Giraffe Jokes

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Funniest Giraffe Jokes

Funny Giraffe Jokes

How does an elephant hide in the jungle? It paints its balls red and climbs up a cherry tree.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries.

It takes a big man to accept when he is wrong It takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

How do you hide an Elephant in the jungle? Paint his balls red and hide him in the top of a cherry tree.

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries.

You're riding a horse, a giraffe is running next to you and a lion is chasing you. What do you do? Get your drunk as off the carousel.

A man and a Giraffe walk into a bar. The Giraffe gets drunk and falls on the floor unconscious.
The bartender says "you can't leave that lyin' there."
The man says "its not a Lion, its a Giraffe"

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd ever seen.

When I was a kid a zookeeper caught me smoking a camel. I told him I'd kill a giraffe too if he didn't keep his mouth shut.

How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree? Easy, just paint his balls red.

Now what’s the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries

A giraffe walks into a bar, he sits and orders 6 martinis........ Shame on you for wanting a punchline.

This giraffe needs help.

A giraffe walks into a bar... A giraffe walks into a bar, orders 6 vodkas and shame on you for expecting a punch line.

This giraffe needs help.

Why do elephants paint their balls red? So they can hide in apple trees.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?
A giraffe eating apples.

What kind of magic does a love-struck giraffe practice? Neck-romance-y.

At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen... ​

I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I´d ever seen.

What did the giraffe say to the conspiracy theorist? Nothing, giraffes aren't real.

Why does a giraffe need such a long neck? Because its head is so far away from its body.

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer the bartender asks, "You want a long neck?"

The giraffe says, "I have a choice?"

How was the first giraffe made? Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

A giraffe walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says “you want a longneck?”

The giraffe says “you mean I have a choice?”

A man and his giraffe walk into a bar... The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor and the bartender says, "Oi, what's that lyin' over there?" The owner of the giraffe says, "That's no lion, that's a giraffe!"

Man walks into a bar with a giraffe The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor. The bartender says, "Aye, what's that lyin' there?" The man says, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"

At the touch of her lips, it grew hard an swollen... I gasped as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I´d ever seen.

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar... and drink until the giraffe passes out. The man goes to leave and the bartender yells, "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there!" Man says, "That's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A giraffe walks into a bar... The giraffe trips and falls over, the bartender says, "what's that lyin over there." And someone replies, "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe."

A giraffe walks into a bar He says "High balls on me!"

How do you hide an elephant up a cheery tree? Put it in the tree and paint it's balls red.

What's the loudest noise in the world?

A giraffe eating cherries

Edit: not a cheery tree...cherry

A giraffe walks into a bar And says "Hey everybody the high balls are on me!"

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.. They both sit at the bar and start drinking..8 pints later...

the giraffe falls down drunk

The bartender says "You better not leave that lying there"

The man says "Thats not a lion, thats a giraffe"

What do you call a zoo where all the giraffes have colds? Giraffe Sick Park

So a man and a giraffe walk into a bar.... They each get wasted, the giraffe falls over.
The man goes to leave but the bartender says "oi! you cant leave that lyin there!"
The man says... "Its not a lion... its a giraffe."

A guy walks into a bar with a giraffe. The giraffe gets drunk and falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, "ey, you can't just leave that lyin' there!” and the man says, "it's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

A giraffe walks into a bar... Says, "High balls on me!"

Giraffe walks into a bar and says... The hi-balls are on me.

Why did the monkey paint his balls red? So he could hide in the cherry tree...

What's the most load noise in the jungle?
... A giraffe eating cherries!

Why did the mouse whisper into the elephant's ear? The giraffe put him up to it.

How does an elephant hide in the forest? Paints its nuts red and hides in a cherry tree.

What's the loudest sound in the wild?

A giraffe eating cherries.

A male giraffe walks into a bar And says “Highballs on me.”

A Pirate, Rabbi, Ninja, and Giraffe walk into a bar together. The bartender looks at all of them and asks out loud, "What is this? A joke?!"

Why did the giraffe leave her boyfriend? He was a Cheetah!

How does an elephant disguise itself as a cherry tree? Paints his balls red.

Whats the loudest noise in the jungle?

A giraffe eating cherries.

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New Giraffe Jokes

At the touch of her lips, it grew long and swollen. I sighed as she squeezed and pulled expertly. It was the best balloon giraffe I'd seen.

A giraffe and a tiger are sitting next to each other in the desert. The tiger looks up at the giraffe and says, "hey, it's pretty hot today." The giraffe turns to the tiger and says, "WHAT?!?"

A giraffe walks into a bar High balls on me

Wanna hear a giraffe joke? Nah it will just go over your head.

I'm writing a book on angry animals Right now it's a rough giraffe

It takes a big man to admit when he's wrong and it takes a bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut.

