It's my cake day today, so I'll give you one of my favourite jokes.
What do you call an Irish man bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
Why are Irish bankers so successful? Because their capital's always Dublin.
Why are the Irish so rich? Their capital is always Dublin. Hehe
Why are there no Irish lawyers? They can't pass the bar.
How many shots can an Irish man handle?
about 10 rounds.
Edit: (Mayweather vs McGregor)
I can make you speak Irish Say "Whale oil beef hooked" quickly
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk at the funeral.
What is the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral?
One fewer drunk person.
Edit: Fewer, not less
Why do the Irish only put 239 beans in their soup? Because one more and they would get too farty
What’s the difference between an irish wedding and an irish funeral? There‘s one less drunk.
An Irish guy walks out of a bar... I mean, it could happen.
What do you call three Irish lumberjacks?
Edit: Wooo gold!
The Irish must have lost so much money last night due to betting. They'll be asking to rejoin the United Kingdom later today.
What's more Irish than eating potatoes? Not eating potatoes.
What's more Irish than potatoes? No potatoes.
Two Irish men walk out of a bar Yes, it happens
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drinker
At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled:
"Would all the married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living"
The bartender was nearly crushed to death.
What's the difference between Saint Patrick's Day and Martin Luther King Day? Everyone wants to be Irish on Saint Patrick's Day.
Why does Irish chili only have 239 beans? Because anymore and it'd be too farty.
Why are there no Irish lawyers? You ever seen an Irishman pass a bar?
What´s the difference between an irish funeral and an irish wedding? At the funeral one person isnt drinking
I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato
Did you know that Irish only put 239 beans in their chili?? If they added just one more, it would be too-farty!
Why are there only 239 beans in Irish stew? Because one more, and it'd be too farty.
What's Irish and stays out on your deck? Paddy O'furniture
What's the difference between an Irish funeral and an Irish wedding? One less drunk...
What do you call an Irish woman with one leg shorter than the other?
What do you call a Japanese woman with the same affliction?
Catholics fail trigonometry because they're afraid of sin
Irish people fail trigonometry because they can't tan.
Everyone else fails trigonometry just cos.
Whats the difference between an Irish wedding, and an Irish funeral? There's one less drunk.
An Irish Mexican teenager starts a job as a builder.. Only one hour into his first job he tries to hammer a nail with a screwdriver. The boss spots this and walks over to let him know he's doing it wrong. "You've got a lot to learn young Paddy Juan".
What is an Irish 7-course meal? A 6-pack and a potato.
My sister told me she's dating an Irish guy
I said, "Oh really?"
She replied, "No, O'Reilly."
Why do the Irish only eat 239 beans at a time? Because one more would be too farty.
A Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a pub. The Scotsman says "round of drinks for everyone on me." The next day's newspaper headline read: "Irish ventriloquist found beaten to death behind pub."
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr day and saint pattys day Everybody wants to be irish on saint pattys day.
I resent the idea that the Irish are all violent drunks. We’re perfectly capable of violence when sober, thank you very much.
Wanna hear a joke that can't be true? An Irish man walks out of a bar.
What did the Irish fraudsters call their band? Shamrock.
What's the difference between a irish wedding and an irish funeral? One person isn't drinking.
Why are Irish businesspeople so successful? Because their capital is doublin’.
A Scottish man, an Irish man, and a English man are all in a hot air balloon. Somehow
Little Timmy goes up to Grandpa O’Malley and says...
“Can I have 5 bucks for a guinea pig?”
Grandpa O’Malley says “here’s 10 bucks, go get yourself a nice Irish girl instead.
I recently did the Ancestry DNA testing I didn't know you're not supposed to drink anything 30 minutes prior to your saliva sample, which explains why it said I'm 100% Irish.
A Scottish man, an English man and an Irish man tell some jokes in a pub... Everyone gets arrested for racism.
Please stand for the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke....
What’s Irish and sits on the porch?
That concludes the telling of the official St Patrick’s Day joke.
Thank you citizens you may continue with your lives...
An Irish man, a woman, and PETA walk into a bar. Whoops, sorry the joke already got stolen and euthanized by PETA.
An Irish man walks past a bar... that's it
My DNA results came back 39% German, 27% Irish, 19% Beagle and 15% Pug. Turns out my dog licked my sample.
What happened to the Irish construction worker? He got hammered.
What's the difference between Martin Luther King Jr Day and St Patrick's Day? On St Patrick's Day everyone wants to be Irish.
