Hilarious Library Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Library Jokes

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

Score: 17650

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

Score: 10569

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."

Score: 8931

What is the tallest building in the world? The library, because it has so many stories.

Score: 8706

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printer was I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."

Score: 8476

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down? Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.

Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

Score: 8342

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers... I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

Score: 2023

My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want

Score: 1859

Score: 1375

Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Score: 1374

I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were. I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 1363

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

Score: 1157

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

Score: 813

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Score: 729

So I was at the Library today .. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"

Score: 670

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Score: 617

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises... The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

Score: 566

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 545

I was sitting in the library... I was sitting in the library when a black guy came up to me, asking "Where are the colored printers?" I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Score: 533

I got fired from my job at the library... Apparently the book on women’s rights doesn’t belong in the fiction section.

Score: 504

A man walks into a library ... A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that new book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one!"

Score: 369

Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

Score: 346

A man walks into a library... And he asks "Excuse me, is The Big Book of Turtles in?"

"Hard back?"

"Yeah, with little heads"

Score: 341

*At the library* “Do you have a book about the discrimination of dwarves?”

“Left corner, on the top shelf!”

Score: 322

I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about suicide?" The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."

Score: 284

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia Librarian: "They're right behind you!!"

Score: 276

So I was minding my business in the library today when a black guy walked up to me and asked me where the colored printers were. I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 270

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library." The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

Score: 184

I went to a library and asked for a book on pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat The librarian said,"That rings a bell, but I'm not sure whether it is here or not."

Score: 137

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words

Score: 133

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books. I should probably get that checked out.

Score: 124

A Blonde Walks into a Library A blonde walks into a library and slams a book on the desk.

She says, "This is the worst book I've ever read!! There's no plot and it has way too many characters!!"

The librarian says, "So that's what happened to our phonebook."

Score: 117

A man walks into the library... And asks the librarian if they have the book for guys with small penises.

"I don't think it's in yet..."

"Yeah, that's the one!"

Score: 114

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips. The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

Score: 99

I got kicked out of the library today I got kicked out of the library for putting the women's rights book in the fiction section

Score: 84

A man goes into the library... Man: "Do you have the book about small penises?"
Librarian: "It's not in yet."
Man: "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 66

I couldn't get a place at the local library ...........they were completely booked

Score: 60

New Library Jokes

I was in a library and a black guy came up to me. "Where's the coloured printer?" He said

"Mate, it's 2020 you can use any printer you want" I replied

Score: 2

A university student placed an inter-library loan request for Your Mom The file was too large to be delivered.

Score: 4

Did you hear that the Trump Presidential library burned down? It's ok ... they saved both books.

And one of them wasn't even colored in yet!

Score: 2

Two guys were sitting in a library One guy tells the other,"Hey bro, can you pass me the biology book?". Hearing this, the librarian hushed him and said,"Be silent!". Hearing this, this guy repeats the question,"Hey ro, can you pass me the iology ook?".

Score: 2

A man walked into a library and said “ can I have a pizza please” The librarian said “ this is a library”

The man apologised and replied(in a whisper)
“Can I have a pizza please”

Score: 2

I phoned up the library and they said I needed to return the books by Tuesday. I said I only had ones by Jane Austen and Ernest Hemingway.

Score: 2

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies... "Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

Score: 3

I took a trip to the JFK Presidential Library yesterday... It was mind blowing

Score: 5

I WOULD tell you about the secret library... But its very hush hush

Score: 2

A blind man walked into a library And a table and a chair and people.

Score: 6

As i was leaving the library today, a couple were giving me the bad eye. How rude... I don't know what I did to be honest. It all happened after I placed a book titled 'Ethiopian Cuisine' in the Fiction section.

Score: 2

In a library: "Excuse me, do you have any books about paranoia?" "They are right behind your back."

Score: 6

I was at a library and a black guy asked where the colored printer was. I said, "bro, it's 2017, use any printer you want." I was at a library and a black guy asked where the colored printer was. I said, "bro, it's 2017, use any printer you want."

Score: 7

Why do vegetarians go to the library? To get some peas and quiet.

Score: 3

So I decided to head to the library and hit the books for an upcoming exam I have. But people started giving me weird looks while I was there. I just ignored them though. These books will pay for what they did.

Score: 3

I got kicked out of the library All I did was put the women's rights book in the fiction section...

Score: 11

Why does Kim Jong-un have such a huge library? He is Supreme Reader

Score: 26

What's the tallest building in the city? The library, since there are so many stories.

Score: 3

My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, “How did you know the war was over?”

He replied, “They stopped shooting at me.”

Score: 4

I went to the library and asked the librarian if they had any books on suicide. He said that they did but they never came back.

