Library Jokes

Contents

Funniest Library Jokes

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was I said "Sir, this is 2019. You can use any printer you want".

Score: 17650

In breaking news, Trump's personal library has burned down The fire consumed both books and in a tragic twist he hadn't even finished coloring the second one

Score: 10569

I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia. She whispered: "They're right behind you."

Score: 8931

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printer was I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use any printer you want."

Score: 8476

Did you hear the news that Trump's personal library burnt down? Unfortunately, both books were permanently destroyed.


Do you know the what the real tragedy is?
He didn't even finish colouring the second one.

Score: 8342

A black guy in an library asked me where the colored printer was I said "Sir, this is 2020. You can use any printer you want".

Score: 7709

A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 3837

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one"

Score: 3259

I work in a library and a black guy asked me if there are any coloured printers... I said, "Dude, it's 2016 you can use any printer you want."

Score: 2023

My black friend asked me... My black friend asked me if there was a colored printer in the library I said wtf man it's 2015 you can use whatever printer you want

Score: 1859
Funny Library Jokes
Score: 1375

Have a turkish joke A prisoner goes to the jail's library to borrow a book. The librarian says: "We don't have this book, but we have its author"

Score: 1374

I was at the library today when a black guy came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were. I replied, "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 1363

A blind man walks into a library and asks, "Do you have any books on tape?" The librarian says, "Yes, yes we do, but it's not a very interesting subject."

Score: 1242

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

Score: 1157

A black guy in a library asked me where the coloured printer was. I replied, "Mate, it's 2020, you can use any printer you want."

Score: 823

a man goes to a library and asks for a book on suicide......... Librarian stares at him for a while, then asks: Who's gonna bring it back ?

Score: 813

A guy walking to library and asks for a book on sea turtles. The librarian asks "hard back?"

The guy replies "yeah little heads too."

Score: 729

So I was at the Library today .. And a black Gentleman came over to me and asked where the coloured printer was. I replied "Man its 2016 you can use any printer!"

Score: 670

A man walks into a library and asks the librarian at the info desk if they have any books on Pavlov's dog or Schrodinger's cat. The librarian thinks for a moment before replying "It rings a bell but I'm not sure whether it's there or not."

Score: 617

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises... The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

Score: 566

I was in the library the other day when a black man came up to me and asked me where the colored printers were? I replied, "Dude, it's 2018, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 545

I was sitting in the library... I was sitting in the library when a black guy came up to me, asking "Where are the colored printers?" I said "Dude... it's 2014, you can use whichever printer you want"

Score: 533

A guy walks into a library... A guy walks into a library and asks the librarian, "do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

The man replies, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 512

A man walks into a library ... A man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Do you have that new book for men with small penises?"


The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."

"Yeah that's the one!"

Score: 369

Went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov’s dog and Schrodinger’s cat. The librarian said it rang a bell but she didn’t know if it was there or not.

Score: 346

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia Librarian: "They're right behind you!!"

Score: 276

So I was minding my business in the library today when a black guy walked up to me and asked me where the colored printers were. I replied, "Dude, it's 2017, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 270

A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

Score: 231

To all those that received a book from me for a Christmas present They're due back at the library today.

Score: 223

My local library refuses to stock how-to books about suicide. They used to, but the decent ones were never returned.

Score: 214

I was standing in a library And a black dude walks up to me and asked if i knew where the colored printer was. I told him "dude, it's almost 2018, use any printer you want."

Score: 197

A blonde walks into a library and says to the librarian "CAN I GET A BIG MAC FRIES AND A COKE?!!" The librarian says "excuse me miss.....this is a library." The blonde says...."oh im sorry (whispers) can i get a big mac fries and a coke?"

Score: 184

To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present... They are due back at the library today.

Score: 165

A man goes to the library and asks for a book A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on small penises. After checking the computer, the librarian replies, "I don't think it's in yet." He looks at her and says, "Yeah that's the one."

Score: 160

I went to the library and asked the librarian if she knew where books on paranoia were. She said "They're right behind you".

Score: 155

I walked in a Library... I walked in a library and asked the librarian for a book about small penises. The librarian said, "I'm not sure if it's in yet".

I replied "Yeah, that's the one"

Score: 138

I went to a library and asked for a book on pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat The librarian said,"That rings a bell, but I'm not sure whether it is here or not."