What’s the difference between St. Patrick’s Day and Martin Luther King Jr. Day? On St. Patrick’s Day, everyone wishes they were Irish.
How come there aren’t any Irish lawyers? Because they couldn’t pass the bar.
An Irish man walks into a bar. The end.
What do Irish woodsmen say when they greet each other in the early hours? "Chop o' the mornin' to ya!"
Why do Irish stews have only 239 beans in them? Because if there was one more, it would be too farty.
Beer was lit
An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar and shaken awake. The firemen frantically ask him, 'How did the fire start?!'
'Beats me.' He says, 'It was already burning when I got here.'
Two Irish men are in a plane when the roof comes off!
Donal says to Paddy, "If this plane turns upside down will we fall out?"
"No way Donal" says Paddy, smiling, "we'll still be best friends."
White girls be like.
40% Irish, 10% Native American, 5% Scottish,
20% French, 23% German and 2% Whole Milk.
An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol...
I am almost completely Irish ....in fact, all summer when I was on my college break I thought to myself "Irish I was drinking right now."
"Shoo ... shoo"
An Irish man is standing in the street, irractically waving his arms in the air shouting "shoo ...shoo".
A puzzled passerby asks him, "What are you doing, Paddy?"
"It keeps the dragons away", he replies.
"There are no dragons, Paddy".
I used to think I was descended from the Irish but thanks to a search on Ancestry.com… …it turns out I'm just a drunk…
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish man? 0 potatoes
How can you tell that an Irish man is having a good time? He's Dublin over with laughter
What's Irish and lives in your backyard? Patty O'Furniture
What's the difference between and Irish Wedding and Irish Funeral? One less person drinking!
A French man and an Irish man walk into a bar.
The French guy asks his friend: "say, how many Americans does it take to change a lightbulb?".
The Irish replies: "how would I know? I'm neither an electrician nor an anthropologist!"
What do you call a meeting of short sickly Irish men Leper Con
What do you call an Irish marksman? Eamonn
What's the difference between St Patrick's Day and Cinco De Mayo? Everyone is proud to be Irish on St Paddy's day
What Did the police say to the Irish Dancer? [OC] The Jig Is Up!
What do you call an Irish man who's always breaking up fights? Liam Mallone
I didn't know what the Irish word for 'fell' was... Then it Thit me
What's Irish and lives in your backyard? Patio furniture.
How come there can't be more than 239 beans in an Irish bean soup?
Because one more would make it
A SEO expert walks into a bar "a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house, Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol"
Since I was a kid I always wanted to find the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
But I guess that is just something Irish for.
EDIT: I just thought of this randomly. I'm sorry this is a horrible joke.
What is Irish and sits out in the rain? Patty O'Furniture
How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irish family?
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
Why do the Irish get drunk on St. Patrick's Day? Why should that day be any different.
I asked my boss
I asked my new boss why she wasn't wearing any green today. She told me she didn't feel right celebrating St. Paddy's day since she didn't have an Irish bone in her body. I asked her if she wanted one.
Know anyone hiring?
Learn how to speak Irish in seconds...
Say these words quickly:
What's Irish and sits outside all year? Patty O'Furniture.
Wanna hear the best Irish joke ever? Dry weather.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? 1 less drunk
What do you call an Irish gangster that all living systems strive for? (X /r/ScienceJokes) Homie O'Stasis.
What's the difference between MLK day and St Patrick's day? Nobody minds being Irish for one day!!!!
I met 2 large ladies at the bar. I noticed they had heavy accents, so I ask are you two ladies Irish? and they said it's wales you idiot, so just to be nice I said are you two whales Irish?
Over in Ireland, in a lake near Dublin, thay have their own Nessie.
It's a monster that likes to ring doorbells.
It's a knock-less monster.
Had Irish 7 coarse meal for lunch today 6 pack and a baked potato. Was delicious!
What do you call it when a man has a beer in each hand? Irish handcuffs.
How do the Irish cure a hangover? With a funeral.
An Irish mobster approached a man on the street...
He demanded "what are you, protestant or catholic?"
The man said "i'm atheist actually"
The mobster thought for a second and said "protestant atheist or catholic atheist?"
What is the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One less drunk.
What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? One person.
What do you call a couple of Irish guys hiking in the woods? Trail micks.
An Irish guy in front of me said, "Whale-oil beef-hooked" I don't know what any of that has to do with forgetting your passport..