Irish Jokes


Funniest Irish Jokes

It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes. What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?

Rick O Shea

Score: 4111
Funny Irish Jokes
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A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother... They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!

They named him Ravi O. Lee


Score: 2538

Why are Irish bankers so successful? Because their capital's always Dublin.

Score: 1656

Why are the Irish so rich? Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe

Score: 1053

Why are there no Irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.

Score: 937

How many shots can an Irish man handle? about 10 rounds.

Edit: (Mayweather vs McGregor)

Score: 918

I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly

Score: 645

What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.

Score: 573

What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? One fewer drunk person.

Edit: Fewer, not less

Score: 403

Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more and they would get too farty

Score: 346

What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.

Score: 323

An Irish guy walks out of a bar... I mean, it could happen.

Score: 309

What do you call three Irish lumberjacks? Tree fellers
Edit: Wooo gold!

Score: 279

The Irish must have lost so much money last night due to betting. They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.

Score: 263

What's more Irish than eating potatoes? Not eating potatoes.

Score: 251

What's more Irish than potatoes? No potatoes.

Score: 240

Two Irish men walk out of a bar Yes, it happens

Score: 240

What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker

Score: 234

At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled: "Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"

The bartender was nearly crushed to death.

Score: 228

What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.

Score: 222

Why does Irish chili only have 239 beans? Because anymore and it'd be too farty.

Score: 219

Why are there no Irish lawyers? You ever seen an Irishman pass a bar?

Score: 213

What´s the difference between an irish funeral and an irish wedding? At the funeral one person isnt drinking

Score: 194

I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato

Score: 172

Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!

Score: 164

Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew? Because one more, and it'd be too farty.

Score: 149

What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture

Score: 141

What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk...

Score: 139

What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other? Ilene.

What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?


Score: 139

An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".

Score: 77

What do you call a fat Irish werewolf? O'beast

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3 paddys are out for dinner English Paddy tells his wife "pass the sugar, sugar"

Scottish Paddy asks his wife "pass the honey, honey"

Irish Paddy says "pass me the milk


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What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr Day and St Patrick's Day? On St Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.

Score: 17

I recently did the Ancestry DNA testing I didn't know you're not supposed to drink anything 30 minutes prior to your saliva sample, which explains why it said I'm 100% Irish.

Score: 14

A mugger approaches an Irish man He points his gun and says, "Your money or your life!"

The Irishman replies, "Take me life. I'm saving me money for me old age."

Score: 9

I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in..... "Troy." he said, suddenly.

"I am." I replied. "Give me a minute"

Score: 9

What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.

Score: 8

Why do you never see an Irish lawyer? Because an Irishman will never pass the bar.

Score: 7

A boy goes to his grandfather and asks him for 5 bucks to buy a Guinea pig. Grampa gives him ten and tells him to go find a nice Irish girl instead.

Score: 7

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New Irish Jokes

What do the Irish have instead of Netflix & Chill? Meet & Potatoes

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Did you hear about the bartender who almost got crushed to death at an Irish wedding? The photographer told all the men to stand next to the one person who made their life worth living.

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Why do the Irish only put two hundred and thirty nine beans in their Irish bean soup? Because one more and it would be too farty...

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What liquer do most asian people like to hate? Baileys Irish ... Cream

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Why do Catholics and Irish people always fail trigonometry? Because the catholics are afraid of Sin and the Irish people can't Tan.

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What do you get when you cross Obama, Bruce Lee, and the Irish? Barack O’Lee

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What did the Irish fraudsters call their band? Shamrock.

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Why are Irish businesspeople so successful? Because their capital is doublin’.

Score: 4

A Scottish man, an Irish man, and a English man are all in a hot air balloon. Somehow

Score: 3

Have you ever tried Irish Guacamole my friend had asked once. No I replied.


Well here is some irish guacamole.


Its mashed potatoes!

Score: 1

Who’s drunk, Irish, and is always at your house? Paddy O’Furniture

Score: 2

A Scottish man, an English man and an Irish man tell some jokes in a pub... Everyone gets arrested for racism.

Score: 3

What's the Name of the new irish NBA Rookie ? LePrechaun.

Score: 1

I met The Godfather of the Irish mafia once.... ...he was too drunk to make me an offer.

Score: 2

An St Patties day Jon What’s the difference between st Patrick’s day, and MLK jr day????

On st Patrick’s day, everyone wishes they were Irish ☘️

Score: 0

A 14 year old Irish boy asked his grandfather for $10 Grandfather: “What do you need it for?”

Boy: “I want to get a guinea pig”

Grandfather: “Here’s 20$, go get yourself a nice Irish girl”

Score: 1

An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA.

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Ireland has just declared a drought! In response to this the Irish government have decided to close 2 lanes in every swimming pool in an effort to save water.

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Tomorrow is Irish constipation relief day May the third be with you!

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What do you call an Irish scammer that has leprosy? A Leper Con

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What happened to the Irish construction worker? He got hammered.

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Remember it's St Patrick's day today, try and stand out from the crowd... ... wear all orange, it's also an Irish color

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What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.

Score: 7

What do you call a meeting of short sickly Irish men Leper Con

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Since I was a kid I always wanted to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. But I guess that is just something Irish for.

EDIT: I just thought of this randomly. I'm sorry this is a horrible joke.

Score: 3

why does traditional Irish chili only have 239 beans in it? ...if it had one more, it would be "teew faarty"

Score: 1

What's the difference between the Notre Dame Fighting Irish and Charlie Sheen? Charlie Sheen's winning.

Score: 6

Three "plus size" women walk into an Irish bar, and order 3 Bwrz Fynt's The bartender says, "I can't understand what you said."

One of the girls says, "I'm sorry, we're from Wales."

The bartender replies, "That explains everything."

Score: 4

What do you call an Irish snake in Lord of the Rings? Legolas

Score: 4

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