Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGate.
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra. Mycoxaflopin
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction And name it "Elon-Gate"
What’s the generic name for Viagara? **Mycoxafloppin**
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor. Her name is Cardi O
If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.
Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
I called a dwarf by the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon that screwed up my limb transplant, I'll kill him... ...with my bear hands...
I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.
A German was going to a trip in France...
He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"No no, just visiting"
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"
I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
My girlfriend asked me to name...
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.
How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can't climb the ladder.
*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*
I walked into a bar and saw this girl wearing a Falcons jersey.
I walked up and introduced myself as, "25 point lead".
"Is that your real name?", she asked.
I said, "No, but I figured anyone wearing a Falcons jersey would blow a 25 point lead."
I think I banged a Chinese celebrity She kept screaming "I'm Wei Tu Yung" like I was supposed to know the name.
What’s the name of Mr. T’s girlfriend? April, fools
Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
What is the name of a rock group that has four members yet none of them sing? Mount Rushmore
"Okay Fred, Shaggy and Daphne, can you name an animal that lives in Africa and has a large horn on its face?"
"We know you know the answer, Scooby, but it's not your turn."
Name a vegetable that's kind of cool.
Edit: Source: Am a dad
Make fun of Kim Kardashians baby name choice for 'North West' if you want...
But that child is going straight to the top...
And slightly to the left...
Sauron is a great name It has a nice ring to it
When my girlfriend got pregnant, everything changed My name, my address, my phone number
Judge going through the file of an accused
Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time
I asked an old man, "Even after 60 years of being married, how can you still call your wife 'Honey', 'Darling' and 'Sweetheart'?" He replied, "Well I forgot her name 10 years ago and I'm scared to ask her!"
I let my brother name my twins. He did fine with my daughter, Denise. But my son may never forgive him for naming him Denephew.
People always make fun of my dad because his name is Chip and he is a Dorito farmer You might think that is cheesy but actually we got to grow up on a really cool ranch
What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have in common? They have the same middle name.
My wife asked me that if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
My mum didn't think I’d give our daughter a silly name... ... but I called her Bluff.
There was a man who claimed that, by putting mayonnaise on any food no matter how bland you could make it better. They decided to name it after him and call it Cole's Law.
I hope NK doesn't name their bombs after their leader... We've already seen what one Fat Man can do to Japan.
A police officer stopped my mom's car.
Officer: First name?
Officer: Last name?
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
And my mom hit the accelerator.
I tried asking a Ouija Board for the name of my future wife. The planchette kept moving from H to A and back. What kind of name is Hahaha?
I hired a Russian chauffeur the other day... his name was Pikup Andropov
Had a blind date last night. Her name was ..:::.::…..:::.::
I've changed so much since my GF told me she's pregnant For example my name, address and even phone number
What's the name of the fastest Chinese online game player? Lo Ping
Fish and chips
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
What's the name of the Mexican that loses his car? Carlos...
"Tony, can you spell your name backwards?" Tony: sure... y not
The women I meet in bars always have the worst pick up lines... They’re like, “Hey, what’s your friend’s name?”
If Donald Trump was a Sith Lord... His name would be Taxi Vader
If I was a serial killer my name would be "The Suspence"
So my victims would be like "oh no, the suspense is killing me"
And then we would both laugh right before I kill them.
Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?? King Philip III
How Long is a Chinese name It really is.
I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China" It was her made-in name
Did you know that sandals were invented by a Frenchman? His name was Philippe Filoppe.
My first name is Greatest, last name Ever Middle name "Mistake"
My son wants to name our next dog Naked This way he can tell his friends he walked Naked around the block
Man tries to open a bank account
Teller asks him : "Your name?"
"Oh you stutter?"
"No my dad did but the person who did by birth certificate was a complete moron."
I think my neighbor is stalking me.. she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night
What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.
My son is starting school soon and thinks the other children will bully him because of his name... I said, "Don't be silly, Someoneyourownsize, why would anyone pick on you?"
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt
Man walks into a bar with a salamander.
The bartender says, "Nice lizard. What's its name?"
"I call him Tiny because he's my newt."
Why did David Hasselhoff change his name to 'The Hoff'? He couldn't be bothered with the hassle
A mom asked her son, "Anton, do you think I'm a bad mother?" He stared and replied, "My name's Paul."
"Name one person that could beat Captain America" Captain Vietnam
There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
I just made my new wrestling name. My name is Off In Church... Because no one beats off in church
If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
There was once a man named Odd.
People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
My girlfriend got pregnant, so I've been thinking about a name for over two weeks I chose Carlos and escaped to Mexico
Name a popular state that most people live in. Depression
My sister came home today and said "they have this great new machine at the gym.." "it's got Malteasers, Twix, sodas, you name it!!"
A friend just called me to tell me he has changed his name to 'Spinal Column'. I asked if I could call him Back.
Why do witches wear name tags? To know which witch is which.
Pickup line: Girl, is your name Medusa? Because you made me rock hard
Boy: My mother's name is Laughing and my father's name is Smiling.
Teacher: You must be Kidding.
Boy: No, that's my sister's name, I'm Joking.
I already got a date this valentine's day. Her name is Emma, Emma Gination.
To be Frank... I'd have to change my name
AN ODD TALE
There was once a man named Odd. People made fun of him because of his name so he decided to keep his gravestone blank when he died.
Now when people pass by the burial site, they point and say, "That's odd."
I have a Chinese friend with really bad internet His name is Hai Ping
What was Albert Einsteins DJ name? MC Squared
Karma is a lame name...
They should rename "Karma" to "Creddit"
They also need to rename the "Share" button to "Spreaddit"
While we are at it we might as well rename the "Delete" button to "Shreddit"
But they never will and I just don't Geddit...
A 14 year old Chinese boy walks into a bar
He goes up to the the bar and signals the bartender
"I'll have a pint please"
The bartender looks him up and down and laughs
"You're way too young!"
"How you know my name!"
Did you know Bruce Lee had a son other than Brandon? He was a famous vegetarian. His name was Brock.
I have two tickets to the 2017 Superbowl, but I'm getting married that day so I can't go. If you're interested in going in my place, the wedding is at St. Peter's church and her name is Laura.
Why did the musician give his daughters the same name? So he could yell "Anna 1, Anna 2!"
My wife is a computer geek and wants to name our son "one eighth of a byte" So I said "Really honey? Don't you think that's a bit...?"
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence... I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
A flight attendant says to a man...
"Would you like headphones?"
The man replies, "How did you know my name was Phones?"