I got fired from the unemployment office on Friday. My boss said, “Clean our your desk, and I’ll see you in the office on Monday.”
I don't know what the big deal is about Black Friday. All Fridays matter. .
On Monday we start Diarrhea Awareness Week. Runs until Friday.
Monday: Greg Tuesday: Ian Wednesday: Greg Thursday: Ian Friday: Greg Gregorian Calendar.
I thought Friday was a sad day... Turns out the next day was a sadder day.
I took my biology exam last Friday. I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently Blacks and Mexicans was NOT the correct answer.
Never understood the point of black friday Could have sworn we already gave them a whole month
My bank was worried My bank called asking if my credit card had been stolen. They were concerned because it hadn't been used at the liquor store since last friday
How do you make a blonde laugh on a Sunday morning Tell her a joke on Friday :)
A man goes to a fortune teller to see his future.
The fortune teller says: "Oh, I see that on Friday, your wife will die."
"I already know that," replies the man, "what I need to know is whether I will be arrested..."
I took my Biology exam last Friday I was asked to name two things commonly found in cells. Apparently "Blacks" and "Mexicans" were NOT the correct answers.
I was at an Italian restaurant last Friday...
Me: "I'll just have the Paggione".
Waitress: "That says 'page one', sir."
I said "Hi" to a feminist yesterday. The trial is next Friday...
I had to cancel my dsylexics meeting tonight I never go out on Friday the 13th
We're having a Jamaican themed hair day at work this Friday I'm dreading it already
It's Friday, And I'm A Vampire. Can't Wait To Have A Boy With The Cold Ones
What kinda meat does a priest eat on Friday? nun
I always give 100% at work
14% on Monday
30% on Tuesday
30% on Wednesday
24% on Thursday
2% on Friday
Terrible Dad Jokes
Share your best (worst) jokes that only a dad would tell their kid!
Kid: Dad, I'm thirsty.
Dad: Hi thirsty, I'm friday!
Two men walk into a bar. The bartender says "you can't eat your own food in here!" so they swapped sandwiches.
Asiana Airlines will be filing a lawsuit against KTVU for its inappropriate and racist names that were falsely broadcasted mid day Friday 7/12... ....said Asiana's attorney Wi Su Yu
Why do cops love going to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd
Terrible news. The guy who created AMC cinema's has died. His funeral is next Friday at 2:30, 5:20 and 7:45.
A lady gets on an elevator...
She says to the man standing there, "T-G-I-F!" to which the man replies, "S-H-I-T."
Taken aback the lady repeats, "T-G-I-F! Thank Goodness It's Friday!"
The man gives a smug grin and says, "Sorry Honey. It's Thursday."
Earlier today I told my Christian friend to “Have a Good Friday.” He didn’t catch my pun.
I’m not surprised. Jokes like this usually Pass Over his head.
Edit: Grammatical error.
Do you guys want to hear about my Friday night? I had quite an experience at home by myself. At one point I even picked my coat up from the floor. It was off the hook.
The worst thing about Friday the 13th Is monday the 16th
It's Black Friday, and I just got an iPhone 6 for my wife
I thought it was a good trade.
Thanks to /u/darcyboy on this one!
Why do the riot police like to go to Black Friday early? So they can beat the crowd
Guys-- I finally got laid- !
... Off from work.
My last day is Friday.
A man asks his wife on a Friday evening...
Husband: Shall we have a nice weekend?
Wife: Sure, why not?
Husband: Ok then, see you on Monday!
I went out drinking last Friday and took a bus home. That may not be a big deal to you, but I've never driven a bus before.
On any normal day, Black Lives Matter.... But on Black Friday, no lives matter
I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about Black Friday... Personally, I think all Fridays should matter.
What's the worst part about friday afternoons? Realizing it's only wednesday.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head are driving in a car. The brunette mentions that Christmas falls on a friday this year. The blonde says "I hope it's not Friday the 13th!"
Looks like my prof is giving black friday deals too 50% off late assignments.
In an effort to avoid trouble on Friday the 13th, I stayed at home. And ended up breaking a mirror.
Hey Guys! Wouldn't it be crazy if Friday the 13th was on Halloween! I tricked too many people with that...
Black monday is way better then black friday, look at the deals these people in Ferguson are getting. Stuff is free!!
The Kiss of Judas - It’s Good Friday today. There’s nothing Good about this day... It’s just a reminder of how Judas Iscariot broke the rules of Social distancing
My dad in North Carolina asked me if I'd be able to fly home from New York for Good Friday....
I told him I couldn't because of the big storm.
Finding an ancient community
Not a joke, but just wondering if anyone here came from the community that underrstood:
- "purple, because aliens don't wear hats"
- "the horse name was Friday"
- "Nevil's basement"
FOUND OUT IT WAS FRIDAY TODAY By reading this post
Why does my grandmother use a blue phone on Monday, a green one on theusday, a white one on Wednesday, a gray one on Thursday, a orange one on Friday and a red one on the weekends? To call people.
I went to a hotel on Friday, stayed for three nights, and came back on Friday. My horse is named Friday.
In Beijing, China, 2010, there was a 62-mile long traffic jam that lasted nearly 12 days In LA, we call this, “Friday”
Humanity is at a point where it no longer cares if it lives or dies. Just as long as it gets that Black Friday TV.
What happens when a mall loses power? Free Black Friday
From my kindergartner that said "I made up a joke for funny friday" --Why was the man standing in the middle of the road?
Because he wanted a car to smash into him.
--Needless to say I let him know to not share that one with his class.
What do you say when someone does something really random? Wednesday, Thursday, Friday
What's the worst part about Friday? Today's Thursday.
There’s a new battle royale game soon When is Black Friday again?
Does Hellen Keller celebrate Black Friday? Maybe. For all she knows it's Tuesday...
Seriously, what's the big deal about Black Friday? All Fridays matter.
Why is Black Friday the best time for you to pick up girls? Because girls are already bargain hunting.
What do root vegetables do on Friday night? They turnup!
Good Friday is called Long Friday in Finnish I guess time passes slowly when you're being crucified.
Which is the most weird moment?
That 2 second moment between Friday and Monday.
What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over? Now is the winter of our discount.
I heard George Bush Senior is in the hospital in critical condition... I guess some people really would rather die than watch Trump be sworn in this Friday.
It's Friday the 13th and there's a serial killer at the circus He's freaking in tents.
What do people black people eat on Black Friday? Whatever they couldn't finish on Thanksgiving Thursday you racist
How do you know Arnold Schwartzenegger is waiting in line behind you on Black Friday? Because he Jingles All The Way
What's the most common phrase heard in West Virginia on a Friday night? Get off me daddy, yer crushin' my cigarettes.
What happened when the two lovers were watching a scary movie in a year when Valentine's day happened to fall on Friday the 13th? *Oh wait, nevermind. I'm an idiot...*
It's Black Friday, nd I just got a new iPhone 6 for my wife
I thought it was a good trade.
And Thanks to /u/darcyboy!
I know where the best Black Friday deals are... Ferguson.
I don't know why everyone is so upset about the rioting in Ferguson The rest of America is going to do the exact same thing on Friday, they just got a head start on holiday shopping.