Friday Jokes

I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”

I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter. .

On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.

Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.

I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.

I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans was NOT the correct answer.

Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month

My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday

How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday morning Tell her a joke on Friday :)

A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future. The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."

I took my Biology exam last Friday I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.

I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday... Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."

I said "Hi" to a feminist yesterday. The trial is next Friday...

I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight I never go out on Friday the 13th

We're having a Jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already

It's Friday, And I'm A Vampire. Can't Wait To Have A Boy With The Cold Ones

What kinda meat does a priest eat on Friday? nun

I always give 100% at work 14% on Monday

30% on Tuesday

30% on Wednesday

24% on Thursday

2% on Friday

Terrible Dad Jokes Share your best (worst) jokes that only a dad would tell their kid!

Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday!

Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says "you can't eat your own food in here!" so they swapped sandwiches.

Terrible news. The guy who created AMC cinema's has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2:30, 5:20 and 7:45.

Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu

Why do cops love going to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd

A lady gets on an elevator... She says to the man standing there, "T-G-I-F!" to which the man replies, "S-H-I-T."
Taken aback the lady repeats, "T-G-I-F! Thank Goodness It's Friday!"
The man gives a smug grin and says, "Sorry Honey. It's Thursday."

Earlier today I told my Christian friend to “Have a Good Friday.” He didn’t catch my pun. I’m not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.

Edit: Grammatical error.

Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.

The worst thing about Friday the 13th Is monday the 16th

It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife I thought it was a good trade.

Thanks to /u/darcyboy on this one!

Why do the riot police like to go to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd

Guys-- I finally got laid- ! ... Off from work.

My last day is Friday.

Did you know that this week is National Diarrhea Week? It runs from today until the end Friday...

Trying to think of a hilarious Good Friday joke... I really want to nail this.

On any normal day, Black Lives Matter.... But on Black Friday, no lives matter

Just as there is a balance of good and evil.... There's a Friday for every Monday.
Have a great week :)

I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Black Friday... Personally, I think all Fridays should matter.

Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday... ... Those were the days.

What person gets all his work done by Friday? Robinson Crusoe.

Looks like my prof is giving black friday deals too 50% off late assignments.

In an effort to avoid trouble on Friday the 13th, I stayed at home. And ended up breaking a mirror.

Couldn't get laid in high school I was in a band. I was a musician. I'm like girls like musicians. This is gonna work and I'm like, "Hey girl, do you want to see my band on Friday? And she's like," Maybe, what's the name of your band?"


Marching.