Boyfriend: "This is a stupid thing to *Fallout 4*."
All Credit goes to my friend
Share:
What video game system do police officers play in their cars?
Wii U, Wii U, Wii U...
Share:
What is Hitler's favorite video game?
Mein Craft.
Share:
My brother's doctor says he can no longer play
video games, and he's taking it very hard
He's inconsolable
Share:
I spent too much money on video games this year.
My savings have gone up in Steam.
Share:
All these video games with epic orchestral music scores.
Those concerned mums were right, there's way too much violins in video games.
Share:
What was Hitler's favourite video game?
Mein Kraft
Share:
If I played video games for 8 hours, I'd be called a loser bum
But if I watched TV for 8 hours straight, people would just think I didn't have anything to do that day
Share:
Call of Duty is the most environmentally friendly video game franchise.
... because each game is made from 90% recycled material.
Share:
My girlfriend just dumped me because I she says I talk too much about video games...
...It's a horribl**e** thing to Fallout 4.
Share:
I broke up with my video game console, now it's my ex-box
Nothing personal, it was just time for a switch
Share:
[OC] What is Hillary Clinton's favorite video game?
Super-Pac man.
Share:
What is a video game art designer's favorite soft drink?
Sprite.
Share:
What is Thanos' favorite video game?
Half-Life.
Share:
They say Hitler was driven to war because of his addiction to video games
He was obsessed with Mein Kraft
Share:
Did you hear about the new Christian online video game?
It's pretty good, but it's pray2win.
Share:
If video games make children more violent...
why do they keep losing fistfights against me?
Share:
I think video games like Call of Duty set a terrible example for children.
There's no lag when you shoot someone in real life.
Share:
My wife left me because "I am addicted to video games"..
I was so sad I could hardly console myself
Share:
What’s an atoms favorite video game?
Half-life
Share:
What would a video game about an abortion nurse be called?
Womb raider
Share:
My girlfriend broke up with me for talking about video games too much...
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Share:
What is Donald Trump's favorite video game?
*Papers, Please*
Share:
My wife said she wants a divorce because I play too many video games.
What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Share:
Video games are like my children.
I beat them.
Share:
What is Thanos' favourite video game?
Half life
Share:
I asked my French friend if he likes to play video games.
He said, “Wii.”
Share:
I was playing video games last night and my son was sitting next to me watching and said "I wish real life was more like video games"
So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC
Car rides and plane rides are just like video game loading screens if you think about it.
Most of the time they both take way too long.
Share:
What was the dyslexic kids favourite video game system?
Nintendo 46
Share:
What is Trump's favorite video game?
PResident Evil.
Share:
What’s a crackhead’s favorite video game?
Need for Speed
Share:
The cops who are currently covering up their badge numbers are probably very bad at video games
They have no account-ability!!
Share:
Video game costume designs piss me off
Like, the dudes: their costumes are practical and protective, and then the girls are practically naked.
It’s kind of homophobic.
Share:
What is a dentist's favorite video game?
Enamel Crossing!
Share:
Why is great to have garbage men as my video game teammates?
They are used to carrying trash.
Share:
My girlfriend broke up with me because she said I played too many video games.
What a stupid thing to fallout 4.
Share:
What was Hitler's favorite video game? (Diff version)
**W-Wii**
Share:
Old school video games are very difficult and unforgiving
Like their ads say: "You won't last five minutes playing this"
Share:
If you play video games with your kids,
And you kill your kid in game. Is it considered spawn killing?
[Formatting, mobile, yadda yadda.]
Share:
The breakdown of what to do in all seasons
Summer:too hot to go outside so you stay in playing video games
Winter:too cold to go outside so you stay in playing video games
Autumn:too much pollen outside so you stay in playing video games
Share:
What is something a teenage boy can do for hours straight?
Play video games!
Share:
Everyone needs to forget China's negligence and address the real cause of covid 19
Violent video games
Share:
I asked a French guy if he played video games.
He said Wii.
Share:
I asked a Frenchman whether he played Video Games
He said Wii
Share:
Did you ever hear about the video game Hitler made while in prison?
He called meincraft.
Lame, I know.
If someone's done this one, let me know and I'll take it down.
Share:
If video games really cause violent behavior...
...I can't wait to see what happens with people post-pandemic.
Share:
Gamer Girlz
Damn girl, are you good at video games? Because you just switched me to hard mode.
Share:
What is France's favorite video game?
Homefront: The Revolution
Share:
What would be viagra's name if it was a video game
**MEGA MAN X**
Share:
I beat my kids when we play my old video games.
