Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team-up and make a medicine to treat erectile dysfunction, and name it ElonGate.
Did you hear about the drummer who gave all his daughters the same name?
My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose. Apparently, I was only supposed to name one, not two.
I just learned the medical name for Viagra. Mycoxaflopin
The women I meet in bars have the WORST pickup lines... They're like, "Hey, what's your friends name?" Never works on me ladies.
Bill Gates and Elon Musk should team up and make a medicine to cure erectile dysfunction And name it "Elon-Gate"
What’s the generic name for Viagara? **Mycoxafloppin**
Putin visits Estonia
Immigration officer says: "Name?". "Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin".
"Address?" "Kremlin, Moscow, Russia".
"Occupation?" "No, this time just visiting".
A German got pulled over by the police in France
*Police officer:* "Name?"
*German:* "Heinrich Klimt"
*Police officer:* "Age?"
*Police officer:* "occupation?"
*German:* "No, no. Just visiting"
Cardi B has a sister that's a fitness instructor. Her name is Cardi O
If I ever go to prison, I’m gonna change my name to mitochondria... I want everyone to know I’m the powerhouse of the cell.
Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
I called a dwarf by the wrong name. He wasn't Happy.
What do Kermit the Frog and Henry the Eighth have in common? They share the same middle name.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon that screwed up my limb transplant, I'll kill him... ...with my bear hands...
I bet you can't name a useless, non functioning member of society. My parents did.
You meet a man on the Oregon trail... You meet a man on the Oregon trail that tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and tell him that Terry is a girls' name. Without hesitation Terry pulls out a gun and shoots you dead. You have died of dissin Terry.
A boy was born of an Indian, Chinese, Irish, and Italian grandmother...
They couldn't settle on a name, until it hit them!
They named him Ravi O. Lee
A Man walks into a bar with a newt on his shoulder. The bartender says “What an interesting pet, whats his name?” “Tiny” the man replies. “What an odd name, why do you call him Tiny?” "Because…He’s my newt.
A German was going to a trip in France...
He reached passport control and the officer asked:
"No no, just visiting"
What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name
I was recently asked to name two structures that contain water I responded "Well, dam"
I didn't take my husband's name when I got married. I figured it'd be confusing if we were both called Keith
Today, when my son asked, "Can I have a book mark?" I burst into tears... 11 years old and he still doesn't know my name is Dave...
Doctor: I've got good news, and bad news
Patient: What's the good news?
Doctor: They're gonna name a disease after you.
My girlfriend asked me to name...
My girlfriend asked me to name all the women I've slept with.
I probably should've stopped when I got to her.
How Long is a Chinese name. It's not a question.
Hi. My name is Bill Gates and today, I will be teaching you how to count to ten:
1, 2, 3, 95, 98, NT, 2000, XP, Vista, 7, 8, 10
Edit: I think I may be missing a version, but looking through the comments it seems no one else knows what it is either. I'll have to google it.
How many McDonalds workers does it take to change a lightbulb?
None, because they can't climb the ladder.
*Edit: Wasn't my joke, it was a friends but I can't credit him since I don't know his account name*
Fun fact: Betsy Devos' name contains every letter of the alphabet that she knows of.
TIL that "Call of Duty" has a different name in the Middle-East They call it "The Sims"
I just made my new wrestling name. My name is Off In Church... Because no one beats off in church
There is a sign in my town that reads "DRIVE SLOW AUTISTIC CHILD"
First of all, he has a name.
Secondly, if he has his license he should know good and well how to drive and there is no need to single him out like that.
If 9/11 had happened in July... 7/11's brand name would have crumbled faster than the Twin Towers.
Karma is a lame name...
They should rename "Karma" to "Creddit"
They also need to rename the "Share" button to "Spreaddit"
While we are at it we might as well rename the "Delete" button to "Shreddit"
But they never will and I just don't Geddit...
Judge going through the file of an accused
Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time
Snoop Dogg seems to be investing in a company that will deliver weed to your house in 10 minutes... Sadly, the name Instagram is taken.
What's another name for a nude beach? A junk yard.
A flight attendant says to a man...
"Would you like headphones?"
The man replies, "How did you know my name was Phones?"
Why did the name a mix between a golden retriever and a poodle a golden doodle? Because otherwise it would be a poo retriever.
I was today years old when i found out bedbugs actually live in beds I always thought it was just a name like ladybug. It does leave me with one question though, where do cockroaches live?
Hey, what was the name of that new vietnamese restaurant?
- Pho King. Good food.
I know, but what was the place called?
Of Mayhem from Allstate Insurance and Flow from Progressive Insurance had a baby... They would name it Aggressive Prostate Insurance.
Guy I thought of a name for my “World’s Cheapist Whores” company. Penny for your Thots
I got a new female dog today Her name is Karma
I’m working on my drinking problem. I joined Alcoholics Anonymous. I still drink, I just do it under a different name.
I recently found a divorce attorney Their company name is Ditcher and Hyde if you want to check them out
What is a common thing between Alexander the Great and Kermit the frog? Their middle name
My name should be bra 'cause all these girls be sleeping without me
"You just need to relax Steve, it's just a minor surgery, it happens everyday with no issues" the surgeon said
The patient replies "But my name isn't Steve"
Nervously, the surgeon replies "But my name is"
A dad goes to therapy for the suicide of his son.
