Gym Jokes

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Funniest Gym Jokes

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”

I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him

Funny Gym Jokes

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out.

At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

I just saw some idiot at the gym he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

I invited my girlfriend to the gym and then I didn’t show.... I hope she gets the message that we aren’t working out,

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! The only problem is I’m British...

I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ... It's really great how they notice my effort.

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.

I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit. I just handed in my too weak notice.

I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's six years in a row now

I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but I didn't go I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"

Three months have passed Since I have subscribed to the gym membership and I didn't lose a single pound. I might have to go there in person to see what's happening.

Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today Guess I should've prepared whey in advance

I go to the gym so infrequently I still call it James

I exercise religiously I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.

An old man goes to the gym... An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"

I signed up for a gym membership this year So far I've managed to lose £200.

Why do some couples not go to the gym together? Because not all relationships work out.

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show up I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls Apparently it’s the ATM machine at my local bank.

I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

Best Way To Impress a Girl.. Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage. He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

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New Gym Jokes

Yesterday, I wanted to tell a joke about gym but nobody laughed Looks like it didn’t work out

I've been breaking my Dad's gym records. I really don't know whe he still listens to these old relics while working out

It's not 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.. Maybe it's time i go there personally and find out what's wrong...

There was a fat guy at the gym the other day. He was raging over his tired limbs. I guess he really is a sore loser.

I was doing well in gym class until we got to the skiing unit. It was downhill from there.

I usually bench like 225, 230 or 3 o'clock depends what time I get to the gym

You know what would really lift my spirits these days? If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

I once pushed a guy off his bike I've since been banned from that gym

Why don't some couple go to the gym Because some relationships don't work out

My gym teacher told me that I cannot wear any religious socks .. He said, "Do not bring your holy socks to class"

Just found out that my gym teacher got arrested for selling drugs, and I was pretty shocked to hear the news I had no idea he was a gym teacher

Two Guys Are Changing At The Gym One is putting on a pair of lace knickers,

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Do you know about that fascist dictator who decided to hit the gym and got some awesome gains? Benito Muscle-ini

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser. Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

I’ve never been inside a gym But a Jim has been inside me

Day three of quarantine. I can feel my fitness level depleting and my body fat increasing. I have not been to the gym for three years.

Did you hear about the gym for kids? It’s called Gymmy Saville

Two bros were chatting it up at the gym between sets. 1: hey bro, you won’t believe it.
2: what, bro?
1: someone stole all my protein powder
2: no whey!

There’s a new gym in town that’s religious It’s called Jehovah’s Fitness

I Wanted to go to the Gym Once It didnt Work out

I will name my kid Gym Whenever I beat him, I will hit the gym

My girlfriend got so upset at me for quitting gym in a month after paying the $500 annual fee I am glad she aint dating Mike Bloomberg

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water..... .... would you squat or deadlift first?

I go to the gym to lose weight You can say that I’m a mass murderer

My girlfriend and I used to go to the gym together... ...but we didn't work out.

Taxi Driver first day in the gym When he gets asked, do you Lyft?

What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say? Kay, so?

​

Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.

What do you call atoning for your sins by hitting the gym every day? Ab solution

I got my wife a new gym membership for Valentine's Day. She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying.

I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she's not come back yet.

What would you do this Friday? A beautiful girl at the gym approaches some very nice looking buff dude:

\- Hey, cutie! What will you do this Friday?

\- Chest and triceps.

Finland now has free gym memberships It is Finland after all, not Fatland

I phoned my local gym to ask if they could teach me to do the splits. They asked “How flexible are you?” I said “I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays”

The Gym.. I went to the gym and there's a new machine. I used it for an hour and ended up feeling sick.

Its good though, it does everything.

Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers ...

It’s been 2 weeks and 6 months since I joined the gym and still no progress I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on

No progress since I joined the gym 5 months ago. I'm going down there in person tomorrow and talk to the manager.

