Computer Science Jokes

Contents

Funniest Jokes
Long Jokes

Funniest Computer Science Jokes

A mugger jumps out in front of a university student... ...and shouts "your money or your life!"

The student keeps walking, and says "Sorry mate, I'm a Computer Science student. I don't have either".

Funny Computer Science Jokes

Me: I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework Computer Science Professor: Your dog ate your coding assignment?

**Awkward silence**

Me: It took him a couple bytes

I don't like computer science jokes.. Not one bit

There are 2 truly difficult problems in Computer Science 0: Naming things
1: Cache invalidation
2: Off by one errors

What do you call it when computer science majors make fun of each other? Cyber boolean

I majored in Politics, Computer Science, and Dance. Now I'm stuck writing Al Gore Rhythms.

The girls in my computer science class are like the matrix All you see is a bunch of ones and zeroes

Why did Steve Irwin fail his computer science class? String Arrays

I would talk about computer science... But it makes my mother board

Yesterday, my computer science teacher was teaching us about for-loops... ... he said it was a *for n* concept.

Computer Science major walks into an English class The Professor says "Welcome to English 101".

The student panicks.

"What's wrong?" asks the Professor.

"I missed the first 4 English classes".

There are two hard things in computer science: cache invalidation, naming things, and off-by-one errors. Oh and weird concurrency bugs.

Oh and weird concurrency bugs.

I've decided I'm going to major in computer science and Japanese. I'm gonna master weeb design.

Your computer science teaching momma is so fat... ... she can flatten a binary tree in O(1).

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404. The students search feverishly, to no avail

My dog ate my computer science project "your dog ate your coding assignment?"


It took him a couple bytes

I wanted to study Computer Science but then I stopped... Turns out its just a sudo science.

What do you call a nap in computer science class? A CS-ta

How physicists see other sciences: Biology: squishy physics
Geology: slow physics
Computer Science: virtual physics
Psychology: people physics
Chemistry: impure physics
Math: physics minus the units

Why didn't the client tip the server? Because they didn't have enough cache!

(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Why isn't there any beautiful girl in computer science? Because they're all 0's and 1's

Why did the transgender person fail computer science? Because they were non-binary

A computer science major goes to his English professor and says "I've found a fault in the English language and I need an entomologist." "Don't you mean an etymologist?" the teacher asks.

"No," the student replies. "It's a bug, not a feature."

Why can a girl not get laid in the computer science field? the odds might be good. but the goods are odd

Since MIT is giving free access to their courses online, I shall study Computer science web programming with Python and Java as I thought it would be so cool to have a large snake round my neck as I drink coffee.

What's the difference between a computer science student and a brick? The brick gets laid

Why are people who use the metric system so good at computer science? Because they are pro-grammers.

My computer science professor was fired for giving a lecture in Octal My school has very strict policies regarding eight-speech.

Why did the computer science student drop out? He just couldn't hack it.

Computer Science joke: After you've been bit 8 times by a mosquito does that been you have a mosquito byte? Not understanding this joke is what causes malaria.

I think my computer science teacher should self-isolate. He had a hacking cough today.

Binary 1100101 The 1-01-11 's of computer science

If you want to be a computer science major, all you have do is get sick. Before long you’ll be coughing and hacking.

Every day at my 4 PM computer science class that the teacher is late to... "4:04 teacher not found"

I don't care for computer science. Not one bit.

What do you call a Computer Science course designed for women? Object oriented programming

Popular Topics

tennis awesome knock knock bear fat people prison mama uncle pastor mermaid australian football free snowman alabama confucius motorcycle dumb blonde romantic japanese nurse

Long Computer Science Jokes

Found this on my computer science teacher's webpage

A helicopter with a pilot and a single passenger was flying
around above Seattle when a malfunction disabled all of the
aircraft's navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the darkness and haze, the pilot could not determine the
helicopter's position and course to get back to the airport.

The pilot saw a tall building with lights on and flew toward it,
the pilot had the passenger draw a handwritten sign reading,
"WHERE AM I?", and hold it up for the building's occupants to
see.

People in the building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a
large sign, and held it in a building window.

Their sign said, "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the
course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely.

After they were on the ground, the passenger asked the pilot how
the "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER" sign helped determine their
position.

The pilot responded, "I knew that had to be the Microsoft
support building, they gave me a technically correct but
entirely useless answer."

A computer science student...

