Construction Jokes

Contents

Funniest Construction Jokes

A construction worker walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt. The bartender asks: “What can I get you?”
The construction worker says “One beer for me, and one for the road.”

Funny Construction Jokes

What do you call an amputee trying to do karate? Partial Arts.

Edit: It's been pointed out that the grammatical construction of this joke could have been better. How about: "What is it called when an amputee does karate? Partial Arts.

I never wanted to believe that my dad was stealing from his job at the construction site... But when I got home, all the signs were there.

You guys wanna hear a construction joke? ..... hold on I'm working on it.


(Brought to you by my 8 year old nephew)

How can you tell a construction worker from a chemist? You ask him to pronounce “Unionized“

Want to hear a construction joke? I'm still working on it.

I was offered a construction job in Egypt this morning. Turned out to be a pyramid scheme

Seven construction men are all workings​ at the roadside... That's the joke...

Would you like to hear a construction joke? **Well, I’m still working on it...**

How do you advertise a boxing match between a Hispanic construction worker, and a Catholic priest. Alien vs predator

Wanna hear a construction joke? Im working on it.

You wouldn't like my construction joke, I'm still working on it

Want to hear a construction joke? Hold on, I’m still working on it.

You guys wanna hear a construction joke? I'm working on it.

Girl, you’re like speeding in a construction zone… Double Fine

What do you hear if you take a construction worker's hat off and hold it to your ear? The OSHA.

Want to hear a good construction joke? I'm still working on it...

My friend thought he made a good construction joke. Unfortunately there was absolutely no build up

What kind of bird works on a construction site? A Crane.

I have a really good construction joke ...but I'm still working on it.

Want to hear a construction joke? Well, i'm still working on it.

How can you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce "unionized".

I saw two construction workers laughing together today. I know what they were building... Friendship.

Wanna hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.

Girl, are you a speeding infraction in a construction zone? ‘Cause you DOUBLE FINE!

Want to hear a Construction joke? I'm working on it.

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, I’m still working on it.

Do you want to hear a construction site joke? I'm working on it

Wanna hear a construction joke? I’m still working on it...

I was walking past a construction site and the guy hammering on the roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... ...in morse code.

[Credit goes to Emo Phillips]

Want to hear a construction joke? It's not finished yet.

Have you heard my construction joke? I'm working on it.

What type of construction do lesbians use for their houses?? Tongue in groove

You know what they say about construction fetishists... If you build it, they will come.

Wanna hear my construction joke? I'm still working on it...

What is the easiest way to tell a construction worker from a chemist? Ask them to pronounce unionized.

Want to hear a construction joke? Sorry, still working on it.

If white people are white paper, and black people are black paper. Then what are Mexican people? Construction paper

I never expected my dad to steal from his road construction job... but when I got home all of the signs were there.

New Construction Jokes

"Always leave them wanting more, that's what I say." "I'm asking when you'll be done with the construction on my house?"

A construction worker name Tom didn’t wear his hard had and got hit in the head by a falling brick When his coworkers asked him if he was okay, he replied, “No, I’m not okay, I’m Tom.”

I was walking by a construction site and a worker called me paranoid ...... .......in Morse code



.......I think

Do you like to hear a construction joke? Well I'm still working on it.

I once called a construction worker geodude Should have seen him self destruct.

One thing I respect about the construction industry Bills of steel

I got a performance review done by a German... I asked him "What do you call a large building used for construction of products?"

He said "Zat is factory".

And that's how I got a Satisfactory review.

Trucker stops by a prostitute Trucker: what's your price?
Prostitute: I'll do anything for 20 bucks
Trucker: Hop in baby, we're going to a construction

What does a construction frog say? Rivet.

What type of construction are dogs good at? Roofing

Yo mama so ugly... When she walks by a construction site, the workers start whistling at each other.

A construction worker walks into a bar Says “Ow! Who put that there?

What did the asthmatic person say to the construction worker? You're breathtaking.

My kids asked me why their tree house was in the shape of an octagon, I told them... during the construction process, corners were cut.

Today at the construction site we had an accident. I was hit in the head by a can. Lucky for me it was a soft drink

Out of all these modern construction tools... I think the shovel is the most groundbreaking.

My construction worker friend says he has stopped getting morning wood. He says he has a rock tile dysfunction.

Females lag behind in math, engineering, and construction fields... ...because men have been exaggerating what constitutes six inches their whole lives.

