goes to do groceries. His wife tell him:
-- Buy a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, buy a dozen.
He comes back with thirteen loaves of bread.
-- But why?, she asks.
-- They had eggs.
A wife sends her programmer husband to the grocery store for a loaf of bread... On his way out she says "and if they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer husband returns home with 12 loaves of bread....
A programmer got stuck in the shower because...
The instructions on the shampoo bottle said-
"Lather, Rinse, Repeat."
A programmer went to a store to pick up some groceries As he was leaving the house his wife said: "While you are there, buy some milk". He never came back.
A programmer goes on a walk
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread."
He never returned.
A programmers wife asks him to go to the grocery
She says "Get a gallon of milk. If they have eggs, get 12."
The programmer returns with 12 gallons of milk.
A programmer was leaving the house and his wife said "While you're out, get some milk" He never returned and the world ran out of milk.
The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen". The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
A programmer tells his wife, “I’m going to the store.”
The wife says, “While you’re there, buy some milk.”
He never came back.
A wife sends her programmer husband to the store for bread.
As he's leaving, she says, "if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes home with 12 loaves of bread
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table before going to sleep. One full of water in case he gets thirsty and an empty one in case he doesn't.
A programmer is heading to the store
A programmer is heading to the store and gets a text from his wife:
While you are out, buy some eggs
He never returned.
A Software Programmer is going to the store.....
His wife says "get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs, get a dozen."
The guy comes back with 12 loaves of bread.
His wife says "why did you get so much bread?"
He says, "they had eggs.
A programmer goes on a walk. Before he leaves the house his wife tells him: "While you are outside, please buy some bread." He never returned.
A programmer began to cuss
Because getting to sleep was a fuss.
When laying in her bed
Looping round in her head
Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;
A programmer’s wife sends him to the store and says “get some bread, and
while you’re there pick up some eggs.”
The programmer never returns.
A programmer gets upset when he hears women shouldn't be objectified... He demands, "Are you suggesting women are primitives?"
A programmer heads to the shops
His wife says "grab a loaf of bread and if they have eggs get a dozen"
He comes home with twelve loaves of bread.
I wanted to be a better computer programmer so I decided to slowly improve my binary skills You could say I improved bit by bit
A programmers wife tells him...
A programmers wife tells him: Run to the store and get a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen.
The programmer comes back with 12 loaves of bread...
A programmer tries his hand at stand-up comedy: "Forward-slash forward-slash a man walks into a bar..."
A heckler yells at him: "Why do you keep doing that weird forward-slash thing?!"
He responds: "Don't you know? The best jokes are always in the comments."
A woman tells her programmer husband: 'While you're at the store, pick up some eggs.' He never returned.
A programmer gets home one day...
...and finds his wife crying. "Ever since we got married you've avoided this question. Now I want an answer: Do you really love me or did you just marry me so you won't be alone?"
So he replies: "Yes".
A programmer puts two glasses on his bedside table... ...one full of water in case he gets thirsty, one empty in case he doesn't.
The programmer's wife tells him:
The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen."
The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.
A wife says to her programmer husband, "Honey, go to the store and get a gallon of milk; if they have eggs, get a dozen."
He comes back with only 12 gallons of milk and says, "They had eggs."
How do you tell a programmer from a DnD player? Ask them to complete the list: int, char, str...
A programmer makes a robot girlfriend. He tries interacting by text, putting in "i <3 u". But the robot unfortunately responds: "i not defined in this scope. u not defined in this scope."
Did you hear about the programmer who was apprehended before he could check in his code? He was arrested for a crime; he didn’t commit.
A computer programmer A computer programmer is a person that automates work to eliminate jobs and reduce costs while complaining that his job is being outsourced overseas.
Programmer with five years experience in servers security and mobile apps for a major political party looking for job . . . . Will be unable to disclose which party under a (NDA) personal nondisclosure clause.
A programmer tried to score while playing basketball, and missed He thought to himself: "Well, I guess you can call that a null pointer."
Breaking News: A programmer has been accused of writing unreadable code He has declined to comment.
A new programmer on the job goes to his boss.
"How should I name my variables? Do I use all small letters, and separate words with underscores?"
The boss thinks for a moment, lights up a cigarette, and says, "No, that's not the case."
My programmer colleague seemed really grumpy this morning.
Nonetheless, I decided to greet her.
Programmer: ... !hi
Why does a programmer get nervous when his girlfriend asks for his hard drive Because she wants the D:
A programmer walks into a bar...
He orders 1.000000119 root beers.
The bartender says, “ I’m gonna have to charge you extra, that’s a root beer float.”
The programmer says, “Well in that case make it a double.”
Why did the Python programmer guy got rejected by a Java programmer girl? Because he was not her type.
Wife says to her programmer husband:
"Go to the store and buy a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, buy a dozen."
Husband returns with twelve loaves of bread.
A programmer walks into a bar. He orders exactly 0.9001 root beers. The bartender Derek asked, "Why not a whole root beer?" The programmer responds, "I want a root beer float."
Why did the programmer buy a Jack O' Lantern on Christmas Day?
Because Oct 31 = Dec 25
^Can't ^remember ^where ^I ^heard ^it ^before
A programmer once went to a music contest
He lost because the only notes he knew were C and C#
Inspired by u/EatThisShoe
A programmer goes to bed and puts two glasses next to him. One - with water, if he feels thirsty One - without, if he does not.
Most people don't know that in order to be a programmer your eyesight must be correctable to 20/20. You have to be able to C#.
A programmer's wife is having a baby. The doctor hands over the baby to the dad. The mom asks: "Is it a boy or a girl?" The programmer responds: "Yes, that's true".
Wife: If they have tomatoes eggs or bread, get them. Programmer husband comes home empty handed. Wife: What happened? Husband: They had tomatoes and bread.