Water Jokes

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Funniest Water Jokes

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.

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Funny Water Jokes
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Which is heavier: one gallon of water or 10 gallons of butane? The water.

No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.

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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet.

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water.

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Why does France have so many rivers? Water follows the path of least resistance.

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Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

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My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...

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If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

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My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...

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9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"

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RIP boiling water You will be mist.

EDIT: AWESOME my gold cherry is gone!

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Where does a mansplainer get his water? From the well, actually.

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During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

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A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

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This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.”

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Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

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My friend can't afford his water bill... So I sent him a "Get well soon" card.

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My dad said the other day when I was feeling down, “Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water.” I know he means well.

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My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.

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Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

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Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

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How can you tell an ant's gender? 1. Get a glass full of water
2. Throw the ant into the glass
3. If it sinks, it's girl ant
4. If it floats, it's boy ant

Edit: Sorry about the repost, heard this joke from a friend, who, in turn, saw it on Twitter. :):

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TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

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Water can solve all your issues. Want to lose weight? Drink water. Need to wake up? Splash water on your face. Someone annoying you? Drown them.

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If you wanna find the gender of an ant, put it in water. If it drowns, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant.

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There's an easy way to tell an ants gender Put in on water. If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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You know you can tell the difference between a boy and a girl ant by putting it in water? If it sinks, it’s a girl ant. If it floats, it’s buoyant

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My friend keeps telling me to cheer up these days. He says it could be a lot worse, I could be trapped inside an underground hole filled with water. I know he means well.

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Nine out of ten doctors suggest you drink water instead of soda. The one that doesn't lives in Flint, Michigan.

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You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on water If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: buoyant

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Bought a pen the other day that can write under water It can write other words too

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Today somebody knocked on my door and asked for a small donation to the local swimming pool I gave him a glass of water.

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I got the words 'jacuzzi' and 'Yakuza' mixed up the other day Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia

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New Water Jokes

For some reason, I like drinking water more than most people do. I guess it's just in my blood.

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My brother said he wanted to push a sailor in the water. I disapproved. I said, "That's nautical idea."

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My friend has no running water at his house, so I felt bad and decided to send him a card. A “Get Well Soon” card.

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What do you call a computer that was dropped in the water? Adele Rolling in the Deep

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I got mixed up between the words "Jacuzzi" and "Yakuza" Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese Mafia.

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Yesterday, I peed into the middle of the water for maximum noise Now I am not allowed at a baptism anymore.

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Soo I figured out how to solve antivaxers... Just tell them that water is a vaccine for dehydration.

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How can you tell whether an ant is a boy or girl? Put the ant in water.
If it sinks, girl ant.
If it floats, buoyant!

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A Republican, Christian, Vegetarian and the Nicest man ever walks into a bar And only orders water because Mr. Rogers didn't drink

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If you want to know the gender of an ant put it in water. If it’s a girl it sinks
#
If it floats it’s a boy ant

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I bought a submarine that I really couldn't afford. Now my mortgage is under water.

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Water and heat walk into a bar... It was steamy..

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If western water have swordfish, when what do eastern waters have? Ka*tuna*

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We had a guy going door to door in our neighborhood asking for donations for a new swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water

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I mixed up the word “Jacuzzi” with “Yakusa” Now I’m in hot water with the Japanese mafia.

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I've had water stuck in my ear for the past hour... Its very earritating

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If watermelon has water in it... Then what does a kumquat have?

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Which plant is extremely deadly if you stand beneath it for five minutes? The water lily

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You know how when you are cooking a really nice steak, and your mouth starts to water? Does the same thing happen to vegans when they mow their lawn?

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Thor and Loki enter a bar. Thor asks for two beers to start off and gets very drunk, but Loki only has water and soda the whole night. They get into a fight with each other. Even though Loki was sober, they both leave the bar hammered.

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Thor and Loki enter a bar. Thor asks for two beers to start himself off. Loki only has water and soda the whole night. They get into a fight. They both leave the bar hammered.

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How do you determine the gender of an ant? It's simple. Just put them in water:

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

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Numerous people in Africa are falling ill due to a lack of clean water above ground I hope they 'get well soon.'

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Someone just knocked on my door, asking for donations for a new community swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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My friend could not afford to pay his water bill.. So, I sent him a "get well soon" card..

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You can figure out the gender of an ant by throwing it into water If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's boy-ant.

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A woman called to my house looking for a donation to the community swimming pool So I gave her a bucket of water

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My friend in Africa was complaining about the lack of drinking water in his village. So I sent him a Get Well Soon card.

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into water? Because if they fell forward they'd fall in the boat.

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Do you know how you can find out the gender of an ant? If you put it in the water and the ant sinks, it’s a girl ant. However if it doesn’t sink, it’s buoyant.

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I’ve always tried to hold my breath when a character is under water, to see if I could survive the situation Finding Nemo was a tough one

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Post Malones black brother... Water Malone.

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What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?

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Whats every Dad's favorite fruit? Watermelon (water my lawn)

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I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends. They can't pay their water bills.

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My friend heard about an African village trying to raise enough money to sink a well for fresh water. He sent them a cheque for $100... ...I sent them a "Get well soon" card

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How do you tell the difference between a male and a female ant? Drop it in water, if it floats it’s a boy-ant!

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Why was everyone wearing pants in the water? It was the jean pool

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It is so cold here that, Anyone can rob us by just showing a water pistol.

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New Years resolution to recycle water I am putting a bucket in each shower and using the collected water in the clothes washer. I really don’t care what everyone else at the gym says.

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We have to buy our basic human rights Food, water, the internet...

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I'm trying to lose weight so joined the gym and I see the stupidest people there All of them use the treadmill and put their water bottle in the Pringle holder

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Roy Moore walks into a bar and orders a 10 year old scotch, and water The bartender says "here's your scotch and water."
Roy Moore asks "where's my 10 year old?"

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Why is holy water different to regular water? It's been altared

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Did you hear about Harvey Weinsteins new job? He'll water your plants for direct eye contact.

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My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.

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A guy came to my house yesterday asking for donations for a new swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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My parents finally poured a drink for me when I turned 21 I said no, that vodka is at least 70% water

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One hot day a thirsty couple went to get something to drink, there was lines for water and soda When they went to get punch, there was no punchline!

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Why /r/Hillaryclinton is a ghost town All their keyboards have water damage.

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Trump and Hillary fall into the water. Who will be rescued? America.

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RIP Kanye West, died after what police think was his attempt to walk on water... Coast Guard attempted rescue, but say he was too dense.

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There's so many charities dedicated to bringing clean water to Africa, so instead I'm going to establish a charity to bring free Tidal subscriptions to Africa. I feel the people of Africa would appreciate some Lemonade for once.

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Today I tried water polo. My horse drowned...

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I'm such a bad golfer, I found a job in the dessert I'm guaranteed to find water.

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A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

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You want some dating advice? Here you go. A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

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Why do Scuba divers fall backwards off the boat, and into the water? Because if they fell forward, they'd fall into the boat.

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Heard a little kid telling this joke to his friend but failed to catch the punch line. What do you call a stripper that lives under water?

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I just thought up a misogynist syllepsis: She spilled a pitcher of ice water in my lap, so I cold-cocked her.

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