Sometimes I win at the games, too.
Share:
What's Bernie Sanders' favorite video game?
Fire Emblem: Three Houses.
Share:
What’s Owen Wilson’s favorite video game?
WoW.
Share:
What's an extreme feminists favorite video game
Hitman
Share:
A politician sees his son's result.......
he says to his son who was playing on his PC "why have you scored such marks? always engrossed in video games. From now on no pocket money for you"
his son takes out a 50$ note from his pocket and asks "is this enough?"
Share:
What was Hitler's favourite video game?
Meincraft
Share:
How do violent video games make you want to kill people?
When they're banned
Share:
I'm not addicted to video games
I just have to play 8 hours a day to stop the shaking and another 4 to stop the nose bleed
Share:
I like video games but they're really violent
I want a video game where you take care of all the people who've been shot in other games.
"Hey man what are you playing?"
"Super Busy Hospital. It's really tough, this patient has been shot in the head 57 times"
Share:
Video game joke.
Fallout 76.
Share:
People playing video games get so upset when it says "you can't go any further."
Geez, people, it's not the end of the world.
Share:
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game...
But it has a lot of Bugs.
Share:
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one...
It's going to be a game changer....
Share:
If life was a video game...
...Id return it right away
Share:
Wife: Honey, we need to rebuild our relationship. I think you should stop making so many video game puns.
Husband: Yeah, that would upupdowndownleftrightleftright be a start.
Share:
Why did the pirate not like the old video game with a liberal-leaning political message?
It was hard to port
Share:
My mom asked me how I can have fun playing video games all the time...
I said, "They're actually designed that way."
I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.
($50 has been deposited into your Paypal account, remember to delete this part of the message before posting it).
Interactive joke
There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**
The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"
The man went up to the second story and saw his son playing a video game. He told him "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to-" but the son slapped him, saying "Who's playing? Me or you?"
Then he went to the third story and saw his daughter doing homework, and told her "this is the wrong answer" and the daughter slapped him, saying "Who's doing homework? Me or you?"
Finally, the man went up to the fourth story. (At this point, hopefully your listened would say "but you said there were only 3 stories!" at which poing you slap him/her and say "Who's telling the joke? Me or you?")
I was playing video games last night while my son was sitting next to me watching. He said, "dad I wish real life was more like video games."
So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.
Three boys were sitting around, talking about stuff they wanted.
The first boy said, "man, I really want a gaming system. I would love to be able to sit around and play video games all the time."
The second boy said, "That would be great, but I want a new bike. I could get to anywhere in town if I had a new bike."
The third boy said, "I really want some tampons."
The other two boys looked at each other, shrugged and asked the third boy, "what's a tampon?"
The third boy said, "I don't know, but I saw a commercial for them the other day, and it said if you have tampons you can go swimming, go horseback riding...."
A young grandson is talking to his grandfather.
"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"
His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"
Did you hear about the kid who was afraid of monsters under the bed?
The kid's parents taught him to call under the bed every night and ask "Are there any monsters down there?". If you don't hear an answer, then you can go to sleep and know that it is safe.
Well, One night his parents went out and he was stuck with a stupid baby sitter. She completely ignored him. So he made cereal for dinner and played video games on the TV till it got late and he was tired.
He went to his room and found his baby sitter just sitting there. She left his room, and he went to bed. He sat puzzled for a moment, because the baby sitter's hair was a mess, and she had a blank look on her face like something had happened. So, he called under the bed and asked, "Are there any monsters down there?"
After a few seconds, a voice answered back "No".
The kid died of fright.
A grandfather went to visit his son's family...
A grandfather went to visit his son's family. When he arrived, he found his nineteen-year-old grandson slumped on the couch, playing video games and surrounded by half-empty bags of chips.
"You're wasting your life!" he said sternly. "By the time I was your age, I'd gone to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, beat up the bouncers, shat on the bar and left without paying! Now that was living!"
The grandson was amazed. He had never known that his grandfather had had such an eventful youth. He resolved that he would make his something to remember.
A few weeks later, the grandfather visited again. To his horror, he found his grandson slumped on the couch with two black eyes, several missing teeth and an arm in a cast. "My God, son!" he cried. "What on Earth's happened to you?!"
"I did everything you said you did, granddad!" wailed the grandson. "I went to Paris and went to the Moulin Rouge, but when I tried to do what you did, I got thrown out and beaten up in the street!"
"Who did you go with?" asked the grandfather.
"Just some friends," said the grandson. "Why, who did you go with?"
"Oh!" said the grandfather. "The 3rd Panzer Division."