What do a gym rat and a heart have in common? They both be pumpin iron 24/7

A Machine that Can Make Girls like You I went to the gym and bumped into a bunch of young adults. They asked me what machine that can make them buff and muscular and can make girls like them. I replied, "the ATM, kids"

Me and My GYM I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym again. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Those Yeti mugs are amazing. It was 10 degrees outside. I filled my Yeti with hot coffee, went to work and left it in my car for four hours. Then I went to the gym for an hour, came back out, and Donald Trump was impeached.

My brother and I are twins, we share a gym membership. Every other week I don't go, the others he doesn't go. So far, noone noticed.

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Long Gym Jokes

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker and begins to talk. Everyone in the room stopped to listen.

Man: Hello!

Woman: Hi honey, its me. Are you at the club?

Man: Yes.

Woman: Im at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. Its only $2000: is it OK if I buy it?

Man: Sure, go ahead if you like that much.

Woman: I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw the new models. I saw one that I really liked.

Man: How much?

Woman: $90,000

Man: OK, but for that price I want it with all options.

Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just talking to Jane and found out that the house I wanted last year is back on market. They are asking $980,000 for it.

Man: Well, then go ahead and offer $900,000. They’ll probably take it. If not, we can go to the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want.

Woman: OK. See you later! I love you too much!

Man: Bye, I love you too.

The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turned and asked: Anyone knows whose phone is this?

Is it because I'm blonde?

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting
today, and all the other kids could only count to
four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7,
8, 9, 10!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.
The next day the girl came skipping home from
school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were
saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids
could only say it to G, but I said it to N. See?
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L M, N!"
"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."
The next day the girl came skipping home from
school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were
in gym class today, and when we showered, all
the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
She lifted her tank top to reveal a fully developed
chest.
"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 19!"

Blonde schoolgirl

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24

The blonde girl at school.

Jenny, a blonde girl came skipping home from school one day.

"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day Jenny came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"

And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs "Very good," said her embarrassed mother. "Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and they might see him and they can ride their bikes there.

10 years later, the group of 25 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the beer was cheap, they had free snacks, the band was good, there was no cover and there were lots of cute guys.

10 years later, at 35 years of age, the group once again discussed where theyshould meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the cosmos were good, it was right near the gym and if they go late enough, there wouldn't be too many whiny little kids.

10 years later, at 45 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the martinis were big, and the waiters there had tight pants and nice buns.

10 years later, at 55 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because the food there was reasonable, the wine list was good, they had windows that open in case of a hot flash, and fish is good for your cholesterol.

10 years later, at 65 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because lighting was good and they have an early bird special.

10 years later, at 75 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because food was not too spicy, the restaurant was handicapped accessible and they even had an elevator!

10 years later, at 85 years of age, the group once again discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally it was agreed that they should meet at the Ocean View restaurant because they had never been there before.

A guy's phone rings in the gym

A guy is pushing through his usual workout routine in the gym when the phone goes off.

"Hello?"

>"Hi honey! I just saw that dress I wanted -- it's on sale for only $2,000! We can save almost 900 dollars! Can we get it, pleeeease?"

"Sure honey, anything you want."

>"Oh my god, really? Thank you!!!! And the man at the Lexus dealership called and says he can give it to us for $90,000. What should I tell him?"

"Sure honey, sounds good. Make sure everything is included."

>"Wow you mean it?! You're the best! Oh, and one more thing! They called about the house again, they are asking for $400,000."

"Tell them $380,000 and see what they say."

>"Wow!! Okay!! Thank you sooooo much, I love you honey! I'll see you when I get home -- in our brand new Lexus~!"

"Sounds great. I love you too, honey. Talk to you later. Bye bye."

The man hangs up, finishes his set, and after a moment he stands up and says, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"

A girl came skipping home from school one day...

"Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10! See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good." said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde." her mother replied.

The next day, the girl came skipping home from school, "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good." said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, pumpkin, it's because you're blonde".

The next day the girl came skipping home from school. "Mommy, Mommy!" she yelled. "We were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.

"Very good." said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"No, honey. It's because you're 25."

