Period Jokes

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Funniest Period Jokes

Funny Period Jokes

6.9 is the worst number ever. It's a 69 interrupted by a period

How do you piss off a female archeologist? Find a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

How do you piss off a female archaeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

My girlfriend said period jokes aren't funny... So I ended up throwing away 3 pages of jokes i had written about the Victorian era.

What’s 6.9 Something great, ruined by a period

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor". And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

My period is late .

How to piss off a female archaeologist... Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

Childish but made me laugh How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Show him a used tampon and ask, "What period is this from?"

How do you troll an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask which period it's from.

How do you piss off a female archeologist? Find a used tampon and ask her what period it is from.

I wish life was more like hockey... Who doesn't want a horn to sound when their period ends?

The worst number in the world. 6.9 it's 69 interrupted by a period

What’s the similarity between semicolons and pregnancies? Both mean you won’t be seeing a period for a little while.

How do you piss of an archaeologist? Hand him a tampon and ask what period it's from.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from

6.9 A good time interrupted by a period

What's a 6.9? Another great thing ruined by a period

How do you piss off a female archaeologist? Hand her a used tampon and ask her what period it's from.

What's the best was to piss off an archaeologist ? Hand him a used tampon and ask him which period it's from.

My 16 year old cousin Mary finally got her period today. So, that was a tense couple of years for me.

What's 6.9? A perfectly good 69 ruined by a period

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

What is 6.9? One great thing ruined by a period

How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from.

I broke up with my girlfriend, Ruth.. Now her friends call me ruthless.

EDIT: Got hacked. Password and emailed changed, this post was changed to something else for a brief period by the hacker.

A French Girl gets her Period My friend's family is French.


His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.


Then one night she got her period.


Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

Tampax has announced that they will be taking the string off tampons and replacing it with tinsel. This is for the Christmas period only.

A Halloween Limerick A lady vampire named Mable

Had a period that was awfully stable.

So once a full moon

She took out her spoon

And drank herself under the table.

My wife always freaks out when she's on her period Keep having to tell her to stop ovary acting.

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

History teacher: Which period did Cleopatra come from? Me: The one her mother missed?

What is the difference between a woman on her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with terrorists

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time? I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

Know what a 6.9 is? Another good thing screwed over by a period

How do you embarrass an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from...

What is a 6.9 Another amazing thing ruined by a period

How do you insult an archaeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it is from.

Archeologists in South Africa have just discoved what they think is the oldest tampon ever found They are trying to find out what period it came from

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New Period Jokes

What's the difference between a professional engineer and an amateur? How quickly the product dies after the warranty period

What was the least productive period of the USSR? When their leader was Stalin for 30 years

Did you know there is a Play about Queen Elizabeth I’s menstruation? It’s a period drama.

My uncle is an archeologist.. He was doing some work in Egypt and came across an ancient tampon. Picked it up, examined it closely and said - I have no idea what period this is from.

Joke How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

​

You give him a used tampon and ask him what period it came from

As Albert Einstein once said : Only Two Things Are Infinite: The Universe And The Winrar Trial Period

Studies show that after being released from prison, women have a tendency to immediately begin menstruation. This is because a period comes at the end of a sentence.

You shouldn't joke about menstruation This kind of jokes are never funny, period

My wife told me she has to wear sweatpants every month for four days... I asked her to explain why in terms I would understand, knowing I’m a car guy. She said, “Sweatpants are the only Period Correct option”.

Have you heard of that new podcast featuring inmates who went to jail for a short period of time and people suffering from speech impediments? They call it “Barely a sentence”

Last night, I watched a TV show about a girl who was bleeding uncontrollably. It was a period drama.

My girlfriend is on her period on Valentine's Day Gonna be a total bumher

What is the difference between cunnilingus during a woman's period and breakfast? The way the scrambled eggs taste.

Why do girls always have the last word in an argument Cause their the ones with a period

What do you call a feminine hygiene product from the 1800's? A Period Pad

How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a tampon and ask which period it came from

"Mom, I'm almost 17 now. When will I get my period like the other girls?" "You are not like the other girls, Dave."

What a women’s least-favorite type of punctuation The period

What period of music should a starving musician be listening to? Baroque

When’s a prostitutes vacation time? On her period days.

