Contents
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Funniest Science Jokes
One day, Pete complained to his friend, “My head really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor.”
His friend said, “Don’t do that. There’s a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply tell it the problem, put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose it and tell you what you can do about the issue you’re having. It only costs $20.00.”
Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00.
The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read:
You have migraines. You need to take better care of yourself. Get daily rest, drink a lot and avoid bright lights, stress, and strain. See me again in 2 weeks.
During the next 2 weeks, while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he even added some oil from his car.
He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $20.00, again stating he had a bad headache. He waited curiously to see what the computer will say about the odd mix. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed lights, and printed out the following analysis:
Your tap water has too much waste in it.
Your dog has ringworms.
Your teenage daughter is pregnant.
Your wife has had 5 different lovers in the past six months.
Also, your car needs a new radiator.
And you wonder why you have a headache?
Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.
Why are there a ton of Religious Holidays but no Science Holidays? Because science works.
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?
**Awkward silence**
Me: It took him a couple bytes
Faith vs Science I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
Science created skyscraper and planes. Religion brought them together.
I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science
0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
Four Majors...
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
On Earth, science is driven by curiosity On Mars, Curiosity is driven by scientists.
What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
How do you hide money from a Republican? Put it in a science textbook.
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
According to Science Alcohol is a solution.
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who." But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."
Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation, but researchers say it's coming quickly.
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
Science flies you to the moon Religion flies you into buildings
Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, Faith brings them together
I was always told "i before e except after c" It sounds weird but I guess it's just science
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well that's not gonna happen.".
Science Builds Planes and Skyscrapers... Faith brings them together.
Science joke
What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
I like telling science puns... Just to see the reaction...
Science builds airplanes & skyscrapers... ...and faith brings them together.
The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.
She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"
The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation. But researchers say it's coming quickly.
When I die I want my body to be donated to science Specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.
What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?
"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
Edit: I hope Neil sees this. That's my dream. I love everything he has done for the science community.
My wife just said, “I just don’t understand the science behind human cloning.” I said, “That makes two of us.”