Dyslexic Jokes

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Funniest Dyslexic Jokes

A dyslexic man stormed Area 15 Authorities didn't press charges, saying "they felt bad"

They thought a long sentence was the last thing he needed

They told me i wouldn’t be good at poetry because i’m dyslexic But so far I’ve made 3 jugs and a vase and they are lovely.

Funny Dyslexic Jokes

Why can't a dyslexic be a witch? You need to be good at spelling.

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac? Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

RIP to my good friend Brian... ...eaten by a pack of dyslexic zombies :(

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? He went around killing gingers.

Why can't dyslexic people tell jokes? Because they always punch up the fuckline

Did you hear about the dyslexic racist? He hates gingers.

I'm an agnostic, an insomniac, and a dyslexic Every night I lie awake wondering if there really is a dog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic KKK member? He really hates gingers

I've been texting this cute dyslexic girl. I think she likes me, but she keeps sending mixed messages.

A dyslexic friend of mine thought it might help his condition if he joined a poetry club. He hasn't come out with any poems yet, but he's made some pretty nice jugs and vases and stuff.

Why couldn't the dyslexic plantation owner get anything done? Gingers just don't last in the sun.

Did you hear about the dyslexic racist? He hated gingers.

What does DNA stand for? National Dyslexic Association

I once met a dyslexic stripper named Density

What does a dyslexic klan member hate? Gingers

Why did the dyslexic wizard get kicked out of school? He couldn't spell

I went on a date with a dyslexic girl, and she ended up cooking my sock.

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic insomniac? Poor guy - he stayed up all night wondering if there was a dog.

My dyslexic French friend said he owed me some money.... OUI.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his​ soul to santa.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra thats it, thats the joke

How is a dyslexic stand-up like an MMA fighter who comes home to find his GF in a gangbang? They both punchup the fuckline.

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshipper? He sold his soul to Santa.

I was watching the Dyslexic news channel earlier. Apparently North Korea are making unclear threats to the US.

A dyslexic man walks into a bra Either way he's getting at least two cups

I met a dyslexic woman at a bar last night... I took her home and she ended up cooking my sock.

Me and a dyslexic are sitting in a tree... K. S. I. S. I. N. G.

One in our friend group is supposed to be a dyslexic junkie. Needels to say it's not me.

What does an insomniac, agnostic, dyslexic do? Stays up at night sleepless, wondering endlessly if there really is a dog.

Dyslexic criminals love weed. It's the ultimate getaway drug.

I work with the DNA The National Dyslexic association.

I'm a dyslexic tree... My life is A-OK!

I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac I stay up all night wondering if there is a dog

Why did dyslexic Karen go to the Christmas nativity? To see the manger.

What does a dyslexic atheist with insomnia do? Stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog.

I'm an agnostic dyslexic insomniac I lay awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.

What is a dyslexic person's preferred alternative energy source? It's unclear

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New Dyslexic Jokes

What happens when you hit someone dyslexic very hard on the head? Drain bamage

And potentially jail time.

Did you hear about the dyslexic agnostic? He laid awake all night wondering if there really was a dog.

Did you hear about the dyslexic pimp? He ended up buying a warehouse.

Someone told me that DNA stands for Deoxyribonucleic Acid Does it not stand for National Dyslexic Association?

Why does a Dyslexic Ship Captain with Coprophobia never pay his taxes? He’s afraid of the Sea’s Fee.

My dyslexic support group held a slam poetry competition Doug got first with a great piece about racial tensions in America.

Anna got second with a touching monologue about women's rights.

I got third by smashing an urn.

I have a dyslexic friend. He walked into a bra

What was the dyslexic kids favourite video game system? Nintendo 46

I used to know this dyslexic guy that would always get himself into awkward situations He never could read a room

As a dyslexic I've been stung for taking phrases literally If beauty really lies with the beeholder I've yet to meet one.

What do the initials D.S.A.U stand for ? United States Dyslexic Association

The doctor told him some bad news. A few years ago a friend of mine tried to commit suicide, he had gone to the doctor for test results and found out he was dyslexic he was so upset he went outside and jumped behind a bus.

Most people love Dogs But dyslexic people worship them!

my dyslexic online friend who always act sad finally commit he said"i have crippling description"

[insert title here] A dyslexic man walks into a bra

Have you heard about the dyslexic who was working too hard on his imagination skills? He ended up in Santa Fe.

Your Honor, I'm dyslexic I couldn't possibly finish my sentence

What did the dyslexic man order at the Italian restaurant? Tapas

I pity the poor insomniac dyslexic agnostic He sits up all night wondering if there is a dog.

Breaking news. Dyslexic man self sellotapes..

It's not easy being a dyslexic devil worshiper If you're not careful, you could end up selling your soul to Santa

What did the dyslexic Zombie crave? Brians

What dyslexic guy did during quarantine? He satanized the house.

How did the dyslexic man commit suicide? He jumped behind the bus.

