How to find out if you're old or not: Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young. If they panic, you’re old.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice.. At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
Why girls don't have willys Little brother came into the kitchen and declared "mom, now I know why girls don't have willys! They fall off, and I found yours under your pillow"
TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.
Woke up to a blow job earlier. That's the last time I fall asleep on the train with my mouth open..
My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler... ... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
An emo and an apple fall out of a tree. Which one hits the ground first? The apple, the emo is stopped by the rope.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner? Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody? That's common sense leaving your body.
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
Two blondes fall down a well One says to the other ones, "isn't it dark down here" she replies, I don't know I can't see
At this time of year, there's nothing I love more than sitting in front of a warm fire, mulled wine in hand, and singing Christmas songs until I slowly fall asleep. And that's why I'm no longer a fireman.
I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the sidewalk! At least I presume she was poor - she only had $1.20 in her purse.
why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.
Why did the blind lady fall into a well?
Because she couldn't see that well.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards off of boats? Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be on the boat.
An emo girl and a leaf fall out of a tree
Who hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the rope catches the emo
I went to the optician today because I keep seeing the world fall apart. He said I have 2020 vision.
Why do scuba divers fall backwards to get into the water? Because if they fall forward, they'd still be in the boat.
I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling. ~ Michael Kosta
Why do scuba divers fall backwards to enter the ocean? If they fell forward they would just fall into the boat.
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.
Well now that I’m older I don’t fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
Edit: Thanks for the elf. Are elfs real?...
I went skydiving today. The guy strapped himself to me, we jumped out of the plane, and as we began to fall he yelled in my ear "So how long you been an instructor?
If I ever run out of dad jokes.... I’ve always got daylight savings time puns to fall back on
Why do Navy SEALs fall backwards off of their boats? Because if they fell forwards they'd still be on the boat!
Why do scuba divers fall backwards out of the boat? Because if they fell forwards, they’d still be in the boat.
I remember being a kid and my parents filling my head with nonsense, like Santa, the Easter bunny and the Tooth Fairy. Well, now that I'm older I don't fall for that rubbish anymore, thank God.
I just saw my wife trip and fall over with the basket of clothes she just ironed. I watched it all unfold.
I want to die like my grandfather did - just fall asleep peacefully and never wake up. Not screaming and in panic like the passengers in his car.
Here’s a tutorial on how to fall down the steps:
My neighbour blamed my gravel for making him fall over... I told him it was his own dumb asphalt
How to fall down from the stairs
A step-to-step Guide on how to fall down stairs:
Irony of life!
The doctor hopes you fall ill.
The police hopes you become a criminal.
The lawyer hopes you get into trouble.
The priest wants you to get married.
The coffin maker wants you dead.
Only a thief wishes you prosperity in life!
Why did the blind man fall into the well?
Because he couldn't see that well.
\*Ba dum tsss\*