Hilarious Banana Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Funniest Banana Jokes

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A man is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 2309

If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives.

Score: 884

A woman is buying a banana, an apple and two eggs. The male cashier says: "You must be single." He got fired.

Score: 248

My girlfriend wanted a favor from me Her: I want you to kill my ex and make it seem like an accident

Me: Say no more

LATER

Detective: It looks like the killer beat him to death and then placed a banana peel by his feet

Score: 225

Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator? A. Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!

Score: 178

I read that a banana a day helps to keep your colon clean... I just wish they'd told me I was supposed to eat them...

Score: 156

My 4 year old is a comedian and loves jokes.. this is her favorite one... Why did the banana go to the hospital?

Because he wasn't peeling very well.

Score: 152

What did the banana say to the vibrator? I don't know why you're shaking, she's gonna eat me.

Score: 124

I just slipped on a banana skin. I look ridiculous in it.

Score: 106

Astute Diagnosis A guy goes to the doctor, with a carrot up his nose. He's got a piece of celery in his other nostril, and a banana in his ear. He says,"Doc, I don't feel so good."
The doctor says,"You're not eating right."

Score: 96

What did the banana say to the vibrator? A: Why are YOU shaking? She's going to eat me!

Score: 89

Nobody wanted to see the naked banana . . . it just lacked appeal

Score: 73

If A is for apple, B is for banana, what is C for? Plastic explosives

Score: 72

What do you call a gorilla with a banana in each ear ? Whatever you want, he can't hear you..

Score: 62

What type of key opens a banana? A Monkey :3

Score: 62

I'm not saying my house has too many books But I just saw an orang-utan in the kitchen, looking for a banana.

Score: 61

A man is buying an apple, a banana, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man answers: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 53

What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat *me*!

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What did the banana say to the vibrator? "I don't know why you're shaking, I'm the one about to be eaten!"

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What do you call 2 banana peels? A pair of slippers

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What did the banana say to the vibrator? Why are you shaking? She's going to be eating me!

Score: 37

Did you hear about the guy who slipped on a banana and sued? He won the trial, but he got overturned on a peel.

Score: 33

Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana... and butterflies like margarine.

Score: 32

The banana asked the vibrator... The banana asked the Vibrator
"Why are *you* shaking, shes going to *eat* me!"

Score: 32

What did the banana say to the vibrator? "What are you shakin' for? Shes gonna eat me."

Score: 29

A blonde is walking down the street and sees a banana peel 10 ft in front of her She says to herself "Oh no not again."

Score: 27

If you dress up as a banana and eat a banana Is that canabananalism?

Score: 27

A banana and a vibrator were laying next to each other on a
counter, with the vibrator buzzing away. The banana turns to
the vibrator and says, “I dunno what you’re getting all worked
up about. She’s gonna eat me.”

Score: 25

So broccoli was having a conversation with some of his friends... The broccoli said: "I look like a tree!"

The mushroom said: "I look like an umbrella!"

The walnut said: "I look like a brain!"

The banana said: "Can we please change the subject?"

Score: 25

What elements are a banana made out of? BaNa₂

Score: 22

Why was the banana a good prosecutor? She always made the defense slip up on appeal.

Score: 22

What's a banana made of? One part barium, two parts sodium.

Score: 19

What do you call a fruit that makes fun of someone? A banana-nana-nana

Got it on a popsicle stick. Laughed for way too long.

Score: 16

Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree. Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.
Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.
Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

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If you eat a banana without it's consent Does that make it Ripe?

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A man tried to rob a store with a banana... ...his efforts were fruitless.

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When Alzheimers disease knocks on your door. Knock knock

Who's there?

Alzheimers disease

Alzheimers disease who?

Orange ya glad I didn't say banana?

Score: 5

A man is buying a banana, some skittles, and two eggs. The female cashier says: "You must be single." The man responds: "Wow, how did you know?"

Cashier: "Because you're ugly."

Score: 5

The husband asks the wife... The husband asks the wife:
-Babe which do you like the best, strawberry or banana?
The wife asks him:
-Why are you at the Supermarket?
The husband replys:
No I'm at the pharmacy...

Score: 4

New Banana Jokes

What were Banana and Strawberry doing at the club? Trying to blend in and be smoothie.

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What do you call a mummy wearing a banana hammock??? Fruit of the Tomb

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Two bananas are at a bar... One of them says “Hey buddy thanks for helping me with me move out”

The other banana says “It was no big peel”

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Why does a Christian banana attend? Church Sundae

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what is hannah montana's name as a fruit? hannah mon...BANANA!!!! xD!!!

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What do you call troubles in the banana trade? Monkey business in the stalk market.

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My dad bought stock in a banana peal company Profits have been slipping

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Me to Banana: Show me what you got Banana: K

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Need to know how much you weigh? Stand on a banana, apparently they make pretty good scales.

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I gave my friend a cavendish in exchange for a weight-measuring device. Banana for scale.

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Did you hear about the stand up with the banana's stand up act? I heard it was a-peeling!

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3 Women in a bar talking about how loose they are. One fits a banana,the second one an cucumber and the third one slides down the bar stool.

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Why did the boy banana go to the doctor? Because he wasn't PEELING very well.

-source: my 3 year-old daughter

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Why did the skinless banana have no friends? Because he lacked appeal

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Why didn't the banana like the cow? The cow wasn't very a-peel-ing

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What fruit do you get when you combine a sheep and with some salt? Banana

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Q: Why does it seem most Titles on the Front page have nothing to do with the content of the post? A: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

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My father was a banana. My mother found him quite appealing.

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What is the similarity between lemon and banana? Can't make mango juice outta them.

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look like Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

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Who was the first carpenter? Eve. Because she made Adam's banana stand.

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Time flies like an arrow... And fruit flies like a banana

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Why did the banana go to the doctors? Because he wasn't peeling well!

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A hot guy was eating a banana I found him apealing

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How does a blonde eat a banana? *grabs back of own head and forces mouth down on banana*

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A man walks into the hospital with a carrot up his nose... ...and a banana in his ear. He is clearly distraught and asks the doctor what's wrong with him.

"It's simple," the doctor says. "You're not eating right."

Score: 2

What's the similarity between an apple and an orange beside that both are fruits? Both are not a banana.

Score: 4

Did you hear about the guy who sued a banana? He won the initial case but lost on the banana's appeal.

Score: 2

Time flies like an arrow Fruit flys like banana

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Uh, hi. Yeah, I'll have a six-inch Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki on Honey Oat, please. No, thanks, no double meat or cheese. Yeah, lettuce, tomato, cucumber, banana peppers, and..." *checks phone* Oh, shoot. Wrong sub.

Score: 2

Different foods were talking to each other, Broccoli: Hey, I look like a tree.

Mushroom: Wow, I look just like an umbrella.

Walnut: I look exactly like a brain.

Banana: Man, can we change the topic please?

Score: 1

What do you do when you're sunburned? Make like a banana and peel.

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What doe you call a banana's grandmother? Banana-nana

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Why is a banana the most attractive fruit? Everyone finds it a-peeling.

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A guy walks into a doctor's office with a banana stuck up his nose. He says to the doctor "Doc, I don't know what's going on with me.. I really don't feel well." The doctor says "you're not eating right."

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Which is the best side of a banana to eat? The Inside...

Score: 3