Hilarious Science Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Science Jokes

Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.

Why are there a ton of Religious Holidays but no Science Holidays? Because science works.

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

Faith vs Science I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.

Science created skyscraper and planes. Religion brought them together.

I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit

If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science 0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.

A science graduate asks the question why? A science graduate asks the question why?

An engineering graduate asks the question how?

An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"

Four Majors... The science major asks "Why does it work?"

The engineering major asks "How does it work?"

The business major asks "How much will it cost?"

The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"

Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables

On Earth, science is driven by curiosity On Mars, Curiosity is driven by scientists.

What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean

How do you hide money from a Republican? Put it in a science textbook.

Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.

I came up with a science joke... Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?

They have a big carbon footprint...

According to Science Alcohol is a solution.

If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who." But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."

Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation, but researchers say it's coming quickly.

A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"

My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.

Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.

Science flies you to the moon Religion flies you into buildings

Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, Faith brings them together

I was always told "i before e except after c" It sounds weird but I guess it's just science

I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well that's not gonna happen.".

Science Builds Planes and Skyscrapers... Faith brings them together.

Science joke What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?

You can’t hear an enzyme.

I like telling science puns... Just to see the reaction...

Science builds airplanes & skyscrapers... ...and faith brings them together.

The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class. She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"

The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes

Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation. But researchers say it's coming quickly.

When I die I want my body to be donated to science Specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.

What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady? "Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"

Edit: I hope Neil sees this. That's my dream. I love everything he has done for the science community.

My wife just said, “I just don’t understand the science behind human cloning.” I said, “That makes two of us.”

New Science Jokes

The most popular science show in US nowaday Dee Nial the anti-science guy.

We’re studying ‘light’ in science class and the teacher asks if she’s clear “No ma’am, you’re opaque.”

Why couldn’t bob and Doug get their microphones working? Because it’s not rocket science

Finally, i before e except after c has been disproven by science

A group of dogs is called a pack. But What is a group of science dogs called? A hypawthesis.

Model predicts 30% of Americans will die from Covid-19 but honestly nobody cares about your predictions Karlie Kloss. Let's leave the science to the scientists.

We have two ways to deal with the coronavirus. A) Accept science now Or
B) *vent later*

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

My friend doesn't believe anything the Science Guy says... I guess he de-Nyes everything.

Why will space be a popular tourist spot? The view is breathtaking and will leave you speechless

Only science geeks will understand

Our Earth Science Class took a fieldtrip to a place where scientists drill through sedimentary rocks for specimens of local strata, but I didn't really enjoy the trip. It was just boring.

What do you call a Computer Science course designed for women? Object oriented programming

I used to have a science teacher That used to throw dissected hearts at students and shout "Heart Attack!"

Students, for your science exam you will be required to create a vacuum. No pressure.

What are rooms in a jail reserved for science majors called? STEM cells.

I think my computer science teacher should self-isolate. He had a hacking cough today.

They told me I before E except after C... but after doing some research, there’s no science in it.

I want to share a science joke on here... But, now i realise all the good jokes
Argon.

Where can you find the best view of scenery In space. It will leave you breathless and speechless

Hope this one hits science geeks hard

What do you call a gum based science project? An Exspearmint.

You think science is not so fashionable? Have you ever noticed Neil deGrasse' ties, son?

I thought I'd make a science joke at the physicist's funeral. But I came in with the wrong energy.

Binary 1100101 The 1-01-11 's of computer science

I did a science experiment on how far you can lean back in your chair before you fall off. I have the completed project right here, but I don't remember doing it.

Science joke I would tell you a joke about helium, but I don’t feel qualified to talk about..
He he he

Grammar tells us, " 'i' before 'e' except after 'c' "... But science tells us otherwise.

You matter. Unless.. multiplied with speed of light squared.
Then you energy.

(Shamelessly stolen from black science dude's twitter)

What's the difference between a computer science student and a brick? The brick gets laid

I made a homemade bomb for my science fair project two years ago I guess I did well. The judges were blown away

Why is a science party the best party? A lot of great chemistry.

I used to make jokes about science But they got no reaction...

A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist." "Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.

"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom? My Chemical Romance

If science were easy... They would call it your mom.

I would tell you a science joke But Na you wont get it

Science flies you to the moon. Religion, in to buildings.

Helen Keller once farted during a lecture on genetic hearing loss.. The science in the room was deafening.

An artificially intelligent robot, called Aristo, just made history by passing an eight grade science test It’s data must be so proud

A man named Isaac and a famous science fiction writer sit in a bar. Isaac says to the science fiction writer, "who are you?"
The writer replies: "I am Isaac."
Delighted at the coincidence, Isaac says "As am I!"
The writer frowns and shakes his head. "No, Asim*ov*."

Science jokes Man: Help!

Officer: What is the problem?

Man: He's throwing sodium chloride at me!

Officer: Why does that provoke a shout for help?

Man: Because it's a salt!!!!

One day, Albert Einstein was on his way to a science convention for a speech.

On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

"Sir, your question is so easy that I'm going to let my driver explain it to you."

I was passing by my son's bedroom and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, I saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, I opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

Dear Dad.

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.

I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy.

She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, dad.

She's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter.

We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better.

She sure deserves it!

Don't worry dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true.

I'm over at Jason's house.

I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table.

Call when it is safe for me to come home!

An easy question to Albert Einstein!