Therapist: what was the name of your son?
Dad: I believe he said it was, sosickandtiredofthedadjokespleasestoporilljump.
NYPD officers brutally beat chinese immigrant after he refused to tell them his name "I lost faith in humanity", said Fak Yu.
What did the drummer name his 2 daughters? Anna 1 anna 2
A man is on a flight at cruising altitude when a female flight attendant comes by with a cart. She looks at him, smiles, and asks, “Would you like some headphones?” The man responds, “Yes, but how did you know my name was Phones?”
What is Albert Einstein’s rap name?
[Stolen from Neil DeGrass Tyson]
I regret naming my daughter Alexa because of the popularity of the Amazon Echo. So we decided to change her name to something that will never be a popular word. We're trying to pick between Cortana and Bixby
Surely it can't be a coincidence that Kermit the Frog and Alexander the Great share the same middle name... Hmmmm
I'm a bit of a wizard when it comes to talking to animals. I have a dog called woof. I asked him it's name, and it said woof. I have a cat called meow, because it said meow when I asked her name. And I have a parrot called Whatsyourname.
I buy my guns from a guy name T-Rex He is a small arms dealer
A fireman has two sons. He named the first one Jose. What did he name the second? Hose B
My professor said to put my name on the top of my paper I was super confused. It was just too thin!
What do you name a boy with no arms and no legs? Matt
New name for weight loss pills Pills of mass destruction!
I can't even picture my favorite actor going to jail now. But if he does, he'll have to change his name to Morgan Man.
Don't believe everything you see on internet just because there is a famous person's name next to it. -Abraham Lincoln
A man calls the IRS office
"Hi, my last name is Sweady, but on the cheque you sent me for my tax return, you've written it as cyirwu."
"I'm sorry about that, could you spell it out for me?"
"Sure, S as in sea, W as in why, E as in eye, A as in are, D as in double-u, and Y as in you."
A Sikh walks into a bar..
and takes a seat.
Bartender: Are you relaxing?
Sikh: No, my name is Aman Singh.
What did Hitler name the Gas planet he discovered during World War 2. Jewpiter
The Washington Redskins, due to the incredible amount of racism, genocide and ignorance associated with that word, have decided to change their name to... ... The Redskins.
I told my son I was named after Socrates, but he didn't believe me because my name is Jim... Well, I wasn't named before Socrates!
What did Phil Jackson name his kidney stone? Kobe because it never passed
Maybe we should give Ethiopia a more suitable name Perhaps Hungary represents them well.
A lizard walks into the bar... A lizard walks into a bar pushing a baby in a stroller. “What’s your kid’s name?” asks the bartender. “Tiny,” says the lizard. “Because he’s my newt.”
What did the blond name her zebra? Spot.
What was the name of Hitler's boat? Knot Sea
I had a name idea for a retirement home Last Resort.
If 50 cent were a woman.. would her name be 35 cent? Credit : twitter @the_anastasia
Name a state that most people live in? Depression.
What did Katy Perry name her cat? Kitty Purry
I told my brother in law, David, to name his son Harley that way I can introduce him as Harley, David's son.
The KGB's code name for Trump has been revealed. Agent Orange
Donald Trump unveiled the name of his new healthcare plan today. It's called Don T. Care
A teacher asked me why my daughter's name was so weird...
She asked why I had spelled it like E.M.M.A instead of just Emma, and I said that it describes the phrase that I told people when I let them know my SO was pregnant,
"Everyone. Makes. Mistakes. Alright?"
A photographer and a mechanic have a child After two long days of searching for the perfect name, they name him Cam.
I heard that ' Call of Duty' has a different name in the Middle East. They call it "The Sims".
You can call me a narcissist... Just make sure you say my name.
Me: Hey, can I have an Iphone 7 please?
Apple guy: Possibly... What's your name?
Apple guy: Sorry, no jacks.
What did the Hispanic firefighter name his kids? José and Hose-B
I named my first dog "What". Only now did I just realize why the guy on tech support was getting so angry when he repeatedly asked "What is the name of your first pet?" and I kept answering "Yes."
What would be a more appropriate name for spiderman? Peter parkour.
Did you know Neil deGrasse Tyson has a relative who lives in New Orleans? His name is Marr deGrasse Tyson.
What is James Bonds code name when he is abroad? +4407
This Vietnamese couple I knew got married... Luckily for them they shared the same last name so it wasn't a big hassle for either of them. It was a Nguyễn-Nguyễn situation.
2 married mathematicians have fratenal twins They name the boy Adam, and the girl Subtractam
What name do you give to a frog? (croaky voice) ROBBERT
I phoned my wife earlier. "I'm just setting off from work, do you want me to pick up fish and chips on my way home?" It was met with a stony silence... I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
I think it's kinda funny people named their kids after US states… Y'know, names like Carolina, Georgia, Dakota, Virginia, etc. When I have a kid, I'm gonna name him Michigan, just in case some guy named Mitch reincarnates into him.
starbucks is like a hooker... one on every corner and money upfront before they scream your name
What do you name a black girl that talks too much? LaQuacious