Score: 3

Police have found $ 12 million worth of cocaine, 6 AK47 assault rifles and 200 live hand granades at a house behind the library in
Mitcham
Residents are said to be shocked as they didn't know there was a library in Mitcham
.

Score: 2

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"

The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 50

So i got fired from my job at the library, today Apparently the books about womens rights, do not belong at the fantasy department..

Score: 22

I tried to reserve a spot at the Library But they said they were booked

Score: 3

I walked into a library. "Have you got any books on single life?" I asked the librarian.

"Sorry," she said. "They're all taken."

Score: 23

What's the tallest buildings in your city? The Library. because it has the most stories!

Score: 2

The Trump Tower Library burned down. All two books burned.

One wasn't even colored yet.

Score: 5

My friend finally went to the library and borrowed a science book About time

Score: 2

A man walks into a library He asks the librarian "Excuse me, have you got the new book on small penises please?"

"I'm sorry, I don't think it's in yet"

"yes that's the one"

Score: 41

I've been waiting to get a book on how to commit suicide from the library... ...but the last guy hasn't brought it back yet.

Score: 5

I asked the librarian if the library had books on erectile dysfunction She said: "Of course, they're not hard to come by"

Score: 2

A guy walks into a library And asks for a burger and fries, the librarian replies

"Sir this is a library"

And so the man responds

*whispering*
"Id like a burger and fries please"

Score: 4

A woman walked into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian said, "they're right behind you!"

Score: 11

I went to the library and asked if they had any books on shelves... The librarian replied, "Yes, all of them."

Score: 12

I was gonna get a book on how to commit suicide at the library, But the last one hasn't brought it back

Score: 4

Which building in New York has the most stories? The public library.

Score: 11

Went to the library and asked where the self-help books were. Librarian refused to tell me. She said it would be defeating the purpose.

Score: 7

A man walks into a library Man: (loudly)Excuse me ma'am, can i order a cheeseburger?

Librarian: Sir this is a library.

Man: (quietly) Oh sorry, can i order a cheeseburger?

Score: 3

My band played at a library yesterday It was fully booked!

Score: 10

Fun fact: taking a can of bug spray to my phone will delete half my music library by killing all of The Beatles

Score: 4

A man walks into a library. Man: Fish and chips, please.

Librarian: Sir, this is a library.

Man: \*whispers\* *Sorry. Fish and chips, please.*

Score: 43

A man walks into a library and asks if there are any books about paranoia. The librarian says: "They're right behind you!"

Score: 10

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian if the book on tiny penises is available. The librarian says, "I don't think it's in yet." The guy responds, "Yeah, that's the one."

Score: 3

A man walks into the library Man:Do you have the new book on small penises?
Librarian: Sorry, I don't think it's in yet
Man: yeah that's the one

Score: 22

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and finds the librarian.

Man: Hello, I was wondering if you had any books on small penises?

Librarian: I'm sorry, it's not in.

Man: Yeah! That's the one!

Score: 3

I tried to schedule an appointment at the library. They were overbooked.

Score: 14

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library? I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

Score: 34

Why was the pyro so upset when he searched for his favorite book in the library database? Results showed "no matches found"

Score: 5

I tried to make reservations at the library... but they were completely booked.

Score: 4

I was working in a library I was working in a library and this guy comes up to me and says

"Do u have a bookmark?"

I said "Yes, we have thousands,but my name's Dave"

Score: 3

I went to the public library yesterday looking for that one book about Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she wasn't sure if it was there or not.

Score: 32

A Japanese man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian replies "Get out of here, you won't bring it back"

Score: 16

A blonde walks into a library She says to the librarian, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a coke."

The librarian says the the blonde, "this is a library!"

The blonde whispers, "I would like a cheeseburger with fries and a Coke."

Score: 3

A man goes to the library and asks for a book about suicide. The librarian stares at him for a while and then asks "But who is going to bring it back?"

Score: 41

What do you call an airplane with its own library? A fully-booked flight

Score: 2

BREAKING NEWS: Texas A&M Library burns to ground... Both books were completely destroyed.
The worst part is, one of them wasn't even colored in yet.

Score: 46

"I'll have a cheeseburger with a large coke," The blonde girl requested. "Excuse me miss, this is a library."

^^"I'll ^^have ^^a ^^cheeseburger ^^with ^^a ^^large ^^coke," she whispered.

Score: 4

A guy walks in a library: - Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"

Score: 36

I wasted the whole day looking for an Indian cookbook at the library today. I asked the librarian for help, but I was too embarrassed to tell her I couldn't even find the naan fiction section.

Score: 2

Couldn't get into the library the other day... ... it was fully booked.

Score: 28