One day, Einstein has to speak at an important science conference.
On the way there, he tells his driver that looks a bit like him:

"I'm sick of all these conferences. I always say the same things over and over!"

The driver agrees: "You're right. As your driver, I attended all of them, and even though I don't know anything about science, I could give the conference in your place."

"That's a great idea!" says Einstein. "Let's switch places then!"

So they switch clothes and as soon as they arrive, the driver dressed as Einstein goes on stage and starts giving the usual speech, while the real Einstein, dressed as the car driver, attends it.

But in the crowd, there is one scientist who wants to impress everyone and thinks of a very difficult question to ask Einstein, hoping he won't be able to respond. So this guy stands up and interrupts the conference by posing his very difficult question. The whole room goes silent, holding their breath, waiting for the response.

The driver looks at him, dead in the eye, and says :

"Sir, your question is so easy to answer that I'm going to let my driver reply to it for me."

One day, Albert Einstein had to speak at an important science conference.

Son leaves a note

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card that's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it,
the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading,
"WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to
see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how
the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft
support building, they gave me a technically correct but
entirely useless answer."

A small collection of my favorite science jokes

A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender, “How much for a drink?”

“For you, sir, no charge!”

What's 2 times 2?

Physicist: “After some measurements I am fairly sure it is somewhere between 3.81 and 4.13!”

Mathematician: “After some consideration I can now prove that the solution exists!”

Engineer: “4, obviously, but lets make it 5, just to be on the safe side.”

Three logicians walk into a bar. “You all want a beer?” the bartender asks.

“I don’t know,” says the first logician.

“I don’t know either,” says the second logician.

Says the third logician, “If that’s the case, then we all want a beer.”

Atom 1: “I think I lost one of my electrons somewhere.”

Atom 2: “Are you sure?”

Atom 1: ”Yes, I’m positive!”

A neutrino walks through a bar.

A photon checks into a hotel. “Do you need help with your luggage?” the clerk asks.

“No thanks, I’m travelling light.”

A mathematician walks into a bar. “I’ll have a pint, and then half a pint and then a quarter of a pint and then an eighth of a pint-”

The bartender, who is also a mathematician, interrupts him, “Two pints, coming right up!”

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician travel together by train. Right after entering Scotland they see a black sheep standing on top of a hill.

“Look at that,” says the biologist. “Apparently the sheep in Scotland are black.”

“Nonsense!” says the physicist. “All we can say for sure is that there is one sheep in Scotland that’s black.”

“I am afraid you are both wrong,” the mathematician explains. “The only thing that is certain is that there is a sheep in Scotland, which is black on at least one side.”

There are two types of people in the world.

Those who can extrapolate from from incomplete data.

What is the value of the contour integral around Western Europe?

Zero, all the Poles are in Eastern Europe.

Why were the Romans so bad at algebra?

They always ended up with X equals 10.

“I never get any good data. Sometimes I think the particle accelerator hates me.”

“Never anthropomorphize machines. They hate that.”

A father passing by his sons bedroom...

A father passing by his son's bedroom, was astonished to see the bed was nicely made, and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad." With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

"Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.
I've been finding real passion with Stacy, and she is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves, and trading it with the other people in the commune, for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.
In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS, so Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!
Don't worry, Dad. I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit, so you can get to know your many grandchildren.
Love, your son, Joshua.
P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

Why Parents Drink

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed
was nicely made and everything was picked up.
Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to 'Dad.'

With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you.
I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.

But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos,
tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am.
But it's not only the passion...Dad she's pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.

She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone.

We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the
other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.

In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.

Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself.

Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that
you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John

PS. Dad, none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house.

I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things
in life than a Report card That's in my center desk drawer.

I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home

A trick with a tie

Son: Dad! I learned an awesome new trick at school in science class. Can I borrow your tie?

Dad: Let's see it.

Son: if we fold your tie in half, and roll the fat end toward the middle, and the thin end toward the middle, we have two rolls - one big and one small, both the same length, right?

Well, if I hold up the tie from the middle, and let go of both sides at the same time, which side will unroll first?

Dad: I have no idea.

Son (drops both ends, which open at the same time):

It's a tie, dad.

A father is passing by his son’s bedroom

and was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home

A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. “You can’t see that, it’s private!”
The second student protested, “But we’re in the same class”

I before E except after C

We feign agreeing, but this foreign poltergeist of a rule is neither efficient nor smart- and therein lies the height of the issue. It's as if an ancient deity has deigned to influence the zeitgeist of the people. We must remove the weight of this veil from their eyes, and forfeit the obeisance of this weird and heinous rule from our science and leisure alike.

Degrees

The graduate with a science degree asks,
'Why does it work?'

The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'

The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'

The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'

One day, Einstein has to go to an important science conference.

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then, he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands.

Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you.

I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.

Love, your son, Joshua.

P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.

"Yes." Says the teacher.

"So it's like a phone? Wouldn't it get a busy signal trying to call itself?"

"No, not like a phone, it's more like-" The teacher starts to explain, but is cut off by the student.

"Is it like a role call? Like when you call your own name?"

"No," the teacher continues "It's not-"

But the student immediately interrupts.

"Like calling a bet? You bet on yourself?"

"No!" The teacher finally blurts. "Look, I can see you're confused. Why don't I tell you a joke my professor taught me..."

He clears his throat and begins.

"A professor is teaching Computer Science 101..."

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"

Science Jokes