It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.
What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Why are Irish bankers so successful? Because their capital's always Dublin.
Why are the Irish so rich? Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe
Why are there no Irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.
How many shots can an Irish man handle?
about 10 rounds.
Edit: (Mayweather vs McGregor)
I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.
What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?
One fewer drunk person.
Edit: Fewer, not less
Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more and they would get too farty
What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar... I mean, it could happen.
What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Edit: Wooo gold!
The Irish must have lost so much money last night due to betting. They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.
What's more Irish than eating potatoes? Not eating potatoes.
What's more Irish than potatoes? No potatoes.
Two Irish men walk out of a bar Yes, it happens
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker
At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled:
"Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
Why does Irish chili only have 239 beans? Because anymore and it'd be too farty.
Why are there no Irish lawyers? You ever seen an Irishman pass a bar?
What´s the difference between an irish funeral and an irish wedding? At the funeral one person isnt drinking
I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato
Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!
Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew? Because one more, and it'd be too farty.
What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture
What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk...
What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other?
What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?
An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar..
He is completely covered in soot and smells strongly of smoke.
When asked about how the fire started the man says "damned if I know, the place was in blazes when I got 'ere!"
Why can't Irish people become lawyers?
Because of their inability to pass the bar!
Credit to my dad for this one
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr day and saint pattys day Everybody wants to be irish on saint pattys day.
How many beans are in Irish bean soup? Two-thirty-nine. One more and it'd be too farty.
Know the difference between St. Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? On St. Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr. Day and St. Patricks Day? Everyone want to be Irish on St. Patricks Day.
3 paddys are out for dinner
English Paddy tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"
Scottish Paddy asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"
Irish Paddy says "pass me the milk
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr Day and St Patrick's Day? On St Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.
I recently did the Ancestry DNA testing I didn't know you're not supposed to drink anything 30 minutes prior to your saliva sample, which explains why it said I'm 100% Irish.
A mugger approaches an Irish man
He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"
The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."
What do the Irish have instead of Netflix & Chill? Meet & Potatoes
Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their Irish bean soup? Because one more and it would be too farty...
What liquer do most asian people like to hate? Baileys Irish ... Cream
Why do Catholics and Irish people always fail trigonometry? Because the catholics are afraid of Sin and the Irish people can't Tan.
What do you get when you cross Obama, Bruce Lee, and the Irish? Barack O’Lee
What did the Irish fraudsters call their band? Shamrock.
Why do you never see an Irish lawyer? Because an Irishman will never pass the bar.
What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.
Why are Irish businesspeople so successful? Because their capital is doublin’.
A boy goes to his grandfather and asks him for 5 bucks to buy a Guinea pig. Grampa gives him ten and tells him to go find a nice Irish girl instead.
A Scottish man, an Irish man, and a English man are all in a hot air balloon. Somehow
Have you ever tried Irish Guacamole my friend had asked once.
No I replied.
Well here is some irish guacamole.
Its mashed potatoes!
Who’s drunk, Irish, and is always at your house? Paddy O’Furniture
A Scottish man, an English man and an Irish man tell some jokes in a pub... Everyone gets arrested for racism.
What's the Name of the new irish NBA Rookie ? LePrechaun.
I met The Godfather of the Irish mafia once.... ...he was too drunk to make me an offer.
An St Patties day Jon
What’s the difference between st Patrick’s day, and MLK jr day????
On st Patrick’s day, everyone wishes they were Irish ☘️
A 14 year old Irish boy asked his grandfather for $10
Grandfather: “What do you need it for?”
Boy: “I want to get a guinea pig”
Grandfather: “Here’s 20$, go get yourself a nice Irish girl”
An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA.
Ireland has just declared a drought! In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.
Tomorrow is Irish constipation relief day May the third be with you!
What do you call an Irish scammer that has leprosy? A Leper Con
What happened to the Irish construction worker? He got hammered.
Remember it's St Patrick's day today, try and stand out from the crowd... ... wear all orange, it's also an Irish color
What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.
I saw a couple guys selling contraband Irish liquor infront of a police station... I thought: "That's a whiskey buisness"
What do you call a meeting of short sickly Irish men Leper Con
Knock Knock St. Patricks Day edition.
Irish you would open the door I'm freezing out here!
What's the difference between MLK day and St. Patty's day? On St Patty's day everyone wants to be Irish.
Why do new Irish mothers keep dying? Because they lack taters
What was the Irish crocodile named? Crock O'dile
You know the difference between St. Patrick's day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick's day, everyone wants to be Irish.
What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods? Trail micks.
What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings? Legolas