Potato Jokes

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Funniest Potato Jokes

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and the other’s a yeeted ham.

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? Ones a heated yam, and ones a yeeted ham.

Funny Potato Jokes

A man walks up to 3 women wearing potato sacks. How does he know which one is the prostitute? The one whose sack reads "Idaho"

Latvian Joke. What are one potato say other potato?
Premise ridiculous. Who have two potato?

What do a hot potato and a thrown pig have in common? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

I had a 7 course Irish dinner last night A 6 pack of Guinness and a potato

What's the difference between a warm sweet potato and a thrown pig? One is a heated yam, the other is a yeeted ham.

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I'll see myself out

My friend told me he put a potato down his swim trunks and now the girls won't leave him alone Didn't work for me. Apparently, you need to put it in the front.

A man walks into a bar... He sits down and asks the bartender, “do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?”

The bartender replies, “no we only have plane ones.”

I got arrested today for feeding the homeless guys on my street... And to top it off, the cops took away my potato gun.

Latvian potato eating contest. Latvia man enter contest eat potato. Many other contestants. Contest start. Is no potato. All men sad. And hungry.

Boy complains to his father Boy: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing! 

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam...

Roses are red, potato chips are savory... The United States prison system is legalized slavery.

What's the difference between a warm sweet potato and a thrown pig? One is a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.

Why is the demand for potato chips rising in China? They need clean air.

What’s the difference between a baked sweet potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam and the other’s a yeeted ham.

An aviation enthusiast enters a bar. He asks, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender laughs and says, "Sorry, we only have plain chips."

Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes? No one can eat just one potato ship.

Guy walks into a bar He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

What did the potato name his son? Chip.


Sorry.

Where does biggest potato grow? Under the ground.

What's the difference between a chick pea and potato? I've never paid $50 to have a potato on my face.

My Favorite Latvian Joke One day, hear knock on door.

Man ask "Who is?"

"Is potato man. I come around to give free potato."

Man is very excite and opens door.

Is not potato man,

is secret police.

A geneticist was unhappy with the result when he spliced potato DNA with that of his own genitals. Nobody likes dictators

Why did the sea monster eat twelve ships that were carrying potatoes? Because nobody can eat just one potato ship!

What's an Irish seven-course meal? A six-pack and a potato

A man walks into a bar He asks the bartender, "Do you have any helicopter flavored potato chips?" The bartender shakes his head and says, "No, we only have plain."

What do you call a potato that becomes US President and silences the news, silences government agencies, silences government funded science and ends international treaties? A dic-tater.

What do you call a spud that smokes weed? A baked potato

How do you treat Mrs. Potato Head when she has cancer? Ampu-tater

This Halloween, I put a potato in my pants and ordered people around. I was a dictator.

What’s the difference between a chickpea and a potato? You don’t have to pay to have a potato on you.

How do you know which potato is a prostitute? It's the one that says, "Idaho."

What do you call someone with Down Syndrome who likes to smoke weed ? A baked potato

Why couldn't the potato get off the couch? Because it was baked.

An evil baked potato hatched a devious scheme Fortunately, it was foiled.

What do you call a potato that uploads videos? A you-tuber.

ESPN literally hired a potato for one of its broadcasts When asked why they responded that they needed a common tater.

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New Potato Jokes

The guy from the seed store is very stupid I asked Him for potato seeds and He gave Me a full sack of potatos instead.

What does one potato say to another when he’s horny? Wanna hash?

What do you call a potato that wears glasses? A spectator

How did the potato get the dogs to be quiet? By saying, "hush puppies!"

Why did Ireland run out of potatoes during the Irish potato famine? They discovered they could make alcohol out of them

What do you call a spud high on weed A baked potato

Joke Boy complains to his father: You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

What’s the difference between a steamed potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham.

What's th difference between a fried potato and a flying pig? One is heated yam while the other is yeeted ham.

What was the first potato launched into space? Spudnik

Did you hear that Kim Jong Un is in a vegetative state after surgery? Well… he always did kind of look like a potato

There's a new machine at the gym, it does absolutely everything Soft drinks, potato chips, chocolate cookies and candy

What's the best thing about being Mr. Potato Head? You get to pick your nose.

hiw did the Irish potato become bilingual? He became a French Fry

Why couch potato And not sofa tomato
Or recliner carrot
Or ottoman kale
Or lounge banana

What girl like's it in all her holes at the same time? Mrs. Potato Head

A boy complaining to his father... You told me to put a potato in my swimming trunks! You said it would impress the girls at the pool! But you forgot to mention one thing!

Father: Really, what?

Boy: That the potato should go in the front.

