Video Game Jokes

I've only ever known EA as an excellent video game company and pioneer of the early home computer games industry. EA has always had my enjoyment as their primary concern and their community involvement is phenomenal.

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There was a man who lived in a 3 story house. **Remember: 3 stories.**

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the second story and saw his son playing a video game. He told him "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to-" but the son slapped him, saying "Who's playing? Me or you?"

Then he went to the third story and saw his daughter doing homework, and told her "this is the wrong answer" and the daughter slapped him, saying "Who's doing homework? Me or you?"

Finally, the man went up to the fourth story. (At this point, hopefully your listened would say "but you said there were only 3 stories!" at which poing you slap him/her and say "Who's telling the joke? Me or you?")

So I locked him in his room and told him if he wants access to the rest of the house he will have to pay .99 for the DLC.

The first boy said, "man, I really want a gaming system. I would love to be able to sit around and play video games all the time."

The second boy said, "That would be great, but I want a new bike. I could get to anywhere in town if I had a new bike."

The third boy said, "I really want some tampons."

The other two boys looked at each other, shrugged and asked the third boy, "what's a tampon?"

The third boy said, "I don't know, but I saw a commercial for them the other day, and it said if you have tampons you can go swimming, go horseback riding...."

"You know grandpa. Our generation is so much better then yours. We have video games, the internet, cell phones and so much cool technology. Your generation didn't have any of that!"

His grandfather replies;
"You're right, we didn't have any of those things around. That's why we had to invent them!"

The kid's parents taught him to call under the bed every night and ask "Are there any monsters down there?". If you don't hear an answer, then you can go to sleep and know that it is safe.

Well, One night his parents went out and he was stuck with a stupid baby sitter. She completely ignored him. So he made cereal for dinner and played video games on the TV till it got late and he was tired.

He went to his room and found his baby sitter just sitting there. She left his room, and he went to bed. He sat puzzled for a moment, because the baby sitter's hair was a mess, and she had a blank look on her face like something had happened. So, he called under the bed and asked, "Are there any monsters down there?"

After a few seconds, a voice answered back "No".

The kid died of fright.

A grandfather went to visit his son's family. When he arrived, he found his nineteen-year-old grandson slumped on the couch, playing video games and surrounded by half-empty bags of chips.

"You're wasting your life!" he said sternly. "By the time I was your age, I'd gone to Paris, went to the Moulin Rouge, drank all night, had my way with the dancers, beat up the bouncers, shat on the bar and left without paying! Now that was living!"

The grandson was amazed. He had never known that his grandfather had had such an eventful youth. He resolved that he would make his something to remember.

A few weeks later, the grandfather visited again. To his horror, he found his grandson slumped on the couch with two black eyes, several missing teeth and an arm in a cast. "My God, son!" he cried. "What on Earth's happened to you?!"

"I did everything you said you did, granddad!" wailed the grandson. "I went to Paris and went to the Moulin Rouge, but when I tried to do what you did, I got thrown out and beaten up in the street!"

"Who did you go with?" asked the grandfather.

"Just some friends," said the grandson. "Why, who did you go with?"

"Oh!" said the grandfather. "The 3rd Panzer Division."

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

This isn't quite a joke, but a funny situation that just happened to me.

I walked into the living room to see that my roommate was playing a really old and crappy looking video game that looked like it could be Atari.

So I asked him "Why are you torturing yourself like that, playing these horrible Atari games? You have a Playstation right there!"

To which he replied "Sadomasochism." I shrugged and said "Fair enough."

There was a moment of silence, so he said it louder. "*Sadomasochism*."

I looked at him really weird, said "Whatever" and turned to leave the room, so he said it again -

"Not Atari, Sadomasochism."

It turns out he was saying "Sega Master System" the whole time.

I was reading a newspaper and i saw an interesting title about video games: “You should not spend more than 5 hours a week playing video games” it said.

At first i thought it meant 5 hours a day but then i realized that i am wrong and it is really saying 5 hours a week.

I decided to make some new changes in my life, so i decided not to read newspaper again.

The man entered the house and saw his wife making an omelette. He told her "You're supposed to use butter, not oil." Immediately the wife slapped him and said "Who's cooking? Me or or you?"

The man went up to the second story and saw his son playing a video game. He told him "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to-" but the son slapped him, saying "Who's playing? Me or you?"

Then he went to the third story and saw his daughter doing homework, and told her "this is the wrong answer" and the daughter slapped him, saying "Who's doing homework? Me or you?"

Finally, the man went up to the Fourth story.

Horos grew up in a troubled family. He would go to school every day, then come home at night to a dysfunctional family. He listened to them yell and scream until he feel asleep, then he woke up the next day and did it all again. He always struggled to find something to take his mind off things. He tried books.. He tried video games.. He tried music.. Nothing seemed to ever work. After a few years, Horos discovered something that made him happy. Horos would go out in the middle of the night, and look at the stars.

Thats just how Horoscoped.

