The baker at my local donut shop was bragging about how the male enhancement pills he'd started taking actually worked.
And that was fine until I noticed the holes in the donuts were a little larger than usual.
What did the blonde say when she looked into the box of Cheerios?
Wow!! Donut seeds!!!!
How do you know who the most popular man at a nudist colony is?
The one that can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and still carry a dozen donuts
How to tell who the most popular woman is?
The one that can eat the last donut
What did the blonde say when she looked inside the box of Cheerios?
"Oh look! Donut seeds!"
Why did the man shut his donut shop?
Why did the man close his donut shop?
...because he was fed up with the hole business!
What did the donut say to the cop?
Don't taste me, bro !
A donut a day...
...keeps the doctor well paid
What did the blonde say when she saw the cheerios box?
"Omg, donut seeds!"
I used to work at the donut factory but I quit
I was fed up with the hole business
i'm going to quit my job and open a donut shop that also sells weed
i'll call it 'glazed and confused'.
How do you know that donut is created by God
A guy is opening a donut shop next to a medical marijuana shop...
He’s calling it “Glazed and Confused”.
How did the german donut say hello?
How do American police stop shooters
A little old lady told me this at work.
Who is the most popular male at a nudist colony?
The guy who can carry a cup of coffee and 12 donuts.
And the most popular woman?
The lady that can eat the last donut without getting her hands sticky.
Lately I've been trying to freak out the local grocery store cashier.
Show up to the checkout line with nothing but glazed donuts, glazed donut holes, and super glue.
Vacationers spend too much time and money at donut shops
They're torus traps
The search continues for the oldest tree in the world.
Experts are stumped.
*takes donut and leaves the room*
Arent a donut and a danish the same thing?
Well they are both synonym rolls!!
What do you call a donut with no jelly?
Why did the donut go to the dentist?
To get a filling!
I am in desperate need of a zombie donut joke! Anybody got anything?
What do you call a donut with no holes?
How was the donut invented?
Let’s just say there was a very horny baker...
My 3.5 year old daughter's Dad joke
My 3.5 year old daughter saw an old donut in the car and said: "papa that is old, I donut want to eat it."
For national donut day in the US
Q: what did the donut say to the cake?
A: if I had all that dough I wouldn't be hanging around this hole.
Yo mama so dumb
She wanted a refund for her donut because it had a hole in it
I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle.
I donut care for them anymore though
Hear about the fight at the bakery?
Bread got fresh and kicked donut in the hole.
What rhymes with donut
Wow, it actually does!
What did the donut delivery man say to the guy who was raping and murdering his entire family?
"Please donut do that"
Edit: Joke courtesy of my friend Carter Mashura
They say Luis Fonsi started his own artisan donut shop recently, he specializes in habanero flavored donuts
When asked for his recipe, he just said they were made with “the spicy dough”
Upon gaining sentience, a donut was quoted as saying:
"There are dozens of us!"
What does Michael Jordan do in Krispy Kreme?
Little Johnny sometimes mixed up words while speaking
And one day he was facing a murderer. Little Johnny said "Police donut kill meme!"
Bagels and donuts are the same thing...
I donut see a difference.
I'm worried about my boy...
At breakfast this morning, when I handed him a box of Cheerios, he shouted, "Omg, donut seeds!"
What's the only place that has 24 hour protection from the cops?
A donut shop
A local donut shop started putting cereal on their donuts
When asked why they did it they said: "having donuts with cereal is a very ce-real experience"
1) Look at see through glass and when someone is on the other side shout "OH MY GOD, I'M HIDEOUS!"
2) Bring a big chair into the elevator facing away from the door and when someone walks in, dramatically turn and say 'we've been expecting you.'
3) Walk up to someone, hand them a potato, look them in the eyes and deadpan 'with great power, comes great responsibility.' Walk away.
4) Call someone to tell them you can't talk right now.
5) Point at someone and shout "You're one of them!" Run and pretend to trip. Crawl away slowly.
6) Buy a donut and complain that there's a hole in it.
7) Put Mayonnaise in a bowl, freeze it, and tell your friend it's ice cream.
8) Put up a "Lost Dog" poster with a picture of a cat on it.
9) In a public toilet, pass a note under the door next to you saying, "They're onto us. We need to go."