The wife doesn't have a period She has a goddamn exclamation point

Tampax are releasing a tampon with tinsel attached to it.... It's for the Christmas period

Tampax have announced they will be removing the string from the tampon and replacing it with tinsel! This will be for the Christmas period only

a rich girl on her period told me to respect the drip wasn't sure which one to respect

I heard BBC has a new period piece all about early 20th century dentists. They're calling it 'Dentin Abby'!

What is 6.9? 69 interrupted by a period

What genre does a movie on the Feminist movement belong to? Period drama.

Has anyone had a 6.9? The only thing ruining it is the period

What do you call a woman's first menstrual cycle after incarceration? The period at the end of a sentence.

Went to view a house earlier with period features and the wife and I had a massive argument. She really hates it when I call her that.

You ever notice how a lot of girls will trail off instead of finishing a sentence? It’s because they only get one period per month.

God: "Whew! I just created a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth…. ...guess I’ll call it a day”

I just saw this great movie about a complete sentence... It was a period piece.

How was the red sea formed? Over a long period of time

I went to view a house yesterday with period features... She hates it when I call her that.

“Yes, I admit it, I wore blackface a few times. But cut me some slack.” “I was going through a dark period in my life”

An artist used her menstrual blood to paint a picture of a 16th century countryside It was a period piece

When I was 15 I fingered a girl on her period and her parents walked in on us They caught me red handed

Who we are for each other? When the girl who you spending time with, asks you - Who we are for each other? It's mean your free trial period is end.

Woman: I’m having the worst period ever Husband: Are you sure you’re not ovary-acting?

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Long Period Jokes

A wife asks her husband, “Honey, if I died, would you remarry?”

“After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship.”

“If I died and you remarried,” the wife asks, “would she live in this house?”

“We’ve spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I’m not going to get rid of my house. I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house,” the wife asks, “would she sleep in our bed?”

“Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2,000. It’s going to last along time, so I guess she would.”

“If I died and you remarried, and she lived in this house and slept in our bed, would she use my golf clubs?”

“Oh, no,” the husband replies. **“She’s left-handed.”**

Ex-Wife

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

John finally decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend.

One evening, after their honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage, just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke................. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection and that stupid vintage Harley.”

John got a horrified look on his face.

She said"Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There, for a minute, you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

John replied: “I wasn't."

(Edit: Removed Tom from story!)

A couple are in bed...

Laying in bed, a husband asks his wife, "Honey, if I died, would you remarry?"

"After a considerable period of grieving, I guess I would. We all need companionship."

"If I died and you remarried," the husband asks, "would he live in this house?"

"We've spent a lot of money getting this house just the way we want it. I'm not going to get rid of my house. I guess he would."

"If I died and you remarried, and he lived in this house," the husband asks, "would he sleep in our bed?"

"Well, the bed is brand new, and it cost us $2000. It's going to last a long time, so I guess he would have to."

"What about playing golf, would you play golf with him?"

"I love golf, so sure, I would play golf with him."

"Would he use my golf clubs?"

"Oh, no!" the wife replies. "He's left-handed!"

Ex-Wife

An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."

Tim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"

He replied, "I wasn’t."

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been three times. I wish I could be taken seriously as an actor."

They think about it for a few minutes, and Stallone says, "We should do a serious film. A historical."

Arnold grins his huge toothy grin, immediately warming to the idea. "A period piece. That's a great way for our acting comebacks to be taken seriously."

Stallone, as the film auteur, keeps working on it. "We want people to be emotionally affected by it. Music really moves people. Can we do something about music?"

Schwarzenegger agrees. "We could do classical music. You're Italian; you could play an Italian composer."

Sylvester says, "I'll play Vivaldi!"

Arnold Schwarzenegger says, "I'll be Bach."

Another interview joke

During a job interview, the interviewer asks, “I noticed a 6 year gap in your resume. How do you account for this period of time?”

The applicant responds, “I went to Yale.”

Excited, the interviewer says, “Yale?!? You’re hired!”

The applicant replies, “Yay! I got a yob!”

So Cinderella was crying...

