Banana Jokes

A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident

Me: Say no more

LATER

Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean... I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them...

My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?


Because he wasn't peeling very well.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna eat me.

I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.

Astute Diagnosis A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . . it just lacked appeal

If A is for apple, B is for banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ? Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3

I'm not saying my house has too many books But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat *me*!

What did the banana say to the vibrator? "I don't know why you're shaking, I'm the one about to be eaten!"

What do you call 2 banana peels? A pair of slippers

What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's going to be eating me!

Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued? He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

The banana asked the vibrator... The banana asked the Vibrator
"Why are *you* shaking, shes going to *eat* me!"

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana... and butterflies like margarine.

What did the banana say to the vibrator? "What are you shakin' for? Shes gonna eat me."

A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her She says to herself "Oh no not again."

If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana Is that canabananalism?

A banana and a vibrator were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, “I dunno what you’re getting all worked
up about. She’s gonna eat me.”

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends... The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

From my 2yo sister Knock knock


Who's there


Banana


Banana who?


Banana cross the road you chicken nerd

A major detergent manufacturer is to release a new range of fruit scents, including apple, tomato, orange, banana and mango They're going to call it "Tide Pods - Natural Selection"

Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.

Two bananas are at a bar... One of them says “Hey buddy thanks for helping me with me move out”

The other banana says “It was no big peel”

What do you do when you're sunburned? Make like a banana and peel.

What do you call troubles in the banana trade? Monkey business in the stalk market.

Why does a Christian banana attend? Church Sundae

3 Women in a bar talking about how loose they are. One fits a banana,the second one an cucumber and the third one slides down the bar stool.

What doe you call a banana's grandmother? Banana-nana

What do you call a mummy wearing a banana hammock??? Fruit of the Tomb