...was writing a note to his crush before lecture. The student next to him grabbed the note.
The first student tried to grab it back. “You can’t see that, it’s private!”
The second student protested, “But we’re in the same class”

A professor is teaching Computer Science 101...

A professor is teaching computer science 101 and gets to the topic of recursion, but after reading his prepared notes, one of his students seems particularly perplexed and questions the teacher.

"I don't understand, you said a recursive algorithm one that calls itself?" The student asks.

"Yes." Says the teacher.

"So it's like a phone? Wouldn't it get a busy signal trying to call itself?"

"No, not like a phone, it's more like-" The teacher starts to explain, but is cut off by the student.

"Is it like a role call? Like when you call your own name?"

"No," the teacher continues "It's not-"

But the student immediately interrupts.

"Like calling a bet? You bet on yourself?"

"No!" The teacher finally blurts. "Look, I can see you're confused. Why don't I tell you a joke my professor taught me..."

He clears his throat and begins.

"A professor is teaching Computer Science 101..."

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'...

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike. The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”'

The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, ‘You can have anything you want’.”

The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

A young computer science student is on the phone with his father...

His father says: "so how have your classes been going?"

The son replies: "not bad. I did really well on my test on hexadecimal today! It was only worth fifteen points, but I'm still happy about it."

"Oh yeah? What grade did you get?"

"An F!"

A computer science student is studying under a tree and another pulls up on a flashy new bike.

The first student asks, “Where’d you get that?”


The student on the bike replies, “While I was studying outside, a beautiful girl pulled up on her bike. She took off all her clothes and said, “You can have anything you want.”


The first student responds, “Good choice! Her clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you.”

Some recent grads having a beer..

Three guys, Mike, Dave, and Doug were at a table in a bar enjoying some beers and conversation. A stranger came by and asked if he could join them and was immediately welcomed. After about an hour of lively conversation the stranger said, “I can tell you are all recent college grads. I bet I can guess where each of you went to school.”

“That would be interesting,” said Doug, “I’d like to see how you could do that.”

“Well, Mike here, he’s Harvard. That’s easy. He’s got the Haavard accent. He also made reference to some obscure points of business law and his stylish business suit seals the deal.”

“And Dave has got to be MIT. The smudged glasses and black t-shirt are a clue. He also made some references that show he has a good grasp of quantum theory and computer science.”

“That’s amazing,” said Doug. “What about me?”

“Oh. You went to West Virginia University.”

“How do you know?” asked Doug.

“I saw your class ring while you were picking your nose.”

A Chinese student is quite good with mental calculation

... but has this habit of looking up whenever he does heavy calculation. He is a third-year student in a university, major in Computer Science. And he works part time in a convenient store near his uni. He doesn’t speak much on his part time job, but he is honest, hard working, and is well mannered around the customers. The shop owner likes him.

One day on his shift, the student was attending a cashier, when suddenly a black out happened. Without the help of the barcode scanner or the computer, the student utilized his knack on calculations and kept serving the custermer, working out total amount and changes after a brief moment of thinking. The shop owner saw him in action: he takes a quick look on the items, stares at the sky for half a second, then gives the total. The owner produces a calculator from his counter and verified a few times, the student got it right every time. The owner was amazed.

Finally, after the last customer has left with satisfaction, the owner approached the student, with uncertainty in his voice he asked: “What you did there, was that cloud computing?”

Artificial Intelligence

An Annapolis computer science major was given an artificial intelligence assignment for one of his classes. He ended up creating a program where you could have a conversation with your computer based on your IQ level.

To test his program he entered 80 and had a conversation with his Soap Operas. He entered 100 and talked about politics. He entered 150 and talked about nuclear physics.

Just to see what would happen he entered a -50 and the computer bumped and belched and sparked and smoked for a good 10 minutes. When it finally settled down it displayed "On Brave Old Army Team....."

Something about college has been bothering me

Engineering students are allowed to call themselves engineers, and someone like a computer science student has no trouble using it as a title, but fine art students can't call themselves baristas.

How they grade them

DEPT OF STATISTICS: All grades are plotted along the normal bell curve.

DEPT OF PSYCHOLOGY: Students are asked to blot ink in their exam books, close them and turn them in. The professor opens the books and assigns the first grade that comes to mind.

DEPT OF HISTORY: All students get the same grade they got last year. DEPT OF RELIGION: Grade is determined by God.

