Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGate.
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra. Mycoxaflopin
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction And name it "Elon-Gate"
What’s the generic name for Viagara? **Mycoxafloppin**
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor. Her name is Cardi O
If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.
Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
I called a dwarf by the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon that screwed up my limb transplant, I'll kill him... ...with my bear hands...
I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.
A German was going to a trip in France...
He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"No no, just visiting"
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"
I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
My girlfriend asked me to name...
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.
How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can't climb the ladder.
*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*
Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
The flight attendant asked me during the flight, could I offer you some free headphones? So I replied, “Sure, but how did you know my name is Phones?”
So I took a biology test the other day...
One of the questions was, "name two things commonly found in cells."
Apparently, young blacks and latinos was not the right answer.
Karma is a lame name...
They should rename "Karma" to "Creddit"
They also need to rename the "Share" button to "Spreaddit"
While we are at it we might as well rename the "Delete" button to "Shreddit"
But they never will and I just don't Geddit...
Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.
What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt
I named my first dog "What". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
What did the Mexican firefighter name his sons? Jose and Hose B
My Jewish friend is going to open a coffee shop. Suggested he name it Hebrew.
Why did the name a mix between a golden retriever and a poodle a golden doodle? Because otherwise it would be a poo retriever.
Guy I thought of a name for my “World’s Cheapist Whores” company. Penny for your Thots
I got a new female dog today Her name is Karma
Did you hear the name of the new Michael Jackson musical? Kiddy Fiddler on the Roof.
I recently found a divorce attorney Their company name is Ditcher and Hyde if you want to check them out
What is a common thing between Alexander the Great and Kermit the frog? Their middle name
My name should be bra 'cause all these girls be sleeping without me
What did the Chinese parents name their retarded son? Sum Ting Wong.
My atheist wife wants to name our son a biblical name. Honestly, I'm appauled
A dad goes to therapy for the suicide of his son.
Therapist: what was the name of your son?
Dad: I believe he said it was, sosickandtiredofthedadjokespleasestoporilljump.
What do you name a dead end road in China? Wong way.
NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.
What did the drummer name his 2 daughters? Anna 1 anna 2
What do Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have a common? The same middle name
My uncle once started a race with my dad to see who could have a son called James first. Since my name is James, That means my parents came first.
My dog's name is Butter. one day, I went outside and accidentally stepped on his testicles. Anybody want some butter nut squash?
Whats the worst name for a horse? ELMER!
I just perfected my new high-tech camouflage that completely conceals you from enemy view.
I call them Not-Sees.
EDIT: Never mind. Just realized that’s a terrible name.
What is Albert Einstein’s rap name?
[Stolen from Neil DeGrass Tyson]
I thought up a good band name last night. Hillary and the Emails. Would be HYUUUGE in 48% of the US.
I have a friend who collects an unemployment check His name is socialism, he doesn't work.
What did the Arabic neckbeard name his son? M'hammad.
I buy my guns from a guy name T-Rex He is a small arms dealer
A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second? Hose B
My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper I was super confused. It was just too thin!
What do you name a boy with no arms and no legs? Matt
I don’t think Nintendo marketed the Wii U properly, everyone just thought it was an add-on to the Wii because of the poor name choice
They honestly should have...
A son asks his dad:"Dad, why is my sisters name Rose?"
The dad answers: "Well it's because on our first date, I gave your mother roses, and she has loved them ever since."
Son: "Wow, thanks dad!"
Dad: "No problem, Bj."
Whats the name of that beaver supporting group? *Damnation*
Don't believe everything you see on internet just because there is a famous person's name next to it. -Abraham Lincoln
Genie said "You have one wish". "I wish I was rich". Genie, "I hope you are happy Rich". "Who's Rich? My name is Joe!"
What’s the best name for a transgender person who’s going from female to male to introduce themselves as? Hi, I’m Amanduh
A Sikh walks into a bar..
and takes a seat.
Bartender: Are you relaxing?
Sikh: No, my name is Aman Singh.
What did Hitler name the Gas planet he discovered during World War 2. Jewpiter
Kennedy, Lennon, Gandhi If you don’t want you kids assassinated, don’t name them after an airport.
The Washington Redskins, due to the incredible amount of racism, genocide and ignorance associated with that word, have decided to change their name to... ... The Redskins.
This guy was making fun of my friend Line for his funny name...
So he socks him right in the face and I say,
"Good punch Line. "
A lizard walks into the bar... A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”
What's the name of the Transformer that likes to shop? Amazon Prime
What was the name of Hitler's boat? Knot Sea
I had a name idea for a retirement home Last Resort.
What is the name of Trumps favourite Disney movie? Wall-E
I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.
The KGB's code name for Trump has been revealed. Agent Orange
Donald Trump unveiled the name of his new healthcare plan today. It's called Don T. Care
A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E.M.M.A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"
A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.
Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please?
Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.
A reporter is looking for someone to interview at the Summer Olympics
He sees a man carrying a twelve-foot pole and asks, "Excuse me, are you a pole vaulter?"
The man replies, "No, I'm German. But how did you know my name is Walter?"
You know what was the biggest travesty to come out of the OJ Simpson Murder Trial? It made Kardashian a house-hold name.
Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a relative who lives in New Orleans? His name is Marr deGrasse Tyson.
What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407
The Washington Redskins are very sensitive to concerns and have decided to change their name... ...to the DC Darkies.
If the Navy ever gets a ship with an EMP... ...they should name it the USS Ellen Pao 'cause it shuts down everything.
2 married mathematicians have fratenal twins They name the boy Adam, and the girl Subtractam
Have you heard of the famous pirate who peed on underage girls? His name was Arr Kelly
What did the Mexican firefighter name his 2 sons?
Jose and Josb
Joke my dad told me a long time ago, although I know he didn't create it
What is the scientific name for the fear of the chainsaws? Common sense.
What was the name of the time traveler with good timing? Justin Time.
What do you name a black girl that talks too much? LaQuacious