Space Jokes

Contents

Funniest Space Jokes

Funny Space Jokes

If Britain leaves the EU, how much space will be freed up? 1GB

If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your.... Space x.

How much space will Brexit free up in the EU? 1GB

When you're trying to slingshot around Jupiter but you run out of fuel and end up on a collision course with one of Jupiter's moons... Europa creek with no paddle.

I hope someone smiles at this dumb space joke.

Canada's starting a space program to send a spaceship to the moon They're calling the spaceship Apollo-G.

I have the body of a 25 year old supermodel But it takes up too much space in my freezer

Got fired from my job at the keyboard factory At first I just wasn’t putting in enough shifts, then I couldn’t keep the space clean and finally I lost control

Astronaut 1: "I can't find any milk for my coffee." Astronaut:"In space no one can. Here, use cream.

Yoda and Obi Wan in a space ship Obi wan asks: "are we going the right way?"

Yoda answers: "off course, we are"

"Orion's Belt is a big waist of space " Terrible jokes. Only 3 stars

My favourite Haiku Space is limited
In a haiku, so it's hard
To finish what you

I went to the National Air and Space Museum in DC... There was a lot more stuff in there than I'd expected

I have the body of a 25 year supermodel... but it takes too much space in my freezer.

How much free space does the EU have since Great Britain left? 1 GB

I just went to the Air & Space museum. Man do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

Why is girlfriend one word and best friend two words? Because the best friend gives you space when you need it

My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh. Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

How much space will there be in the EU after Brexit? 1 GB

I just went to the Air & Space museum. Boy do I feel ripped off. It was just an empty room.

The difference between "Girlfriend" and "Girl Friend"… …is that little space in between we call the "Friend Zone".

I have the body of a 25 year old Supermodel But it takes up to much space in my freezer

I'm thinking of donating my body to science It's taking up too much space in the freezer.

Why do space rocks taste better than Earth rocks? Because they're a little meteor

Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office

How do you calm down an astronaut? Give him some space

My wife left me to become an astronaut... she needed Space

Some girl texted me the space button on her phone is broke She texted "thespacebuttononmyphoneisbrokencanyoupleasegivemeanalternative" Can someone please tell me what ternative means.

How much space do you need for a fungi to grow? As mushroom as possible.

Proof of God Every atheist becomes a theist if you give them a little space

If the UK decides to leave the EU how much space will be freed up? About 1 GB

The Trump administration is like the International Space Station They're in constant free fall, and they needed Russia's help to get there

When Brexit happens, how much space will the EU lose? Exactly 1GB

Orion's belt is useless, its just a Big waist of space

What do you do when you see a space man? Park the car, man.

What’s Joe Biden’s favorite arcade game? Space Invaders

You're living, you occupy space and you have mass. Do you know what that means? You matter.

What do you do when you see a space man? Park your car, man.

Inspired by a church sign that read “Tell someone that they matter” I pulled my daughter aside and said to her in my most sincere voice: “Unlike energy, you occupy space and possess rest mass.”

Did you hear about the Mexican space program? They’re sending chickens to the moon for the first time ever, they’re calling it A-pollo 11

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New Space Jokes

The space bar is a scam ! The space bar is a scam, I pressed it and order a whiskey but nothing came through.

An ISS astronaut says to his colleague, "I can't find any milk for my coffee." His friend replies, "In space no one can. Here, use cream."

What game should you not play when social distancing? Space invaders

How do space cowboys wrangle their cattle? A tractor beam

How did the Space Teddy Bear cross the road? Ewoked.

David Bowie said he was stoned when watching 2001: A Space Odyssey, which inspired his hit song Space Oddity. How high was he though? Far above the moon.

This joke is out of this world. Astronaut 1 : Hi mate, I can't find any milk for my coffee
Astronaut 2 : In space , no one can. Here, use cream.

My wife and I are both physicists. We often disagree about space and time. In her view, the socks should not be on the floor space and I should move them NOW.

