Philosophy Jokes

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Funniest Philosophy Jokes

What's the difference between a guy with an Arts Major, and a guy with a Philosophy Major? One will ask WHY you want fries with that!

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Funny Philosophy Jokes
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Why does nobody ask for an AMA from a barista? Just ask on /r/philosophy

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What's the difference between an art major and a philosophy major? The philosophy major will ask you WHY you want fries with that.

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My next job, I want to be the security guard at the philosophy building of a university... I will spend my days asking philosophy students “Who are you, and why are you here?”

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What's the difference between a Philosophy major and a cashier at KFC? A job application.

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Hear about the girl who banged her philosophy professor for a better grade? He was deep in thot.

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If a man says something in the woods and there is not a woman to hear it, is he still wrong? I was going to post this is in /r/philosophy but I think we all agree on the same answer.

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What's the difference between a philosophy major and a picnic table? A picnic table can support a family.

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I'm going to major in Philosophy when I go to college... ...so one day I can ask '*Why* do you want fries with that?'

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To all the philosophy majors out there... Can I get a Grande Mocha with whip please?

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What did the Philosophy Ph.D say to the fat black woman? Welcome to McDonalds. May I take your order?

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One More For All The Philosophy Majors Out There The Physics major asks: How does it work?

The Engineering major asks: How do you build it?

The Accounting major asks: How much will it cost?

The Philosophy major asks: Do you want fries with that?

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I always thought I would discover my inner self through Eastern philosophy Not through a piece of single-ply toilet paper.

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What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.

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What's the difference between an art major and a philosophy major? The philosophy major will ask *why* you want fries with your Big Mac.

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After watching me sign up for a Greek philosophy course, my dad said, “Did you know Aristotle said that we are what we repeatedly do?” “Therefore, I’m your mother.”

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How do you get a philosophy major off of your porch? Pay for the pizza.

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Greece announced they are going to default on their nearly 1.8 billion dollar loan Who would’ve thought the country that invented the philosophy major would be broke?

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A short philosophy joke... René Descartes is walking around a party when somebody asks him if he’d like something to drink. Descartes answers, “I think not” and promptly vanishes.

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I'd really love to study Philosophy... But I Kant.

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What's the difference between a philosophy degree and a large pizza? The pizza can feed a family.

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What kind of a friar loves philosophy? A deep friar.

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Descartes Why don't you teach prostitutes philosophy?

That would be putting Descartes before the whores.

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It's fun being a philosophy major I get to reflect on why I can't pay for food

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"Hey man, I haven't seen you since college!" "Hey man, I haven't seen you since college! How are you?"

"I'm doing well, I got that philosophy degree."

"Congratulations."

"Thanks. Hey, do you want fries with that?

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Why is a university Philosophy Department always cheaper to fund than the Math Department? The math department needs paper, pencils, and a wastebasket.

The philosophy department only needs paper and pencils.

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When she screams "deeper!"... ...but you already have a degree in philosophy.

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Did you hear the one about the philosophy major that failed out of school? Apparently he put the whores before Descartes

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What's the difference between a philosophy major and an arts major? A philosophy major asks: "Why do you want fries with that?"

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How do you use a philosophy degree in a professional context? *Why* would you like fries with that?

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I saw my sister sobbing in her room, worried that her Philosophy degree might be worthless in today’s job market. I said, “Are you having an existential cry, sis?”

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What is the design philosophy of the iPhone 7? Jack off

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Philosophy majors are like stem cells They have the potential to become whatever they want/need but they are equally unprepared for everything.

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I asked my philosophy prof about Nihilism He said it was all pointless.

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I had to drop out of Philosophy because of my constant soliciting of prostitutes. I put the whores before Descartes.

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I thought I could finish this philosophy essay... ...Turns out I Kant.

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My philosophy about relationships is the same as my diet... If I work really hard at it, once a month I should get to have a cheat day.

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What do you call a ho with a philosophy degree? Aristhotle

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I have a degree in philosophy and I can't find a job. I've spent a lot of time thinking why.

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New Philosophy Jokes

Our philosophy professor told us that he’s not familiar with the concept of humor. Well, apparently he’s naught.

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For my philosophy course, I had to prove that a circular argument is a logical fallacy. It's easy!

It's because a circular argument is a logical fallacy.

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The people that believe in infinite lives Have just taken the philosophy of eat, sleep and repeat way too seriously.

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A classic one told by my philosophy teacher today... A man dies. He goes into heaven. Later, he sees his wife. He can't believe it and when she comes to greet him, he backs off, and explains:

"I promised we'd be together until death do us part".

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My dad studied Philosophy in college, and he's a pastor I suppose that makes him a Philosorapture.

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What was Hitler's philosophy on PR? Weimar your reputation when you know you're in the Reich!

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Why should you never trust a one armed philosophy professor? He never mentions "on the other hand"

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What is the philosophy that people have the right to do everything in their power to achieve the greatest amount of pleasure possible to them? Let me ask my girlfriend, she seems like the expert in this.

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Why can't you tell a Philosophy Student a good joke? You need to give a three hour lecture and turn in a research paper on "What is 'good'?" first.

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Why shouldn't you tell a philosophy major a joke? They don't find them Hume-erous.

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