...when her fairy godmother shows up. She asks poor Cinderella, "What's troubling you, my dear?" "My sisters have all gone to the ball, but I can't! I have nothing to wear and no way to go..." cried Cinderella. "Oh fret not. Let me handle this for you," said the fairy godmother. "But first, you have to bring me all the pumpkins you can find."

So Cinderella set off to look for all pumpkins she could find and rolled them back. Then her fairy godmother turned 1 into a beautiful golden
carriage, 2 into majestic stallions, 2 into a beautiful pair of glass slippers and 1 into the most elegant and gorgeous white gown you could ever imagine. But Cinderella kept on crying.

"Why are you still troubled, sweetie? You've got everything you need to go to the ball!"

"But I... I... I'm on my period now. I can't wear that white dress," replied Cinderella.

"Don't worry honey," said her fairy godmother, and she turned to look at the garden, only to find the largest pumpkin left, which she turned into a tampon.

And at midnight, Cinderella died.

One Finnish soldier is better than 10 Soviet

During winter war soviet general hears someone shouting from wood - "One finnish soldier is better than ten soviet". Angry general sends ten man to deal with annoying Fin. After short period of shots and dying soviets screams, comes another shout - "One finnish soldier is better than hundred soviet". General sends hundred soldier and again none of them comes back. Then general hears third shout - "One finnish soldier is better than thousand soviets". Furious general sends thousand man to deal with him. This time one of his soldiers manage to survive and reports to general - "Sir, please don't send more our troops, it's a trap, there's two of them".

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning one of his hot rods for an upcoming show.

His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the garage and you probably should just consider selling all your cars.

Tom gets this horrified look on his face. She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"

"There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!”, she screams, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!!!!!!!"

Tom's reply: "I wasn't".

Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend

Jim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was cleaning his golf shoes.
His wife was standing there watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally speaks.
"Honey, I've been thinking, now that we
are married I think it's time you quit golfing.
Maybe you should sell your golf clubs."

Jim gets this horrified look on his face.

She says, "Darling, what's wrong ?"

”There for a minute you were sounding like my ex-wife.”

"Ex-wife !" she screams,
"I didn't know you were married before !"

"I wasn't !"

Tom finally decided to tie the knot...

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after the honeymoon, he was welding some stuff in the garage just for fun. His new wife was standing there at the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling all your welders along with your gun collection, golf clubs, and that stupid vintage Harley.

Tom got a horrified look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, "There for a minute you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she screamed, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied: “I wasn't."

King Arthur was preparing to go out on an expedition and would be away from Camelot for an indefinite period of time. He was worried about leaving Queen Guinevere alone with all those horny knights of the Round Table. So he went to Merlin for some advice.

The good wizard showed him his latest invention. It was a chastity belt... except that it had a rather large hole in the most obvious place.

'This is no good, Merlin!' the king exclaimed, 'Look at this opening. How is this supposed to protect m'lady, the Queen?'

'Ah, sire, just observe.' said Merlin. He then selected his most worn-out wand. He then inserted it in the gaping hole of the chastity belt whereupon a small guillotine blade came out and cut the stick neatly in two.

'Merlin, you are a genius!' said King Arthur. After putting Guinevere in the device, King Arthur set out upon his Quest.

Several years passed before he returned to Camelot.

Upon arrival, he immediately assembled all his knights in the courtyard and had them drop their trousers for a 'short arm' inspection. Sure enough, each of them had an amputated little Johnny or was damaged in some way. All except Sir Galahad.

'Sir Galahad', exclaimed King Arthur, 'The one and only true knight! Only you among all the nobles have been true to me. What is it in my power to grant you? Name it and it is yours!'

Sir Galahad was speechless!

[Long] One evening after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley in the garage.

One evening after the honeymoon, Bob was working on his Harley in the garage. His new wife was standing there by the bench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally said, "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we're married, maybe it's time you quit spending so much of your time out here in the garage. You probably should consider selling your Harley and all that welding equipment; they take up so much of your time. And that gun collection and fishing gear, they just take up so much space. And you know that boat is such an ongoing expense and you hardly use it. I also think you should lose all those stupid model airplanes and your home brewing equipment. And what's the use of that vintage hot rod sports car?"

Bob got a horrified look on his face.

She noticed and said, "Darling, what's wrong?”

He replied, "You were starting to sound like my ex-wife.”

