictator who decided to hit the gym and got some awesome gains? Benito Muscle-ini
I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser. Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.
I’ve never been inside a gym But a Jim has been inside me
Day three of quarantine. I can feel my fitness level depleting and my body fat increasing. I have not been to the gym for three years.
Did you hear about the gym for kids? It’s called Gymmy Saville
Two bros were chatting it up at the gym between sets.
1: hey bro, you won’t believe it.
2: what, bro?
1: someone stole all my protein powder
2: no whey!
There’s a new gym in town that’s religious It’s called Jehovah’s Fitness
I Wanted to go to the Gym Once It didnt Work out
I will name my kid Gym Whenever I beat him, I will hit the gym
My girlfriend got so upset at me for quitting gym in a month after paying the $500 annual fee I am glad she aint dating Mike Bloomberg
If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water..... .... would you squat or deadlift first?
I go to the gym to lose weight You can say that I’m a mass murderer
My girlfriend and I used to go to the gym together... ...but we didn't work out.
Taxi Driver first day in the gym When he gets asked, do you Lyft?
What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say?
Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.
What do you call atoning for your sins by hitting the gym every day? Ab solution
I got my wife a new gym membership for Valentine's Day.
She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying.
I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she's not come back yet.
What would you do this Friday?
A beautiful girl at the gym approaches some very nice looking buff dude:
\- Hey, cutie! What will you do this Friday?
\- Chest and triceps.
Finland now has free gym memberships It is Finland after all, not Fatland
I phoned my local gym to ask if they could teach me to do the splits. They asked “How flexible are you?” I said “I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays”
I went to the gym and there's a new machine. I used it for an hour and ended up feeling sick.
Its good though, it does everything.
Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers ...
It’s been 2 weeks and 6 months since I joined the gym and still no progress I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on
No progress since I joined the gym 5 months ago. I'm going down there in person tomorrow and talk to the manager.
What do a gym rat and a heart have in common? They both be pumpin iron 24/7
A Machine that Can Make Girls like You I went to the gym and bumped into a bunch of young adults. They asked me what machine that can make them buff and muscular and can make girls like them. I replied, "the ATM, kids"
Me and My GYM I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym again. That’s 7 years in a row now.
Those Yeti mugs are amazing. It was 10 degrees outside. I filled my Yeti with hot coffee, went to work and left it in my car for four hours. Then I went to the gym for an hour, came back out, and Donald Trump was impeached.
My brother and I are twins, we share a gym membership. Every other week I don't go, the others he doesn't go. So far, noone noticed.
This guy in the gym just proposed and she said no Well that didn’t work out
I went to my gym last week and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in! Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life
What do you call a French Gym Junkie who is scared of socialising? Shia LaBeouf
After playing on the jungle gym for a few hours, a tired child walks into a bar. He really should have looked where he was going.
A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend.
She said no.
I guess it didn’t workout.
I saw a real idiot at the Gym today..... He put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill
Waldo is working out at the gym
He sees another guy there and asks, "hey man, can you spot me?"
The guy says: "Well I'll try my best, but it might take me a while."
Guess who failed the gym class?? Dumbbells
I joined a gym 6 months ago, but I still haven't seen any results I think I'm going to have to go there in person and talk to the manager.
I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise.
I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."
"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."
So I took him to the park.
Saw something appalling at the gym today! Someone put their water bottle in the Pringle’s holder!
Muscles are like Schrodinger's cat. Nothing happens until observed, which is why gym mirrors are essential to muscle growth.
I was meant to go to the gym today. Guess it didn’t work out
I wish I could drop my body off... at the gym and pick it up back when its ready.
I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far... Just working out the Kinks.