Brunette Jokes

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Funniest Brunette Jokes

A blonde and a brunette got stuck in an elevator.. Blonde starts shouting: "HELP! HELP!"


Brunette turns to her and says: "We should shout together."


Blonde: "TOGETHER! TOGETHER!"

A blonde and a brunette are discussing the previous night out... The brunette says, "Last night I slept with a Brazilian."

"Oh my god!" the blonde replies. "How many is THAT?"

A blonde and a brunette are on opposite sides of a river... The brunette yells across, "Help me get to the other side of the river!"

The blonde yells back, "You *are* on the other side of the river!"

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator... And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.

The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."

The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"

Funny Brunette Jokes

A blonde and a brunette were on an elevator... And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.
The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."
The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead ...a doctor, a lawyer and an accountant, a Brit, a German and an American, a priest, a rabbi, two camels and a duck walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them all and says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

A blonde and a brunette is sitting on a bench. Out of nowhere, the brunette says: Look! A dead bird!

The blonde gazes up into the air says where?

Blonde / Brunette Q: What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?

A: Artificial intelligence.

The River A blonde and a brunette are standing on opposite sides of a river.

The brunette yells to the blonde "HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE RIVER?"

The blonde yells back "YOU ARE ON THE OTHER SIDE YOU IDIOT!!"

3 women are sitting at a bar.. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde.

The brunette says, "I'm so tight, my husband can only fit 3 fingers in me."

The redhead says, "I'm so tight, *my* husband can only fit 1 finger in me!"

The blonde, meanwhile, slides down her stool.

Another Old Blonde Joke A brunette yells to a blonde across a river, "Hey! How do I get to the other side of the river?"

The blonde yells back "You are on the other side!"

What do you get when you turn a blonde girl upside down? A brunette with bad breath

A blonde, brunette, and redhead are stuck on a deserted island 10 miles from shore. The brunette swims 2 miles before drowning. The redhead makes it 8 before drowning. The blonde swims 5 miles before getting tired and swimming back to the island.

A blonde and brunette walk into a bar... You think one of them would have seen it.

A blonde and a brunette are walking down the street The brunette says, "Look, a dead bird."

The blonde looks up in the sky and says, "Where?"

What you get when you turn a blonde woman upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

A blonde, redhead, and a brunette are all in the 9th Grade. Which one is the sexiest? The blonde because she is the only one who is 18.

What do you call a brunette standing behind two blondes? The translator.

A Brunette Asking A Blonde Brunette: "Where were you born?"
Blonde: "The United States."
Brunette: "Which part?"
Blonde: "My whole body."

(Q)..... What Do You Call A Brunette Standing Between Two Blondes? (A)..... The Interpreter.

in a kindergarten class, there is a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. which one do you date? the blonde. she's 18.

A brunette tells her blonde friend that she can finally say that she's slept with a Brazilian. The blonde looks shocked and says, "OMG, how many is a Brazilian???

3 witch fugitives were cornered by police The redhead yelled "AIR" and a gust of wind carried her to safety.

The brunette yelled "EARTH" and a tunnel to safety appeared underneath her.

The blonde yelled "FIRE" so the police did.

A blond and a brunette jumped off the roof of a 10-story building at the exact same time. Who hit the ground first? The brunette.

The blond had to stop and ask for directions.

How do you tell a blonde from a brunette in the dark? Just call out "can you hear me?" and listen for the reply "no, its too dark in here!"

What do you get if you put a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator and an attractive guy walks in. But he has obvious dandruff. They get off and the brunette says “that guy was hot, but he could really use some head and shoulders!”

Blonde: “what’s shoulders?”

A blonde and a brunette are having a conversation Blonde: what does IDK stand for?
Brunette: I don’t know
Blonde: OMG nobody does!

What's brown, black and blue and lays at the bottom of a ditch? A brunette that's told one too many blonde jokes.

A blonde and a brunette are walking in a park, the brunette says awwww look a dead bird poor thing.