I would tell you a construction joke but... I’m still working on it

I have this really good construction joke But I am still working on it

I have a good construction joke But I’m still working on it

I was going to tell you a Road construction Joke... But I'm still working on it.

​

Reposted because my first attempt to tell this joke got the punchline removed.

“That’s an excavator. It’s funny when I call it an eckavator.” That’s it. It’s my three year old’s favorite joke. He tells it to me every time we pass a construction site and cracks up.

I would tell you my construction joke But I’m still working on it

Here’s a construction joke It’s not here yet because I’m still working on it.

Wanna hear a construction joke? Well. Im still working on it

Construction equipment is actually pretty amazing. They've really got some groundbreaking technology.

What do construction workers do at parties? They raise the roof.

I'm trying to write a joke about construction but I'm still working on it

Did you hear the joke about the construction worker? It was very riveting.

I just received “Employee of the Month” at my furniture construction company. But some people call me counter productive.

How do you tell the difference between a construction worker and a chemist? Ask them to pronounce the word “unionized."

Why did the construction worker buy the Microsoft CD? To install the windows.

What’s the difference between construction workers and philosophers? Construction requires Immanuel Labor, the other requires Immanuel Kant.

Pretty funny Would you like to hear a construction joke?

Yes

Well I’m still working on it.

Where did the construction birds go after a long day's work the crow-bar

What did the construction worker say about his list of construction jokes? Sorry I'm still working on it.

I suspected my dad was stealing signs from his construction job. But on take your child to work day, he didn't show any signs.

​

​

\>! But when I got home, all the signs were there. !<

I have a really great construction joke... ... but I haven’t finished it yet.

What is a construction workers favourite thing to do? Site-seeing

Long Construction Jokes

A Russian, a Mexican, and a Korean all show up to a construction site and get hired.

The boss says that for their first day on the job, the Russian is in charge of concrete, the Mexican is in charge of wood, and the Korean is in charge of supplies.

The boss then leaves and comes back a few hours later to check up on his new workers.

He walks over to the Russian, and all the concrete mix is stacked up nice and orderly. The boss tells him "great work!" and moves on.

He walks up to the Mexican and sees that al the wood is stacked in a perfect pile, so he says "wonderful job!" and moves on.

He then looks around and sees that the Korean is missing, and supplies are everywhere. Out of nowhere, the Korean jumps out from behind a pile of dirt and yells "SUPPLIES!"

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Japanese man are hired at a construction site.

The foreman says to the Italian "You're in charge of sweeping." To the Scotsman "You're in charge of shoveling." And to the Asian "You're in charge of supplies. Now, I have to leave for a little while." Later when the foreman returns he sees Nothing's done. He says to the Italian "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" "I no gotta broom. You tella da guy he inna charge of a supplies, but he go an I could no finda him!" Then asks the Scot "Didn't I tell you to shovel?" "Aye, ye did, laddie, but I couldna get meself a shovel. I canna find where the supplies man is aboot!" The foreman is really angry now and storms off looking for the Asian. Just then the Japanese guy springs out and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

The strong young man at the construction site was bragging...

...that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen.

After several minutes, the older worker had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got."

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

Two construction workers are working on a street

The first worker turns to the second and says,
“ I don’t want to work anymore, I will act crazy so the manager sends me home early”.

He then proceeds to tie himself by the feet and swings around shouting,

“ Im a lightbulb, I’m a lightbulb!”

Sure enough, the manager tells him to go home.

The second worker, seeing the success his friend had, decided to start packing up his things.

The manager asks, “What are you doing? The work isn’t finished yet!”

To which the second worker responds,

“How am I supposed to see without a lightbulb?”

3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break.

The first guy says “If I get a Marmite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”.
The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.”
The next day the first guy gets a Marmite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die.
The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.”
The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.”
The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”

The first blonde GUY joke

An Irishman, a Mexican and a blonde guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.

They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage.
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch and exclaimed, Burritos again!"
If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm going to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again!
If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping off, too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch bucket, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage.
I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch".

Poor Boudreaux . . .

Boudreaux was feeling guilty, so he went to confession.

"Father, I kinda took a little lumber from that new construction site."

Priest: "What did you do with the lumber, my son?

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, my porch, she's had a hole for a long time. I'm afraid that someone will break their leg, so I fix the hole."

Priest: "Well, that's not so bad."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left."

Priest: "What did you do with it?

Boudreaux: "Well, my poor dog Phideaux, he ain't never had no place to get outta the weather, so I make him his own little doghouse."