Why do you torture yourself like that?
This isn't quite a joke, but a funny situation that just happened to me.
I walked into the living room to see that my roommate was playing a really old and crappy looking video game that looked like it could be Atari.
So I asked him "Why are you torturing yourself like that, playing these horrible Atari games? You have a Playstation right there!"
To which he replied "Sadomasochism." I shrugged and said "Fair enough."
There was a moment of silence, so he said it louder. "*Sadomasochism*."
I looked at him really weird, said "Whatever" and turned to leave the room, so he said it again -
"Not Atari, Sadomasochism."
It turns out he was saying "Sega Master System" the whole time.
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful
My 11-year-old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”
His reply: “I can only dream.”
I read on a newspaper about video games...
I was reading a newspaper and i saw an interesting title about video games: “You should not spend more than 5 hours a week playing video games” it said.
At first i thought it meant 5 hours a day but then i realized that i am wrong and it is really saying 5 hours a week.
I decided to make some new changes in my life, so i decided not to read newspaper again.
There was a man who lived in a Three story house.
The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"
The man went up to the second story and saw his son playing a video game. He told him "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to-" but the son slapped him, saying "Who's playing? Me or you?"
Then he went to the third story and saw his daughter doing homework, and told her "this is the wrong answer" and the daughter slapped him, saying "Who's doing homework? Me or you?"
Finally, the man went up to the Fourth story.
A mother walks in on his son playing video games after school.
A mother walks in on her son playing video games after school. Frustrated that he was playing games instead of doing his homework she says, "Do you know who Issac Newton is?". The son, without taking his eyes off the TV screen replies, "No, who is he?" and without missing a beat the mother smirks and says, "If you actually paid attention in school you would know!" "Oh, well, do you know who Angela Smith is?". The mother a little taken back replies, "No, I don't, who is she?". The boy smirks and without also missing a beat goes, "Well if you actually paid attention to dad you would know!"
Once there was a boy named Horos..
Horos grew up in a troubled family. He would go to school every day, then come home at night to a dysfunctional family. He listened to them yell and scream until he feel asleep, then he woke up the next day and did it all again. He always struggled to find something to take his mind off things. He tried books.. He tried video games.. He tried music.. Nothing seemed to ever work. After a few years, Horos discovered something that made him happy. Horos would go out in the middle of the night, and look at the stars.
Thats just how Horoscoped.
A husband and wife have just had their first child
After about a month, the couple gets their bill from the hospital. They are shocked to find out the bill is $67,000, and they have no idea how they're going to pay. Among all the line items is a $9,000 charge for something marked only as "Love", which both the husband and the wife are confused about.
They do some research online, and find out that if you call the hospital, sometimes they'll lower your bill if you can prove that you have Financial hardships. The wife calls the hospital, since the insurance is in her name. After about 3 hours of being on hold and speaking to people in billing, she come out of their home office and talks to her husband, who is slightly distracted by playing video games.
She says "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, I was able to get them to reduce our bill to $17,000. The bad news is, there's nothing they can do about that $9,000 charge for "Love". I did find out what it was all about, though, apparently that's the label that they give to their charge for an epidural."
The husband, who's only been half listening, says "Wait, I think I missed something. What is "Love"?"
To which the wife replies "So baby don't hurt me"
5 years ago, I went to an important job interview
At the end of the interview, he asked "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
"Probably sitting at home all day playing video games." I told him.
Needless to say, I did not get the job but hey, look where we are now!
A man visits his grandchildren after receiving treatment for skin cancer.
When he walks in, the kids hardly raise their heads from the video games they’re playing. He starts to lecture, “When I was your age, I’d be out playing in the sun all day, rather than cooped up in here. Why don’t you get up and get outside?”
One replies, “Ok tumor”.
My 11 year old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games
My 11 year old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”
His reply: “I can only dream.”
[Loong] Big red trike.
A young boy named Jimmy, 5 years old, is looking through the Sears catalog. His birthday is coming up and he wants something great this year. Something *awesome*. So he's flipping through the catalog, going through all the Lego bricks, toy sets, whatever right? Well on the very last page of the section, Jimmy spots his heart's greatest desire. A big red metal trike. You know it. He just can't stop thinking about it. Day in day out, big red trike. Nap time? Big red trike. He asks everyone. He asks his mom, his dad, his brother, his sister, his aunts and uncles, big red trike. Big. Red. Trike. *BIG RED TRIKE*. and eventually his birthday comes around... his parents bring him a big box.. sure enough it has a big red trike in it!! Jimmy is so excited! He rides up the street, down the street, uptown, downtown, EVERY where. Eventually he gets to this big hill. He looks up at this monsterous hill and thinks to himself, "I have a big red trike! I can go anywhere!" So he backs up and gets a little bit of speed, and strains and strains to produce the necessary torque to get going on the hill. He gets about quarter the way up sweating like he's hungover, and the trike snaps into a million pieces flying down the hill with him. Being 5, he obviously is a little hurt. Eventually he gathers himself and remembers his sister lives just down the street from this hill.