The blonde looks up and says where?

What do you get when you turn a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

Why is there a brunette walking between two blondes? To translate!

What do you call an upside down blonde? A brunette with bad breath

A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car. The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"

A blonde and a brunette go skydiving. Which one lands first? The brunette.

​

The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

A blonde and a brunette are talking Blonde: what does idk stand for

Brunette: I don't know

Blonde: omg like nobody does

A blonde and a brunette jump off a cliff at the exact same time. Who hits the ground first? The brunette. The blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

If a blonde and a brunette jump off a bridge, who would hit the ground first? The brunette, the blonde would stop for directions!

What do you call... Q. What do you call a blonde upside-down?
A. A brunette with bad breath.

Q. What do you call a 100 blondes in a tree?
A. A country.

I learned them when I was 10 and still love them today.

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New Brunette Jokes

What do you call a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

Three women are in an elevator... a blonde, a brunette and a redhead. The brunette looks at the wall and says "is that sperm?". Then the redhead touches it, and says "i think it is". Then the blonde licks it and says "no one from our floor".

If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first? The brunette because the blonde would stop and ask for directions.

What do you call a ginger with a soul? A brunette named Ginger

Three blondes walk into a bar.... Then the brunette ducks

What do you call a blonde who does a handstand? A brunette with bad breath.

What do you get when you flip a blonde up-side-down? A brunette with shrimp-breath.

What do you call it when a brunette dyes her hair blonde? Brainwashing.

3 Women In A Bar A redhead asks the bartender for a ML:

Bartender - "what's a ML?"
redhead - " Miller Lite - DUH!"

The Brunette asks for a BL:

Bartender - "what's a BL?"
brunette - "Bud Lite - DUH!"

The Blonde asks for a "15"

Bartender - "what's a "15"?"
Blond - " Seven and seven - DUH!"

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Long Brunette Jokes

A cowboy is captured by indians. The chief tells the cowboy they'll grant 3 requests before they scalp him.

The cowboy thinks a minute then says, " I wish to say goodbye to my horse then to set him free." So they bring him his horse, he whispers in its ear then sets him off into the sunset. He tells the chief he needs to mull over the third request and the chief agrees to wait until sunset.

As the sun dips in the sky, here comes the horse back, with a beautiful brunette in the saddle. "Is this your last request?" the chief asks. "Uh, no," says the cowboy. "My last request is to say goodbye to my horse once more." "Ok..." says the chief. The cowboy leans into his horses ear and hisses,

"You idiot! I said 'Posse! Posse!"

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office

A gorgeous young brunette goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

“Impossible!” says the doctor. “Show me”.

“The brunette took her finger, pushed on her left wrist and screamed,then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed.

Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, “You’re not really a brunette, are you?”

“Well, no” she said, “I’m actually a blonde.”

“I thought so,” the doctor said. “Your finger is broken”.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so that they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then takes their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, *"When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."*

The brunette arrives at the man’s ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, *"I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."*

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, *"It’s just 99 cents a word."*

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she’ll only be able to send her sister one word.

After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, *“I want you to send her the word, 'comfortable.'”*

The telegraph operator shakes his head. *"How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her the word, 'comfortable'?"*
The brunette explains, *"My sister’s blonde. She’ll read it slow."*

A Blonde, a Brunette and a Redhead are against a wall to be executed by a firing line.

Each is given an opportunity for last words. The Redhead is up first: she points and screams "Tornado!" Everyone freaks out and in the commotion she gets away. The Brunette is second and catches on the the plan: she points and screams "Tsunami," fleeing in the confusion. The Blonde has worked out a similar strategy and, on her turn, yells "FIRE!"

Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. The guard brings the brunette forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the brunette yells, "EARTHQUAKE!!!"

Everyone is startled and throws themselves on the ground while she escapes.

The guard brings the redhead forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

Suddenly the redhead yells, "TORNADO!!!"

Everyone is startled and looks around for cover while she escapes.

