Hilarious Cancer Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Cancer Jokes

I heard that they have dogs now that can smell if you've got cancer That must be the most depressing dog ever to take on a walk. "Your dog really likes me" "I'm so sorry."

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Dark humor is like cancer. It's even funnier when children get it.

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So I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

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I've heard like seven cancer jokes today... If I hear tumor it's gonna benign.

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IDK what's so hard about cancer I'm already on stage 4

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A doctor says "The good news is it's all in your head." "The bad news is it's brain cancer."

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So I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back. Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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I don’t get why people say cancer is hard to beat I’m already on Stage 4

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Vaccinated babies are 10 times more likely to die from heart disease, cancer, and alzheimer’s. Keep kids from dying from old age, stop vaccinating today.

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EMINEM: his palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy WEB MD: Cancer.

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I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently, that is an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Why did Ellen Pao fire an employee with cancer? She felt threatened by someone more malignant than herself

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Adam gave Sally 3 flowers and 1 stuffed animal. Kristen gave Sally 5 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. What does Sally have? cancer.

Score: 1423

What's the difference between me and cancer My dad didn't beat cancer

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It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it.

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Buzzfeed employee is diagnosed with stage 2 brain cancer Doctor: Number 4 will blow your mind.

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Doctor: You have cancer and Alzheimer's Patient: Atleast Idont have Cancer

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I've already heard like seven cancer jokes today... If I hear tumor, it's gonna benign.

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My grandfather developed cancer in his early twenties. He is considered to be the most evil scientist that ever lived.

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My mum's starsign was cancer, pretty ironic how she died... She was eaten by a massive crab

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Dark humor: Explained Dark humor is like a child with cancer

It never gets old

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My girlfriend got upset when I said she'd look sexier with her hair back Apparently it's harsh to say to a cancer patient.

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I said to my girlfriend that I think she'd look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Joey gives Mary 1 stuffed animal and 2 flowers. Emma gives Mary 3 flowers and 2 stuffed animals. Sam gives Mary 2 stuffed animals and 1 flower. What does Mary have?

Cancer. Mary has cancer.

Score: 446

I suggested my girlfriend she would look sexier with her hair back... Apparently it's an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Dark humour is like a child with cancer It never gets old.

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Yesterday, my wife told me she has breast cancer “Honey,” she said, “there’s a couple things I need to get off my chest.”

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I told my wife she'd look sexier with her hair back. Apparently that's not something you should say to a cancer patient.

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My friend, who's star sign was cancer, died very ironically. He was mauled by a giant crab.

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Okay to tell dead Steve Jobs jokes now? What's the difference between cancer and the middle class? At least cancer got Jobs.

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My Wife's star sign is Cancer and it's pretty ironic how she died... She was attacked by a giant crab

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I suggested to my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.. ..which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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I suggested my wife that she'd look sexier with her hair back.. Apparently it was an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.

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I said to my girlfriend that she would look sexier with her hairback Apparently thats an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient

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A man diagnosed with cancer was given six months to live, but he worked hard and proved them wrong. He killed himself three hours later.

Score: 83

Kids in class were asked to write 3 diseases One kid wrote:

1. HIV, AIDS
2. Cancer
3. /

The teacher asked what's '/' ?

Student replied it's a stroke.

Score: 82

What is your zodiac sign? Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence...

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My grandfather developed cancer when he was younger. Some say he’s the most evil scientist who ever lived.

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Dark humour is like a kid with cancer It never gets old

Edit:
Credits to /u/CookieDestroyer66
He da real MVP.

Score: 63

Did you ever get two pieces of shocking news at once? I just found out my sister was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

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New Cancer Jokes

You know what cancer and I have in common? My dad beat both, unfortunately....

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My cousins zodiac sign was cancer, kind of ironic how she died... She was eaten by a giant crab

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What did the deaf, mute, paraplegic get for Christmas? Cancer

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Buzzfeed must have been born between May 22nd and June 22nd... Because it’s definitely a Cancer

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What do you call a retired cancer doctor? An Offcologist.

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An anarchist and a communist have an argument The communist wins the argument and the anarchist then says, "Thanks for giving me pro-state cancer."

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I heard the 3 out of 5 people suffer from cancer The other 2 must be enjoying it!

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An old man goes to his doctor. The doctor says "I got some bad news for you. you have Cancer and you have Alzheimer's."

And the old man says "At least I don't have Cancer."

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My car was making a really strange noise last night. I went online to diagnose it... Turns out, my car has cancer.

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A lady with a clipboard stopped me in the street the other day. She said, ‘Can you spare a few minutes for cancer research?’ I said, ‘Alright, but we won’t get much done.'

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People are really sad about the news that Larry King has lung cancer while others are excited to hear he's alive.