It takes a big man to admit when he’s wrong But it takes an even bigger man to give a giraffe a haircut

Did you hear about the guy who says he saw a giraffe with a tail longer than it’s neck? I think he’s just telling tall tails

What noise does a dead giraffe make? *thud*

What did the giraffe say when he walked into the bar? Highballs are on me !

What do you do with an elephant with 3 balls? You walk him and pitch to the giraffe

Why does a giraffe have a long neck? So it can reach it's head.

This fella and a giraffe walk into a bar The giraffe goes to sleep on the floor

The bartender says: "Oi, what's that lying there?"

The man says: "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Have you ever think about how long would it take for a giraffe to throw up? You ain't. 'cause you only think about yourself. You selfish af.

A Giraffe Walks Into A Bar Sits down, orders a drink.
Bartender says, 'Why the long face?'
Giraffe says, 'My alcoholism is tearing my family apart'

Did you hear about the race between the giraffe and the ostrich? It was neck and neck the whole way.

I was gonna make a giraffe joke But it's too long

A penguin and a giraffe were fighting for a promotion Giraffe got promoted because people looked up to him!

Did you know elephants paint their balls red to blend in with cherry trees? What’s the loudest noise in the jungle..? A giraffe eating cherries

A giraffe walks into a bar and lies on the floor The bartender asks a nearby customer "what's that lyin' on the floor?"
The customer replies "that's a giraffe not a lion!"

Why did the Giraffe have PTSD? Because he was giraffe'ted into the war.

Also Melman's job didn't pay well.

Giraffe walks into a bar Says, Hi-balls on me

A giraffe walks into a bar And says "The highballs are on me!"

What do you call a giraffe when it's angry? A grrrraffe.

A giraffe walks into a bar And says “high balls on me”

What do you call a giraffe with no eyes? A graph

A giraffe walks into a bar And says to the bartender: "high balls on me"

A giraffe walks into a bar... And says "highballs on me"

Why does the giraffe have a long neck? Because it has smelly feet.

Please don't bother teaching a giraffe to perform fellatio. It's just not going to go down well.

Did you hear about the Giraffe and Ostrich race? It was neck and neck.

A Nun and a Parrot Two nuns, a penguin, a man with a parrot on his shoulder, and a giraffe walk into a bar.

The bartender says, “What is this? Some kind of joke?”

What does a full set of glassware and a male giraffe have in common? High balls.

Why did the giraffe go off eating acacia leaves? He had an elevated palate.

The second joke I have made up!

Giraffe walks into a bar, has a drink, then lies down on the floor to sleep Guy walks in and says - "what's that lyin' there?"
Bartender says "that's not a lion, it's a giraffe"

A giraffe walks into a bar And shouts "highballs are on me!"

What do you call a giraffe that eats another giraffe? Giraffrey Dahmer

If you're thinking about sending a baby gift to April the giraffe She's registered at Toys R Us

No joke The giraffe is being born!

It's better to read this aloud A man and a giraffe walk into a bar.
The giraffe falls asleep on the floor.
The bartender asks the man "What's that lyin' there?".
The man says "That's not a lion, that's a giraffe.".

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Long Giraffe Jokes

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

There are 500 bricks on a plane...

- There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

499

- What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge

- What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge

- The Lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

- Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

- Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick

Q. 500 bricks are on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A. 499

Q. What are three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

A. Open Door, put elephant in refrigerator, close door

Q. What are four steps to putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?

A. Open door, take elephant out of refrigerator, put giraffe in refrigerator, close door

Q. The lion throws a huge birthday party. All the animals but one go. Which is it and why?

A. The giraffe: he's still in the refrigerator

Q. Sally swims across an alligator infested river and doesn't get eaten. How?

A. The alligators are at the lion's birthday party

Q. Sally is found dead within the next 5 minutes: why?

A. She was hit by a brick falling from the sky

There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off how many are left?

499.

What are the three steps to putting an elephant in a refrigerator?

Open fridge, put an elephant in, close fridge.

What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in a fridge?

Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it and why?

The giraffe because he's stuck in the
fridge.

Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely, how?

The alligators are all at the birthday party.

Sally dies anyways. Why?

She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

A long series of jokes

503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

_502._

How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

_Open door, put elephant in, close door._

How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

_Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door._

The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

_The giraffe. He's in a fridge._

Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

_The gators are at the party._

Sally dies anyway. Why?

_She got hit in the head by a flying brick._

---

**EDIT:** Dang, over 300 points? That's pretty surprising!

When the zookeepers come in the morning, they find a kangaroo wandering the zoo...

They put it back in its environment, and add barbed wire to the top of the fencing to keep it from jumping out. Yet the next morning once more the kangaroo is found out and about, relaxing near the arctic exhibit.

Perplexed but not perturbed, they return it to its enclosure and call in the contractors, heightening the fence to 15 feet, the highest recorded kangaroo jump distance. Alas! The next day finds the kangaroo by the lion's cage, rattling the fence.