Priest: "OK, anything else?"

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I had a little lumber left. So you know, my truck, she ain't never had no place to get outta de weather either, so I make her a two-car garage."

Priest: "Now, this is getting a little out of hand."

Boudreaux: "Well, Father, I still had a little lumber left."

Priest: "Yes?"

Boudreaux: "Well, my wife, she always want a bigger house. So I add two bedrooms and a new bathroom."

Priest: "OK! That's definitely too much. For your penance, you are going to have to make a Novena. You do know how to make a Novena, don't you?"

Boudreaux: "No, Father ... but if you got the plans, I got the lumber."

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese guy are hired at a construction site.

The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."

And to the Chinese man he says, "You're in charge of supplies."

So the foreman goes away for a couple of hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched. He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

He replies "I no hava no broom, you saida to the Chinese guy that he wasa ina charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

The foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

He replied, "Aye, ye did lad, bit ah couldnae git masel' a shuvl! Ye left thon wee Chinese mannie in chairge of supplies, bit ah couldnae fin' him onywhar."

The foreman is really pissed off now and storms off towards the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy. As he approaches the mound, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the sand and yells…

"SUPPLIES!"

A young construction worker was bragging...

A young construction worker was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He kept making digs at one of the older workmen. Eventually, the older man had enough.

“Put your money where your mouth is,” he said, “I’ll bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”

“You’re on, old man!” the braggart replied.

The older man grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right, get in you prick.”

An Englishman, A German, and a Mexican...

...are at the Olympic stadium unsuccessfully trying to get in to watch the events without tickets.

The Englishman sees that next to the stadium there is a construction site. He walks over and picks up a large construction hammer and takes it to the stadium entrance.

The security guard says "where is your ticket?"

The Englishman says: Michael Kensington, hammer throw..I'm late

The guard lets him in right away.

The German, seeing this, walks to the construction site and picks up a steel bar and takes it to the entrance.

The security guard says "where is your ticket?"

The German says: Maximillian Von Heidelberg: Javelin...I am late.

The guard lets him in right away.

The Mexican, seeing this, walks over the to construction yard and takes a few planks of wood and some steel cable to the entrance.

The security guard says "where is your ticket?"

The Mexican says: Juan Carlos De Los Parlotes De Amadeo, fencing.

What's the best way to move 300 sheets of dry wall.

Just a little dumb funny thing my boss told me one day. When I first started construction I had to move 300 sheets of dry wall. After about 50 I asked him

"What's the best way to move all this dry wall?"

He said "hire someone else to do it for way less then what it's worth."

I said "well why don't we do that"

He said "I already did... Get back to work!"

It's way less funny when I type it out TBH but I'ma post it anyways but picture u being there makes it funnier.

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow

An Italian, a Scotsman, and a Chinese fellow were hired at a construction site.

The foreman pointed out a huge pile of sand and told the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."

To the Scotsman he said, "You're in charge of shoveling."

And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."

He then said, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."

The foreman went away for a of couple hours, and, when he returned, the pile of sand was untouched. He asked the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?"

The Italian replied, "I no hava no broom. You said to the Chinese fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."

Then the foreman turned to the Scotsman and said, "And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."

The Scotsman replied, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."

The foreman was really angry by now and stormed off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy.

Just then, the Chinese guy jumped out from behind the pile of sand and yelled...

"SUPPLIES!!"

Five surgeons are discussing who the best patients are to operate on.

The first surgeon said, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside them are numbered."

The second responded, "You should try electricians! Everything inside them are color coded."

The third surgeon said, "I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them are in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimed in, "You know, I like construction workers...they always understand when you have a few parts left over in the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up with this observation, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, no spine and the head and butt are interchangeable."

Two blondes working on a construction site...

Two blondes were working on a construction site. One of them who was nailing down siding would reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and then either toss it over her shoulder or nail it into the siding.

The other blonde, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, "Why are you throwing those nails away?"

The first blonde explained, "If I pull a nail out of my pouch and it's pointed towards me, I throw it away 'cause it's defective. If it's pointed toward the house, then I nail it into the siding."

The second blonde was outraged. She yelled, "You moron! The nails pointed towards you aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!"

Three construction workers are sitting down for lunch on the roof.....

The first construction workers says, "I swear to god if my wife packed me another bologna sandwich I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there is a bologna sandwich. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The second construction worker says, "If my wife packed me cold pizza for lunch again I'm going to kill my self by jumping off this roof." He opens his lunch and there's cold pizza. He goes and jumps off the roof.

