Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
Why are there a ton of Religious Holidays but no Science Holidays? Because science works.
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: It took him a couple bytes
Faith vs Science I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
Science created skyscraper and planes. Religion brought them together.
I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
When I die, I’m donating my body to science. It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science
0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..." "but it's faith that brings them together."
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
How do you hide money from a Republican? Put it in a science textbook.
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
According to Science Alcohol is a solution.
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who." But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"
I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, Faith brings them together
I was always told "i before e except after c" It sounds weird but I guess it's just science
Science Builds Planes and Skyscrapers... Faith brings them together.
The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
My science teacher told us this
James Bond says to a chicken, "I'm Bond, James Bond." The chicken turns and says, "Well I'm Ken, Chic-ken."
I'll see myself out...
What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties? A dic-tater.
Science makes you fly to the moon Religion makes you fly into skyscrapers
What did the Arts major say to the Science major? Do you want fries with that?
When I die, I want my body to be donated to science More specifically, a scientist who's working on bringing dead people back to life.
Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays
I’ll be your CAM girl...
I’ll store your C at night and release it in the morning
(Sorry for this terrible terrible science joke that no one’s gonna understand lol. But at least it isn’t a repost, 100% from my brain while studying ecology)
I made a homemade bomb for my science fair project two years ago I guess I did well. The judges were blown away
I used to make jokes about science But they got no reaction...
A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist."
"Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.
"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."
Went to the beach the other day and I ran into my science teacher. She was there with her sister being buried in the sand. Her entire body was covered except one spot and that’s when she yelled... “Hey! Get Mitosis”
Joke from my science teacher years ago...
Q: Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?
A: because Chernob'll Fallout.
I don't care for computer science. Not one bit.
My dog ate my computer science project
"your dog ate your coding assignment?"
It took him a couple bytes
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay in drugs Now the paper is gorilla and floor is melting
If you want to be a computer science major, all you have do is get sick. Before long you’ll be coughing and hacking.
I tried to think of a good science joke But all the good ones Argon
My science teacher asked me if I liked sodium I said “Na.”
So my science teacher began her astronomy unit with star formation She gave a stellar explanation.
I'm not saying my acne was bad at school, but when one boy asked the science teacher how many planets there were in the galaxy... The teacher said, "Less than there are on his face."
I just read an entire book on the science of anti-gravity... I couldn't put it down!
How can you prove that the " 'i' before an 'e', except after 'c' " rule doesn't always apply? Through science.
You can major in 5 things in college: science, engineering, business, nursing, or unemployment.
I want to make a science joke. But all the good ones argon.
What's the difference between science and religion?
Science flies you to the moon
Religion flies you into buildings
What particles in a reactor are the happiest?
I used to believe that it was always i before e except after c But science proved me wrong
What disproves "I before E except after C? Science
Science builds planes and skyscrapers... Islam brought them together.
Science gave us plane and skyscrapers Faith brought them together
I would make a science joke, but... All the good ones argon
My friend finally went to the library and borrowed a science book About time
Why didn't the client tip the server?
Because they didn't have enough cache!
(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)
If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are Nietzsche
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says "give me your wallet or you're science!"
"You mean history?" asked the man,
"Don't try to change the subject!" yelled the mugger.
People who play the piano are pianists
People who do science are scientists
People who race cars are racists
Sorry for the formatting on mobile
Science and Faith Science may bring us airplanes and skyscrapers, but it's faith that brings them together.
The best part about getting a political science degree is you will always be able to find a job! At McDonalds
Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division. Multiplication in biology means reproduction, which is microscopically accomplished by cell division.
Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science? Because they're all 0's and 1's
I go to the gym the same way I finish a book on science fiction. I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
Did you hear about the March for Science? It was held in April. Typical scientists.
I used to be a science major in college I was going through an experimental phase
The way I see it, the March for Science has really turned out to be more of a parade for science puns than an actual protest. And I'm totally Oxygen-Potassium with that.
What is the difference between science and religion? Science brought humans to the moon while religion brought planes into the WTC
I've decided I'm going to major in computer science and Japanese. I'm gonna master weeb design.
I was going to write a science fiction story about a planet where people worshipped a computer... but I realized it would just be a deus ex machina.
How about a science joke? Have you heard the one about the sick chemist? If you can't helium and you can't curium, you'll probably have to barium!
For you science nerds, Have you heard of Cole's Law? It goes good with a hamburger.
What do you call two nerds dry humping on the couch? Science friction.
Don't read discussions in /r/ask science about black holes. It will pull you in.
Why did the Mechanical Engineer stop studying material science? They just couldn't handle the stress.
I wanted to study Computer Science but then I stopped... Turns out its just a sudo science.
How do you make a sports science major cry? Remind them that high school is over.
I was gonna make a good science joke But all the good ones argon
Why are people from Arkansas so good at Science? Because they use the Theory of Relativity to find a partner.
Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.
How physicists see other sciences:
Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units
The other day, I tried to put some fog in a jar for a science poject Lets just say i mist.
I think I impressed them at my job interview for Director of Science when I said I was half chemist, half physicist . . . and half mathematician
The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major. It's not rocket science.
A science major says "What's it made of?" An engineering major says "How is it made?" An arts major says... "Would you like fries with that?"
A boy goes home after his exams... He rushes to tell his mom that he got a 100 on two exams. The mother is in shock and asks "My goodness, how did you do it, you were failing your classes a week ago?!" The boy replies "Well I got a 50 in science and a 50 in math."
Why do people studying engineering get to already call themselves engineers?
It is not like that anywhere else.
It is not like people studying science claim that they are already scientists. Or people studying the arts say they are unemployed.
A mountain was next to another mountain..
An earthquake happens and one of the mountains say..
"It wasn't my fault!"
credit to my awesome science teacher
The Higgs Bosom Particle (xpost from /r/science) The Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church, and the priest says to him, "sorry, we don't allow Higgs bosons here." The Higgs boson replies, "but without me, you can't have mass!"