Score: 137

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime. Because actions speak louder than words

Score: 133

I have a condition where I feel the need to steal library books. I should probably get that checked out.

Score: 124

A frenchman walks into a library And asks the Librarian if he can checkout a book about War. The Librarian responds, "No, you'll lose it."

Score: 122

Popular Topics

New Library Jokes

Just found out they have opened a new library in my town... They kept that quiet.

Score: 9

I was conceived in the isles of a library I am a shelf made man

Score: 1

A prisoner in North Korea goes to the prison library to borrow a book of an author activist The librarian says, "We don't have his book, but we have him."

Score: 5

A young girl walks into a library and asks for a book about suicide Get lost you wont return it anyway

Score: 10

How can you tell if an American student has been brought up with manners? He uses a silencer in the library

Score: 13

At the library -Excuse me, sir, where can I find books about paranoia?

-Right behind you!

Score: 10

You better call early if you want a reservation at the library today. They’re usually fully-booked.

Score: 4

A man walks into a library... A man walks into a library and asks the librarian for the Encyclopedia of Loud Noises.

The librarian responds: "Absolutely! Which volume would you like?"

Score: 7

I couldn't get a reservation at the library They were completely booked

Score: 5

I walked into the library and asked the librarian "Where are your books on Dyslexia?" "In between the books on Dysfunction and Dyspepsia." She replied.

Great...just great.

Score: 2

A man walks into a library The man whispers to the librarian: can I have a book on how to commit suicide?
The librainan responds immediately with "no"
The man then asks why is that and the librarian responds with "You won't bring it back"

Score: 3

There was a young man weeping The man was sitting at a library table

A young lady approached him and asked what was wrong

He replied “It’s complicated”

And showed his calculus homework

Score: 8

I was in the library one day, when a black friend of mine came in and asked if I knew where the color printer was. I said "Buddy, it's the 21st century, you can use any printer you want."

Score: 11

A man walks into a library and asks if there’s any books about turtles... Librarian: hardback?

Man: Yea with little heads

Score: 10

The saying “never lend your books, you’ll never get them back” is true I know this because my library is full of books that other folks have lent me

Score: 11

I was at the library the other day when I found a book called "The Power of Positive Thinking." I thought "What good could that do?" so I put it back.

Score: 4

I was trying to make a reservation for a seat at the library But they were fully booked

Score: 8

My brain is like a library of film facts that I barely even remember IMDumB

Score: 2

Me: excuse me ma'am, does this library have a colored printer I could use? Librarian: sir, it's 2020. You can use any of the printers here.

Score: 5

A blonde went to the library Blonde: Hi, I would like to order a chicken salad.

Librarian: Excuse me, but this is a library.

Blonde: (lower her voice) I would like to order a chicken salad.

Score: 9

What's a library ? It's like the internet, but made of trees.

Score: 2

I haven't seen shelves this empty Since Paris Hilton showed me her personal library

Score: 3

Sorry but thought this joke was funny in away Went to the library this morning and asked the assistant if she had a copy of the book for men with small penises.
She said "its not in yet"
I said "thats the one"

Score: 11

I wanted to have a party at the library but they said no They were fully booked

Score: 3

Did you know my pp used to be in the Guinness book of world records? Well it was, until I got kicked out of the library

Score: 5

Went to the library and picked up a book on adhesives. Just can’t put it down.

Score: 4

What do you call a library full of fake news? A lie-brary

Score: 3

The actor who plays Captain Marvel has been accused of setting fire to a library for the blind. **Brie Larson accused of braille arson**

Score: 3

A man walks into a library and says, “Can I get a cheeseburger?” The librarian says, “Sir, this is a library.”

The man says, “Oh, sorry.” He whispers, “Can I get a cheeseburger?”

Score: 5

There's a scary library in my town... ...everytime I go there I get goosebumps.

Score: 4

Hey baby, are you a library book? Because the authorities are telling me to return you.

Score: 5

Karen walks into a library She goes to the librarian says,
"I want a Big Mac and a Coke please"

Librarian looks at her puzzled and says
"This is a library Miss"

Karen replied,
"Oh yes sorry"
(whispers) 'I want a Big Mac and a Coke please'

Score: 9

I was in the library on the computers watching YouTube before I decided to scroll through the comments section and a librarian walked past looked at me and said: Read more

Score: 1

A black guy comes up to me in the library and says, "Excuse me, do you know if there's a colored printer in here" I said to him "It's 2020 bro, use whatever printer you like"

Score: 10

A plumber was called in to fix a leaky pipe in the library toilet. As he worked, he made too much noise, and so the librarian asked him to pipe down.

