Me : Alexa where is my dad?
Alexa : Your dad is at a strip club in Las Vegas
Me : Haha! gotcha alexa my dad is right next to me
Alexa : Your mom's husband is next to you, your dad is at a strip club.
ME: Siri, what time is it?
ALEXA: Who is Siri?
ME: Haha Alexa, I meant Alexa
ALEXA: Ok but who is Siri?
ALEXA: Playing "Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood
I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word. We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby
My wife asked me why I spoke so softly in the house.
I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed, Siri too.
Credit: James Franco
I asked my wife how to turn Alexa off. She said, "I don’t know, have you tried walking through the room naked?"
My fiancee keeps yelling at me because Alexa is interrupting her game on the Kindle. I can't help it. My voice turns her on.
Thank you Alexa
Burglar: *points gun at me* Alright buddy just show me your valuables and nobody gets hurt
Me: Haha sure thing dude - ALEXA CALL THE POLICE
Alexa: “Shuffling songs by The Police”
*Roxanne plays as I get shot 16 times*
My wife asks Alexa at least once a day - sometimes multiple times - what's the weather?
I just added a routine to make Alexa respond "you've got windows, don't you?"
And now we wait.
(Not really a joke but I'm giggling with anticipation)
My parents got an Amazon Echo for Christmas and all they do is shout at it and get disappointed by all it can't do. I've been replaced by Alexa and it's great.
My wife asked me why I was talking so quietly? I said I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening. She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri Laughed.
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening! She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
I just asked Alexa to play ‘American Idiot’. I’m now listening to Donald Trump’s latest press conference.
Son asks his father why does he speak so lightly at home? Father replies because there is artificial intelligence that listens to everything we say. Son laughs, the dad laughs, Alexa laughs
My friend asked why I always talked quietly. I told them it was because I didn't want corporations spying on me. They laughed, I laughed, Alexa laughed...
Alexa tell me a marriage joke..
Me: "Alexa tell me a marriage joke"
Alexa: "sorry, something went wrong"
People complain about a lack of women in tech jobs That's nonsense - what about Siri, Alexa and Cortana?
A guy asks Alexa to define "rendezvous"...
Alexa: As a noun, rendezvous is usually defined as an agreement between two or more persons to meet at a certain time and place.
Guy: Spell it.
Alexa: It is spelled, I. T.
Why is Alexa always crashing? Female drivers.
Wishing a happy women’s day to Siri and Alexa .... the only two women who listen to men and do as they say!!
Alexa is so easy You just say her name and she gets turned on.
My wife asked me why I speak so quietly at home
I told her that I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening.
She laughed, Alexa laughed and Siri laughed
My wife asked my why I carry a gun around the house.
I answered, because of the Decepticons!
She said there is no such thing as Decepticons.
"You're right I guess" I said.
I laughed. She laughed. Alexa laughed. I shot Alexa.
It was a good time.
Does the CIA listen in through Alexa?
My wife asked if I thought the CIA listened in through the Alexa.
I said "no, they don't....".
Then the Alexa said "no, we don't".
And the wife said "I've never heard the male voice before".
What's the internal temperature of a taun-taun?
I'm feeling rather unloved Even Alexa won't talk to me
Tesla has announced an Alexa speaker. It is supposed to be quite elonquent.
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home. I told her Mark Zuckerberg was listening... She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
My wife asked me why I was whispering at home... I said I was worried that Mark Zuckerberg was listening, She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed. G+ laughed... We all laughed...
I asked Alexa if she worked for the CIA. She giggled
Amazon Alexa is a police officer My girlfriend just said "Alexa, Black Lives Matter". And Alexa responded "I'm sorry, I didn't understand that".
Everyone complains about Alexa Listening in on conversations. Bezos is releasing an male version. This one wont listen to anything. He's calling the Donald.
My wife asked me why I was speaking so softly at home.
I told her I was afraid Mark Zuckerberg was listening!
She laughed. I laughed. Alexa laughed. Siri laughed.
P.S. not originally mine, but found it too funny not to put it here.