Programmer Jokes

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Funniest Programmer Jokes

Funny Programmer Jokes
Score: 5404

A programmer goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:

-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.

He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.

-- But why?, she asks.

-- They had eggs.

Score: 956

A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....

Score: 387

A programmer got stuck in the shower because... The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."

Score: 386

A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.

Score: 359

A journalist asked a programmer:- What makes code bad? No comment.

Score: 268

A programmer's wife A programmer's wife says: "go to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
He returns with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 252

A programmer goes on a walk A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."

He never returned.

Score: 224

I am a programmer. A journalist asked me what makes a software code bad. I said... No comment

Score: 205

A programmer's wife tells him as he leaves the house: "While you're out, buy some milk." He never returns home and the universe runs out of milk.

Score: 187

A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."

The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.

Score: 182

A programmer tells his wife, “I’m going to the store.” The wife says, “While you’re there, buy some milk.”

He never came back.

Score: 161

A programmer's wife tells him to go to the store She says 'buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen."
He comes home with 12 loaves of bread

Score: 145

A wife sends her programmer husband to the store for bread. As he's leaving, she says, "if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes home with 12 loaves of bread

Score: 139

Why was the programmer's code incomprehensible? No comment.

Score: 127

A programmer's wife sends him to the grocery store... She says: "I need you to go get a gallon of milk, if they have eggs, get a dozen."

He comes home with 12 gallons of milk and says: "They had eggs."

Score: 121

As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade... But I can make an array of floats...

Score: 116

A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.

Score: 110

A programmer's wife tells him to go buy some milk, and, while he's there, to get eggs. He hasn't come back.

Score: 98

A programmer is heading to the store A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:

While you are out, buy some eggs

He never returned.

Score: 86

A Software Programmer is going to the store..... His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.

Score: 81

A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread." He never returned.

Score: 77

For a good programmer, women are like syntax errors... He doesn't get any.

Score: 74

A programmer began to cuss Because getting to sleep was a fuss.


When laying in her bed


Looping round in her head


Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;

Score: 72

A programmer's wife sends him to the store for a loaf of bread. On his way out she adds, "and if they have eggs, get a dozen".

He returns home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 65

A programmer tells a coworker that his wife just had a baby "Is it a boy or a girl?"

"Yes."

Score: 58

A programmer’s wife sends him to the store and says “get some bread, and while you’re there pick up some eggs.”

The programmer never returns.

Score: 54

What's a programmer's favorite drug? Codeine.

Score: 51

Why did the programmer quit his job? Because he didn't get arrays

Score: 50

A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified... He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"

Score: 44

A programmer gets home one day... ...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"

So he replies: "Yes".

Score: 22

What is it called when a programmer throws up at an IHOP? A stack overflow!

Score: 8

Why the java programmer wear glasses? He couldn't C#

Score: 6

What did the programmer say when he was born? Hello, world!

Score: 5

Why can’t a member of the LGBTQ movement be a computer programmer? Because they are non-binary.

Score: 5

A woman asked her programmer husband to go and pick up some bread, and if there were eggs, to get a dozen. So he came home with 12 loaves of bread.

Score: 4

What is a computer programmer’s favorite book? A dictionary, because it defines variables

Score: 4

A programmer starts coding something... And it works first try

Score: 3

What did the astronaut programmer say when he came back to Earth? Hello world.

Score: 3

What does the libertarian computer programmer say? All fields should be private.

Score: 3

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New Programmer Jokes

... Did you hear why the programmer stopped sleeping?
Because he was killing bugs at night.

Score: 0

A new programmer on the job goes to his boss. "How should I name my variables? Do I use all small letters, and separate words with underscores?"

The boss thinks for a moment, lights up a cigarette, and says, "No, that's not the case."

Score: 0

I am a C programmer and I want to learn Java. Any pointers?

Score: 2

What do you call a programmer from Iceland? Nerdic

Score: 2

Why did noone understand the programmer? He was talking in code.

Score: 2

So you know why I never became a programmer ? Too many nonces

Score: 1

How the programmer got divorced Programmer: Honey, Imma buy you diamonds for our anniversary



Wife: Oh honey! Nothing would please me more.



He got her nothing instead.

Score: 2

I'm a Programmer that doesn't know code Some say I'm just Div'ing my own grave.

Score: 2

What do you call it when a programmer tells you the same joke more than once? DRY humor!

Score: 2

Why did the JavaScript programmer need glasses? Because he couldn't C#

Score: 1

What freaks out both girls and programmers? A missed period.

And heaven help us if the programmer happens to be a girl.

Score: 2

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