What do you call an Irish seven course meal? Six pack and a potato

"The secret to getting practically any girl into bed," my friend said, "is to put a potato in your underwear." Yeah. Great. Except he didn't bother to mention that it needs to go in the front.

what happens to a potato after the plot of soil it is growing in quadruples in value? it becomes an affluent-tato

What did Mario day when Peach asked him to fix some potato pasta? Gnocchi doki!

Which famous Arab invented potato chips? Sultan Vinegar

I know a well-off foot fetishist, who took up a gig at a potato chip factory in his spare time. When I asked him why, he says he heard "something about Free Toe Lays being one of the perks".

What did the girl potato confess to her husband when he caught her cheating? I-da-Ho.

What do you call a headless potato A decapitato

What’s the difference between a hot potato and a flying pig? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham!

Why didn't the potato chips believe anything the sandwich said? Because the sandwich was full of baloney

What did the objectively self aware sweet potato say to the farmer? I yam what I yam

What do you call a lazy weed-user? A baked potato

What do you call a potato on a turntable? A rotato.

What do you call a potato on Kim Jong Un’s balls? A dictator.



Came up with this in my history class haha

How many potatoes does it take to kill an Irishman? Zero.

That's what the Great Potato Famine is about.

Teenager Jamie stormed into the house furiously "Dad! You asked me to put a potato in my swimming trunks to impress the girls there!!!" "You did not specify it had to go in front!!!!!"

What did the sweet potato say to the pumpkin? "I yam what I yam"

What do you call a potato announcer? A commenTater

lmao my four-year-old niece told me this joke yesterday Her: Knock knock!

Me: Who's there?

Her: Potato

Me: Potato who?

Her:

▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬

??????? ????'? ???? ???????

▬▬▬▬▬ஜ۩☆۩ஜ▬▬▬▬▬▬

I told my potato he makes a great commentator when we watch sports. He said "who ya callin' common?"

A male potato chip steps up to the bar and buys a drink. He sees two female potato chips sitting nearby. He says to the one female potato chip, "Excuse me. Are you Herr's or Frito Lay?"

I saw a magician float a potato once.. It was a levitator.

What's the difference between a hot potato and a pork chop on the floor? One is a heated yam and the other is a yeeted ham.

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Long Potato Jokes

A lemon, a potato, and a pea all had a tough week working at the grocery store...

...so they decided to let off some steam with a bar crawl at the weekend.

They had a great time, hitting bar after bar, knocking back drinks, but being so genetically different, the alcohol affected them each in different ways: the lemon got very acidic and refluxy; the potato, being a big starchy chap, took the booze in his stride; while the little pea reached to all the sugar and started to get a touch hyperactive.

At the end of the night, the three friends found themselves leaving a bar at the top of a tall hill, when all of a sudden the pea started bouncing up and down excitedly: "Lads! Lads! I've got a great idea! We’re all vaguely round in shape, let's not get a cab home, let's just roll down the hill!" and before the others could protest he was off - shooting down the hill at a rate of knots.

The lemon lurched after him, but soon started listing violently from side to side as he went, owing to his oval shape, which did nothing for his unsettled stomach. With a sigh, the potato trundled along slowly behind.

By the time the potato had bounced his way to the bottom of the hill, the lemon was spewing lemon juice all over the pavement, but the pea was already jumping up and down again "that was great, that was great, let's do it again!".

The lemon was now chundering up pips with the acid, but the pea didn't seem to care "Come on! let's go again, that was great!".

The potato turned to him and said "Easy peasy, lemon's queasy."

A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time. The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks:

"Do you like potato pancakes?" "No," comes the answer, and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket. "Do you have a brother?" "No." After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card: "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

An old man lived alone. His only son was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son.

Dear Son,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my potato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison.

Love,

Dad

Shortly, the old man received this telegram:

‘For Heaven’s sake, Dad, don’t dig up the plot. That’s where I buried the GUNS!!’

At 4 a.m. the next morning, a dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what had happened, and asked him what to do next.

His son’s reply: ‘Go ahead and plant your potatoes, Dad. It’s the best I could do for you, from here.’

Mr. and Mrs. Potato had three daughters who were as upstanding as they were lovely. One day the first daughter came home and exclaimed, “I have an announcement to make.”

“And what might that be?” said Mother, seeing the obvious excitement in her eldest daughter’s eyes.

“Well,” replied the daughter, with a proud but sheepish grin, “I’m getting married!”

The other daughters squealed with surprise as Mother Potato exclaimed, “Married! That’s wonderful! And who are you marrying, Eldest daughter?”

“I’m marrying a Russet!”

“A Russet!” replied Mother Potato with pride. “Oh, a Russet is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!”

