Gym Jokes

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Funniest Gym Jokes

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

Score: 23065

I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”

Score: 11079

I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness

Score: 1466

I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"

Score: 1343

Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him

Score: 1317
Funny Gym Jokes
Score: 982

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now

Score: 893

I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Score: 794

It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.

Score: 791

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out.

Score: 652

At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.

Score: 520

I just saw some idiot at the gym he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.

Score: 507

I invited my girlfriend to the gym and then I didn’t show.... I hope she gets the message that we aren’t working out,

Score: 401

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

Score: 356

I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! The only problem is I’m British...

Score: 339

I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.

Score: 332

The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ... It's really great how they notice my effort.

Score: 332

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.

Score: 299

I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds

Score: 298

After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit. I just handed in my too weak notice.

Score: 218

I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on

Score: 217

It’s been 6 months since I joined the gym and no progress I’m going there in-person to see what’s going on

Score: 197

Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand

Score: 184

I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's six years in a row now

Score: 168

I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but I didn't go I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.

Score: 157

I asked my trainer "Which machine at the gym should I use to impress beautiful women?" He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine"

Score: 146

Three months have passed Since I have subscribed to the gym membership and I didn't lose a single pound. I might have to go there in person to see what's happening.

Score: 138

Forgot to bring my protein powder to the gym today Guess I should've prepared whey in advance

Score: 136

I go to the gym so infrequently I still call it James

Score: 133

I exercise religiously I go to the gym for an hour on Sunday morning and then don't think about it again for the rest of the week.

Score: 119

An old man goes to the gym... An old man goes to the gym and asks a trainer, "I want to impress young beautiful girls. What's the best machine I can use?"
The trainer responds, "The ATM"

Score: 112

I signed up for a gym membership this year So far I've managed to lose £200.

Score: 106

Why do some couples not go to the gym together? Because not all relationships work out.

Score: 103

I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show up I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

Score: 98

I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls Apparently it’s the ATM machine at my local bank.

Score: 88

I said to the gym instructor: "Can you teach me to do the splits?" He said: "How flexible are you?" I said: "I can't make Tuesdays."

Score: 87

I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym

Score: 87

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account. They didn't believe I bought a gym membership.

Score: 87

My local gym costs $120 for an entire year That’s $60 per visit, not a great deal.

Score: 87

Best Way To Impress a Girl.. Boy To Gym Coach: "I Wanna Impress Cute Girl, I'm Gonna Meet In 3 Days Which Machine Should I Use?" Coach: "Use The ATM Machine Outside The Gym"

Score: 79

Floyd Mayweather won because of an unfair advantage. He gets to practice in the gym all day and then goes home and practices on his family.

Score: 78

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New Gym Jokes

It was a real pain canceling my gym membership. They made me hand in a too weak notice.

Score: 33

What’s the name of Cardi B’s very much fitter gym focused sister? Cardi O

Score: 5

An American is exercising in a gym "This workout is intense," he huffs. "My heart is pounding."

"Eh?" says a fellow next to him.

"Oh sorry, I forget that you're European. My heart is 'kilogramming'," he replies.

"Oh yeah same," says the European.

Score: 4

I haven’t been to the gym in so long that I have to call him James

Score: 2

After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.

Score: 5

My gym recently went bankrupt Who's the quitter now?

Score: 4

Yesterday, I wanted to tell a joke about gym but nobody laughed Looks like it didn’t work out

Score: 8

I've been breaking my Dad's gym records. I really don't know whe he still listens to these old relics while working out

Score: 1

It's not 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed.. Maybe it's time i go there personally and find out what's wrong...

Score: 1

There was a fat guy at the gym the other day. He was raging over his tired limbs. I guess he really is a sore loser.

Score: 1

I was doing well in gym class until we got to the skiing unit. It was downhill from there.

Score: 4

I usually bench like 225, 230 or 3 o'clock depends what time I get to the gym

Score: 12

You know what would really lift my spirits these days? If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.

Score: 2

I once pushed a guy off his bike I've since been banned from that gym

Score: 5

Why don't some couple go to the gym Because some relationships don't work out

Score: 12

My gym teacher told me that I cannot wear any religious socks .. He said, "Do not bring your holy socks to class"

Score: 3

Just found out that my gym teacher got arrested for selling drugs, and I was pretty shocked to hear the news I had no idea he was a gym teacher

Score: 4

Two Guys Are Changing At The Gym One is putting on a pair of lace knickers,

"Since when do you wear womens pants?"

"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"

Score: 6

Do you know about that fascist dictator who decided to hit the gym and got some awesome gains? Benito Muscle-ini

Score: 2

I went to the gym to workout, and a group of buff guys walked past me and called me a fat loser. Technically they were right, because I lost a lot of fat.

