Camping Jokes

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Funniest Camping Jokes

The ghost busters enterd the hospital to see their friend who has been diagnosed with cancer When they walk in their stopped by a doctor who says
-Sorry no spawn camping

Funny Camping Jokes

Confucius say... Difference between camping and being homeless is intent.

I hate talking to my boyfriend sometimes. Every time I bring up his camping fetish, he pitches a huge tent.

If you're a criminal and you go camping with EA, don't forget to bring something to sleep in... ... or they'll make you pay for the extra con tent

I went on a pretty crazy camping trip last weekend. It was in tents.

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop? Now is the winter of our discount tents

I don't like camping with just one other person. It's just too intense.

Do you know the difference between camping and molestation? No? In that case, do you want to go camping this weekend?

Two Squirrels GO Camping They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,

"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"

The camping shop in Stratford-upon-Avon is having a sale of last season's stock. Their slogan....? Now.. is the winter of our discount tents.

Surveys show people from Massachusetts go camping more than any other state. Their destination usually includes one of Connecticut's many passing lanes.

Why did the gamer refuse to join the Boy Scouts? He hates camping

When going camping you can never run You have to ran, because it will always be past tents.

Y’know, communism is definitely the best system of government. Nowadays it costs one hundred dollars just to go camping for a night. In the Soviet Union you could go to camp forever, and it was free.

How do you keep a Mormon from drinking all your beer on a camping trip? Take two of them with you.

What do you get when an argument occurs on a camping trip? A tents atmosphere

I dated this girl who was only hot when we went camping She was pretty intense

I went camping recently. It was intense.

Camping is an extreme sport It's in tents!

What do you take on a math camping trip? 2/10

Grammar lesson Two people were camping in a campground. The first says, "I think I'll go for a run." The second replies, "Don't you mean 'ran,' since it's past tents?"

I can't relax when I'm camping . . . It's too in tents.

I went on an extreme camping trip last week... It was in tents.

Why does camping never get boring? Because it's in tents.

Smokers are great people to go camping with You can easily outrun them if a Bear attacks

I went camping in the snow. As the snow melted, water leaked in. It was the winter of my discount tent.

3 guys in camping in one tent The guy on the left dreamed a beautiful blond was giving him a handjob. The guy on the right dreamed a georgous redhead was giving him a handjob. The guy in the middle dreamt he was skiing.

My wife brought her make up on our camping trip... She can be pretty in tents.

Do you know what camping is? It's intense

I had a crazy camping trip this weekend It was in tents

What do you call the Ghostbusters at the hospital? Spawn camping

Jack and Dan are on a camping trip in the woods, when Dan passes out Jack calls the Ambulance and reports the accident

The Ambulance tells him, " Make sure he is actually dead'

Jack leaves the phone and the Ambulance hear a shot

Jack says, "Now what?"

Why Do Adrenaline Junkies Go Camping Because it's in tents.

Did I tell you guys about my awesome camping trip? Yea, it was in tents

I'm going camping this weekend with a bunch of models. It's going to be pretty in tents.

Did I tell you about my crazy camping trip? It was in tents

If you were camping and woke up in the morning with vaseline between your thighs and butt crack would you tell anyone? No? Wanna go camping?

I knew my camping holiday was doomed when I saw the people at the next pitch struggling with a torn ground sheet and bent pegs. It was a portent.

Have you heard about the seasonal camping sale? It is the winter of discount tents!

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New Camping Jokes

I went camping in a haunted campground. It was in tents.

I went camping with my friends once in a bear infested wood. It was an in-tents experience.

What does a Mexican call camping during lockdown? Tent in quarantino!

Camping gone wrong Germans got fiesty with me recently. they asked me: "why do you fear germans, what did we ever do to you?"

​

Me: Well, you do throw some lame camping experiences.

I was on a camping trip when the coronavirus outbreak was announced. To try to stop the spread, we stayed in our tents all day. I guess you could say, the camping trip was in tents.

Why should people with heart disease avoid sleeping outdoors? Because camping is in tents.

I've always wanted to try camping But I've heard it's really in tents

I hate camping I find it to inTENTS

A man with a lisp was accused of a crime while he was camping While being investigated, he told the officers that he wasn't guilty of the crime...
He was... In-a-tent.

I love extreme camping It's in tents

Did you hear about the lawyer that got lost on a camping trip with one of his clients? He was found with criminal in-tent.

Me and my dad go camping every summer I always remind him to not forget the claymores.