As the family shared in the eldest daughter’s joy, the middle daughter spoke up. “Mother, I too, have an announcement.”

“And what might that be?” asked Mother Potato. Not knowing quite how to begin, the middle daughter paused, then said with conviction, “I, too, am getting married!”

“You, too!” Mother Potato said with joy. “That’s wonderful! Twice the good news in one evening! And who are you marrying, Middle Daughter?”

“I’m marrying an Idaho,” beamed the middle daughter. “An Idaho!” said Mother Potato with joy. “Oh, an Idaho is a fine tater, a fine tater indeed!” Once again, the room came alive with laughter and excited plans for the future, when the youngest Potato daughter interrupted.

“Mother? Mother Potato? Um, I, too, have an announcement to make.”

“Yes?” said Mother Potato with great anticipation.

“Well,” began the youngest Potato daughter with the same sheepish grin as her eldest sister before her, “I hope this doesn’t come as a shock to you, but I am getting married, as well!”

“Really?” said Mother Potato with sincere excitement. “All of my lovely daughters married! What wonderful news! And who, pray tell, are you marrying, Youngest Daughter?”

“I’m marrying Dan Rather!”

“DAN RATHER?!” Mother Potato scowled suddenly. “But he’s just a common tater!”

In Jamaica

In Jamaica you can get a steak and kidney pie for £1.75, a chicken and mushroom pie for £1.60 and an apple pie for £2.15.
In St Kitts and Nevis a steak and kidney pie will cost you £2, a chicken pie (without mushrooms) is £1.70 and a cherry pie can be yours for £1.95.
In Trinidad and Tobago, that steak and kidney pie comes in at £2.50, but you can two for £3.50, while the chicken and mushroom pie is £2.25, or two for £3.25. They also offer meat and potato pie for £2, or two for £3. Their apple pies and cherry pies are often sold for £2.75, or two (any combination) for £4.75.
Those are the Pie Rates of the Caribbean

Edit: My first gold! Thank you kind stranger! Now i gotta learn what to do with it:)

An Englishman, Scotsman and Irishman are working on a building site...

High above the city, they sit together, eating their lunch as they do every lunchtime.
The Englishman, Arthur, opens his lunchbox and picks out his sandwiches.

"I say! roast beef sandwiches. I'm sick of roast beef sandwiches! If I've got roast beef sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"

Andrew, the Scot, opens his sandwiches, "Ach! haggis sandwiches! I'm sick of haggis sandwiches! If I get haggis sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"

Paddy likewise opens his sandwiches, "Feck! potato sandwiches! I'm sick of potato sandwiches! If I get potato sandwiches tomorrow, I shall throw myself off this building!"

the next days comes and, what do you know. Arthur has roast beef again. Without a word, he jumps from the 20th floor. Likewise, Andrew has haggis. Without so much as a whisper, he swan-dives the full 20 floors.
Mournfully, Paddy eyes his potato sandwiches. With a final salute to the world, he too jumps off. All three men quite dead.

At the funeral the tearful wife of the Englishman says, "All Arthur had to do was tell me he didn't like roast beef. I'd have made him another filling!"

The wife of the Scotsman sniffs, "I loved my Andrew! I would have made him any sandwich he'd asked for, if he'd just said something!"

The wife of the Irishman is quite unmoved, "The fecking idiot made his own sandwiches!"

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead rob a bank..

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead decide to rob a bank. Everything goes well-they have their masks on, the bank hands over the money-awesome.

Exiting the bank, they hear sirens and see several cop cars round the corner, so they dash into a small alleyway.

The cops are quick though, and are just about to reach the entrance. There are three empty potato sacks lying against the wall.

"Quick! Hide!" The brunette says, and the three women each crawl into a bag.

A police man comes down the alleyway, looking around for any signs of the women. The potato sacks stick out to him-so he gives the one with the redhead a kick.

"Meow!" goes the redhead, doing her best imitation of a cat.

"Just an alley cat..." The police officer mumbles, moving onto the next bag and delivering a quick nudge with his foot.

"Woof!" Goes the brunette, imitating a dog.

"Just a stray..." The officer mumbles again, heading to the last bag, and giving it a light kick.

"POOOOE-TAYYY-TOOOEE" grunts the blonde.

_____

Edited to meet popular demand.

For those who don't get the joke, the redhead and brunette both mimic things that might be in an alleyway-a cat and a stray dog. The blonde however wonders "What would be in a potato sack? Potatoes!" and thus tries to blend in by announcing herself as a potato.

Edit Edit: I'm blond. I can make these jokes.