Three women walk into a space bar That one is my mom say hi to my mom hi mom

What has mass and occupies space a fat Catholic

All lives matter Because we have mass and take up space

Alexa, tell me a " yo momma" joke. Me: Alexa, tell me a " yo momma" joke.

Alexa: Unfortanately I do not have enough space to store a "yo momma" joke

Me:awww



Alexa:Because your momma takes up all of it...

My girlfriend is weird. Sometimes she wants my time, then sometimes suddenly she wants her space We don't seem to have established a functional continuum

How much space would a single, fun guy need for his new apartment? mushroom!

What’s the difference between outer space and a Palestinian child? Less rockets were launched into space.

Potatoes in space So Russia decided to launch a satellite full of potatoes into orbit to see what would happen.
Apparently it’s called the SPUNDnic

Where do people go to get drinks in cyber space? A space bar

One Astronaut says to another “I can’t find any milk for my coffee”

To which the other replies “In space no one can, here use cream”

Perspective The optimist says "The glass is half full."

The pessimist says "The glass is half empty."

The engineer says "The vessel contains twice the required space for the volume present."

In space you don’t have hemroids... you have assteroids.

Why do astronauts always sit one chair apart from eachother when drinking alcohol? Because they're at a space bar.

What do you call a black person in space An astronaut, obviously

On Earth we get hemorrhoids... In space they get assteroids.

She said she needs some space I Gave Her 1 TB SSD

The Man In Black was talking to an Alien in a coffee shop. He asks, "what kind of currency does Space use?"
The Alien points to the cup of coffee and said, "Starbucks"

Why will space be a popular tourist spot? The view is breathtaking and will leave you speechless

Only science geeks will understand

I heard that social distancing is important now *So

I'm

adding

extra

space

after

each

word

I

type

now


on


social



media

An astronaut scheduled for a launch to the space station thought the world was starting to get too chaotic, so he brought a computer keyboard with him on his trip Now everything is back under control.

^^^^^I'm ^^^^^sorry.

I hear NASA has a plan to send everyone with covid 19 into space They're calling it a corona mass ejection

A man typed "wemen are the best" in a feminist group chat One female said: thanks but it is spelled with "o" not "e" after the "w"

The man said: sorry i forgot to press space after the "we"

when she tells you to give her some space ​

​

Like, ok girl

​

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Turkey can now finally join the EU Why? Well because now that the UK has left, there's 1 GB of free space

I was talking to a coworker about a project I was working on at home. I didn’t have enough space so I told her I wish I could turn 4 inches into 8 She said she wishes her husband could too

How much space will Brexit free up in the European Union? 1 GB

Brexit has been approved. Now the EU has 1 GB more space

What is an astronaut's favorite place on a computer? The space bar.

A space bar walks into a psychiatrist’s office and says "You gotta help me, Doc!" The doctor replies, "What seems to be the problem?"

"I constantly feel depressed."

How much space is going to be left after brexit? 1 GB

If there were ever a war between forest predators and space travellers, I’d pick the forest predators. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

You have failed the space exam. You're an astronot

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Long Space Jokes

We are 11 days into self-isolation ands it is really upsetting me to witness my wife standing at the living room window gazing aimlessly into space with tears running down her cheeks.

Don’t get me wrong, I empathize with her. I’ve considered letting her in many times, but rules are rules.

The caretaker of a generation ship was on his death bed

Many years before Jacques had helped place all his friends and family into cryogenic sleep. He was a young man then and they all knew that he would likely be long dead by the time they reached their destination. They said their tearful goodbyes and drifted off to sleep.

In the years he spent alone on the ship, he became adept at building small robots to help him complete his tasks. He formed relationships with the little bots, but he found he missed the companionship of real humans. He would take small stints in the cryogenic chambers in order to prolong his life, as so to complete his mission of getting his friends and family to their new home. But a long life with no one real to talk to is lacking.