Be careful when you’re out camping Whenever I see people murdered on the news they always seem to have been killed in tents

Why is camping so stressful? Because it's in tents

Camping is the best extreme sport It's in tents

Your mama is old... She used to share a corner with Mary Magdalen.




(Came up with it while camping with my folks. Can't believe I said that outloud, I'm church going, born again Christian lol)

What did the bushcraft/survivalist white supremacists say a few days after camping in the deep south. Die chiggers!

Camping with my uncircumcised friend and he didn’t bring a sleeping bag, lol he’s gonna freeze tn Oh god wait what is he doing

If you went camping with a guy... ...and woke up with a sore greasy butt you probably wouldn’t tell anyone right? No? Wanna ho camping?

Who else finds camping intense? (In tents)

The number seven went camping one day. He packed his things and he was sept for life.

I could tell my friend was scared of going camping They were tents

What do you call a well planned Camping trip that will be awesome in the future? Po'tent'ial

Why'd the tarp like the camping equipment recycling startup idea? It sounded good to an extent

I remember when I lost my virginity..... That’s the last time I was allowed to go camping with my Uncle.

What’s the difference between camping and being homeless? Commitment

I had a crazy vivid LSD trip camping at Glastonbury. It was in tents.

Be careful when camping in the woods Whenever the police find a body it's always in a tent

Yo mama's so hairy, when she goes camping Bigfoot tries taking pictures of her

Camping isn’t just a thrill It’s in tents.

It only costs 1 penny to get into our local aquarium, as long as you're camping or dressed as a dolphin... So, to all in tents and porpoises, it's free!

My friends and I were watching the World Cup during our camping trip It was in tents.

I will never forget the first time I went camping It was an in tents experience.

I was arrested on my last camping trip. I was sleeping with intent.

A lot of crazy things happened during my camping trip It was in tents.

What’s the difference between camping and molestation? Oh, you don’t know? Do you wanna go camping this weekend?

What did the masseuse say to the camping seamstress? Why sew tents?

Why do cannibals camp alone? Because while camping you should never sleep next to your food source.

My overzealous friends and I were playing hide & seek on our camping trip. It was really in tents.

My son went on a camping adventure with the Boy Scouts group He told me it was in tents.

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Long Camping Jokes

Ten solders

Ten soldiers are camping in a forest, when two thieves try to steal from them and are caught. The soldiers tell them, "We have to kill you now but since we are in a good mood we'll let you go provided you can make us all laugh". The thieves agree and the first one begins telling a very funny story. Nine of the soldiers are laughing their butts off except for one of them, so they tell the thief, "Sorry, you were funny but not all of us laughed so we have to kill you", and they kill him. The second thief isn't as funny plus now he's nervous so he tells a very boring story. Now nine of the soldiers aren't laughing except for the one who didn't laugh before, so they kill the second thief as well. After killing him the soldiers ask their friend, "Why did you laugh when it was a boring story but not when it was actually funny?", "Oh," he said, "when the second guy was talking, I understood what the first guy said, and it was damn funny"

^sorry ^for ^the ^bad ^english

edit: Changed solders to soldiers (thanks /u/Clutz)

A lawer, a surgeon, and a janitor are going on a camping trip...

when they discover a magical wizard. He says, "I will give you what you most desire if you do someone else's job for a day."

The lawyer says, "Easy! I'll be a kindergarten teacher! How hard can it be to read to a bunch of little kids?" He gets transported into a classroom. He starts off strong, but after two hours, the kids' screams get to him and he gives up in frustration.

Next, the surgeon says, "I've got this! I'll just be a waiter, all they do is walk around with trays of food all day." He is transported into a restaurant. After three hours, the annoying customers drive him insane and he quits out of rage.

Finally, it's the janitor's turn. He says, "I'll be an artist for a day." So he is teleported into an art studio. He takes a bunch of random paint and junk from around the studio and makes an abstract painting which he sells for 100 million dollars.

In awe, the genie asks, "Wow, that was amazing! How did you do it?"

The janitor replies, "I have a masters degree in art."

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.



Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.




Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.



"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"


"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"



I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over.


She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."



So here I am.

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead go hunting

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all went out camping and hunting together. After setting up camp the brunette left to go hunt. 24 hours later the brunette came back with a deer. The others were in awe of the brunette and asked, "How did you do it?"

The brunette replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the deer."

The next day the redhead went out and returned 48 hours later with a bear. The blonde and brunette were in complete awe and asked, "How did you do it?"