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Laughter is the best medicine. Unless they have cancer. You can laugh at them all day and they still don't get better.

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My late grandmother's star sign was Cancer, which is ironic... She got killed by a giant crab.

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My grandma's star sign was Cancer so her death was pretty ironic... She was killed by a giant crab.

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I've read like 7 jokes about John McCain's cancer today If I read tumor, it's gonna benign.

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How is looking up your symptoms on WebMD like your July Horoscope? It's probably cancer.

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A child with cancer goes skydiving for his bucket list He's now at terminal velocity.

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I was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year Which is great, I can finally make cancer jokes without feeling bad about it

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My grandmother went to a gynecologist to check on hey cervical cancer. The doctor says to my grandmother: "Now, Mrs. Smith, I'm going to insert my finger..."

My grandmother replies: "Can you put in two? I want a second opinion."

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There's only one thing I haven't quit on... Now I have lung cancer.

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And now, two guys bonding over their star sign as well as a short summary of The Fault in out Stars "Cancer?"

"Cancer."

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Dark humor never gets old. Kinda like a kid with cancer.

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The real Zodiac Killer is... Cancer.

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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" "The interrupting doctor." "The interrupting doctor wh-" You've got cancer

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Racist jokes are like kids with cancer... ... They dont get Old.

(This is not intended to insult anyone)

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Racist jokes are like kids with cancer They never get old!

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My ex wife's star sign was Cancer, quite ironic considering how she died... ...Eaten by a giant crab 🦀

Note: not my joke, not sure where I heard it

Edit: Jimmy Carr / Bo Burnham

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Let's be thankful WebMD never got into Astrology... Otherwise everybody would just be a Cancer

Score: 35

Vaccines cause cancer Because you'll live long enough to get it

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People who don't laugh at cancer jokes have no sense of tumor.

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Steve Jobs and Trump had one thing in common, both hated the PC culture Political correctness and pancreatic cancer.

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I told my wife she would look sexier with her hair back. Apparently that's not a nice thing to say to a cancer patient.

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Dark Humour is like a child with cancer They aren't needed in an ideal society.

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If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer"

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I told my wife that she would look better with her hair back She was furious, apparently it's insensitive to say that to cancer patients.

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Buzzfeed Friend: "Would you ever work for buzzfeed?"

Me: "No, sorry I don't support cancer"

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What did the blind deaf mute child get for Christmas? Cancer

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How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? Twelve. 1 to change the lightbulb, and 11 to say "Aw, he's so brave".

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A doctor is talking to a patient. P: Am I going to be okay?

D: You're as healthy as a horse-

P: YAY!

D: -with cancer.

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My cousin said he has brain cancer... I guess you can say it's all in his head

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What do you call someone who works for buzzfeed? A cancer cell

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My grandmother was born under the sign of Cancer, which is ironic because last week she actually got killed by a giant crab.

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Breast cancer awareness has pink ribbons, but what does alcoholism awareness have? Bruises.

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My friend said cancer was nothing to joke about I found that statement rather tumorous

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Patient: What's the diagnosis, doctor? Doctor: What's your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer.
Doctor: What a coincidence!

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They say dogs can detect cancer by scent.. Wondering if CAT scan too..

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Turns out dogs can't detect cancer Cats can...

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I don't understand why people do all of these marathons for cancer If I was to do one, I would expect a trophy, not a life threatening disease

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If I made a dollar for every cancer joke I've made I'd be able to pay for chemo

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How are cancer and pregnancy similar? They can both be fixed with intense radiation therapy.

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What do fish do when they have cancer? Nemotherapy

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Dark humor is a lot like cancer Grown ups mainly get it but sometimes kids get it too.

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Dark humor is like child cancer. Not everyone gets it.

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An Airport goes to the Dr... And the Dr says, "i have bad news. You have cancer."
The airport replies, "oh no, what kind?"
"Terminal."

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WebMD has integrated Google's Deepmind. On startup it performed a self diagnostic test.

Turns out, it's cancer.

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So a lady was waiting at the doctor's... The doctor is obsessed with the stars, and is a junior astrologist, so, naturally, he asks the woman what her Zodiac symbol is. She responds; "Cancer, why?". "What a coincidence..." Said the Doctor.

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Here's a joke about cancer... about 1/3 of you guys will get it.

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Said to a cashier the other day... So I was making a purchase and after ringing up my order, the cashier asks "would you like to make a donation to cancer treatment research?"

I said "no, they're just gonna spend it on drugs"

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My friend's star sign was cancer, so I guess it's quite ironic how he died. He got attacked by a giant crab.

Score: 35

How did the cow feel after being diagnosed with breast cancer? She was in udder disbelief.

Score: 6