A mother walks in on her son playing video games after school. Frustrated that he was playing games instead of doing his homework she says, "Do you know who Issac Newton is?". The son, without taking his eyes off the TV screen replies, "No, who is he?" and without missing a beat the mother smirks and says, "If you actually paid attention in school you would know!" "Oh, well, do you know who Angela Smith is?". The mother a little taken back replies, "No, I don't, who is she?". The boy smirks and without also missing a beat goes, "Well if you actually paid attention to dad you would know!"

After about a month, the couple gets their bill from the hospital. They are shocked to find out the bill is $67,000, and they have no idea how they're going to pay. Among all the line items is a $9,000 charge for something marked only as "Love", which both the husband and the wife are confused about.

They do some research online, and find out that if you call the hospital, sometimes they'll lower your bill if you can prove that you have Financial hardships. The wife calls the hospital, since the insurance is in her name. After about 3 hours of being on hold and speaking to people in billing, she come out of their home office and talks to her husband, who is slightly distracted by playing video games.

She says "I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, I was able to get them to reduce our bill to $17,000. The bad news is, there's nothing they can do about that $9,000 charge for "Love". I did find out what it was all about, though, apparently that's the label that they give to their charge for an epidural."

The husband, who's only been half listening, says "Wait, I think I missed something. What is "Love"?"

To which the wife replies "So baby don't hurt me"

When he walks in, the kids hardly raise their heads from the video games they’re playing. He starts to lecture, “When I was your age, I’d be out playing in the sun all day, rather than cooped up in here. Why don’t you get up and get outside?”

One replies, “Ok tumor”.

My 11 year old grandson spent a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”

A young boy named Jimmy, 5 years old, is looking through the Sears catalog. His birthday is coming up and he wants something great this year. Something *awesome*. So he's flipping through the catalog, going through all the Lego bricks, toy sets, whatever right? Well on the very last page of the section, Jimmy spots his heart's greatest desire. A big red metal trike. You know it. He just can't stop thinking about it. Day in day out, big red trike. Nap time? Big red trike. He asks everyone. He asks his mom, his dad, his brother, his sister, his aunts and uncles, big red trike. Big. Red. Trike. *BIG RED TRIKE*. and eventually his birthday comes around... his parents bring him a big box.. sure enough it has a big red trike in it!! Jimmy is so excited! He rides up the street, down the street, uptown, downtown, EVERY where. Eventually he gets to this big hill. He looks up at this monsterous hill and thinks to himself, "I have a big red trike! I can go anywhere!" So he backs up and gets a little bit of speed, and strains and strains to produce the necessary torque to get going on the hill. He gets about quarter the way up sweating like he's hungover, and the trike snaps into a million pieces flying down the hill with him. Being 5, he obviously is a little hurt. Eventually he gathers himself and remembers his sister lives just down the street from this hill.

*knock knock*

Jimmy's sister answers the door. She is so surprised to see him, wondering why he's on this side of town so late, and asks what's the matter. "My trike broke! I cant get home or anything!" and Jimmy's sister decides, being a nun, to help her little brother out and have him stay for the night since she hasn't seen him in *ages!* So she cooks him supper and prepares the guest room, and tells him his trike will be fixed in the morning. After supper, Jimmy's awfully tired so his sister reads him a bedtime story. "Sister, can you do me another favour?" Jimmy asks, just after the story. "Yes of course Jimmy, what ever you need!" his sister replies. "Well.. i need a big red apple and a piece of strig about a foot long." Jimmy's sister is a reserved type, being in the church she's found no reason to ponder upon other people's business, so she doesn't ask him why, but obliges with his request, and he's off to sleep.

He leaves in the morning on his big red trike.

Lets fast forward a few years. Jimmy's birthday is coming up once more. The big 13. he wants something beefy and powerful. He's looking through the Sears catalog again, and sorts through the usual video games and consoles, eventually coming upon the recreation section. At the end of the section he finds a big red dirtbike. 250cc 4 stroke red dirtbike with flames on the exhaust. Absolutely beautiful. He becomes obsessed with the dirtbike and can't stop thinking about it! Big red dirtbike! Day in, day out. He asks his mother, father, sister, brother, aunts, uncles, he even considered asking God but he knows it doesn't work like that. So Jimmy's excited for this big red dirtbike. He wants to be cool and fit in with his friends.

Well tell ya what, his birthday comes around and he comes home from school to see his parents standing there with that very big red dirtbike he wanted. He's absolutely stunned. He drives it up the trails, down the trails, up town, down town, left and right and center. Eventually, he's at the same spot he remembers from age 5. "I've got a fricken dirtbike, of course I can get up there now!" He thinks, and he revs up, looking fiercely at the hill. He launches off and starts going up the hill, but about halfway up the bike starts vibrating and shaking as he slows down, and the more he hits the throttle the more the bike shakes. Well, it broke into a ton of pieces, and slid down the hill with him. Jimmy's pretty damn upset, but he decides his sister, a pretty handy woman indeed, could be helpful to him. He brings all the pieces and greets her again, gets inside and she tells him "oh why don't you spend two nights this time, I haven't seen you in a few years. And I won't be able to have your dirtbike fixed up until then either. It'd be good to catch up." So Jimmy decides to stay while his sister fixes his dirtbike. Every night, Jimmy asks her for a big red apple, and a piece of string about a foot long. His sister, beginning to be a bit curious, gets a little curious at this strange request. She wonders why he's asking for these items every time he's there. Being a Christian woman, she decides she will not ask him. It's not her place nor her business to ask. She brings him the items, fixes his bike, and two days later he's off on his way riding into the rising sun.