The redhead replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, shot the bear."

The next day the blonde went out and returned three days later completely broken, bruised, and bloody. The brunette and redhead were shocked and horrified asking, "What happened!?"

The blonde replied, "Found tracks, followed tracks, got hit by a train."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip.

After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke.

"It tells me that someone has stolen our tent."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping

They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Sherlock wakes up Watson and says: “Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.”
Watson replies with: “I see millions and millions of stars.”
Holmes says: “And what do you deduce from that?”
Watson thinks for a minute before responding: “Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there, there might also be life."
Holmes looks at Watson before responding: “No you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent.”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Sherlock says

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."

"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."

"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."

"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."

"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."

"What does it tell you, Watson?"

Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.

Three vampires are sitting on the graveyard wall.


The first says that he is really hungry and flys into the night. After half an hour he returns and his mouth is full of blood. The other two ask him: "where did you get that?" He answers: "Do you see that little light across the hill? It was a little family at a camping trip. Delicious!" 


The second vampire starts in the air and returns 15minutes later, the whole face covered with blood. The others ask jealousy: "Where have you been?" Smiling he answers: "You guys see that group of lights down there? It was a wedding with over 20guests. I don't have to eat for a week!"


Finally the third vampire starts into the dark sky, and returns about five minutes later. His whole body, top to bottom is covered in blood.

Exited the other two ask:"Man where did you go?!" 

"Do you see that tree right there?"

"Yes"

"Well, I didn't"

Deer Season

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.

Deer Camp

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?

Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.

anyone interested in a good Sherlock Holmes joke?

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.

At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"

Watson said, "I see millions of stars."

Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"

Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."

I don't know if this has been posted before but it's one of my favourite jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes." Replies Watson.
"And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately quarter to four. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

A man got lost on a camping trip

A man got lost on a camping trip. Rescuers scoured the wilderness until a medical emergency team finally spotted a solitary figure across a wide chasm.

“Charlie Smith,” someone shouted, “is that you?”

“Yes, it is,” came the reply. “Who are you?”

“We're from the Red Cross.”

“I gave at the office!” Charlie shouted back.

Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson's Camping Trip

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."

Two kids camping in the backyard

Two kids are camping in their backyard, it's gotten pretty late and neither of them have watches.

"What time do you think it is?" One of them asks the other.

"Just make a ton of noise" says the other.

The first kid gets confused and decides to do it anyways. After a few seconds of screaming a light turn on in another yard and a neighbour yells "YOU CRAZY KIDS IT'S 2 IN THE MORNING!!"

Two men were out camping in the mountains...

They had spent four days together and they were getting a little testy. One morning, the first friend says, "You know, we're starting to get on each other's nerves. Why don't we split up today. I'll hike north and spend the day looking around, you hike south. Then tonight we'll have dinner and share our experiences over the campfire." The second friend agrees and hikes south.

That night over dinner, the first man tells his story. "Today I hiked into a beautiful valley. I followed a stream up into a canyon and ate lunch. Then I swam in a crystal clear mountain lake. As I sat out and dried, I watched deer come and drink from the stream. The wildflowers were filled with butterflies and hawks floated all day overhead. How was your day?"

The second friend says, "I went south and found a set of railroad tracks. I followed them until I came across a young woman tied to the tracks. I cut the ropes off, gently lifted her off the tracks, and we made love in every imaginable way all afternoon. Finally, when I was so tired I could barely move, I came back to camp."

"Wow!!" the first guy exclaimed, "Your day was much better than mine. Was she pretty?" "I don't know," says the second friend eating his meal, "I couldn't find her head."

The Camping Trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.


Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.


Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.


Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.


"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"


"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."


So here I am.

Deer Hunting

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.

"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, here I am.

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replies, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson ponders for a minute. "Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes is silent for a moment, then speaks. "Watson, you idiot, someone has stolen our tent."

Has been posted before, but one of my favorites.

Sherlock Holmes and John Watson go on a camping trip. In the middle of the night, Sherlock wakes up John and says, "Watson, what do you see when you look up at the sky?"
Watson looks up and says, "I see millions of stars."
Sherlock says, "Well, what can you deduce from that?"
After a moment's thought, Watson says, "Since there are so many stars,logically some of them must have planets orbiting them. And if some of those stars have planets, logically some must be able to support life. And if some could support life, logically some must. Therefore, I deduce that we are not alone in the universe. What do you think?"
Sherlock says, "No, Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole our tent."

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