10) Walk up to a random person and say, "Wow! You've changed, I still have your picture from five years ago." And hold up a picture of potato.
11) Call McDonalds asking for directions to Burger King.
12) Order a pizza 5 minutes before New Years, and when it comes, yell, "I ORDERED THIS THING A YEAR AGO!
13) Bring a desk on an elevator. When people try to get on ask if they have an appointment.
14) Go to an electronic store with a banana and say that you want to upgrade to an apple.
15) Call Pizza Hut and ask for the phone number to Domino's.
16) Hide a walk talkie in a bush and scare people that walk by.
17) Get on a crowded elevator with a bag in your hands, sigh and say "darn my snake got loose again".
18) When someone asks you if you know what time it is, say yes and walk away.
19) Dress up as a duck and throw bread at people and say,"HOW DO YOU LIKE IT?!! HUH?!!!!
20) Go to a pet shop, point at an employee, and shout "I WANT THAT ONE MOMMY!!!"
So a man walks into a donut shop on Dagobah...
And he sees a little green alien behind the counter. He asks for a hot donut.
The alien says, "Broken, our fryer is. Yesterday's donuts, I can sell you. Also, donut ingredients, we still have."
But the man is really craving a warm donut, so he asks, "Are you absolutely sure I can't get a freshly-made donut?"
"Only two options have you!" says the alien. "Dough or donut - there is no fry."
The Purple Flower
So there's this guy walking to school and on his way there he sees these two girls talking to each other. He drops in on their conversation and hears them talking about a purple flower. He thought to himself "Purple flower?" and stops to think about it. He realizes he's late for school and runs as fast as he can. So he gets to class and the teacher asks him, "Why are you late?" The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls talking about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, and now I'm here!" The teacher replies, "What?! Purple flower?! You're going to the Dean's Office!" So the guy goes to the Dean's Office. The dean asks him, "Why are you here?" The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls taling about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, the teacher sent me to the Dean's, and now I'm here!" The dean replies, "What?! Purple flower?! You're going to the Principal's office. So the guy reports to the Principal's office. The principal asks him, Why are you here?" The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls talking about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, the teacher sent me to the Dean's, the dean sent me to the principal, and now I'm here!" The principal replies, "What?! Purple flower?! You're expelled from the school! So the guy leaves the campus and heads on home. When he arrives, his father asks him, "Why are you here?" The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls talking about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, the teacher sent me to the Dean's, the dean sent me to the principal, the principal expelled me, and now I'm here!" The father replies, "What?! Purple flower?! I disown you!" Now get out! So the guy leaves his house. While walking down the street, he notices a hobo. He approaches the hobo and the hobo asks him, "Why are you here?" The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls talking about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, the teacher sent me to the Dean's, the dean sent me to the principal, the principal expelled me, my dad disowned me, and now I'm here!" The hobo replies, "What?! Purple flower?!" The hobo grabs a knife from nearby and stabs himself in the chest. So the guy freaks out and looks for help. He notices two cops in a car at the donut shop and says "Officers, I need help! That hobo committed suicide!" The officers said, "Calm down, slow down, and tell us why you're here." The guy says, "Well...I was walking to school and heard two girls talking about a purple flower, stopped to think about it, and realized I was late to school, the teacher sent me to the Dean's, the dean sent me to the principal, the principal expelled me, my dad disowned me, the hobo killed himself, and now I'm here!" The officer replies, "What?! Purple flower?! You are under arrest! We're taking you jail." So the guy runs away from the police. As he's running a man who overheard the story shouts across the street that he knows what the Purple Flower means As the boy crosses the street, he gets hit by a car. Moral of the story: look both ways before you cross the street
Bob gets a job
A rather dimwitted fellow named bob miraculously lands a job at a donut shop next to his house.
His first day on the job, a customer enters and asks "How much are these donuts?"
Bob replies "I don't know." Fortunately, the manager comes in and begins feeding Bob his lines, telling Bob to say "Only one dollar." And Bob thusly tells the customer.
The customer then asks "Are these donuts fresh?" To which Bob replies "I don't know." His manager then instructs Bob to say "Yes, very fresh."
Finally the customer asks "May I buy these donuts?" Bob answers, "I don't know." And the manager tells him to say "You better before anyone else does." Bob replies and makes his first sale.
