If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it... ...then my illegal logging business is a success.
A lumberjack went in to a magic forest to cut a tree
When he got there, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack laughed and said, “And you will dialogue.”
I saw a man in the street with a dog and a white stick. I said ‘You must be blind.’ He said ‘Yeah, tell me something I don’t know.’ So I said ‘There’s a tree over there.’
If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested you or you're level 99 friend-zoned. Or she hasn't spotted you behind the tree yet.
Edgar Allen Poe is about to walk into a tree and you only have enough time to say one word before he hits it. What should you say to him? Poetry!
My wife told me I was immature and needed to grow up. Guess who's not allowed in my tree house anymore.
Two cowboys are lost in the desert. One of them sees a tree in the distance that's draped in bacon. "It's a bacon tree! We're saved!" he says. He runs to the tree and is shot up with bullets. It wasn't a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
A lumberjack went to a magic forest to cut a Tree..
Upon arrival to the tree he started swinging at the tree.
"But, I'm a talking tree" said the tree.
"And you will dialogue" replied the lumberjack.
A Christmas Joke (...maybe a LITTLE early)
The guy was in the store buying a fake Christmas tree. The shop attendant asked him, "Are you going to put that tree up yourself?"
The guy replied, "Don't be disgusting! I'm going to put it in the living room!"
A lumberjack went into a magical forest to cut down a tree.
Just as he began to swing his axe at a tree, the tree called out, "Wait! I'm a talking tree!"
The lumberjack grinned, "And you will dialogue!"
If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she either really likes you, or you've been completely friendzoned Or she hasn't seen you in the tree with your binoculars yet.
I bought a christmas tree today. The guy asked me if I was going to put it up myself. I said, "No, I'll probably put it in the living room"
Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup... Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!
What has four legs, is green and fuzzy, and if it falls out of a tree can kill you? A pool table.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it... thats good... my illegal logging business is a success.
A bear climbs a tree....
a bird sitting in the tree asks "Hey, Bear, why are you up in this tree?"
the bear says "I came up here to eat apples."
the bird says "But Bear, this isn't an apple tree. there are no apples up here."
the bear says "That's ok, I brought my own."
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes’ diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting... To which Sherlock replied, “Why, that’s a lemon tree, my dear Watson.”
Just been up in the loft getting the Christmas tree down, and I found a present from last year which we must have forgotten to give to the kids... ...shame really, they would have loved a kitten.
If a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it, my illegal logging business is running smoothly
If a girl changes her clothes in front of you, she's either really interested in you or you're level 99 friend-zoned. Or she hasn't spotted you behind the tree yet.
What's big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and if it fell from a tree it would kill you? A pool table.
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? One looks at the family tree and the other examines the family bush.
An emo girl and a leaf fall out of a tree
Who hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the rope catches the emo
Building a tree house is the biggest insult to a tree! "I killed one of your friends...here hold him!"
A tree randomly falls on a lady. A tree randomly falls on a lady. A nearby spectator asks, "What was the tree doing in the kitchen?"
daughter : MOM I JUST GOT $10 FOR CLIMBING A TREE
mom : those boys just wanted to see your panties.
daughter : yea i know. i took off my panties before climbing
If you walk into the forest and chop down a tree, but the tree doesn't understand why you chopped it down, Do you think it's stumped?
A man is watching his neighbor as he is dragging a Christmas tree across his driveway into his house.
He tells his neighbor, "Wow, that's such a big tree! Are you going to put it up yourself?"
The neighbor replies, "No, I'm going to put it up in my living room."
I was buying a Christmas tree off this lady, and she asked "Are you going to put that up yourself?"
I replied "No, I was thinking of putting it up in the living room actually"
(Nothing better than a christmas joke on new years eve.)
What is the difference between a genealogist and gynaecologist? Genealogist looks up the family tree and gynaecologist looks up the family bush.
I can’t believe people are letting fireworks off in October! It’s scared the dog so badly he’s knocked the Christmas tree over.
Getting my toy drone stuck in the tree wasn’t the worst thing that’s happened to me today But it’s definitely up there
Getting my toy drone stuck in a tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today. But it is definitely up there.
two blondes in a forest
In December, two blondes in a forest are looking for a Christmas tree. They go all around the forest for hours. Then one of them says:
"I am very tired and I am fed up with the searching - let's take some tree without the decoration."
A boy asks his father what alcoholism is
The father says, "Well let me explain it this way. See those two trees over there? An alcoholic would say there's four."
The son replies, "But dad, there is only one tree over there."
My kids asked me why their tree house was in the shape of an octagon, I told them... during the construction process, corners were cut.
I was buying a Christmas tree the guy said "are you going to put it up yourself" I said "no it's going in the living room"
What did the father tree say to his son when he was ready to move out? Boy, don’t forget your roots.
A lumberjack went into a magic forest to cut a tree.
Upon arrival, he started to swing at a tree when it suddenly shouted, “Wait! I’m a talking tree!”
The lumberjack grinned and replied “I’ve heard that one before.”
What did the guy who cut a tree in half by just looking at it say? I saw it with my own two eyes
Last Christmas we bought a fake Christmas tree The guy behind the counter said "Are you going to put it up yourself?" My dad said, "Don't be disgusting. I'm going to put it in the living room."