DEPT OF PHILOSOPHY: What is a grade? LAW SCHOOL: Students are asked to defend their position of why they should receive an A.

DEPT OF MATHEMATICS: Grades are variable.

DEPT OF LOGIC: If and only if the student is present for the final and the student has accumulated a passing grade then the student will receive an A else the student will not receive an A.

DEPT OF COMPUTER SCIENCE: Random number generator determines grade.

MUSIC DEPARTMENT: Each student must figure out his grade by listening to the instructor play the corresponding note (+ and - would be sharp and flat respectively).

DEPT OF PHYSICAL EDUCATION: Everybody gets an A.

Daedalus and the Labyrinth

Daedalus, the famous Greek architect and inventor, was relaxing in his home in the Blessed Isles of the Underworld when Hades, the Lord of Death himself, came to him with a favor.

"Listen, Daedalus," Hades began. "You know how the population of the dead here increase every year? The Underworld would not be able to sustain so many souls."

"Well," Daedalus replied. "What would you want me to do about it?"

"You are the great builder who designed the Labyrinth for King Minos himself, and I want you to do the same for me as well. But not just any Labyrinth. We need a Labyrinth that is economical and efficient. We need a Labyrinth that will suit our needs and adapt to any situation that may arise in the future. We need a Labyrinth that can think for itself."

Daedalus pondered for a moment, then finally said "I'll see what I can do."

The great architect spent 4 years planning and building his first prototype of his new Labyrinth. He showed the prototype, Labyrinth Beta, to Hades.

"This looks really good, Daedalus," Hades said. "The design is economical and efficient. But, I want an intelligent Labyrinth. Now, you just need to add some form of Artificial Intelligence to it. We have a few new souls here, so maybe they could help you with that."

So Daedalus, along with a group of Computer Science students, programmed a complex AI for the Labyrinth in 3 months. They presented the AI to Hades.

"Now, this seems like a very complicated AI indeed! However, we need the AI to be user friendly. Maybe if it could communicate with us via speech, for example?"

And so Daedalus and his team designed a user interface for their Labyrinth, and after 2 weeks, they were finished. Daedalus decided to see for himself the intelligence of his design.
"This is Daedalus, your creator. Can you hear me?" he said to the complex machine.

"Hello, Daedalus," replied the Labyrinth in a robotic voice. "I am Labyrinth Alpha, at your command."

"Labyrinth Alpha, could you enumerate your functions?"

"I am able to sustain up to 5 billion souls at any time, and I can adapt if ever more souls arrive in the Underworld. Also, I can adjust my climate in certain parts of me so that I could suit the needs of different souls from different parts of the world. Lastly, I have many features that will make even the newer souls more comfortable in the Underworld. I have 1.5 TB/s WiFi, all the latest video games, all the latest albums and mixtapes, and all the popular TV shows and Movies. And all of this was possible because of your sophisticated AI, Creator."

"Wow," Daedalus said. "I have to say, I'm impressed. I'm sure Hades will be impressed with you, too."

"Well," Labyrinth Alpha replied. "I, for one, am certainly a maze."

A Short History of Military Budget Cutbacks.

In 2005, due to budget cutbacks the US army decided to start combining military occupational specialties within the computer science field into new MOSs. Soldiers that joined the army to write software now had to also know hardware. Soldiers that wanted to install cabling now also had to install fiber optic networking. Officers had to learn their new responsibilities just as their soldiers did in order to maintain a good work force.

In 2008, more budget cutbacks caused the same thing to happen. The soldiers doing hardware and software now had to learn how to install fiber optic cabling and do networking. Officers had to manage these new soldiers, but all worked out well.

In 2010, more cutbacks resulted in those same soldiers having to install network cabling that follow industry standard and insure all work is kept up to code. Officers took note and made sure their soldiers did their jobs correctly given the new responsibilities.

In 2015, more budget cutbacks caused the MOSs to only be available to the officer core. All of the titles have been combined to a single position typically filled by a single lieutenant. Every unit gets only one of these types of computer science officers. When the army needs support for hardware, software or any other computer type support they call the Software, Hardware, Information Technology, Industry Fiber-optic Installation & Networking Officer or SHITIFINO for short.

Popular Topics

naughty school redneck anatomy horrible 4th of july amish anime whale aggie nun grammar geometry accountant giraffe that's what she said buzzfeed siri in soviet russia