Now angry, the zoo keepers put it back, and begin erecting fencing 30 feet tall. While that's happening, the giraffe leans over and asks the kangaroo:

"How long do you think this will go on for?"

"I figure they'll give up at 50 feet and send me home, unless someone remembers to lock the door at night."

Bricks

Q: There are 500 bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?
A: 499
Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant in the fridge?
A: Open door, put elephant in, close door.
Q: What are the 4 steps to putting a giraffe in the fridge?
A: Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.
Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attend but one. Which animal is it, and why?
A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a fridge.
Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There's no bridge and the only way she can get across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?
A: The alligators are all at a birthday party.
Q: Sally dies anyways. Why?
A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

The turtle

There was a lion in the jungle who was getting very bored and very evil. So because he was the king he started a contest with his old friend turle. The contest stated- whoever makes turtle laugh first does not have to suffer death. So he had all his subjects line up in front of turtle. The first in line was zebra, he told the funniest joke the kingdom had hearf in centuries, even lion laughed a little. But turtle stared him in the eye mercilessly and without emotion. The lion looked at zebra and said sorry, rules are rules so he killed him and fed zebra to the hyenas. Then giraffe came and told an equally funny joke to which turtle didnt respond. So he died a terrible death as well. This went on for weeks and weeks and turtle would not laugh. When finally the only animals left were the lion, the turtle, and the hyenas. So lion told the hyenas, bring me your best jokester and we will finish this contest. So the hyenas brought their best comic and he told his joke. The turtles eyes widened he looked at lion and said ha...haha....hahahahahahahahaha! I just got the zebras joke.

A Man and a Giraffe walk into a bar...

They sit down and order shot after shot after shot. Eventually, the giraffe passes out falling off his stool. As the man gets up to leave, the bartender says "hey you can't just leave that lyin' there!" The man responds, "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe."

Joke from"28 days later". (Joke for the humorless)

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe. They both get pissed. The giraffe falls over. The man goes to leave and the bartender says, “Oi. You can’t leave that lyin’ there.” And the man says, “No. It’s not a lion. It’s a giraffe.”

Answer this quiz and you won't regret it!

Q: There are 500 hundred bricks on a plane. One falls off. How many are left?

A: 499

Q: What are the three steps to putting an elephant into the refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, put elephant in, close fridge.

Q: What are the four steps to putting a giraffe in the refrigerator?

A: Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

Q: The Lion King is having a birthday party. All the animals attended but one. Which animal is it and why?

A: Giraffe. He's stuck in a refrigerator.

Q: Sally wants to cross an alligator infested river. There is no bridge and the only way across is by swimming. She swims across and makes it to the other side safely. Why?

A: The alligators were all at the birthday party.

Q: Sally dies anyway. Why?

A: She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe and asks for a shot of whiskey

The bartender asks him, "what is that thing and why's it in my bar?"

"That's my pet," the man replies. "He follows me everywhere and we both love a good drink."

Sighing, the bartender decides he doesn't have time to argue the semantics of bringing animals into bars and pours two shots, sliding them in front of the man. The first shot is quickly swallowed by the man, who then moves the second in front of the giraffe. To the bartender's surprise, the giraffe leans down, picks up the glass in his mouth, and gulps the whole shot down.

"Another round," the man says, putting a stack of money on the counter. The bartender obliges, and again the two companions down their drinks. This continues several times over, until both man and giraffe look well and truly sloshed. Finally, the man gets up, places a tip on the counter, then stumbles off of his stool towards the exit. The giraffe attempts to follow, but simply collapses unconscious on the floor.

"Hey!" the bartender shouts before the man can leave. "You can't just leave that lyin' there!"

"That's not a lion," the man slurs back, "that's a giraffe."

If there are 500 bricks on a plane and one falls off, how many are left?

499.

What are the 3 steps of putting an elephant into a fridge?
Open fridge, put elephant in fridge, close fridge

What are the 4 steps of putting a giraffe into a fridge?
Open fridge, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close fridge.

The lion king is hosting a party. All but one of the guests show up. Who is missing?
The giraffe, he's stuck in the fridge.

Sally wants to go to the party, but she has to cross a crocodile-infested river to get there. She successfully swims across, how?
All the crocodiles are at the party.

Sally dies anyway, why?
She got hit in the head by a falling brick.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe...

And says," Bartender! Get me a beer and one for my Giraffe as well!" so the two stand around drinking for hours until the Giraffe passes out on the floor. The man pays for him and the Giraffe and starts to leave when the bartender says," Hey! You can't leave that lyin' on the floor!" The man replies," That's not a lion, it's a Giraffe."

100 bricks are on a plane and one fell off, how many bricks are left?