Several weeks go by, and suddenly a robber enters the store, shouting "GIVE ME ALL YOUR MONEY,"
Bob says "Only one dollar."
The robber inquires "Are you being fresh with me?"
Bob remarks "Yes, very fresh."
The robber then howls "I will shoot you if you don't listen to me!!"
Bob says "You better before anyone else does!"
A man is looking for a job in the news paper
A man is looking for a job in the news paper and he finds an ad for a donut shop, he applies and almost immediately gets the job.
On his first day he walks in the manager shoves him an apron and says
"all you have to do is sell donuts at the counter"
The man nods his head, puts his apron on and starts to stand at the counter waiting for a customer.
A customer walks in and approaches the man and asks
" How much are these donuts?"
" I don't know"
Then the customer asks
" How fresh are these donuts?"
The man says the same thing
" I don't know"
And finally the customer asks
" Should I buy one?"
The man responds once again
" I don't know"
The customer leaves and the manager is absolutely furious, he takes the man aside and says to him.
" If a customer asks "how much are these donuts?" then you respond with "one dollar, one dollar" "
" If. customer asks " how fresh are these donuts? " then you should respond with " fresh fresh very fresh""
" And finally if a customer asks " should I buy one?" Then you should say " if you don't, someone else will""
The man takes this into account and continues to do what the manager said and he soon becomes very good at his job.
One day towards the closing time of the shop a robber rushes into the store with a gun and shouts at the man
"HOW MUCH IS IN THE CASH REGISTER"
and the man says
"One dollar, one dollar"
The robber absolutely star struck asks him in a calmer voice
" Are you playing fresh with me?"
Then the man responds with
" Fresh fresh very fresh"
The robber who is still confused then asks
" Should I shoot you?"
A donut walks into a church and approaches the priest...
"Excuse me, Father," the donut says, "I don't mean to trouble you, but I'm very interested in joining the clergy. I was hoping that you could give me some pointers."
The priest - after taking a moment to accept the fact that he's speaking with a pastry - offers a warm smile in response. "That is truly a noble calling," he says. "Most frequently, individuals who wish to become priests begin by growing active in their parish, then entering a seminary. While in attendance there, would-be clergy members work to excel in every regard, reaffirming their beliefs and devoting themselves to the path of righteousness. When the time comes, a given initiate will be ordained as a deacon, which will allow them passage to priesthood."
"That sounds like a very involved process," the donut confesses. "I'm not sure I have the time."
"If you don't mind me asking," replies the priest, "what made you think you wanted to join the clergy if you're not willing to make a commitment to the process? Why do you want to be a priest at all?"
"Well," the donut answers, "see, it's because I'm holey."
The Infamous One About the Cheerio
Once upon a time there was a cheerio named Less-Than-Average Cheerio Joe.
He lived in the Less-Than-Average Cheerio world. There were three worlds: Perfect Cheerio world, Average Cheerio world, and Joe’s home, Less-Than-Average cheerio world. Perfect Cheerio world, of course, was the world all cheerios wanted to visit; unfortunately, not many were able to, because you had to be perfect to live there.
Less-Than-Average Cheerio Joe’s one wish was to go to Perfect Cheerio world. It was all he ever wanted. He dreamed about it at night, and woke up knowing that the real Perfect Cheerio world was a hundred times better than anything he could imagine. Even though he was gluten-free and whole-grain, he still knew that the Perfect Cheerio world was where he was truly meant to be.
One day he found a magic lamp. He rubbed it. Out came a genie.
‘Less-Than-Average Cheerio Joe!’ the genie said. ‘As a reward for freeing me from that lamp, you may ask anything of me, and I will grant it to you.’
Less-Than-Average Cheerio Joe hardly had to think. ‘I wish I was a Perfect Cheerio,’ he said. The genie snapped his fingers, and, in a puff of whole grain oats, Cheerio Joe was perfect and in Perfect Cheerio world.
He looked around. The place was amazing.
A random cheerio tapped him on his soluble-fiber shoulder. ‘You’re new here, right?’ he asked. ‘I’m Bob. I’ll show you Perfect Cheerio world’s attractions.’
‘I’m Less-Than-Average Cheerio Joe,’ Joe said automatically.