With his knowledge of robotics, he took it upon himself to build an artificial human. Something that looked real. Something that felt real. Something that would make the unbearable loneliness go away.

He didn’t feel right copying the likeness of any members of the sleeping crew, so he modeled the robot on himself. By the time he was done, there “he” was, a perfect replica of Jacques himself. He named the robot Jacques 2.0, because who else was there to get confused? And as he grew older, it would be easier to remember his own name, he figured.

Well, years passed as they are want to do. He grew old and frail on the journey, but Jacques 2.0 remained as lively and youthful as ever, helping his creator to complete the tasks the old man’s bones could no longer handle.

As the old man lay dying, he asked his robotic companion to do him a favor. He wanted his remains to be scattered among the stars, the asteroids, and the comets they passed. He did not want to be buried on a planet he would never see, but instead live on in the vastness of space that had become his home. So when the day finally came, Jacques 2.0 sent his creator’s ashes out of the airlock and into the universe.

But the journey was not over. Jacques 2.0 carried on his creator’s duties for years and helped the crew arrive on their new home. As the ship grew close to the planet, he pulled the switch to wake the crew. One by one they woke from their long sleep and travelled to the observation deck to see their new home. When they arrived, though, they found themselves in complete shock. There was Jacques, as lively and youthful as ever, waiting for them.

“How can this be?” They asked. “Surely you would at the very least be an old, old man by now. It has been so long since we left Earth.”

Jacques 2.0 raised his hands slightly in a calming gesture and said, “Do not worry. I am here to send you a message of love and care from Jacques. I was created to help him complete his mission. I may look like him, but in truth, I am not him. For you see,” and with this he gestured towards the stars and space above their heads, “the real Jacques is in the comets.”

A list of puns

Here's a list of puns I've been collecting:

How do you throw a space party? You planet.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

Nope. Unintended.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention, but everyone was blow away by the leaf blower.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

The broom swept the nation away.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back for seconds.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says “Do you smell fish?”

Did you hear about the cheese factory that exploded in france? There was nothing but des brie.

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hurdles, but I got over it.

To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

I read a book on anti-gravity. I couldn’t put it down.

I couldn’t remember how to throw a boomerang but it came back to me.

What did the buffalo say to his son? Bison.

What should you do if you’re cold? Stand in the corner. It’s 90 degrees.

How does Moses make coffee? Hebrews it.

The energizer bunny went to jail. He was charged with battery.

What did the alien say to the pitcher of water? Take me to your liter.

What happens when you eat too many spaghettiOs? You have a vowel movement.

The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.

Sausage puns are the wurst.

What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear.

How did Darth Vader know what luke was getting him for his birthday? He could sense his presence.

Why shouldn’t you trust atoms? They make up everything.

What’s the difference between a bench, a fish, and a bucket of glue? You can’t tune a bench but you can tuna fish. I bet you got stuck on the bucket of glue part.

What’s it called when you have too many aliens? Extraterrestrials.

Want to hear a pizza joke? Nevermind, it’s too cheesy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta.

What do cows tell each other at bedtime? Dairy tales.

Why can’t you take inventory in Afghanistan? Because of the tally ban.

Why didn’t the lion win the race? Because he was racing a cheetah.

Why did the man dig a hole in his neighbor’s backyard and fill it with water? Because he meant well.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun comes up? It becomes daytrogen.

What’s it called when you put a cow in an elevator? Raising the steaks.

What’s america’s favorite soda? Mini soda.

Why did the tomato turn red? Because it saw the salad dressing.

What kind of car does a sheep drive? A lamborghini, but if that breaks down they drive their SuBAHHru.

What do you call a spanish pig? Porque.

What do you call a line of rabbits marching backwards? A receding hairline.

Why don’t vampires go to barbecues? They don’t like steak.

A cabbage and celery walk into a bar and the cabbage gets served first because he was a head.

