Water Jokes

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Funniest Water Jokes

You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.

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Funny Water Jokes
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Which is heavier: one gallon of water or 10 gallons of butane? The water.

No matter how much you have, butane will always be a lighter fluid.

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A girl agreed to go out with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. Schwepped her off her feet.

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How do you make a water bed more bouncy? You use spring water.

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Why does France have so many rivers? Water follows the path of least resistance.

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Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids... Popped on here to check messages while the kettle boils.

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My friend is really optimistic and is always telling me : "Cheer up, you could be in a deep hole filled with water..." I know he means well...

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My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water" I know he means well...

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If you're depressed, try drinking a pint of water before going to bed. It'll give you a reason to get up in the morning.

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My friend always tells me "cheer up, at least you aren't stuck in a deep hole full of water" I know he means well...

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9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan

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Wife texts husband on a cold winter morning: "Windows frozen, won't open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and then *gently* tap edges with hammer."

Wife texts back 10 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now."

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I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"

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RIP boiling water You will be mist.

EDIT: AWESOME my gold cherry is gone!

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Where does a mansplainer get his water? From the well, actually.

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During a job interview yestarday I poured some water into a cup and it overflowed slightly "Nervous?" asked the interviewer, I simply replied "No I always give 110%"

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A joke my 4 year old came up with today... Him: "What's the only mammal that can breathe under water?"

Me: "I dunno, what?"

Him (loudly): "An elephant sticking his trunk up!"

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This idiot on the treadmill at the gym. Just put a water bottle in the Pringles holder.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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On a cold winter's morning Wife texts husband on a cold winter’s morning:

"Windows frozen, won't open."



Husband texts back:

"Gently pour some lukewarm water over it."



Wife texts back 5 minutes later:



"Computer is really screwed up now.”

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Yo momma is so fat ... She took a jump in the pool, they found water on Mars.

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My friend can't afford his water bill... So I sent him a "Get well soon" card.

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My dad said the other day when I was feeling down, “Cheer up, things could be worse. You could be stuck in an underground hole full of water.” I know he means well.

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My missus was furious at me for kicking dropped ice-cubes under the refrigerator. But now it's just water under the fridge.

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Swimming Pool Joke Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. I gave him a glass of water.

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What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? It might take me a minute to get hard, I just got laid this morning.

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Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.

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How can you tell an ant's gender? 1. Get a glass full of water
2. Throw the ant into the glass
3. If it sinks, it's girl ant
4. If it floats, it's boy ant

Edit: Sorry about the repost, heard this joke from a friend, who, in turn, saw it on Twitter. :):

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TIL why scuba divers fall backwards into the water Because if they fall forward, they would land in the boat.

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why do scuba divers go in the water backwards? because if they go forward they would fall inside the boat.

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A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing. 'He’s like a fish out of water.’

‘You mean he’s having trouble adjusting?’

‘No, I mean he’s dead.’

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How to tell ant gender Put the ant in water and if it sinks, it's a girl ant. If it floats, boy ant.

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What did they egg say to the boiling water? It might take me a while to get hard. I just got laid.

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A polar bear falls into the water "Help! I'm dissolving!"

A black bear shows up and says, "But bears are insoluble"

"That's easy for you to say. You're not polar!"

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You can determine the gender of an ant by throwing it in a puddle of water If it sinks it’s a girl ant, but if it floats it’s a boy ant

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You can tell the gender of an ant by putting it on water If it sinks: girl ant
If it floats: buoyant

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LPT: If your phone gets water damage, leave it in a bowl of rice overnight. When you're sleeping, Asians will come to eat the rice and will fix your phone for fun

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A woman calls the nursing home to see how her father is doing... 'He's like a fish out of water.'

'You mean he's having trouble adjusting?'

'No, I mean he's dead.'

-Mike Close-

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Why did the general throw a bucket of water over a bunch of soldiers? Cause he wanted to wash his privates.

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New Water Jokes

What's the name of a common garden plant, that if sat under for more than 5 minutes, would cause almost guaranteed death? A Water Lilly.

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I told my boss I needed a raise, and that I had three companies after me. “Three companies?!”

“Oh yeah.”

“All right, fine, here’s your raise. By the way, which three companies?”

“Gas, Water, and Electric.”

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What do you call a computer that was dropped in the water? Adele Rolling in the Deep

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Yesterday, I peed into the middle of the water for maximum noise Now I am not allowed at a baptism anymore.

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If you want to know the gender of an ant put it in water. If it’s a girl it sinks
#
If it floats it’s a boy ant

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We had a guy going door to door in our neighborhood asking for donations for a new swimming pool so I gave him a glass of water

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I recently got water in my ear while swimming The feeling was quite ear-ittating.

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You can tell what what gender an ant is by putting it in water. If it sinks: girl ant.

If it floats: boy ant.

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I got mad at my wife when she dropped ice cubes and they went under the refrigerator. It's just water under the fridge now.

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If watermelon has water in it... Then what does a kumquat have?

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Two eggs get thrown into a pot of boiling water One goes to the other and says, "It might take me a while to get hard. I just got laid."