"Ex-wife!?" she shouted, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!”

Bob replied, "I wasn't..."

A joke for the older generations

So there once was this women by the name of Marge, who could never seem to snag a man to stay by her side for more than a year! She had many husband and would bear many kids with each husband. By the end of her fertility period she had given birth to a 100 kids! In order to remember all their names she had to name them by the order they were born. ( So she hand one, two, three and so on).

Well she obviously had a hard time financing things with so many kids and so many husbands on the run, that she was forced to live in a very small cabin with her children in the middle of nowhere. It was cramped and awful, kids of all sizes stuffed in a few rooms, with no place to run around and be themselves!
Due to their tight living conditions one day, 32 was messing around with a magnifying glass, burning ants, when whoosh! The whole house caught on fire!!

The flames engulfed the whole land around them, and people from towns miles away saw the smoke and felt nothing but sorrow for ol' Marge and her kids. However 1 kid survived, Ninety.

Ninety went on to live a very successful and had a loving family of his own. They lived in the outskirts of the city and had a marvelous life. One day Ninety's 3 kids, 2 daughters and a son found a stray puppy in the woods. They were so excited and brought him home. However Ninety's wife Anne had a terrible fear of dogs. So Ninety's kids had to hid the dog. They name him 'This' so that they could referred to him in code without raising suspicion. It was hard taking care of him in the basement of the house without Anne or Ninety finding out. One day Anne was wondering why they kids spent so much time in the basement and come down to check on them. The kids not knowing what to do, propped the window open and let 'This' out! He ran away and was never seen again, by anyone!


And so only 90's kids will remember this

Tom finally decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.

One evening, after their honeymoon, he was working on his motorcycle in the garage, just for fun.
His new wife was standing there at the workbench watching him.

After a long period of silence she finally spoke. "Honey, I've just been thinking, now that we are married, maybe it's time you quit spending all your time out here in the shop. You probably should just consider selling your motorcycle along with your gun collection and that stupid fishing gear."

Tom got a quizzical look on his face.

She said, "Darling, what's wrong?"

He replied, “For a minute there you were starting to sound like my ex-wife."

"Ex-wife!" she shouted, "YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE MARRIED BEFORE!"

Tom replied: "I wasn't."

Money makes every thing...

A girl missed her period 2 months ago,her mom
took her to the clinic for pregnancy test of which
it was positive.Embarrased, her mom said; who
is the pig that got you pregnant? The girl picked
up her phone and made a call, an hour later,a
young handsome man drove in Ferrari to the
girl's house. Good evening, the man greeted.
Your daughter told me the problem in the house.
I can't marry for now because of my family
issue, but I promise I will take care of her for the
rest of her life, and if she gives birth to a girl,I
promised to buy her a mansion, 2 jeeps and 1
million dollars. If it's a boy, I'll buy her houses in
a country side, 5 jeeps, 2 big factories and
5million dollars in her account. If it's twins, I'll do
anything...
she asked. But if there's miscarriage,
what do you suggest i do? The girls father
silently tap the young man on his shoulder and
said; my son, if there is miscarriage, you'll sleep
with her again.......

Breaking News: NFL responds to lost revenue from kneeling controversy

Breaking News: The NFL announced today that because of lost revenue due to kneeling, an NFL Team had to be cut. Tampa Bay and the Green Bay Packers will be combining forming the Tampacks. They will be good for only one period and will have no second string...

Italian Pregnancy

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.
Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says,
'Who wasa the pig that did this to you? I want to know!'
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.
Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house.
A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of a Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them:
'Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, 2 retail stores, a townhouse,
a beach-front villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account...
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a $4,000,000 bank account.
If twins, they will receive a factory and $2,000,000 each..
However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?'
At this point, the father, who had remained silent holding a shotgun, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder, looks him directly in the eyes and tells him
"You a gonna try again!"

Little Johnny was learning about punctuation

The teacher was explaining all of the different punctuation marks.

She listed the comma, question mark and when she got to period; Little Johnny raised his hand.

He asked: Why are periods so important?

The teacher responded: Well, they are a fundamental part of the written language; why do you ask?

Little Johnny replied: Yesterday my sister said she missed a period and my Mom fainted, my Dad started yelling and the next door neighbor shot himself

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