The Rich Husband

A cell phone on a bench in the locker room of a gym rang and the man next to it put it on speaker, so everybody could hear.

Everybody immediately stopped talking to listen in on the conversation.


WOMAN - "Hello?"

MAN - "Hello."

WOMAN - "Hi, honey, are you at the club?"

MAN - "Yes."

WOMAN - "I've been shopping around and found a beautiful leather coat, and it only costs $2000. Can I get it?"

MAN - "If you really like it, sure."

WOMAN - "I also stopped by the car dealership, and there's a new model that I really like."

MAN - "How much is it?"

WOMAN - "$90,000"

MAN - "Sure, get it, but for that price, I want all options."

WOMAN - "Great, and one last thing."

MAN - "What is it?"

WOMAN - "I was talking to Sarah a couple hours ago, and the house I really wanted to get two years ago is back on the market now."

MAN - "How much is it?"

WOMAN - "It's $980,000."

MAN - "Alright, offer $900,000. They'll probably take it. If not, another $80,000 is worth it if you really like it."

WOMAN - "Okay, I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN - "Bye, I love you too."


The man then hung up. The other men in the locker room were looking at him with surprised faces. The man looked at them and said "Anybody know whose phone this is?"

EDIT: Formatting

Today is my first day at the gym.

I walk in and see a bunch of hot women working out. I walk up to the guy who is running the gym and ask him, " Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies over there?" He smiles at me and says, " Try the ATM Machine in the lobby."

The blonde girl

Jenny, a blonde girl, came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10.

See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde?" Jenny asked.

"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.



... The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "We were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G.

See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good, Jenny," said her mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"

"Yes, it's because you're blonde."



The next day Jenny came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!"
And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36C's.









"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.

"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"

"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

A man walks into the toy store to get a Barbie doll for his daughter. So he asks the assistant: “How much is Barbie?”

“Well,” she says. “We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95, and Divorced Barbie for $265.00.”

“Hey, hang on,” the guy asks. “Why is Divorced Barbie $265.00 when all the others are only $19.95?”

“Yeah, well, it’s like this, Divorced Barbie comes with Ken’s house, Ken’s car, Ken’s boat, Ken’s furniture…”

Bench Bros...

Two guys are in the gym working on their bench pressing when a busty coed comes up to the rack next to them and begins to do her workout. One guy turns to his spotter and says "hey you think that's a push up bra?" And his spotter says "nah brah, that's a squat"

A man walks into a store to buy a Barbie doll for his daughter. "How much is that Barbie in the window?" he asks the shop assistant. "Which Barbie? responds the worker.

"We have Barbie Goes to the Gym for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Ball for $19.95, Barbie Goes Shopping for $19.95, Barbie Goes to the Beach for $19.95, Barbie Goes Nightclubbing for $19.95 and Divorced Barbie for $395.00."

The guy asks, "Why is Divorced Barbie different from all the others?"

"That's obvious!" the assistant states. "Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's house, Ken's car, Ken's boat, Ken's furniture..."

A principal notices a Post-It on a locker.

"Jocks of JFK High! This small change in diet can boost your physique FOREVER! Head to the gym to find out how!"

Puzzled, he pulls it off and continues down the hall. Just a few lockers down, another catches his eye.

"Hey goth girls! Tired of dark eyeliner that just runs all day? One simple trick will fix it! Find out how in the gym!"

*OK, I'll bite,* the principal thinks to himself. He walks to the gymnasium, pushes open the door...and immediately gets stuck. He looks down and sees the floor covered with flypaper glue.

Outraged, he removes his shoes to unstick himself and races around the school until he finds a young man placing a note, this time aimed at math nerds, on yet another locker.

He slaps the note out of his hand and shouts:

"QUIT POSTING CLIQUE BAIT EVERYWHERE!!"

THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER!