Lets take a look at a few years in the future. Jimmy's 17 and got his license. He wants a nice sweet sports car to cruise around in. Several of his friends have cars and such, he should be able to have something a little better. So he's on the bus one day, and passes the Audi dealership. He spies with his little eye an Audi R8 coupe in all red. Brembo calipers (an aftermarket upgrade, meaning it's a trade in) V10 engine rated at 542 bhp, 400 ft lbs of torque, Audi ventilated discs, the works. He loves this car. He asks everyone to help, his mother, his father, his brother, his sister, he wants this Audi R8. Red audi r8. Red audi r8. Red. Audi. R8.

Well, Jimmy comes home on his birthday, and sitting in the driveway is none other than the red audi r8. He's absolutely stellar. He hops in and goes for a drive. He drives up town, down town, left, right, center, free way, roadway, side streets, he is absolutely amazed at the car. Eventually he winds up at the same hill. "My r8 can handle this. 400 foot pounds of torque! Of course!" So he goes down the road and accellerates with all his might. He gets up to 70 mph and gets headed up the hill. He gets to the top, and finds out he finally did it. He looks towards the bottom of the hill with a feeling of accomplishment. Then bolt by bolt, his Audi R8 falls apart into pieces right before him. Absolutely shocked he rushes all the pieces down the hill to his sister's once again and asks if she could help. Well, she can, but it'll take some time. He hasn't been there for many years and it would be good to catch up! It will take about a week for her to fix it. So he decides to stay there while she works on it. Once again, every night he asks for a big red apple and a piece of string about a foot long. Every night, his sister's curiosity gets stronger and stronger.. until the last night when she finally cracks.

"Jimmy?.."

"Yeah, what is it sister?"

"Well... ive just noticed that youve been asking for the two same strange items.. and I know it's not my place to be nosy, but I'm just curious what you do with the apple and string?.." his sister asks...

Jimmy looks up at her straight in the eye, and answers....

"I guess you'll never know."

If anyone wants to add them, they just messaged me their gamertag.

So it's "werapeyourmum"

...I hope I spelt it right. I'm dyslexic, you see.

Such good kids. I wonder what they're going to repay their mum for.

Jimmy was an 8-year-old boy who loved animals. He longed to go to a wildlife reserve and experience nature up-close-and-personal. His parents, eager to instill moral values, were delighted that this was the case instead of playing violent video games. So, on his ninth birthday, Jimmy was ecstatic to hear that his parents were taking him on a safari!

On the day before he was due to leave, Jimmy had a playdate with his friends. When their parents came to pick them up, Jimmy's mother wanted to boast about her son's hobby.

"Jimmy," she called, "Come and tell your friend's mother where you're going tomorrow."

Jimmy came running into the foyer. With a grin, he yelled, "We're goin' on a frickin' safari!!!"

The parents, particularly Jimmy's, were horrified.

"Yeah, he's goin' on a frickin' safari!!" his friend said to his mother, equally pleased.

'Where did you learn such language?" one of the parents asked, to which a confused Jimmy replied, "My parents!"

The friends were quickly escorted to their cars, with their parents scolding them. As they left, there were murmurs of "such deplorable behavior" and "what awful parenting". Jimmy's mother and father were dumbfounded. "How could he do this?" they asked. "We've never said such words in our lives! Maybe we really are bad parents."

The next day, on the flight to the preserve, Jimmy boarded the plane, eagerly singing, "We're going on a frickin' safari!" repeatedly. The mother and father looked at each other, and put their arms around Jimmy's shoulders. "Listen, son," they said. "Where did you really hear that word?"

"From you," he said, bewildered.

"Now, why would we ever say that?" they insisted, to which their son replied, "You told it to me on my birthday." They sighed. "Jimmy, look, whether we said it or not, that word is very inappropriate. We love you, and we don't want you getting in trouble."

"Okay," Jimmy said. The rest of the flight was calm and quiet.

When they finally arrived, Jimmy rushed out of the plane. "Yay!" he exclaimed rushing toward the safari park, located near the airport. His parents ran to catch up with him, only to find on the front signpost~

**African Safari**

My 11-year-old grandson spent 
a beautiful Saturday playing video games. His older sister tried coaxing him outside by warning, “Someday, you’re going to be 30 years old, single, and living in Mom’s basement playing video games all day!”

His reply: “I can only dream.”