Score: 9

I walked into a library and said to the librarian "Excuse me, do you have The Grapes of Wrath?" He said "No, I always walk like this."

Score: 4

Library I went to the library today and asked for a book about cliffhangers.

The Librarian said...

Score: 9

(Dad Joke) Why is a library the tallest building? It has so many stories!

Score: 5

A black guy in a library asked me where the colored printer was I said "Dude, it's 2019, you can use whatever printer you want."

Score: 31

A man walks into a library He sits down and says to the librarian “I’ll have a cheeseburger and fries. The librarian says “sir, this is a library”. The man goes “Oh, I’m sorry. ^I’ll ^have ^a ^cheeseburger ^and ^fries”

Score: 5

A woman walks into a library and asks where books about paranoia are. The librarian says "They're right behind you!"

Score: 15

Two guys were sitting in a library One guy tells the other,"Hey bro, can you pass me the biology book?". Hearing this, the librarian hushed him and said,"Be silent!". Hearing this, this guy repeats the question,"Hey ro, can you pass me the iology ook?".

Score: 2

What is the tallest building? A library it has so many stories.

Score: 20

You scream in a Library and everyone looks at you funny. But you scream in an airplane and everyone joins in.

Score: 41

I went to the library and they wouldn't let me check out a book because they thought I would bend the spine. I should have never told them I had scoliosis

Score: 3

My butt hair is so long, it made it to the Guinness Book of Records. Not for long though. They threw me out of the library pretty quickly.

Score: 2

hey guys some people down at the library asked me to design a sign for a summit they're hosting on japanese syllabic poetry, and i want a second opinion.

international
haiku appreciation
conference inside

Score: 3

A blonde walks into a library and orders a burger and fries the librarian says, “excuse me, but this is a library!”

the blonde then quietly whispers, “i’m sorry - can i have a burger and fries?”

Score: 7

My wife asked me to do some DIY to build some storage for our collection of encyclopaedias.. But I'm no good at DIY, so I went to the library to find out how to do it and asked the lady behind the desk..
"Do you have any books on shelves?"

Score: 6

A man went into a library and asked “Do you have any books on shelving"? The librarian said, “yes all of them”!

Score: 11

A man walked into a library and said “ can I have a pizza please” The librarian said “ this is a library”

The man apologised and replied(in a whisper)
“Can I have a pizza please”

Score: 2

A man walks into a library A man walks into a library and asks, "Can I have a cheeseburger?" The librarian says, "Sir, this is a library."

The man whispers, "Can I have a cheeseburger?"

Score: 12

I took my son to the library today He is really into dinosaur books, so I asked the librarian if she knew of any good authors of dinosaur books.

She said "Try Sarah Topps"

Score: 3

A woman walks into a library and asked if they had any books about paranoia. The librarian says, “They’re right behind you”

Score: 13

A Stitch in Time I was at the library as I had to go for my old man and see what was there. I tore my pants when they caught on a shelf so now I have to go home and do some earnest work the hemming way.

Score: 1

I phoned up the library and they said I needed to return the books by Tuesday. I said I only had ones by Jane Austen and Ernest Hemingway.

Score: 2

This was in a children’s animal joke book in my school library “Why did the bird fall out of the tree?”
“Because it’s dead”

Score: 9

A man nervously walks into a library He asks the librarian if there are any books on paranoia. The librarian whispers, "They're right behind you..."

Score: 33

Man walks into a library and asks the librarian, "Hey! Can I get a chicken sandwich?" The librarian admonishes him, "Sir! This is a library." He replies... "Oh sorry, *^one ^chicken ^sandwich ^please!* "

Score: 3

I got kicked out of the library They booted me out because I moved all of the books on trickle-down economics to the fiction section

Score: 6

A man went to his local library to return his favorite book, Desperate Characters. The librarian said, “Desperate Characters? That’s a good book!” The man asked, “Really? Where are you from?” BOOKlyn said the librarian.

Score: 1

Popular Topics