How do trees access the internet? They log on.

Why should you never trust a train? They have loco motives.

Out in space two alien life forms are speaking with each other.

The first alien says, "The dominant life forms on the earth planet have developed satellite-based nuclear weapons."
The second alien, who looks exactly like the first, asks, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"
The first alien says, "I don't think so, they have them aimed at themselves."

Edit: Well thanks for all the votes and the gold!!!!!!!

An old dying man invites 3 of his friends to his deathbed and asks a favor...

He says, "We've been as brothers for longer than I can remember, and while I was not rich in life, I would like to bring some wealth with me as I die. If you could each leave $5,000 in my coffin, it would bring me great peace."

The three men saw no fault in this, as they were all very rich, and all upstanding members of their respective communities.

Jim was a devout, aging Catholic, and he brought the five thousand in large bills, so as not to occupy much space in the coffin. He later told the members of his congregation, and oh how they lauded him on his selflessness to ease the mind of a dying friend.

Michael was a converted Muslim, and he feared that the dead had no use for paper money, so he converted the five thousand into gold for his friend, leaving the ingots next to the bills. He felt a great warmth inside of him, a feeling that can only be brought about by a good, charitable deed.

David was born Jewish, but wasn't so devout as many of his colleagues. He refused to buck off the stereotype and worked as a moneylender, a loan agent. Because of this, he understood how exchange rates worked and how trying to convert 3 different types of money to one may be hard for a man with little experience handling cash. Therefore, he wrote a check for fifteen thousand dollars, and took the gold and bills as change. He left his friend's side with such a great smile, he must have known the time he'd saved him in the afterlife.

The Irishman's parking space

An Irishman is trying to find a parking space outside his local pub on a busy evening, but cannot find a single one.

He looks skyward and says, "Lord, if you grant me this space, I'll come to Church every Sunday like a good Catholic should."

Low and behold, a space opens up right in front of him at which time, he looks skyward again and says, "Never mind, I found one."

A lumberjack walks into a shop to buy a chainsaw...

The shopkeeper picks one out and says "this one can cut down 5 trees in 2 minutes". The lumberjack is impressed by this and buys the chainsaw. 2 days later, the lumberjack comes back to the shop with the chainsaw and asks for a refund.

"This is a complete rip-off, I only managed to cut down 1 tree over the space of an hour!"

The shopkeeper takes the chainsaw and turns it on only for the lumberjack to suddenly jump in surprise.

"What's that noise?"

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project..

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated. "What are these guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

How to use “and” 5 times in a row grammatically

A man owned a store called “This And That” and hired another man to make a sign for it.

When it was finished the owner inspected the work.

He discovered that the spaces were wrong so he said, “The space between This and And and And and That is different. Please fix it”

The new recruit

A new recruit arrives on the front lines during world war 2. When he gets there he is told resources are stretched thin and they have not rifles to spare him, although they still expect him to go on patrol. He goes straight to his captain and explains the situation, the captain hands him a broom and tells him if he sees any germans to point the broom handle at them and shout "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" to kill them. The recruit thinks this is the most ridiculous thing he has ever heard but he has no choice so he agrees and heads out. While on patrol he comes across a German soldier. The German reaches for his rifle, so with no other option the recruit points his broom and shouts "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" and to his surprise the German drops dead. When he arrives back he immediately thanks the captain.

A couple of weeks went by and our guy had become quite the crackshot, even having a telescopic sight fixed to his broom. One day he was scouting the enemy position from under some bushes when he bumps into a German crawling the other way, in the cramped space he barely manages to point his broom at the German in time, so he returns to his captain and demands a weapon for close quarters combat. The captain takes a piece of string out of his drawer and tells him to hit an enemy with it and shout "STAB STAB STABBITY STAB". This time he trusts the captain and sure enough it works great.