The third construction worker says to himself, "If my wife packed me a fish sandwich I too will jump off this roof and kill my self." He opens his lunch and there is a fish sandwich. He follows suite and jumps off and kills himself.

Later on the three wives meet at the cemetery after the funerals.

The wife of the first construction worker says while crying, "If only I would have packed him a turkey sandwich he would still be here with me."

The wife of the second construction worker is also crying. "If only I would have packed him meatloaf instead he would still be here."

The third wife is just standing there looking frustrated with a more confused look. The other two look at her and ask her why she isn't crying and wishing she packed his lunch a different way.

"Don't look at me the dumbass packs his own lunch."

In a small Texas town,

the owner of Joe’s Bar began construction on a new building to increase his business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground.

The church folks were rather smug after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court.

As the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing, he commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not."

A man lives in a border town between the US and Canada

He lives on the Canadian side, but works in construction on the US side. Every morning, he walks over to the American side, and every evening, he comes back over to the Canadian side with a wheelbarrow full of sand. And, every day without fail, the Canadian Customs officers check him for any contraband he might try to smuggle in.

For 20 years, the man works nearly every day for the construction company, and every day customs checks the sand in the wheelbarrow, trying to find hidden goods. They sift through the sand, dig in around it, but find nothing. As the years go on, they try to be more clever. They x-ray the wheelbarrow, run tests on the sand, check inside the wheels and axles - whatever they can possibly think of. In desperation, they even strip search the man a few times and run cavity checks. Year after year, they find nothing.

Finally, 20 years later, the man is old and set to retire. On the day of his retirement, he once again pushes a wheelbarrow full of sand across the border. The customs officers stop him and ask point-blank, "Look, we know you've been smuggling something across the border all these years. You have to be. But we've searched through your sand every day for twenty years, and we've found absolutely nothing. It's killing us - please, we'll give you a free pass, wipe away any past crimes, if you just tell us what it is you've been smuggling all these years!"

The old man raised a confused eyebrow and said, "Really? I thought it was obvious, I've been smuggling wheelbarrows."

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese man are hired at a construction site...

The foreman points to a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy "You're in charge of shoveling." He points to the Scotsman and tells him "You're in charge of sweeping." and then he turns to the Chinese guy and says "You're in charge of supplies."

The foreman then shrugs his shoulders and says "Now, I have to leave for a bit, when I get back I expect you guys to make a good dent in that pile of sand." A few hours later when the foreman returns, he finds that the pile has not been touched.

Pointing to the pile of said the foreman demands the Italian, "Why didn't you shovel any of it?" The Scotsman I gotta no shovel. You tella the Chinese guy he inna charge of a supplies but he-a disappeara and coulda no finda him!"

Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and yells, "Didn't I tell you to sweep up that sand?" The Scotsman replies in heavy brogue, "Aye, ye did laddie, but I couldna get meself a broom. Ya left the Chinee in charge o' the supplies, but I couldna find him?"

So now the foreman is incredibly furious and he storms off towards the pile of sand in search of the Chinese man. Just then, the Chinese man jumps out from behind the sand and yells, "SUPPLIES!"

An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde guy..

...were doing construction work on scaffolding at the 20th floor of a building.
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said: "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch and exclaimed, Burritos again!"

If I get burritos one more time in my lunch, I'm ging to jump off, too."

The blonde opened his lunch and said, "Bologna again!
If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping, too."

The next day the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw the corned beef and cabbage and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito and jumped, too.
The blonde opened his lunch bucket, saw the bologna sandwich and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage.
I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."

Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.
"Hey, don't look at me," she said. "He makes his own lunch."

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman are working in a construction yard...

It gets to lunchtime, the men sit down on a half-constructed skyscraper and the Englishman opens his sandwich bag.

He says "Oh great, I've got cheese sandwiches AGAIN"

The Scotsman and Irishman also have cheese sandwiches.

The Englishman says "Tell you what chaps, if I have cheese sandwiches again tomorrow, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Scotsman and Irishman agree to do the same.

The next day, they all have cheese sandwiches and so, as agreed, they all jump off the building.

Their partners meet up at the funeral.

The Englishman's wife says "If he'd just told me, I'd have made him some other sandwiches"

The Irishman's wife says "I agree, all he had to do was ask"

The Scotsman's wife, who seemed the most distraught, then piped up and says "I don't know why he jumped, he makes his own sandwiches in the morning"