Friday Jokes

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Funniest Friday Jokes

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

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I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter. .

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On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.

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Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.

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Funny Friday Jokes
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I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.

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I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans was NOT the correct answer.

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Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month

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My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday

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How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday morning Tell her a joke on Friday :)

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A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future. The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."

Score: 78

I took my Biology exam last Friday I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

Score: 76

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday... Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

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I said "Hi" to a feminist yesterday. The trial is next Friday...

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I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight I never go out on Friday the 13th

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We're having a Jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already

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It's Friday, And I'm A Vampire. Can't Wait To Have A Boy With The Cold Ones

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What kinda meat does a priest eat on Friday? nun

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I always give 100% at work 14% on Monday

30% on Tuesday

30% on Wednesday

24% on Thursday

2% on Friday

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Terrible Dad Jokes Share your best (worst) jokes that only a dad would tell their kid!

Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday!

Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says "you can't eat your own food in here!" so they swapped sandwiches.

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Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

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Why do cops love going to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd

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Terrible news. The guy who created AMC cinema's has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2:30, 5:20 and 7:45.

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A lady gets on an elevator... She says to the man standing there, "T-G-I-F!" to which the man replies, "S-H-I-T."
Taken aback the lady repeats, "T-G-I-F! Thank Goodness It's Friday!"
The man gives a smug grin and says, "Sorry Honey. It's Thursday."

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Earlier today I told my Christian friend to “Have a Good Friday.” He didn’t catch my pun. I’m not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.

Edit: Grammatical error.

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Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.

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The worst thing about Friday the 13th Is monday the 16th

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It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade.

Thanks to /u/darcyboy on this one!

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Why do the riot police like to go to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd

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Guys-- I finally got laid- ! ... Off from work.

My last day is Friday.

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A man asks his wife on a Friday evening... Husband: Shall we have a nice weekend?

Wife: Sure, why not?

Husband: Ok then, see you on Monday!

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I went out drinking last Friday and took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.

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On any normal day, Black Lives Matter.... But on Black Friday, no lives matter

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I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Black Friday... Personally, I think all Fridays should matter.

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What's the worst part about friday afternoons? Realizing it's only wednesday.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car. The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"

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Looks like my prof is giving black friday deals too 50% off late assignments.

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In an effort to avoid trouble on Friday the 13th, I stayed at home. And ended up breaking a mirror.

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Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if Friday the 13th was on Halloween! I tricked too many people with that...

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Black monday is way better then black friday, look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!

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New Friday Jokes

The Kiss of Judas - It’s Good Friday today. There’s nothing Good about this day... It’s just a reminder of how Judas Iscariot broke the rules of Social distancing

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My dad in North Carolina asked me if I'd be able to fly home from New York for Good Friday.... I told him I couldn't because of the big storm.

​

Nor Easter

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Finding an ancient community Not a joke, but just wondering if anyone here came from the community that underrstood:
- "purple, because aliens don't wear hats"
- "the horse name was Friday"
- "Nevil's basement"

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FOUND OUT IT WAS FRIDAY TODAY By reading this post

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Why does my grandmother use a blue phone on Monday, a green one on theusday, a white one on Wednesday, a gray one on Thursday, a orange one on Friday and a red one on the weekends? To call people.

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I went to a hotel on Friday, stayed for three nights, and came back on Friday. My horse is named Friday.

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In Beijing, China, 2010, there was a 62-mile long traffic jam that lasted nearly 12 days In LA, we call this, “Friday”

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Humanity is at a point where it no longer cares if it lives or dies. Just as long as it gets that Black Friday TV.

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What happens when a mall loses power? Free Black Friday

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From my kindergartner that said "I made up a joke for funny friday" --Why was the man standing in the middle of the road? Because he wanted a car to smash into him.



--Needless to say I let him know to not share that one with his class.

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What do you say when someone does something really random? Wednesday, Thursday, Friday

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What's the worst part about Friday? Today's Thursday.

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There’s a new battle royale game soon When is Black Friday again?

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Does Hellen Keller celebrate Black Friday? Maybe. For all she knows it's Tuesday...

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Seriously, what's the big deal about Black Friday? All Fridays matter.

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Why is Black Friday the best time for you to pick up girls? Because girls are already bargain hunting.

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What do root vegetables do on Friday night? They turnup!

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Good Friday is called Long Friday in Finnish I guess time passes slowly when you're being crucified.

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Which is the most weird moment? That 2 second moment between Friday and Monday.

#weekends

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What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over? Now is the winter of our discount.

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I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition... I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.

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It's Friday the 13th and there's a serial killer at the circus He's freaking in tents.

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What do people black people eat on Black Friday? Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday you racist

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How do you know Arnold Schwartzenegger is waiting in line behind you on Black Friday? Because he Jingles All The Way

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What's the most common phrase heard in West Virginia on a Friday night? Get off me daddy, yer crushin' my cigarettes.

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What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th? *Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*

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It's Black Friday, nd I just got a new iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade.

And Thanks to /u/darcyboy!

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I know where the best Black Friday deals are... Ferguson.

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I don't know why everyone is so upset about the rioting in Ferguson The rest of America is going to do the exact same thing on Friday, they just got a head start on holiday shopping.

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