99

How do you fit a giraffe in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take everything out, put the giraffe in and close the door

How do you get an elephant in a fridge?

Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door

The lions hosted a party and all the animals came, except for which one?

The elephant

A man swims across a man-eating crocodile infested river and survives, how?

The crocodiles are at the party

Then he dies. How?

The brick hit him

A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe...

The man orders 2 beers, one for him and one for the giraffe. After a while the man goes back up to order another 2 beers and, still gives one to his giraffe and one for himself, this continues throughout the night.

As the bar closes the man gets up to leave, when suddenly his pet giraffe falls over
The bartender shouts to the man "hey you cant leave that lying here".
The man turns around and says

"Thats not a lion, thats a giraffe"

What a twist

Student: 503 bricks are on a plane. 1 falls off. How many are left?

Teacher: 502.

Student: How do you put an elephant in a fridge?

Teacher:No you can’t fit an elephant in a fridge!!

Student: Just open door, put elephant in, close door.

Student: How do you put a giraffe in the fridge?

Teacher: open door,put giraffe in, close door

Student: no! Open door, take elephant out, put giraffe in, close door.

Student: The Lion King is having a B-day party. All the animals are there, except one. Which one?

Teacher: let me guess the lion?

Student: No!The giraffe because He’s in a fridge.

Teacher: WOW!

Student: Sally has to get across a large river home to many alligators. They are very dangerous, but Sally swims across safely. How?

Teacher: Sally stepped on the alligators mouth?

Student:The gators are at the party.

Student: But Sally dies anyway. Why?

Teacher:She drowned?!

Student: no! She got hit in the head by a flying brick.

I must be getting old...

While reading a post about someone asking for "short clean jokes" this one came to my mind and I can't believe I remember it entirely after such a long time... I do not remember having read it here but if it's a repeat ~ I'm sorry...

So here goes...

_____________________________

**1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator ?**

***Correct Answer :*** Open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door.

*This question tested whether you tend to do simple things in complicated way.*

**2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator ?**

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant, and close the refrigerator ?

Wrong Answer !

***Correct Answer :*** Open the fridge, take out the giraffe, put in the elephant and then close the door.

*This tested your ability to think about repercussions of your previous actions.*

**3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animal are attending except one. Which animal did not attend ?**

***Correct Answer :*** The Elephant. The elephant is still in the fridge. Don't you remember that you just put him in there ?

*This tested your memory.*

Okay, even if you did not answer the first three questions correctly,


Now, you still have one more chance to show your true abilities...

**4. There is a river that you must cross but it is used by big crocodiles. You do not have a boat. What do you do ?**

***Correct Answer :*** You just jump in river and swim across. Have you not been listening ??? All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

And tha... tha... tha... that's all folks !

Edit : Spelling errors
Edit : More spelling errors

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe.

A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, he gets the giraffe drunk and the giraffe passes out, as the man walks towards the exit to leave, the bartender says
"Hey! You can’t leave that lyin’ there"
The man replies "that’s not a lion that’s a giraffe"
And he walks out the door.

The bird who sought a purpose

Apologies if a joke like this was already submitted, I just discovered this wonderful subreddit and I'd like to chip in :)

A bird had long traveled the country side. He was never content with his meager life, and sought a purpose. One day, the bird came upon quite a sight! A massive clearing in the woods was absolutely infested with animals of all kinds. From the mighty lions, to the slithering snakes, to the wise owls, to the towering Giraffes. Even odder than this sight, however, was the fact that all these animals were standing in front of a massive door carved into the side of a cliff.

The bird approached and asked a friendly looking hedgehog what all this was about. She filled the bird in on the details: All these animals had sensed a mysterious calling from beyond the door, and they knew they must somehow get inside... But what actually lay beyond, no one knew. However, it was locked tight! Everyone was trying to figure out how to get inside.

Just as the hedgehog finished, a pack of Gorillas stepped forward. The largest stood up and beat his chest, proclaiming "We the strong Gorillas! We beat down door with our fists!" And sure enough the group started to pound on the door with all their might. Their effort was to no avail, as the door did not budge.

Next, a snake slithered forward. "I could ssslitherr inssside the lock, and sssee how it worksss from the insssiiide..." A giraffe volunteered and lifted the snake up to the lock with his long neck. The animals waited for a tense five minutes. The snake eventually emerged, defeated. "'Tisss no ussse... I can't make sssenssse of it."

The crowd began to grow restless, and things were looking to become hostile really quickly. The bird slipped between the legs of the animals and stood before them all.

"Ahem..."

All the animals stopped and stared at the small bird standing before them. A hyena started laughing: "Haw! What could you do, little bird? Our mightiest ones, our wisest ones, our craftiest ones could do nothing!"

The bird stood taller, and fluffed his feathers proudly. He had found his purpose.

"That... Is the Turdoor. It has a Turlock, and **I** am the Turkey."

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