My girlfriend wanted a favor from me
Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident
Me: Say no more
Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet
I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean... I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them...
My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one...
Why did the banana go to the hospital?
Because he wasn't peeling very well.
What did the banana say to the vibrator? I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna eat me.
A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."
What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ? Whatever you want, he can't hear you..
What did the banana say to the vibrator? "I don't know why you're shaking, I'm the one about to be eaten!"
Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued? He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.
The banana asked the vibrator...
The banana asked the Vibrator
"Why are *you* shaking, shes going to *eat* me!"
A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her She says to herself "Oh no not again."
A banana and a vibrator
were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, “I dunno what you’re getting all worked
up about. She’s gonna eat me.”
So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends...
The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"
The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"
The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"
The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"
Doctor says banana is good for preventing constipation. It didn't work for me ...until I found out that he meant I should eat the banana.
What did the banana say to the vibrator? She’s gonna eat me. I should be the one shaking, not you!
How much time goes by between when you slip on a banana peel and when you hit the ground? A bananosecond.
What did the Banana say to the Vibrator? I don't know why you're shaking, she's going to eat me.
An old man walked into an ice cream parlor...
He slowly climbed onto a stool, wincing with pain, and then proceeded to order a banana split.
"Crushed nuts, sir?" asked the waitress.
The old man took a deep breath and replied, "No, arthritis"
A banana with a mask and a cape is Captain Banana. What is a tomato with a mask and a cape? A tomato dressed as Captain Banana.
Did you know a banana is really good against diarrhea? I don’t really like how you can feel it move though.
The fist President of Zimbabwe was President Banana It was illegal to joke about this in Zimbabwe. The foreign press would slip in as many puns as they could. But if they got caught they were locked up with no chance to a peel.
I built a successful bartering company, where I trade fresh fruits for measurement instruments to later sell them. I started it with a banana for scale.
A man, a plan, a canoe, pasta, heros, rajahs, a coloratura, snipe, percale, macaroni, a gag, a banana bag, a tan, a tag, a banana bag again (or a camel), a crepe, pins, a rut, a Rolo, cash, a jar, sore hats, a peon, a canal... Panama.
An old man walked into an ice cream parlor
and pulled himself gently, painfully, up onto a stool…
After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
The waitress asked kindly, ‘Crushed nuts?’
‘No,’ he replied, ‘Arthritis.’
Two bananas are at a bar...
One of them says “Hey buddy thanks for helping me with me move out”
The other banana says “It was no big peel”
I Look Like a ..
The broccoli says
'I look like a small tree',
the mushroom says
I look like an umbrella',
the walnut says
look like a brain'
and the banana says
"Can we please change the
I had a wet dream about you last night I dreamt you slipped on a banana peel, and I laughed so much that I pissed my pants
A Melon's daughter wants to marry a Banana The melon is furious, and tells his daughter: "You can't elope".
What did the banana say to the vibrator? I don’t know why you’re shaking... she’s going to eat me!
Scientists found out that the cause for the California earthquake was not a divine retribution but simply a banana peel. Your mom slipped over it.
I was walking through the jungle when I noticed a monkey holding a can opener
"You can't open a banana with a can opener"
"I know" he replied,
"this is for the custard"
Did you know that banana peel is supposed to be put under the controlled substance act? It can give you bad trips.
Did you hear the news about a dead woman’s body being found in the park yesterday?
She was discovered drowned in a bathtub full of milk with a banana up her butt.
Police said this is the work of a cereal killer.