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Which plant is extremely deadly if you stand beneath it for five minutes? The water lily

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You know how when you are cooking a really nice steak, and your mouth starts to water? Does the same thing happen to vegans when they mow their lawn?

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How do you determine the gender of an ant? It's simple. Just put them in water:

If it sinks: girl ant

If it floats: boy ant

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Someone just knocked on my door, asking for donations for a new community swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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I messed up between Jacuzzi and the Yakuza. I’m in hot water now with the Japanese Mafia.

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You can figure out the gender of an ant by throwing it into water If it sinks it's a girl ant. If it floats it's boy-ant.

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A woman called to my house looking for a donation to the community swimming pool So I gave her a bucket of water

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Why do scuba divers fall backwards into water? Because if they fell forward they'd fall in the boat.

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We live on a tiny, useless ball of rocks and water, floating through the vast expanse of outer space But it means the world to us.

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You can tell a gender of an ant by placing it in water. If it drowns its a girl ant, and if it floats its a buoyant.

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Do you know how you can find out the gender of an ant? If you put it in the water and the ant sinks, it’s a girl ant. However if it doesn’t sink, it’s buoyant.

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It's kinda ironic that 12 kid football team got trapped by water Judging by the World Cup, I thought every team knew how to dive

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A programmer puts 2 glasses on his nightstand before going to bed, one with water and one without. One in case he wakes up in the middle of the night thirsty, and one in case he's not!

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What did the boss say to the plumber after he broke the pipe? water you doing?

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I've been sending "Get well soon" cards to my friends. They can't pay their water bills.

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What do you call a water barrier constructed for rodents in the capital of the Netherlands? An Amsterdam Hamster Dam

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Did you know that you can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water? If it sinks, girl ant. If it floats, buoyant.

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What plant will kill you in 5 min or less if you just stand under it Water lily

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A farmer kept getting water melons stolen, so one day he puts a sign up that says 'one of these watermelons is poisoned' next day he gets up and goes out to work in his watermelon patch and sees another sign 'now there are two'

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How do you tell the difference between a male and a female ant? Drop it in water, if it floats it’s a boy-ant!

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This morning I was really tired, so I made my coffee with Red Bull instead of water. I got halfway to work before I realized I forgot my car.

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Not really a joke, I just heard this years ago and it still makes me laugh.

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Roy Moore walks into a bar and orders a 10 year old scotch, and water The bartender says "here's your scotch and water."
Roy Moore asks "where's my 10 year old?"

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Interaction I had at a McDonalds last night Me: Can I get a water cup?

Cashier: Sure, if ya give that girl in the back your number

Me: Sure

Other Cashier: Wait, really?

Me: Look, I’m just thirsty

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you'd think a discussion about water would be boring but it's never a dry subject

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Why is holy water different to regular water? It's been altared

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My wife and I went to an Ethiopian restaurant for our anniversary. The food was great, but the service was terrible. We had to wait 30 minutes to have our water refilled. Granted, the waitress had to walk six miles.

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A guy came to my house yesterday asking for donations for a new swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water.

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How did Nelson Mandela do laundry while in prison? He used one part water, a part corn starch, and a part Tide.

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I saw a Nigerian kid the other day crying about his dead parents.... I told him to stop wasting water

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How do you know if an ant is male or female? Put it in water. If it sinks it's female. If it floats it's buoy-ant.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by tossing it in water?! If it sinks... girl ant!
If it floats... buoyant!

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How do you make an Ethiopian grow? Just add water.

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Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by throwing it in water? If it sinks, it's girl ant. If it floats, it's buoyant.

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What did Helium do after Hydrogen and Oxygen became water? He didn't react at all.

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Trump and Hillary fall into the water. Who will be rescued? America.

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What grows when you plant a pumpkin spice latte and water it with vodka? A sorority.

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Dirtiest clean joke I know... What did the egg say to the boiling water....? It's gonna take a minute for me to get hard, I just came outta this chik! :p

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Today a man knocked on my door and asked me to make a small donation to the local swimming pool So I gave him a glass of water

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What did the gardener say to the man in the grass shoes? WATER THOOOOSE

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Socialism is like breathing water... You just aren't doing it right! Here let me try...

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Today I tried water polo. My horse drowned...

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A thirsty man from Michigan went to California to find something to drink Because no water is better than Michigan water.

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A man knocked my door for some donation.. Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool. i gave him a glass of water.

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A blond is walking down the beach... and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling “Help, Shark, Help!”
The blond yells back, “ no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

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Heard a vintage 2011 today. The Navy Seals just invented a new drink, the "bin Laden". Two shots to the face and a splash of water.

Edit: now i think of it, it wasnt funny back then either.

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We put Granddad into a nursing home yesterday I called Grandma to see how he was doing.

"Oh, dear, he's like a fish out of water!" she told me.

"Is he finding hard to adjust?" I asked.

"No, he's dead."

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Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box) Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

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what do you call water that bounces? Spring water.

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Heard a little kid telling this joke to his friend but failed to catch the punch line. What do you call a stripper that lives under water?

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