Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGate.
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra. Mycoxaflopin
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction And name it "Elon-Gate"
What’s the generic name for Viagara? **Mycoxafloppin**
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor. Her name is Cardi O
If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.
Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
I called a dwarf by the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon that screwed up my limb transplant, I'll kill him... ...with my bear hands...
I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.
A German was going to a trip in France...
He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"No no, just visiting"
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"
I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
My girlfriend asked me to name...
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.
How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can't climb the ladder.
*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*
Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
My name is David and I had my ID stolen the other day. Now they just call me Dav.
Karma is a lame name...
They should rename "Karma" to "Creddit"
They also need to rename the "Share" button to "Spreaddit"
While we are at it we might as well rename the "Delete" button to "Shreddit"
But they never will and I just don't Geddit...
Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.
Olympics, the new tower of Babel
The German Olympian
I met an athlete near the Olympic Park
I asked him "Are you a Pole Vaulter"?
He said "No, I'm German...
and how do you know my name?"
What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.
A flight attendant says to a man...
"Would you like headphones?"
The man replies, "How did you know my name was Phones?"
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt
I named my first dog "What". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
Apparently France wanted to change their name after WWII. Unfortunately the name Iran was already taken.
The US reports that 42% of all new Covid-19 cases will come from abroad. They think her name is "Karen."
Guy I thought of a name for my “World’s Cheapist Whores” company. Penny for your Thots
Everyone in the mall had an expression of horror on their faces as the man walking past them called for his son His son's name was Allah Akbar
I got a new female dog today Her name is Karma
I’m working on my drinking problem. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink, I just do it under a different name.
I recently found a divorce attorney Their company name is Ditcher and Hyde if you want to check them out
My name should be bra 'cause all these girls be sleeping without me
A dad goes to therapy for the suicide of his son.
Therapist: what was the name of your son?
Dad: I believe he said it was, sosickandtiredofthedadjokespleasestoporilljump.
What do you call a thigh bone that takes the lords name in vein? A Blasfemur.
NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.
What did the drummer name his 2 daughters? Anna 1 anna 2
A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?” The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”
Met this Gorgeous Accountant
She told me her name was Jorge. "But isn't that a man's name?" I asked.
"Yes, but it's the THOT that counts"
Aren't time zone amazing?
In Saudi Arabia it's 11:30
In America it's 04:30
In India its still 767BC , where people kill in the name of religion and hypernationalism. And have no proper street hygiene.
What is Albert Einstein’s rap name?
[Stolen from Neil DeGrass Tyson]
The other day I passed a school with a car brand as their name Can you imagine, who would call a school Tesla
I bet you can't name an entierly useless member of soceity. My parents did.
I stumbled upon an Islamic Fortnite Youtuber... His name was Allah-A
A blond man walks into a bar
He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.
"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"
She says, "I'm Amanda."
The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.
I buy my guns from a guy name T-Rex He is a small arms dealer
A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second? Hose B
My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper I was super confused. It was just too thin!
What do you name a boy with no arms and no legs? Matt
Why is Fortnite a bad name for a game? It is too weak
Don't believe everything you see on internet just because there is a famous person's name next to it. -Abraham Lincoln
I saw a guy walking down the street with a large pole
I asked him, "are you a pole vaulter?"
He replied: "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name?"
Genie said "You have one wish". "I wish I was rich". Genie, "I hope you are happy Rich". "Who's Rich? My name is Joe!"
If I find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant... I'm going to kill him with my bear hands!
A Sikh walks into a bar..
and takes a seat.
Bartender: Are you relaxing?
Sikh: No, my name is Aman Singh.
What did Hitler name the Gas planet he discovered during World War 2. Jewpiter
Kennedy, Lennon, Gandhi If you don’t want you kids assassinated, don’t name them after an airport.
The Washington Redskins, due to the incredible amount of racism, genocide and ignorance associated with that word, have decided to change their name to... ... The Redskins.
This guy was making fun of my friend Line for his funny name...
So he socks him right in the face and I say,
"Good punch Line. "
A lizard walks into the bar... A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”
What's the name of the Transformer that likes to shop? Amazon Prime
What was the name of Hitler's boat? Knot Sea
I had a name idea for a retirement home Last Resort.
I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.
Donald Trump unveiled the name of his new healthcare plan today. It's called Don T. Care
A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.
Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please?
Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.
A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics
He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407
The Washington Redskins are very sensitive to concerns and have decided to change their name... ...to the DC Darkies.
If the Navy ever gets a ship with an EMP... ...they should name it the USS Ellen Pao 'cause it shuts down everything.
2 married mathematicians have fratenal twins They name the boy Adam, and the girl Subtractam
Have you heard of the famous pirate who peed on underage girls? His name was Arr Kelly
My 8 year old niece told me I could share her joke with you guys, but I had to give her the credit. Her name is Brooklyn.
Do you know how to make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.
The name Pavlov rings a bell.
PETA sponsored a new hot spot to get money from partying rich and famous animal lovers. It closed after one week. Apparently "Club Baby Seals" wasn't a good name for it.
What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop? Ivana Pulyova
I was talking to my Irish mate about Brad Pitt's films, but I could not remember the name of that historical Greek film he was in.....
"Troy." he said, suddenly.
"I am." I replied. "Give me a minute"
Why does Tyler Perry put his name on everything he makes? So you know what shows *not* to watch.
What is the scientific name for the fear of the chainsaws? Common sense.
What did the lawyer name his daughter? Sue
What was the name of the time traveler with good timing? Justin Time.
What did Jeffrey Dahmer sing as he went to the refrigerator? My Bologna had a first name.
What do you name a black girl that talks too much? LaQuacious
Apple scraps a new product... I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that "ITouch Kids" is not a good product name.
Did you hear about the girl who gave out handjobs to electricians, plumbers, mechanic, you name it? She was a right Jack off all trades.