Bob laughed. ‘Not any more,’ he said. ‘From now on, your name is Perfect Cheerio Joe. That’s what you are, of course.’
Joe’s cholesterol-free, toasted-whole-grain eyes filled with joyful tears. He was perfect.
‘Let’s go,’ Bob said. ‘I’m here to show you around the world. Let’s get a snack first. Donuts? Perfect Cheerio world is famous for them.’
‘Great,’ Perfect Cheerio Joe said. ‘So close to cannibalism, and yet still legal.’
They made their carbohydrate-laden way to a donut shop. But when they got inside, the cheerio behind the counter held up a hypothetical hand. ‘Whoa whoa whoa,’ he said. ‘You two have to go to the end of the line.’
Bob looked at the long line, stretching out the door and down the street. ‘Where’s the end of the line?’ he asked.
The donut-seller scratched his hypothetical head. ‘Straight down the street for three blocks. Take a right, then go straight for four blocks. When you get to Fifth, take a left. That’s the end of the line.’
Joe’s hypothetical eyes widened. But no matter how long the lines in Perfect Cheerio world were, he was going to enjoy this day to the non-genetically-modified maximum.
He and Bob followed the directions until they came to the end of the line. They waited in the line for twenty minutes. When they got to the front, they ordered their donuts, and Bob led Joe further into Perfect Cheerio world.
‘Next let’s go to the biggest movie theater in the three worlds,’ Bob said. ‘It’s one of the biggest tourist attractions.’
They made their way to the theater. But at the tickets window, the ticket seller waved his low-saturated-fat hypothetical hand. ‘Whoa whoa whoa,’ he said. ‘You two have to go to the end of the line.’
Bob glanced at the long line, down the street. ‘Where’s the end of the line?’ he asked.
The ticket-seller scratched his hypothetical head. ‘Straight down the street for three blocks. Take a right, then go straight for four blocks. When you get to Fifth, take a left. That’s the end of the line.’
‘Holy mother of cereal,’ Bob said.
But no matter how long the lines in Perfect Cheerio world were, Joe was going to enjoy this day to the non-genetically-modified maximum.
He and Bob followed the directions until they came to the end of the line. They waited in the line for thirty minutes. When they got to the front they ordered tickets for a movie (a horror movie, ‘Tony’) and went into the theater lobby.
‘Wait,’ said Joe. ‘We can’t watch a movie without popcorn!’ And so they made their way to the concessions counter. But at the counter, the concessions cheerio waved his 100% whole grain oats hypothetical hand. ‘Whoa whoa whoa, he said. ‘You two have to go to the end of the line.’
Bob glanced at the long line, which stretched out the door and down the street. ‘Where’s the end of the line?’ he asked.
The concessions guy scratched his hypothetical head. ‘Straight down the street for three blocks. Take a right, then go straight for four blocks. When you get to Fifth, take a left. That’s the end of the line.’
‘In the name of the sacred three grams of soluble fiber…’ Joe started to say, before Bob cut him off.
‘Language,’ he reminded Joe. ‘There are children present.’
But no matter how long the lines in Perfect Cheerio world were, Joe was going to enjoy this day to the non-genetically-modified maximum.
He and Bob followed the directions until they came to the end of the line. They waited in the line for forty minutes. When they finally made their way back inside, they ordered popcorn, and went and saw the movie. (It was grrrrreat but rather disturbing.)
After the movie ended, they walked outside. Bob began to lead Joe in one direction, but Joe stood gaping at the most massively terrifying rollercoaster he’d ever seen. ‘Is that… legal?’ he asked.
‘Sure it is,’ Bob said. ‘Let’s go, if you feel up to it.’
They made their simply-made way to the amusement park. Joe started to walk toward the ride, but the operator waved his low-saturated-fat hypothetical hand. ‘Whoa whoa whoa,’ he said. ‘You two have to go to the end of the line.’
Bob glanced at the long line, which stretched around the park twice and then went back out the park gates. ‘Where’s the end of the line?’ he asked.
The operator scratched his hypothetical head. ‘Straight down the street for three blocks. Take a right, then go straight for four blocks. When you get to Fifth, take a left. That’s the end of the line.’