Score: 8

I’ve never been inside a gym But a Jim has been inside me

Score: 1

Day three of quarantine. I can feel my fitness level depleting and my body fat increasing. I have not been to the gym for three years.

Score: 2

Did you hear about the gym for kids? It’s called Gymmy Saville

Score: 4

Two bros were chatting it up at the gym between sets. 1: hey bro, you won’t believe it.
2: what, bro?
1: someone stole all my protein powder
2: no whey!

Score: 7

There’s a new gym in town that’s religious It’s called Jehovah’s Fitness

Score: 47

I Wanted to go to the Gym Once It didnt Work out

Score: 2

I will name my kid Gym Whenever I beat him, I will hit the gym

Score: 1

My girlfriend got so upset at me for quitting gym in a month after paying the $500 annual fee I am glad she aint dating Mike Bloomberg

Score: 1

If Kanye West and Kim Kardashian both caught on fire in your gym and you only had ONE bucket of water..... .... would you squat or deadlift first?

Score: 7

I go to the gym to lose weight You can say that I’m a mass murderer

Score: 4

My girlfriend and I used to go to the gym together... ...but we didn't work out.

Score: 2

Taxi Driver first day in the gym When he gets asked, do you Lyft?

Score: 1

What did the passive aggressive Spanish cheese say? Kay, so?

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Sorry, heading to the gym and this is the best I can meunster.

Score: 2

What do you call atoning for your sins by hitting the gym every day? Ab solution

Score: 3

I got my wife a new gym membership for Valentine's Day. She was so overcome with emotion that she ran out of the house crying.

I think she must be still out telling her friends how wonderful I am, because she's not come back yet.

Score: 2

What would you do this Friday? A beautiful girl at the gym approaches some very nice looking buff dude:

\- Hey, cutie! What will you do this Friday?

\- Chest and triceps.

Score: 3

Finland now has free gym memberships It is Finland after all, not Fatland

Score: 1

I phoned my local gym to ask if they could teach me to do the splits. They asked “How flexible are you?” I said “I can’t do Tuesdays or Thursdays”

Score: 1

The Gym.. I went to the gym and there's a new machine. I used it for an hour and ended up feeling sick.

Its good though, it does everything.

Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers ...

Score: 6

It’s been 2 weeks and 6 months since I joined the gym and still no progress I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on

Score: 5

No progress since I joined the gym 5 months ago. I'm going down there in person tomorrow and talk to the manager.

Score: 6

What do a gym rat and a heart have in common? They both be pumpin iron 24/7

Score: 5

A Machine that Can Make Girls like You I went to the gym and bumped into a bunch of young adults. They asked me what machine that can make them buff and muscular and can make girls like them. I replied, "the ATM, kids"

Score: 1

Me and My GYM I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym again. That’s 7 years in a row now.

Score: 2

Those Yeti mugs are amazing. It was 10 degrees outside. I filled my Yeti with hot coffee, went to work and left it in my car for four hours. Then I went to the gym for an hour, came back out, and Donald Trump was impeached.

Score: 1

My brother and I are twins, we share a gym membership. Every other week I don't go, the others he doesn't go. So far, noone noticed.

Score: 8

This guy in the gym just proposed and she said no Well that didn’t work out

Score: 3

I went to my gym last week and I noticed a hole in my trainer big enough to put my finger in! Anyway, she made a formal complaint and I’m banned for life

Score: 10

What do you call a French Gym Junkie who is scared of socialising? Shia LaBeouf

Score: 4

After playing on the jungle gym for a few hours, a tired child walks into a bar. He really should have looked where he was going.

Score: 3

A man at the gym proposed to his girlfriend. She said no.

I guess it didn’t workout.

Score: 5

I saw a real idiot at the Gym today..... He put a water bottle in the pringles holder on the treadmill

Score: 9

Waldo is working out at the gym He sees another guy there and asks, "hey man, can you spot me?"

The guy says: "Well I'll try my best, but it might take me a while."

Score: 6

Guess who failed the gym class?? Dumbbells

Score: 3

I joined a gym 6 months ago, but I still haven't seen any results I think I'm going to have to go there in person and talk to the manager.

Score: 18

I was in the gym with my personal trainer. He asked me if my family had any experience with exercise. I said, "My father has a really impressive bench."


"Oh does he?" he asked. "I might have to see it some day."


So I took him to the park.

Score: 6

Saw something appalling at the gym today! Someone put their water bottle in the Pringle’s holder!

Score: 3

Muscles are like Schrodinger's cat. Nothing happens until observed, which is why gym mirrors are essential to muscle growth.

Score: 1

I was meant to go to the gym today. Guess it didn’t work out

Score: 2

I wish I could drop my body off... at the gym and pick it up back when its ready.

Score: 5

I’ve opened up a gym helping ageing rock bands get back into shape. It’s going okay so far... Just working out the Kinks.

Score: 3

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