A guy is running on a treadmill while in the gym and he sees a phone next to him is ringing.A buff dude comes and answer the phone,puts it on loudspeaker and start talking.our guy can hear everything they are talking.it's a sweet voice of a young women.the conversations goes like this

Women: HEY BABY!!! ARE YOU STILL AT THE GYM?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: ah ..okay,So I came shopping with my friend Sarah and I see this beautiful dress,it's so gorgeous ,I am not sure it will be here after an hour if I come back.there is only one and Sarah also wants to buy it but she is kinda out of money.I told her that I am gonna buy it anyway but I don't have that much cash either,Would you mind if I use your card to buy it?it's only 600$..Please?

Buff Dude: Okay!!!

Women: THANK YOU !!! HONEY !! Also there is this beautiful neckless too matches to the dress and it's only 230$,The dress is nothing without the neckless,Can I get it too?

Buff Dude: Yeah!!

Women: OMG!! you are the best and speaking of the best you know that Racheal's wedding is coming up and these guys have this beautiful gown,I will look like a princess in that,it's only 1000 bucks....So??

Buff Dude:get it...

Women:OH MY GOSH...YOU ARE THE BEST BOYFRIEND EVER !!! i LOVE YOU SOOOOO MUCH...THANK YOU VERY MUCH..I AM GONNA TREAT YOU FOR THIS ..DON'T SPEND ALL OF YOUR ENERGY ON THE GYM,YOU ARE GONNA NEED IT TONIGHT...HAHAHA...Love you again..See you soon my love....Bye!!

Buff Dude: Bye!!

Now our guy is thinking to himself ''What a dumb "£$,HAHAHAHA,This guy doesn't even have a brain of a mouse,I should tell him that his girfriend is a ripping him off'' and when he just about to talk to the Buff guy he says

''HEY!!! WHO IS THE OWNER OF THIS PHONE? THERE WAS A CALL AND I ANSWERD IT''

This Rich Woman Thought She Had The Perfect Husband. But Then He Said This.

Several men were in the locker room of the gym when a

cell phone on a bench rang and a man put it on speaker

and begins to talk. Everyone else in the room stopped to

listen.

MAN: "Hello!"

WOMAN: "Hi Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN:” Yes” 

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful

leather coat. It's only $2,000: Is it OK If I buy it?"

MAN: “Sure, go ahead if you like it that much.“

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Lexus dealership and saw

the new models. I saw one I really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN   $90000 

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the

options."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. I was just

talking to Janie and found out that the house I wanted

last year is back on the market. They're asking $930,000

for It."

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and make an offer of

$900,000. They'll probably take it. if not, we can go the

extra eighty-thousand if it's what you really want."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you so much!"

MAN: “Bye! I love you, too."

The man hung up. The other men in the locker room were

staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

He turned and asked, "Anyone know whose phone this

is?”

blondes

A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde?” the girl said. “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” said the mommy. The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?” “No Honey, it’s because you’re 24.”

i had it all

I talked with a homeless man this morning and asked him how he ended up this way. 


He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed.


I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym and the library.


"I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage. ”


I felt sorry for him, so I asked, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce? ”


"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.... I was granted parole."

The Kindergartener

A girl came skipping home from school one day. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6,7, 8, 9, 10!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, it’s because you’re blonde,” her mother replied. The next day, the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!” “Very good,” said her mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, Mommy?” “Yes, pumpkin, it’s because you’re blonde.” The next day the girl came skipping home from school. “Mommy, Mommy,” she yelled, “we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!” And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs. “Very good,” said her embarrassed mother. “Is it because I’m blonde, mommy?” “No, it’s because you’re 25.”

Streaker in a Gym!!!

Three women are in a gym locker room dressing up to play racquetball, suddenly, a guy runs through the room wearing nothing but a bag over his head.

He passes the first woman, who looks down at his privates.

"Thank goodness!!! He's not my husband," she says.

He passes by the second woman, who also looks down as he's passing.

"He's not my husband either," she says, also not recognizing the unit.
He passes by the third woman, who also looks down as he runs by her.

"Wait a minute!!!" she says. "He's not even a member of this club!"

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