By now the blonde has it all figured out. The guard brings her forward and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no,

and the executioner shouts, "Ready! Aim!"

And the blonde yells, "FIRE!!!"

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch...

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from re-possessing the ranch they need to purchase a bull from a stockyard in a far-away town so that they can breed their own stock. They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word." Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word "comfortable."
The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly...
com-for-da-bull."

There are two sisters...

... one is blonde and the other is brunette and they inherit the family farm.

Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble.

In order to keep the bank from repossessing the farm, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left.

Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, "When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it.

The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less.

After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our farm.

I need her to hitch the trailer to our 4x4 and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, and then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left.

She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, "I want you to send her the word comfortable."

The operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your 4x4 and drive out here to haul that bull back to your farm if you send her just the word "comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's blonde. It's a big word. She'll read it very slowly.....

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead are stuck on an island and discover a magic lamp. They rub and rub, and sure enough, out pops a genie. The genie says, "Since I can only grant three wishes, you may each have one."

The brunette says, "I've been stuck here for years. I miss my family, my husband and my life. I just want to go home."

Poof! The brunette gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The redhead says, "I've also been stuck here for years, and I wish I could go home, too."

Poof! The redhead gets her wish, and she is returned to her family.

The blonde starts crying uncontrollably.

The genie asks, "My dear, what's the matter?"

The blonde whimpers, "I wish my friends were still here."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are stuck on an island

The redhead tries to swim back to land, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

The brunette decides to try, swims a third of the way there, gets tired, and swims back.

Finally the blonde tries, swims half of the way there, gets tired, swims back.

Fat Girls

Last night I was having some wings and beer with a coworker after work. There were these two pretty, but kinda fat girls drinking at the bar and being loud. They had what I could have sworn was a Scottish accent.

I'm a big fan of girls from the UK, so I struck up a conversation. I asked them, "So... you two ladies are from Scotland?"

I could see immediately that I had offended them. The brunette scowled and said, hotly, "WALES!"

I apologized and said, "I'm sorry. Are you two whales from Scotland?"

A blonde girl...

...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.

Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:

"if i can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"

"fair deal" the shepherd says and the blonde guesses "457". The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says "a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it".

After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says:

"if i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can i get my dog back?"

A redhead, brunette and a blonde walk into a bar.

They were having a chat when the bartender asked them about thier opinions on elements.

The redhead says,"I love gold because I can buy a lot of cars with it."

The brunette says,"I would prefer platinum because it is more valuable than gold and can buy you more cars."

The blonde says,"I have 2 bags of silicon and you should see the cars outside my house.''

[It is my first time writing a joke. All my previous jokes were Ctrl+C Ctrl+V. So don't go mad at me.]

A blonde and a brunette are on an elevator...

And a short man with dandruff gets on and then comes off on the next floor.


The brunette goes, "Wow, that guy could really use some Head and Shoulders."

The blonde says, "How do you give shoulders?"




No offense anyone...hehe



EDIT: Front page! Woot woot! Thanks, dudes and dudettes.

Comfortable

Two sisters, a blonde and a brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull so they can breed their own stock.

The brunette balances their checkbook, then decides to take their last $600 dollars out west to another ranch where a man has a prize bull for sale. Upon leaving, she tells her sister, "If I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home."

The brunette arrives at the man's ranch, inspects the bull, and decides she does want to buy it. The man tells her that he can sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram.

She walks into the telegraph office, and says, "I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pick-up truck and drive out here so we can haul it home."

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, "It's just 99 cents a word."

Well, with only $1 left after paying for the bull, the brunette realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word. After thinking for a few minutes, she nods, and says, "I want you to send her the word, comfortable."

The telegraph operator shakes his head. "How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pick-up truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you just write, comfortable?"

The brunette explains, "My sister's a slow reader."

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

"Quick! Hide!" The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

"Meow!" goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

"Just an alley cat..." The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

"Woof!" Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

"Just a stray..." The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

"POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE" grunts the blonde.

_____

Edited to meet popular demand.

