I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
I joined a gym and said to the trainer, “I want to impress beautiful girls, which machine should I use?” He said, “Try the ATM outside”
A 40 year old man asked the Trainer in the Gym, 'I want to Impress Beautiful Girls, which Machine should I use?' The Trainer replied, 'Outside the Gym, there is an ATM. Try that'
This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.
I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
Why do some couples not go to the gym? Some relationships don't work out...
I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
Why doesn’t where’s Waldo go to the gym Because no one can spot him
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today That's 7 years in a row now
I can’t believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That’s 7 years in a row now.
It's now 7 months since I joined the gym and nothing has changed. Maybe it's time I go there personally and find out what's wrong.
I don't know why I broke up with my girl at the gym... I guess we just weren't working out.
I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me, then I didn't show... I hope she gets the message that we aren't working out.
I was suspicious or my girlffriend cheating on me with this guy from her gym. So i pick up her phone at night when she's sleeping .. ...and drive to this dude's place on the other side of the town and go to stand on his porch to see if the wifi connects
At the gym I walked into the gym and see a bunch of ladies working out, I ask the guy who is running the gym, “Sir, what machine should I use to impress the ladies?” He smiles says “Try the ATM in the lobby”.
I just saw some idiot at the gym he put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill.
I asked my new friend to meet me at the gym, but they never showed up. I guess the two of us aren't going to work out.
I invited my girlfriend to the gym and then I didn’t show.... I hope she gets the message that we aren’t working out,
Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up
Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition
Child: How about being a doctor?
Dad: That’s right!
Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....
Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?
I started going to the gym a year ago and so far I lost 500 pounds! The only problem is I’m British...
I have Abs olutely wasted my gym membership.
The guys at the gym called me a fat loser ... It's really great how they notice my effort.
Two Canadian body builders were working out at the gym.
After they were done, they sat together in the locker room.
One turned to the other and said, "I'm sore, eh?"
The other said, "What for?"
I can't believe I forgot to go to the gym today. That's seven years in a row now.
I regret joining the gym recently.. leaving the EU would've been a more effective way to lose pounds
After years of hard work in the gym as a personal trainer I finally admitted I wasn’t strong enough and quit. I just handed in my too weak notice.
I’v been a gym member for 6 months without any progress... I think I need to go personally to see what ‘s going on
Why did the priest go to the gym?
For muscle mass.
I thought of this one in the shower this morning.
Honestly, I don't mind leg day at the gym It's just the two days after that I can't stand
I told my girlfriend to meet me at the gym but I didn't go I hope she gets the message that we're not working out.
A peephole was found drilled into the wall of a women's locker room in a gym in Manhattan. ...........The police are looking into it.
I invited my girlfriend to the gym with me and didn't turn up. I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.
Not every couple goes to the gym Because some relationships don't work out
I don't know why I broke up with the gym... ..I guess we just weren't working out.
Back when Stormy Daniels was in high school, none of her fellow classmen realized she would go down in history. Guys were usually getting it in the gym locker room or behind the teacher's parking lot.
Why I love working out at the gym I go to!
There's this hot MILF always walking around checking me out.
I love home gyms.
What do you call Adolf Hitler's personal gym? The liftwaffe.
When i went to ask mom for gym money
Me:Mom give me some money for the gym.
Mom:Will you become John Cena after going to gym?
Me:Am I becoming Einstein by going to school?
Did you hear about the laundry machine at the gym? It has washboard abs.
Two Guys Are Changing At The Gym
One is putting on a pair of lace knickers,
"Since when do you wear womens pants?"
"Since my wife found them in the glove compartment!"
My girlfriend got so upset at me for quitting gym in a month after paying the $500 annual fee I am glad she aint dating Mike Bloomberg
My girlfriend and I used to go to the gym together... ...but we didn't work out.
Taxi Driver first day in the gym When he gets asked, do you Lyft?
It’s been 2 weeks and 6 months since I joined the gym and still no progress I’m going there in person tomorrow to see what’s really going on
So a guy is in Gym class, he says he want's to go to Hogwarts.
So he runs and jumps right into a wall yelling BRAIN DAMAGE!!!
He falls with this nose broken when a girl walks next to him and says the all is plaster.
what was the short guy enthusiastically shouting when they were picking teams in gym class pygmy pygmy
Earlier today, I was at the swimming pool with my gym class. The teacher yelled at me for peeing in the pool, and I replied that everyone pees in the pool "Yeah, but not from the diving board" was his reply!
What do you call an all female workout center? An OB-GYM
What is the difference between elementary school and gym? They count more in elementary school.
Buffalo Tattoo (bad joke) I've recently started going to the gym so I can have big arm muscles but I'm thinking of quitting and just getting a buffalo tattoo instead. That way when I wave to people it can still be a buff hello .
The only machineI’m confident in using at the gym Is the vending machine
My gym moved to a different floor. It took my fitness routine to a whole new level.
Why didn't the little T-Rex go to the gym? He was a little dinosore
What's worse than getting an erection at the gym and somebody noticing? Getting an erection at the gym and nobody noticing.
Please Give Generously to your High School Gym Program! Be an athletic supporter!
My bank called me today and asked if my card was stolen today
I said “No, why do you ask”
Bank teller: “We have a transaction here for a gym membership, not sure if it was you or not”
I've been going to the gym for 10 years with no progress... Apparently, you have to actually exercise while you're there to see any results.
I was complaining about my lack of muscle growth to a buddy of mine in the gym...
Me: I come here everyday, 3 hours each day and I look the same as I did 6 months ago.
Buddy: No whey!
Why did the squash go to the gym? Because she's getting ready for zucchini season
Two roosters are working out in a gym
One of the roosters stops and starts to stare at something.
The other rooster asks "What you looking at?"
To which he replies with "Just chicken out that fit bird."
2016 has been a bad year: my attorney sued me for assault, my health-club canceled my membership for non-payment. On the plus side, my social media presence increased! So 2016: Hit attorney, deleted gym...but Facebook up!
I went to the gym and asked the guy there to teach me how to do the splits.....
He said 'how flexible are you?'
I said 'I can't do Thursdays.'
Credit: Tommy Cooper
Gym class made me sweat a little bit. I'm salty about it.
I recently went to a gym in Chinatown. When I walked into the mens' changing room... ...there were Wangs everywhere!
what did the canadian guy say after working out at a gym so much the machines broke? I'm sorey...