*knock knock*
Jimmy's sister answers the door. She is so surprised to see him, wondering why he's on this side of town so late, and asks what's the matter. "My trike broke! I cant get home or anything!" and Jimmy's sister decides, being a nun, to help her little brother out and have him stay for the night since she hasn't seen him in *ages!* So she cooks him supper and prepares the guest room, and tells him his trike will be fixed in the morning. After supper, Jimmy's awfully tired so his sister reads him a bedtime story. "Sister, can you do me another favour?" Jimmy asks, just after the story. "Yes of course Jimmy, what ever you need!" his sister replies. "Well.. i need a big red apple and a piece of strig about a foot long." Jimmy's sister is a reserved type, being in the church she's found no reason to ponder upon other people's business, so she doesn't ask him why, but obliges with his request, and he's off to sleep.
He leaves in the morning on his big red trike.
Lets fast forward a few years. Jimmy's birthday is coming up once more. The big 13. he wants something beefy and powerful. He's looking through the Sears catalog again, and sorts through the usual video games and consoles, eventually coming upon the recreation section. At the end of the section he finds a big red dirtbike. 250cc 4 stroke red dirtbike with flames on the exhaust. Absolutely beautiful. He becomes obsessed with the dirtbike and can't stop thinking about it! Big red dirtbike! Day in, day out. He asks his mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles, he even considered asking God but he knows it doesn't work like that. So Jimmy's excited for this big red dirtbike. He wants to be cool and fit in with his friends.
Well tell ya what, his birthday comes around and he comes home from school to see his parents standing there with that very big red dirtbike he wanted. He's absolutely stunned. He drives it up the trails, down the trails, up town, down town, left and right and center. Eventually, he's at the same spot he remembers from age 5. "I've got a fricken dirtbike, of course I can get up there now!" He thinks, and he revs up, looking fiercely at the hill. He launches off and starts going up the hill, but about halfway up the bike starts vibrating and shaking as he slows down, and the more he hits the throttle the more the bike shakes. Well, it broke into a ton of pieces, and slid down the hill with him. Jimmy's pretty damn upset, but he decides his sister, a pretty handy woman indeed, could be helpful to him. He brings all the pieces and greets her again, gets inside and she tells him "oh why don't you spend two nights this time, I haven't seen you in a few years. And I won't be able to have your dirtbike fixed up until then either. It'd be good to catch up." So Jimmy decides to stay while his sister fixes his dirtbike. Every night, Jimmy asks her for a big red apple, and a piece of string about a foot long. His sister, beginning to be a bit curious, gets a little curious at this strange request. She wonders why he's asking for these items every time he's there. Being a Christian woman, she decides she will not ask him. It's not her place nor her business to ask. She brings him the items, fixes his bike, and two days later he's off on his way riding into the rising sun.
Lets take a look at a few years in the future. Jimmy's 17 and got his license. He wants a nice sweet sports car to cruise around in. Several of his friends have cars and such, he should be able to have something a little better. So he's on the bus one day, and passes the Audi dealership. He spies with his little eye an Audi R8 coupe in all red. Brembo calipers (an aftermarket upgrade, meaning it's a trade in) V10 engine rated at 542 bhp, 400 ft lbs of torque, Audi ventilated discs, the works. He loves this car. He asks everyone to help, his mother, his father, his brother, his sister, he wants this Audi R8. Red audi r8. Red audi r8. Red. Audi. R8.
Well, Jimmy comes home on his birthday, and sitting in the driveway is none other than the red audi r8. He's absolutely stellar. He hops in and goes for a drive. He drives up town, down town, left, right, center, free way, roadway, side streets, he is absolutely amazed at the car. Eventually he winds up at the same hill. "My r8 can handle this. 400 foot pounds of torque! Of course!" So he goes down the road and accellerates with all his might. He gets up to 70 mph and gets headed up the hill. He gets to the top, and finds out he finally did it. He looks towards the bottom of the hill with a feeling of accomplishment. Then bolt by bolt, his Audi R8 falls apart into pieces right before him. Absolutely shocked he rushes all the pieces down the hill to his sister's once again and asks if she could help. Well, she can, but it'll take some time. He hasn't been there for many years and it would be good to catch up! It will take about a week for her to fix it. So he decides to stay there while she works on it. Once again, every night he asks for a big red apple and a piece of string about a foot long. Every night, his sister's curiosity gets stronger and stronger.. until the last night when she finally cracks.
