Water Jokes

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Funniest Water Jokes

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.

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Funny Water Jokes
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Which is heavier: one gallon of water or 10 gallons of butane? The water.

No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.

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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet.

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water.

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Why does France have so many rivers? Water follows the path of least resistance.

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Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

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My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...

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If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

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My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...

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9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"

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RIP boiling water You will be mist.

EDIT: AWESOME my gold cherry is gone!

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Where does a mansplainer get his water? From the well, actually.

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During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

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A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

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This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.”

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Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

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My friend can't afford his water bill... So I sent him a "Get well soon" card.

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My dad said the other day when I was feeling down, “Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water.” I know he means well.

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My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.

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Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

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Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

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How can you tell an ant's gender? 1. Get a glass full of water
2. Throw the ant into the glass
3. If it sinks, it's girl ant
4. If it floats, it's boy ant

Edit: Sorry about the repost, heard this joke from a friend, who, in turn, saw it on Twitter. :):

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TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

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A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing. 'He’s like a fish out of water.’

‘You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?’

‘No, I mean he’s dead.’

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How to tell ant gender Put the ant in water and if it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, boy ant.

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You can determine the gender of an ant by throwing it in a puddle of water If it sinks it’s a girl ant, but if it floats it’s a boy ant

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What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's going to take me a minute to get hard, I was just laid by this chick.

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You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on water If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: buoyant

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What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just came out of this chick.

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What did the egg say to the boiling water? It's gonna take me a while to get hard, I just got laid by some chick.

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A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing... 'He's like a fish out of water.'

'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?'

'No, I mean he's dead.'

-Mike Close-

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What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it Water lily

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What did the fresh egg say to the boiling pot of water? "It's going to take me a while to get hard, I just got laid this morning."

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New Water Jokes

For some reason, I like drinking water more than most people do. I guess it's just in my blood.

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I told my boss I needed a raise, and that I had three companies after me. “Three companies?!”

“Oh yeah.”

“All right, fine, here’s your raise. By the way, which three companies?”

“Gas, Water, and Electric.”

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My friend has no running water at his house, so I felt bad and decided to send him a card. A “Get Well Soon” card.

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What do you call a computer that was dropped in the water? Adele Rolling in the Deep

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Yesterday, I peed into the middle of the water for maximum noise Now I am not allowed at a baptism anymore.

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If you want to know the gender of an ant put it in water. If it’s a girl it sinks
#
If it floats it’s a boy ant

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We had a guy going door to door in our neighborhood asking for donations for a new swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water

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I recently got water in my ear while swimming The feeling was quite ear-ittating.

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You can tell what what gender an ant is by putting it in water. If it sinks: girl ant.

If it floats: boy ant.

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I got mad at my wife when she dropped ice cubes and they went under the refrigerator. It's just water under the fridge now.

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If watermelon has water in it... Then what does a kumquat have?

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Two eggs get thrown into a pot of boiling water One goes to the other and says, "It might take me a while to get hard. I just got laid."

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Which plant is extremely deadly if you stand beneath it for five minutes? The water lily

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You know how when you are cooking a really nice steak, and your mouth starts to water? Does the same thing happen to vegans when they mow their lawn?

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How do you determine the gender of an ant? It's simple. Just put them in water:

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

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I was feeling depressed. My friend said, cheer up, you could be down a hole filled with water. I know he meant well.

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Someone just knocked on my door, asking for donations for a new community swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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I messed up between Jacuzzi and the Yakuza. I’m in hot water now with the Japanese Mafia.

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A woman calls her husband’s cell phone to tell him the car is giving her a problem. She thinks there is water in the carburetor. “How the heck would you know that?” the husband asks.

“Because I just drove it into a canal.”

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You can figure out the gender of an ant by throwing it into water If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's boy-ant.

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A woman called to my house looking for a donation to the community swimming pool So I gave her a bucket of water

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into water? Because if they fell forward they'd fall in the boat.

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How did the poor Norwegian cross the water? Turns out it was afjordable.

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We live on a tiny, useless ball of rocks and water, floating through the vast expanse of outer space But it means the world to us.

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You can tell a gender of an ant by placing it in water. If it drowns its a girl ant, and if it floats its a buoyant.

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Do you know how you can find out the gender of an ant? If you put it in the water and the ant sinks, it’s a girl ant. However if it doesn’t sink, it’s buoyant.

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It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

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A programmer puts 2 glasses on his nightstand before going to bed, one with water and one without. One in case he wakes up in the middle of the night thirsty, and one in case he's not!

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Post Malones black brother... Water Malone.

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What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?

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Whats every Dad's favorite fruit? Watermelon (water my lawn)

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I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends. They can't pay their water bills.

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What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands? An Amsterdam Hamster Dam

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Did you know that you can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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A farmer kept getting water melons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign 'now there are two'

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How do you tell the difference between a male and a female ant? Drop it in water, if it floats it’s a boy-ant!

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This morning I was really tired, so I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

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Not really a joke, I just heard this years ago and it still makes me laugh.

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Roy Moore walks into a bar and orders a 10 year old scotch, and water The bartender says "here's your scotch and water."
Roy Moore asks "where's my 10 year old?"

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Interaction I had at a McDonalds last night Me: Can I get a water cup?

Cashier: Sure, if ya give that girl in the back your number

Me: Sure

Other Cashier: Wait, really?

Me: Look, I’m just thirsty

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you'd think a discussion about water would be boring but it's never a dry subject

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Why is holy water different to regular water? It's been altared

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My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.

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A guy came to my house yesterday asking for donations for a new swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison? He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

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I saw a Nigerian kid the other day crying about his dead parents.... I told him to stop wasting water

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How do you know if an ant is male or female? Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by tossing it in water?! If it sinks... girl ant!
If it floats... buoyant!

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How do you make an Ethiopian grow? Just add water.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, it's girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

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What did Helium do after Hydrogen and Oxygen became water? He didn't react at all.

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Trump and Hillary fall into the water. Who will be rescued? America.

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Dirtiest clean joke I know... What did the egg say to the boiling water....? It's gonna take a minute for me to get hard, I just came outta this chik! :p

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Today I tried water polo. My horse drowned...

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A thirsty man from Michigan went to California to find something to drink Because no water is better than Michigan water.

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A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

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My coffee wasn't strong enough. So, yesterday instead of using water, I brewed with Red Bull. I got halfway to work before I realised I'd forgotten my car.

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What did the egg say to the hot water? Give me a minute to get hard, i just got laid by some chick.

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What do you get when you pour boiling water down a rabbit hole? Hot cross bunnies.

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Why do sharks swim in salt water? Because pepper water would make them sneeze!!!

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Heard a little kid telling this joke to his friend but failed to catch the punch line. What do you call a stripper that lives under water?

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