‘Grown, milled, and toasted. Grown, milled, and toasted. Grown, milled, and toasted,’ Joe chanted to himself. ‘Don’t get a heart attack now. Besides being physically ironic, that would definitely ruin your first week in Perfect Cheerio world.’
He and Bob followed the directions until they came to the end of the line. They waited in the line for fifty minutes, until finally they arrived at the roller coaster, where they screamed their hypothetical lungs out for one and a half solid minutes.
By the time they could walk straight, the sun had begun to go down. ‘I guess you should head home,’ Bob said. ‘But… wait! There’s one thing you haven’t done. It’s an oatstanding tradition for Perfect Cheerio World first-timers. Follow me.’
With that, he led the way down the street. ‘It’s the world famous Perfect Punch,’ he said. ‘Almost every fruit known to cheerio has been blended into one incredibly flavorful fruit punch. Believe me, this is worth any wait.’
They arrived at a brightly lit punch bar. Joe took a step inside, and looked around, amazed.
Was it possible? Could it be real?
Was the bar… really empty of other cheerios? No wait? No queue?
Hardly daring to believe it, he approached the cheerio behind the counter. ‘Excuse me,’ he said, hesitantly. ‘But… where’s the line?’
The cheerio looked up and smiled.
‘Oh,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry.
‘There is no punchline.’
Men Vs Women
Driving to the office this morning on the interstate, I looked over to my left there was a woman in a brand new Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner. I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over inm my lane, still working on that makeup. It scared me (I'm a man) so bad, I dropped my electric shaver,which knocked the donut out of my other hand.
In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into the coffee between my legs, splashed and burned Big Jim and the Twins , ruined the damn phone and disconnected an important call. Damn women drivers.
A man woke up on a sunny day
He looked at his alarmclock, it said 7:07
When he walked downstairs he looked at his calander, it was the seventh day of the seventh month
As he arrived at the bus stop he took bus 7
On his walk from the second bus stop to his work he ordered a coffee and a donut from the nearby coffee shop. The total amount he had to pay was €7,77.
When he arrived at work he tought:'' that's strange, all those sevens, maybe the universe is trying to make something clear. After that he took a day off and went to the horse racing competition, he gambled all his money on horse #7, 'universal luck' was his name.
As the game started the man realized he made a big mistake.
The horse ended, ofcourse, 7th place
An Eskimo was driving into town...
On an uncommonly hot day, when the car lost power and steam starting rolling out from under the hood. He called a local garage who sent a tow-truck to retrieve him.
Knowing he’d want to get on the road before dark he asks, "How long will it be?" The mechanic replies, "Not sure, I’ll have to get into there first- maybe minutes, maybe hours."
The Eskimo is FAMISHED, having not eaten since breakfast early that day. He notices a donut shop across the street and decided to drop over for some breakfast and coffee. Upon arrival he noticed the cook pull a big batch of fresh donuts out of the fryer and begin slathering them with thick homemade glaze. He decides to just have a few before he left but as he looked down he realized that was so hungry he’d already gobbled up an entire plate of them!
Just then, he heard the mechanic honk the horn and start backing the car out of the garage and into a spot. The Eskimo quickly wolfed down the last two donuts and paid his check. With donut glaze all over his face, on his nose, his neck, and his chest, he walked across the street and towards the mechanic. He asked, "So how's my car?" The mechanic comes walking out wiping his hands on a rag and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The Eskimo froze, looked at the mechanic and says, "What how did YOU know th... ... no wait, wait- that’s just glazed donuts, I swear!!"
Joke 1: A man is driving alongside a cliff leading down into the ocean. He's a delivery man for Dunkin' donuts, so his truck is filled with boxes of donuts of every kind. Glazed, old-fashioned, even apple fritters, you name it, he has it in his truck. Now this man is in a hurry, and he's driving pretty fast, about 60 mph. He's driving along, and he suddenly hits a bump. His truck jumps a little, but he's fine, still on the road. Then, he begins to speed up. He gets up to 80 mph, on this road just feet from a cliff. Then he hits a second bump. A little bit more of a jolt, but ultimately nothing to be concerned about. The man isn't scared at all, and gets his truck up to 100 mph. At this breakneck speed, he hits a third bump. This time, a donut flies out of his truck, off the cliff, and into the ocean below, where a fish eats it.