Another couple of weeks go by and our guy is a legend. He kills dozens of Germans with his broom and string and receives several awards. One day while on patrol in a forest he sees a crazy German soldier in the distance running towards him and shouting at the top of his voice. He is pretty confident in his abilities, takes careful aim and shouts "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" but the German keeps on coming. He aims again "BANG BANG BANGITY BANG" and again nothing. The German is getting really close so he takes out his string, but as he swings it out and shouts "STAB STAB STABBITY STAB" the German just runs straight into him, knocking him clear off his feet into a tree and breaking several bones. As he lies there dying the German slows down and comes back for a look. He finds our hero lying crushed on the ground asking how this happened. He laughs, turns around and runs off, resuming his shouts of "TANK TANK TANKITY TANK".

My favorite joke

Two guys are drinking in the restaurant atop the Space Needle on a windy day.

Man 1: You... You know... When it is this windy, you can jump off the edge, and the wind will blow you back on.

Man 2: Bull.

Man 1: No man, I'm telling you. The wind just blows you back on. Here, let me show you.

The two men drunkily sneak outside and stand on the edge. When another gust comes, the first man leaps off the edge. He floats in the wind for a moment, and sure enough, the wind whips him back onto the ledge.

Man 2: I gotta try this!

He takes a running leap from the edge and plummets straight to his death.

Afterwards, the police are investigating the scene and the Chief of Police goes up to the first man.

Chief: You know, you're a real jerk when you're drunk Superman.

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".

The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

A robot bartender

A guy goes into a bar in Washington where there is a robot bartender.

The robot says, "What will you have?

The guy replies, "Whiskey."

The robot brings back his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The guy say, "168."

The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves and the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.

The robot asks, "What's your drink?"

The guy answers, "Whiskey."

The robot returns with his drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man replies, "100."

The robot talks about Nascar, Football and Hockey.

The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in his "experiment" that he decides to try again.

He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he want to drink.

The man replies, "Whiskey."

The robot brings the drink and asks, "What's your IQ?"

The man answers, "50."

The robot leans in real close and asks,

"So . . . are . . . you people . . . still happy . . . with Trump?

An old joke from Isaac Asimov(fairly long).

As is well known, in this thirtieth century of ours, space travel is fearfully dull and time-consuming. In search of diversion, many crew Members defy the quarantine restrictions and pick up pets from the various habitable worlds they explore.

Jim Sloane had a rockette, which he called Teddy. It just sat there, looking like a rock, but sometimes it lifted a lower edge and sucked in powdered sugar. That was all it ate. No one ever saw it move, but every once in a while, it wasn’t quite where people thought it was. There was a theory that it moved when no one was looking.

Bob Laverty had a heli-worm he called Dolly. It was green and carried on photosynthesis. Sometimes it moved to get into better light and when it did so it coiled its wormlike body and inched along very slowly like a turning helix.

One day, Jim Sloane challenged Bob Laverty to a race. ” My Teddy,” he said, “can beat your Dolly.”

“Your Teddy,” scoffed Laverty, “doesn’t move.”

“Bet!” said Sloane.

The whole crew got into the act. Even the captain risked half a credit. Everyone bet on Dolly. At least she moved.

Jim Sloane covered it all. He had been saving his salary through three trips and he put every millicredit of it on Teddy.

The race started at one end of the grand salon. At the other end, a heap of sugar had been placed for Teddy and a spotlight for Dolly. Dolly formed a coil at once and began to spiral its way very slowly toward the light. The watching crew cheered it on.

Teddy just sat there without budging.

“Sugar, Teddy, Sugar,” said Sloane, pointing. Teddy did not move. It looked more like a rock than ever, but Sloane did not seem concerned.

Finally, when Dolly had spiraled halfway across the salon, Jim Sloane said casually to his rockette, “if you don’t get out there, Teddy, I’m going to get a hammer and chip you into pebbles.”

That was when people first discovered that rockettes could read minds. That was also when people first discovered that rockettes could teleport.