Choose a new password:

potato

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boiled potato

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1 boiled potato

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50fuckingboiledpotatoes

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50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes

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IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach...

An Italian and a polish guy are walking down the beach wearing Speedo’s. While walking they get a lot of attention from women, but it seems that all the women are interested in the Italian guy!

After the day was over the guys are hanging out and the polish guy asks, “Ok you have to tell me what’s going on, I’m not bad looking, I’m athletic and physically fit.... what’s your secret? Why are they all into you?”
The Italian says, “Ok, tomorrow when we walk the beach, put a potato in your speedo.”
The polish nods his head in understanding.

The next day they walk the beach again, but strangely it happens again! All the women are only interested in the Italian guy...

That evening the Polish guy ask him again, “Man, I did what you said and nothing... WHAT IS YOUR SECRET!?!”

The Italian guy says, “Ok bro, tomorrow, put the potato in the front...”

An Old Jamaican man lived alone in the country...

He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me....Love, Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Dad, Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the bodies.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.

A farm worker greets Joseph Stalin at his potato farm

“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin.

“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”

A man walks into a bar with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".

A serial killer is chasing 3 young women through a farm

The three young women are a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The three women run into a barn and find three barrels to hide in. The brunette jumps into a barrel labeled "chicks". The redhead into a barrel labeled "kittens", and the blonde into one labeled "potatoes".

The serial killer follows them into the barn but can't find them. He sees the three barrels and bangs on the first. The killer hears the "cheep cheep" of baby chicks. He bangs on the second and hears the meows of kittens. Finally he bangs on the final barrel and hears "potato potato potato".

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'

The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.

'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".

The smart man!

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich bird behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders. The man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke,' and turns to the ostrich, 'What's yours?'

'I'll have the same,' says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order 'That will be $9.40 please,' and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, 'A hamburger, fries and a coke'
The ostrich says, 'I'll have the same'
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

'The usual?' asks the waitress.
'No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad,' says the man.
'Same,' says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, 'That will be $32.62.'
Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.
"Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

Says the man, "Well, several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. The first wish I asked was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

The waitress said "That's brilliant! Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live. How smart of you!''

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there" says the man proudly.

The waitress asks, "But, what's that ostrich all about?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers with a heavy heart, "My second wish was for a tall chick with long legs who accompanies me wherever I go and agrees with everything I say".

Impressing Chicks On The Beach

A scrawy guy has a hard time attracting women on the beach....so he goes to the life guard and asks for advice and the lifeguard tells him "Next time...wear a speedo 2 sizes small and drop a potato inside" the guy decides to follow the advice

The next day...the scrawny guy comes back and all the women run away in horror except for the lifeguard. The guy asks the lifeguard "You told me this would work!"

The lifeguard shook his head and said "The potato...goes in the front"

Choosing a new password

Choosing a new password:

potato


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boiled potato


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1 boiled potato


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50fuckingboiledpotatoes


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50FUCKINGboiledpotatoes


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IwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAss,IfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately

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NowIamSeriouslyGettingPissedOffIwillShove50FuckingBoiledPotatoesUpYourAssIfYouDoNotGiveMeAccessImmediately


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Three thieves were fleeing the cops

they went inside a potato warehouse and each saw a sack and hid inside.

The cops walked in and saw the first sack and kicked it. The robber went "meow", so the cop said, oh it's only a cat.

They went to the second sack and kicked it and second robber went 'arf". So cop said, oh, this one is just a dog.

They saw the third sack and kicked it. Nothing. They kicked it again, harder. Again, silence.

The cop, cocked his gun and prepares to shoot the third sack in which the 3rd robber said-
"I'm supposed to be a potato, godammit, potatoes don't make a sound".

A Russian woman wrote to her husband in the Gulag:

A Russian woman wrote to her husband in the Gulag:


*Vladimir, my love,*
* I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant the potato garden this year. I'm just too weak* *to be digging up a garden plot. If only you were here, my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me.*

*Love Maria*


A few days later, she received a letter from her husband:


*Dearest Maria,*
*Not for nothing, but don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the gold bars!*
*Love, Vlad*


At 4 a.m. the next morning, KGB agents arrived at the old house and dug up the entire area. However, they didn't find any gold, so they eventually gave up and left.


That same day, Maria received another letter from her husband.


*Dear Maria,*
*Go ahead and plant the potatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.*
*Love, Vlad*

A farm worker greets Josef Stalin at his potato farm...

“Comrade Stalin, we have so many potatoes that, piled one on top of the other, they would reach all the way to God,” the farmer excitedly tells his leader.

“But God does not exist,” replies Stalin.

“Exactly,” says the farmer. “Neither do the potatoes.”

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