Joke 2: A man gets married to a beautiful wife, and for their honeymoon they decide to go on a cruise. During the cruise, the man is leaning against the railing thinking about how wonderful his life is. Unfortunately, the man had quickly developed a bad habit of twirling his wedding ring around his finger. While doing so, he accidentally knocks it off of his finger and into water. The man dejectedly explains to his wife what happened. She's pretty angry, so to make it up to her, he takes her to a really fancy restaurant after they dock. After long deliberation, the man orders the fish. The fish arrives, steaming and beautifully cooked. The man cuts into it, and is shocked at what is inside. He just can't believe what he sees. A free donut!
(For optimal telling, wait a few minutes after telling the first)
Women drivers amirite?
This morning on the Interstate, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a brand new Cadillac doing 65 mph with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away for a couple seconds ... to continue shaving and when I looked back, she was halfway over in my lane, still working on that makeup.
As a man, I don't scare easily. But she scared me so much; I had to put on my seat belt and I dropped my electric shaver, which knocked the donut out of my other hand. In all the confusion of trying to straighten out the car using my knees against the steering wheel, it knocked my cell phone away from my ear which fell into my coffee which was between my legs, splashed, and burned Big Jim and the Twins, ruined the damn phone, soaked my trousers, and disconnected an important call.
Damn women drivers!
Its a man's first day working at a donut shop
The man is working the register when a customer comes in and asks, "What do you sell here?"
The man replies with, "uhhhh"
Then the manager has to come out and deal with the customer. Once he is finished and the customer leaves, the manager says to the man, "Next time they ask you that, shout 'Donuts donuts!'"
Soon after the manager leaves, a new customer walks in. The customer asks, "What do you sell here?"
The man says, "Donuts, Donuts!"
The customer asks, "Are they fresh?"
The man goes, "uhhhh."
The manager has to come out again to deal with the customer. He then says to the man, "Next time say, 'Yes sir, very fresh."
A new customer walks in and asks, "What do you sell here?"
"Are they fresh?"
"Yes sir, very fresh."
"Can I buy some?"
The manager deals with the third customer and then turns to the man. "In the future, say, 'You better before somebody else does!'"
The manager walks off, but then a robber comes into the store. He says, "What's in the cash register?"
The man replies, "Donuts, Donuts!"
The robber goes, "Are you being fresh with me?"
"Yes sir, very fresh."
"I'm gonna shoot you."
"You better before anybody else does..."
Buster Posey puns
If he had a donut it'd be filled with custard, mostly.
If he was a rapper, he'd be Busta Flo-Z.
His dog on the day of its adoption exclaimed, "Buster chose me!"
His favorite sandwich? A mustard hoagie.
When he eavesdrops he's Buster Nosey
Okay... well that's done. Anyone else got any?
An American, a Brit and an Indian took a test...
Where they were asked to formulate sentences with the words "Green", "Pink", and "Yellow."
The American said "I drove a green car, ate a donut which was pink, and replaced a yellow ink cartridge at work"
The Briton said "I ate a green apple, instead of a yellow one, and painted a wall pink."
The Indian said "The phone goes 'green green'. I pink up the phone, say 'Yellow?'"
Topical Jokes for 10/27
(for best results, read in the voice of your favorite late night host)
In Portland, they held a competition to see who had the best beard and mustache. The winner was a complete loser.
…first prize in the beard contest was a record of band that broke up before they recorded a song, and an enormous jar filled with apathy.
In Toronto, Rob Ford has lost his reelection bid. Ford’s opponent won with the slogan, “I am Not Rob Ford.”
…Rob Ford gave a tear-filled concession speech from the front porch of a rundown crackhouse.
Former White House press secretary Jay Carney revealed that President Obama doesn't watch cable news. Obama gets his news the old-fashioned way, by having protesters shout it at him.
…Joe Biden doesn’t watch cable news either — not by choice, he just can’t afford cable.
November 5th has been declared “Britney Spears Day” in Las Vegas. When she heard the news, Britney Spears said, “Cool! Who’s that?”.
Dunkin’ Donuts is ready to introduce their own take on the popular “cronut.” In what must have been an unfortunate miscommunication, the Dunkin’ Donuts version of the cronut is just a donut stapled to a cross.