Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: It took him a couple bytes
Faith vs Science I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science
0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who." But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."
Medical science still doesn't have a cure for premature ejaculation, but researchers say it's coming quickly.
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and think, "Well that's not gonna happen.".
What is the difference between an enzyme and a hormone?
You can’t hear an enzyme.
The science teacher was discussing insects in her biology class.
She said, "Moths always fly with their legs apart. Can anybody tell me why?"
The quick witted retort came flying back "Well miss have you seen the size of moth balls?"
The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes
Medical science still does not have a cure for premature ejaculation. But researchers say it's coming quickly.
When I die I want my body to be donated to science Specifically, a scientist who is working on bringing dead guys back to life.
What does Neil Degrasse Tyson say to pickup a lady?
"Hey, would you like to get astro physical with my dark matter?"
Edit: I hope Neil sees this. That's my dream. I love everything he has done for the science community.
We’re studying ‘light’ in science class and the teacher asks if she’s clear “No ma’am, you’re opaque.”
Model predicts 30% of Americans will die from Covid-19 but honestly nobody cares about your predictions Karlie Kloss. Let's leave the science to the scientists.
Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.
Why will space be a popular tourist spot?
The view is breathtaking and will leave you speechless
Only science geeks will understand
Our Earth Science Class took a fieldtrip to a place where scientists drill through sedimentary rocks for specimens of local strata, but I didn't really enjoy the trip. It was just boring.
I used to have a science teacher That used to throw dissected hearts at students and shout "Heart Attack!"
They told me I before E except after C... but after doing some research, there’s no science in it.
Where can you find the best view of scenery
In space. It will leave you breathless and speechless
Hope this one hits science geeks hard
I thought I'd make a science joke at the physicist's funeral. But I came in with the wrong energy.
I did a science experiment on how far you can lean back in your chair before you fall off. I have the completed project right here, but I don't remember doing it.
I would tell you a joke about helium, but I don’t feel qualified to talk about..
He he he
You matter. Unless..
multiplied with speed of light squared.
Then you energy.
(Shamelessly stolen from black science dude's twitter)
I made a homemade bomb for my science fair project two years ago I guess I did well. The judges were blown away
A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist."
"Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.
"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."
Helen Keller once farted during a lecture on genetic hearing loss.. The science in the room was deafening.
An artificially intelligent robot, called Aristo, just made history by passing an eight grade science test It’s data must be so proud
A man named Isaac and a famous science fiction writer sit in a bar.
Isaac says to the science fiction writer, "who are you?"
The writer replies: "I am Isaac."
Delighted at the coincidence, Isaac says "As am I!"
The writer frowns and shakes his head. "No, Asim*ov*."