"Jimmy?.."
"Yeah, what is it sister?"
"Well... ive just noticed that youve been asking for the two same strange items.. and I know it's not my place to be nosy, but I'm just curious what you do with the apple and string?.." his sister asks...
Jimmy looks up at her straight in the eye, and answers....
"I guess you'll never know."
I don't think video games are a bad influence on children. I've been playing with my sons on Call of Duty and they seem completely fine.
If anyone wants to add them, they just messaged me their gamertag.
So it's "werapeyourmum"
...I hope I spelt it right. I'm dyslexic, you see.
Such good kids. I wonder what they're going to repay their mum for.
The story of the Pink Ping Pong Balls
There was once a boy. He was the son of the richest man in the universe. Mark Zuckerberg, Bill Gates, he dwarfed them all. He was a multi-trillionaire. Now, it was this boy's birthday. His father asked him,
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. A store full of lego, all the video games in the world, anything. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one pink ping pong ball."
His father was rather confused by this request. Out of all the things he could've chosen, his son chose a ping pong ball. Nonetheless, he agreed and gave him a pink ping pong ball. His son was overjoyed and spoke to him.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong ball?"
"Okay son, go ahead."
The boy then went up to his room and played with his pink ping pong ball. When his father went in the next morning to check on him, the boy was sleeping in his bed and the pink ping pong ball was nowhere to be found.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
His son replied.
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one box full of pink ping pong balls."
His father was again, confused by this. Still, he bought a cardboard box and filled it with ping pong balls. He gave it to his son, who said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go up to my room and play with my pink ping pong balls?"
The father nodded, and the son went up to his room to play. The next morning when his father went to check, the boy was sleeping peacefully and there were no pink ping pong balls in sight. Just the empty cardboard box in the middle of the room.
On the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one truck full of ping pong balls."
Now, by this point, the father was extremely confused. Why did the boy want so many pink ping pong balls and where were they going? He asked.
"My son. You are the most precious thing in the world to me and I can certainly get you this, but may I ask, why do you want a truck full of pink ping pong balls?"
His son replied.
"My father. Please humour me for a while longer. I will tell you when the time is right."
His father agreed and ordered a truck full of pink ping pong balls. The boy said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go into the truck and spend the night playing with the pink ping pong balls?"
The father agreed and the boy spent the night in the truck. When the father went back to check on him in the morning, all the pink ping pong balls were gone, and only the boy was left, sleeping in the back of the truck.
The day before the boy's next birthday, his father asked him again.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
"Oh father. It would make me the happiest boy in the world if you could get me one oil tanker full of ping pong balls."
The father was very confused by this and had to ask again.
"My son can you tell me why you want these pink ping pong balls?"
His son replied.
"My father. Please humour me for a while longer. I will tell you when the time is right."
His father once again, agreed and bought all the ping pong ball factories in the world and made the workers work overtime to produce all the pink ping pong balls needed. He also bought an oil tanker and a pump, a crane and a dump truck to get all the ping pong balls in overnight. On his birthday, his father gave him the oil tanker full of pink ping pong balls. The boy said.
"My father, you have made me the happiest boy in the world. May I go into the oil tanker and spend the night playing with the pink ping pong balls?"
Now the father had expected this and had made sure the oil tanker was completely safe for the boy's use. He agreed and the boy went into the oil tanker for the night. The next morning, when the father went to check, all he found was his son sleeping in the ship with all the pink pong balls gone without a trace.
Now, a few days before his next birthday, the boy got into a huge car accident and was on the verge of death. His father asked him.
"My son. I am the richest man in the universe. I could buy you anything you want for your birthday. What would you like?"
The boy replied with a choked voice, obviously forcing himself to speak despite the pain.
"My father... It would make me the happiest... boy in the world... if you could get me one... pink... ping pong ball..."
His father replied.
"My son. This may be the last time I ever speak to you. Will you please tell me why you wanted all the pink ping pong balls?"
"Alright father. Come closer."
His father nodded, bringing his face up close to his son's. The son's voice was getting weak by this point, coughing in between breaths. Still, he brought up the strength for one final sentance.
"The reason I wanted all the pink ping pong balls is-"
Funniest Jokes
New Jokes
Long Jokes
