Give a man an egg and he’ll eat for a day Breed a man that can lay an egg and suddenly you’re “taking science too far.”
A mugger jumps out in front of a university student...
...and shouts "your money or your life!"
The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".
Science built skyscrapers and airplanes But only religion can bring the two together.
When I die I'm going to donate my body to science. That's the only way I'll ever get into medical school.
My brother wanted to play cowboys and indians So I put on a ten gallon hat and and chaps and he went to MIT and graduated in computer science.
A mugger holds a man at gunpoint and says, "Give me your wallet or you're science!"
The man says, "Don't you mean history?"
The mugger yells, "Don't try to change the subject!"
Why are there a ton of Religious Holidays but no Science Holidays? Because science works.
Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework
Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?
Me: It took him a couple bytes
Faith vs Science I’m not convinced that faith can move mountains, but I’ve seen what it can do to skyscrapers.
Mugger: Give me all your stuff or you're science!
Me: Don't you mean history?
Mugger: Don't try to change the subject!
Science created skyscraper and planes. Religion brought them together.
I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit
If I was being subjective, I'd say the greatest science fiction show of all time was Doctor Who, but if I was being objective... I'd say it was Doctor Whom.
When I die, I’m donating my body to science. It’s the only way I’ll ever get into medical school.
There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science
0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors
"Science gives us airplanes and skyscrapers..." "but it's faith that brings them together."
A science graduate asks the question why?
A science graduate asks the question why?
An engineering graduate asks the question how?
An arts graduate asks, "Would you like fries with that?"
The science major asks "Why does it work?"
The engineering major asks "How does it work?"
The business major asks "How much will it cost?"
The liberal arts major asks "Do you want fries with that?"
Mike Pence doesn't believe in science But he wants to use electricity to turn fruits into vegetables
What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean
How do you hide money from a Republican? Put it in a science textbook.
Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb, But you do need a religious person to set it off.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
According to Science Alcohol is a solution.
If I'm being subjective, I'd say that the greatest hero in Science Fiction is "Doctor Who." But if I'm being completely objective... I'd say it's "Doctor Whom."
A person with a science degree asks "why does it work?" A person with an engineering degree asks: "how does it work?" A person with an accounting degree asks: "how much does it cost?" A person with an art degree asks: "do you want fries with that?"
I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay on drugs The paper became a taco and the floor was melting.
Did you hear about the science experiment where they successfully transferred human DNA into a dog? They say the scientist spent too much time in the lab.
Classic. I’d be surprised if this was not posted already. One afternoon the teacher asked the Johnny “Can you explain what oxidation is?” He replied “No my science is a little rusty.”
If you want to destroy science, you are a fundamentalist; if you want to destroy spiritual theology, you are a scientist; if you want to destroy both, you are Nietzsche
[meta*] surprising new science shows that the way humans understand jokes can be acurately modelled by fluid dynamics let that sink in.
What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta
Joke from my science teacher years ago...
Q: Why should you never wear Russian nuclear underwear?
A: because Chernob'll Fallout.
A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist."
"Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.
"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."
So my science teacher began her astronomy unit with star formation She gave a stellar explanation.
My science teacher asked me if I liked sodium I said “Na.”
I tried to think of a good science joke But all the good ones Argon
A bunch of scientists got together one day for a barbecue... ...and were cooking up sausages, but they were one short. They looked in the cooler, the fridge, everywhere they could think to look, but science still has yet to find the missing link.
I used to have a science teacher That used to throw dissected hearts at students and shout "Heart Attack!"
They told me I before E except after C... but after doing some research, there’s no science in it.
Where can you find the best view of scenery
In space. It will leave you breathless and speechless
Hope this one hits science geeks hard
You think science is not so fashionable? Have you seen Neil deGrasse' tie, son?
True story: Friend accidently insults friend
After learning about chromosomes in science, I asked someone how many chromosomes they had. Their friend then said
"More than you"
I made a homemade bomb for my science fair project two years ago I guess I did well. The judges were blown away
I used to make jokes about science But they got no reaction...
Went to the beach the other day and I ran into my science teacher. She was there with her sister being buried in the sand. Her entire body was covered except one spot and that’s when she yelled... “Hey! Get Mitosis”
When it comes to math and science, it’s a stereotype to assume that Asians are always right They could be Wong too
I don't care for computer science. Not one bit.
So my science teacher asked what kind of beetle can swim the best so I replied Paul of course, after all he is the walrus. Coo coo ca chu
My health science teacher told me to write a 1,000 word essay in drugs Now the paper is gorilla and floor is melting
None of my friends seemed very impressed when I told them I hooked up with my high school science teacher. I swear it is so much harder trying to fit in when you are homeschooled.
A science teacher asked his class "Would you like to hear a Chemistry joke?" They said "Na"
I'm not saying my acne was bad at school, but when one boy asked the science teacher how many planets there were in the galaxy... The teacher said, "Less than there are on his face."
My biology teacher tells me that I need to focus more in lessons.
They say I always ask off topic questions. But I'm just interested, that's all.
Science is interesting. Apparently there is a species of fish called "irrelevant".
A mugger jumps upon a College student and shouts "your money or your life!"... The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry my dear mate, I'm a Political Science student. I don't have either. Moreover you may give your money....
I didnt really like my science teacher There was no chemistry between us.
I don't have any good science related jokes to tell Because most of the good jokes argon
The other day, I tried to put some fog in a jar for a science poject Lets just say i mist.
Why is faith greater than science? Science made buildings and planes but faith brought them together.
The astrophysics class I wanted to take filled up. Now I need to figure out what other course will work for my schedule and major. It's not rocket science.
Why did the computer science student drop out? He just couldn't hack it.
The first day of school I signed up for English, Math, Science and Language. The rest, as they say, was History.
A mountain was next to another mountain..
An earthquake happens and one of the mountains say..
"It wasn't my fault!"
credit to my awesome science teacher
The Higgs Bosom Particle (xpost from /r/science) The Higgs boson walks into a Catholic church, and the priest says to him, "sorry, we don't allow Higgs bosons here." The Higgs boson replies, "but without me, you can't have mass!"