For those who don't get the joke, the redhead and brunette both mimic things that might be in an alleyway-a cat and a stray dog. The blonde however wonders "What would be in a potato sack? Potatoes!" and thus tries to blend in by announcing herself as a potato.

Edit Edit: I'm blond. I can make these jokes.

A blonde joke my sub told us.

Two sisters, one blonde and one brunette, inherit the family ranch. Unfortunately, after just a few years, they are in financial trouble. In order to keep the bank from repossessing the ranch, they need to purchase a bull from the stockyard in a far town so that they can breed their own stock.

They only have $600 left. Upon leaving, the brunette tells her sister, 'When I get there, if I decide to buy the bull, I'll contact you to drive out after me and haul it home.'

The brunette arrives at the stockyard, inspects the bull, and decides she wants to buy it. The man tells her that he will sell it for $599, no less. After paying him, she drives to the nearest town to send her sister a telegram to tell her the news. She walks into the telegraph office and says, 'I want to send a telegram to my sister telling her that I've bought a bull for our ranch. I need her to hitch the trailer to our pickup truck and drive out here so we can haul it home.'

The telegraph operator explains that he'll be glad to help her, then adds, 'It's just 99 cents a word.' Well, after paying for the bull, the brunette only has $1 left. She realizes that she'll only be able to send her sister one word.

After a few minutes of thinking, she nods and says, 'I want you to send her the word 'comfortable.'

The operator shakes his head. 'How is she ever going to know that you want her to hitch the trailer to your pickup truck and drive out here to haul that bull back to your ranch if you send her just the word 'comfortable?'

The brunette explains, 'My sister's blonde. The word's big. She'll read it very slowly ... com-for-da-bull.'

3 blonde women are on one side of a river...

...wondering how they will get across. The first one decides to pray saying "God please make me smart enough to get across this river." so God turns her into a brunette and she swims across the river. The second also prays saying "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as the last girl so I can get across this river." So God turns her into a red head and she builds a boat and rows across the river. The third also prays "Dear God, please make me twice as smart as both of those women combined." So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.

A young blonde fears that her boyfriend is seeing another girl...

One day, the girl is visiting her boyfriend's apartment for lunch and stumbles across another woman's discarded garments on his bedroom floor. After sitting coolly through the meal, avoiding eye contact, she quietly excuses herself without explanation. She is incredibly hurt, and on her way home finds herself in a local gun shop, purchasing a handgun. The next day she awakens with renewed vengeance for her lover's betrayal. She dresses and immediately heads straight to his apartment, gun tucked in the back of her pants as a failsafe in case things get ugly. Not bothering to knock, she bursts into her boyfriend's apartment to find him and a brunette cuddled up on the couch. As the reality sinks in, the blonde is overcome with complete despair and rage. She whips the gun out and holds it to her own head. The boyfriend leaps off the couch and starts begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The blonde, a vile look in her crazed eyes, entirely devoid of that love she once knew, snarls, "Shut up. You're next."

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart

A blonde and brunette were in a local Walmart when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.
The brunette won 1st place, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
The blonde won 6th prize, a toilet brush.
About a week or so had passed when the women met back at Wal-Mart. The blonde asked the brunette how she liked her prize, to which the brunette replied,
"Great, I love spaghetti!"
"How about you? How's the toilet brush?"
"Not so good," replied the blonde.
"I think I'm gonna go back to paper."

Three blondes

Three blonde women are sitting on the side of a river. The first one says "dear God, make me twice as smart as I am so that I can cross the river". So God turns her into a brunette and she swims across. The second blonde says "dear God please make me twice as smart as you made the last girls so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a Red Head and she builds a boat and sails across. The third blonde says "dear God, make me twice as smart as you made the last girl so I can cross the river". So God turns her into a man and she walks across the bridge.




*edit* People, it's just a joke! So much hate, I've told other jokes as well. Here's an anti-man joke? Why are women bad with judging distance? Because they've been lied to about what 8 inches is their entire lives.

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