Sloane had no sooner made his threat when Teddy simply disappeared from his place and reappeared on top of the sugar.

Sloane won, of course, and he counted his winnings slowly and luxuriously.

Laverty said bitterly, “You knew the damn thing could teleport.”

“No, I didn’t,” said Sloane, “but I knew he would win. It was a sure thing.”

“How come?”

“It’s an old saying everyone knows. … Sloane’s Teddy wins the race.”

I found out my friend is addicted to math.

I should have known. All the sines were there. He had a hard time functioning, and he would go off on tangents all the time. Such a shame - he was in his prime, his life was on a great vector. He wanted to write the next 'Matrix'. But now, he can't differentiate between what is real and what is imaginary. It's so complex. I'm afraid his problems will start to multiply exponentially, and he just doesn't understand the root of it all. Pretty soon he won't be able to integrate at all. And just to add to the trouble, those he defines as 'friends' just want to divide his space between themselves. I'm afraid soon he'll go off into the Great Unknown...

A man walks into a bar, and...

...asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says, "Sure, but only if you can tell me a multi-level meta joke." So the guy says, "A man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says, 'Sure, but only if you can tell me a meta joke.' So the guy says, 'A man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a free drink. The bartender says sure, but only if you can tell me a joke. So the guy says, What do you do when you see a space man? You park, man. So the bartender gives the guy a free drink.' So the bartender gives the guy a free drink." So the bartender gives the guy a free drink.

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project,

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, they did some astronaut training on a Navajo Indian reservation.

One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who only spoke Navajo, asked a question, which the son translated, "What are the guys in the big suits doing?"

A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got really excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts.

Recognizing a promotional opportunity for the spin\-doctors, the NASA folks found a tape recorder.

After the old man recorded his message, they asked the son to translate. He refused. So the NASA reps brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message to the moon.

Finally, NASA called in an official government translator. He reported that the moon message said: "Watch out for these guys; they've come to steal your land."

A man walks into a bar...

A man goes into a bar in New York where there is a robot bartender. The robot says, “What will you have?
The guy replies, “Whiskey.”
The robot brings back his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The guy says, “168.”
The robot continues to talk about physics, space exploration, and medical technology.

After the guy leaves and, the more he thinks about it, the more curious he gets, so he decides to go back.
The robot asks, “What’s your drink?”
The guy answers, “Whiskey.”
The robot returns with his drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man replies, “100.” The robot talks about NASCAR, Budweiser, the Lions, and LSU.

The man finishes his drink, leaves, but is so interested in this “experiment” that he decides to go back. He enters the bar and, as usual, the robot asks him what he want to drink.
The man replies, “Whiskey.”
The robot brings the drink and asks, “What’s your IQ?”
The man answers, “50.”

The robot leans in real close and asks, “So . . . are . . . you people . . . still unhappy Hillary didn't get in?"

A man is looking for a parking space

Everywhere he looks, it seems as if every single space has been taken. Though never much of a church goer, the man looks up to the sky and says, "God, if you give me a parking space, I promise I'll stop sinning and go to church." Suddenly, a parking space opens up right in front of him.

"Never mind. I found one."

When NASA was preparing for the Apollo project, some of the training of the astronauts took place on a Navajo reservation. One day, a Navajo elder and his son were herding sheep and came across the space crew. The old man, who spoke only Navajo, asked a question that his son translated.

"What are these guys in the big suits doing?" A member of the crew said they were practicing for their trip to the moon. The old man got all excited and asked if he could send a message to the moon with the astronauts. Recognizing a promotional opportunity, the NASA folks found a tape recorder. After the old man recorded his message, they asked his son to translate it. He refused. The NASA PR people brought the tape to the reservation, where the rest of the tribe listened and laughed, but refused to translate the elder's message.

Finally, the NASA crew called in an official government translator. His translation of the old man's message was: "Watch out for these guys; they have come to steal your land."

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