They told me I wouldn't be any good at poetry because I was dyslexic But so far I've made 3 jugs and a vase and they're lovely

Where did the dyslexic Rastafarian go on holiday? Yeman

Did you hear about the dyslexic that committed suicide? He jumped behind a sub.

Dyslexic man walks into A bra

What do you call a dyslexic Jedi with cancer? Leuk.

What does a dyslexic pirate say? RRRRRRA!!!!

Did you hear about the dyslexic Satanist? They got Christmas presents

What does the agnostic dyslexic insomniac suffer from? He lies awake every night wondering if there is a dog.

Have you heard of the dyslexic pirate lately ? Last time I have heard from him he was taking a sheep.

BREAKING NEWS: A local dyslexic man, has committed a murder suicide at his family home. His wife and kids remain unharmed.

As if being dyslexic wasn't bad enough! Now I read I might have racoon virus!

What would a dyslexic wizards favourite spell be? Edit: Spelling

My dyslexic uncle always recited the same proverb whenever I asked him why he hadn’t ordered his dyslexia corrective glasses: Never get done today what can be put off tomorrow

Did you hear about the dyslexic dwarf? It's not big and it's not clever

Today, I discovered what DNA stands for. National Dyslexic Association.

BREAKING: A dyslexic terrorist had stormed the zoo He has taken 6 ostriches

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Long Dyslexic Jokes

Top 20 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The
Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does
this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not
Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says
to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were
nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He
shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other
and says Dam!"

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire
in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't
have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were
standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about
an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But
why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand
chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them
goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in
Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself
to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband
that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds,
"They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,
which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate
very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from
bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A
super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different
puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make
them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

a dyslexic customer walks into a bra

"how much for a beer?"

The bartender replies "$1".

The customer completely amazed, orders a beer then asks the bartender

"Well then how much for a NY sirloin, with side of mashed potatoes and salad, and an entire cheesecake for desert?"

The Bartender reply's "$5".

The guy still amazed then orders everything and after he is done eating his meal then says "Wow, this place is amazing, I really wish I could meet the owner of this place". The bartender then says "Oh well, he's upstairs in his office with my wife".

The guy looks all confused then asks

"What is he doing upstairs in his office with your wife?"

The bartender then says "The same thing I'm doing to his business".

Dyslexic man walks into a bra

Whole joke in title! New era of convenience! In mother Russia, joke laughs at you!

***Bonus***, since you came in here anyway:

Doc, I can't stop singing the 'Green Green Grass of Home'. He said: 'That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome'. 'Is it common?'I asked. 'It's not unusual' he replied.

Top 15 worst jokes ever !!!!

The 15 Worst Jokes Ever!

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"

7. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"

13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"

Top 10 worst jokes!

The 20 Worst Jokes Ever!

1.Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The Ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.


2.A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve You, but don't start anything."


3.Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.


4.A dyslexic man walks into a bra.


5.A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."


6.Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"


7."Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Well, "It's Not Unusual."


8.Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.


9.An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.


10.Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.


11.I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.


12.A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't I've cut off your arms!"


13.I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.


14.What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


15.Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says Dam!"


16.Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.


17.A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."


18.A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."


19.Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.


20.And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did!!!!!!!!

This is the psychiatry hotline,

If you are Obsessive- Compulsive, press 1 repeatedly,

If you are co- dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you,

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6,

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want, stay on the line so we can trace your call,

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship,

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press,

If you're depressive it doesn't matter which number you'll press no one will answer you,

If you're dyslexic press 69696996966,

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep after the beep, please wait for the beep,

If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later
and if you have low self-esteem, hang up, all operators are too busy to talk to you...

So a black store owner goes to his work

He sees a group of people holding up picket signs that say "We Hate Gingers". Confused, he goes up to them and asks, "Who are you and what are you protesting?" They answer, we're the sect of dyslexic Klansmen, and we want you out of our town!

What's the difference between a dyslexic farmer and a constipated prostitute?

Edit: What's the difference between an epileptic farmer and a constipated prostitute. Thanks @Jean-Luc-Kenobi

The farmer shucks between fits.

- My grandfather told me this joke when I was 12. He was awesome.

Do-it-yourself

A dyslexic carpenter wrote a self-help book on carpentry. However, its main buyers were not apprentice carpenters, but aspiring pick-up artists.

It was titled *The Beginner's Guide to Nailing Broads*.

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Footnote: There are definitely better setups to this punchline. It seems to me that this particular one might be too predictable. I just thought of the wordplay the other day and wanted to get it out into the world.

In Need of a Pun

Alright, so I need help coming up with a spiderman-themed pun to ask a girl to Prom. I'm going to be holding a sign with the pun-loaded question while dressed as Spiderman. Help is greatly appreciated.

To keep the mods happy, I'll give you a joke:

A dyslexic bar walks into a man, bartender long face asks him "Why?"

My joke

One day, there was a bike with a big sign saying "FOR SALE". A dyslexic man stole the bike. The owner returned to find the bike wasn't there but eventually the man came back. The owner said "Why is the bike red? Did you spray paint it or something?" and the man said "No, I slayed some animals with it, just like you asked"

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