A virgin nun gets pregnant.... And she's sure it's not a miracle pregnancy so she bursts into the priests chambers and yells out "which of you fuckers has been wanking on the candles?"
"I just urinated on a pregnancy test," said my girlfriend. "I'm pregnant."
"Are you going to keep it?" I asked.
She said, "No, it stinks like wee."
Today at the pharmacy I saw a woman without a face mask buying a pregnancy test. She clearly isn’t a fan of protection
I recently learned that goats can have what's called a "phantom pregnancy." It's when their body thinks it's pregnant when it isn't.
I kid you not.
I was going to type up this joke about pregnancy but I realized it was all about the delivery
Thank goodness it's April 2nd I had 4 pregnancy scares yesterday. They all turned out to be pranks. Please don't tell my wife.
Why Does Italy Have Such A Low Teen Pregnancy Rate? Because the kids learn in Italian history to always pull out
I used to work on an assembly line making pregnancy pamphlets, but I quit. I got tired of labor manuals.
Two blondes talking...
"I took a pregnancy test the other day..."
"Oh dear, were the questions hard?"
i'm really nervous about getting my girlfriend's pregnancy results back... and i'm not even the one who'll have to raise the baby alone!
Nigel Farage gets his girlfriend pregnant.. Soon after the pregnancy test arrived as positive, he says "My fatherhood ambition has been achieved. I want my life back"
West Virginia Pregnancy Rate Hits All Time Low as COVID-19 Puts Stop to Family Reunions Not The Onion.
You don't have to study for a pregnancy test... but I have heard there's a lot of cramming that goes on before the exam.
How do Jews do a pregnancy test? The woman spreads her legs and the man throws a penny between them - if a hand darts out to snatch it up then it's a positive
One benefit of everyone staying at home is that teenage pregnancy is down
except in Alabama
My girlfriend said there's a line on her pregnancy test. Pretty odd place to do cocaine if you ask me.
I was a bit worried so I took a pregnancy test My mom will be proud, this is my first time passing a test!
My wife told me that cooking was getting very very difficult due to her 8 months pregnancy So I added telescope handles on all of the kitchen utensils. I love my wife.
I once told story about pregnancy that nobody understood except for my twin sister It was our little inside joke
Did you know that bus drivers are good for more than driving the bus. Thanks to them the pregnancy rate in nuns has dropped drastically
A man's wife comes up to him with a positive pregnancy test...
"Are you kidding me!" she says.
There’s a married couple, Nancy and Dave, at a dinner party talking to a friend about their pregnancy
Friend: You look great, you’re glowing!
Nancy: Thank you! I really put the Nancy in pregnancy
Dave: And I really put the pregnancy in Nancy!
A good joke is like pregnancy You could have the best setup, but its all over if the delivery goes wrong
Recent studies have shown that first names have a significant impact on pregnancy rates. For example someone called Mary is much more likely to get pregnant than someone called Tom.
My friend's wellness teacher asked him in freshman year what the most common STD in the world was... Apparently, pregnancy was the wrong answer.
What does a pregnancy and alcoholism have in common? They can both be ended with a twelve step program
I hope you were all kind to your mother's on Mother's day. Imagine the patience and travail of 9 month's pregnancy then painful labor... And then it's you.
Apparently Hogwarts has a low teen pregnancy rate. Research shows it is singlehandedly due to the spell - DELETUS FEETUS
Pregnancy Chances Did you know that your chances of getting pregnant are hereditary. Chances are that if your parents didn't get pregnant, you won't either.
Blonde joke (short) A blonde tells her husband she thinks she's pregnant and sends him off to the store to buy a pregnancy test. As he's leaving she says buy two in case it's twins.
Pregnancy in the 1940's.
(Doc) - "Mrs. Smith, I have some **great** news for you"....
(Patient) - "Thats MISS Smith, doctor!"....
(Doc) - "Miss Smith, I have some *bad* news for you"....
I was having dinner celebrating my wifes pregnancy and she asked "How many vegetables would you like dear?"
I said "One please"
She said " Perfect because I've contracted the Zika virus"
Girl: Dad, what's better? to pass or to fail?
Dad: To pass obviously
Girl: OH GOOD, YOU'LL BE PROUD OF ME! I PASSED MY PREGNANCY TEST!
Michelle Wolf on A Friend’s Pregnancy
Michelle Wolf on A Friend’s Pregnancy
One of my friends is pregnant. And I’m really excited. Not for the baby but because she’s one of my skinniest friends.
Man and Women in Diffrent Combinations
Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
Pregnancy Test Two blondes are talking with each other . The blonde tells the other blonde that she did a pregnancy test yesterday. Says the other blonde : "Damn, were there hard questions ? "
A woman brings her items to the resister
A woman brings five chocolate bars, a tub of ice cream, and some pregnancy tests to the counter
Cashier: "Ma'am, I don't think you need those pregnancy tests"
Not sure I heard right but... My girlfriend plans to avoid pregnancy by having an IED fitted.