Stephen Hawking Jokes

Contents

Funniest Stephen Hawking Jokes

Funny Stephen Hawking Jokes

Everyone is a fan of Stephen Hawking now that he died. I bet they can't name even 3 of his songs.

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011 “There is no Stephen Hawking” God, 2018

What does Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashes? Nothing.

I've tried calling Stephen Hawking many times I keep getting his answering machine

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed? Nothing.

First Stephen Hawking, now Avicii? Tough year for the Electronic community.

Why is Stephen Hawking successful? He can't run away from his responsibilities.

So Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... Just kidding.

First Stephen hawking now Avicii It must be a tough year for the electronic community.

What's the difference between Stephen Hawking and a walkie-talkie? Stephen Hawking doesn't walkie or talkie.

What do scientists and vegetables have in common? Stephen Hawking

What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer broke?

Why does Stephen Hawking only do one line jokes? Because he can't do stand-up.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... ... Just kidding

A fish, a snake, and Stephen Hawking walk into a bar... Just kidding. None of those things walk.

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? The computer runs.

Stephen Hawking has finally released his new book about space. It's about time, too.

I finally got around to reading that book by Stephen Hawking. It was about time.

Why can't Stephen Hawking dance? Because he's white.

What did Stephen Hawking say after his computer crashed ? Nothing.

My biology teacher asked me what was the ugliest vegetable IMO. Apparently, Stephen Hawking was the wrong answer.

Stephen Hawking diagnosed with erectile dysfunction. It was easy to fix, they just uninstalled his pop-up blocker.

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar... It's a miracle.

When my kindle reads Fifty Shades of Gray to me It's like getting an obscene phone call from Stephen Hawking

Knowledge is Power They always say knowledge is power, but I'm pretty sure I can beat up Stephen Hawking.

Why does Stephen Hawking date African Americans? Because he loves to study black holes.

I gotta hand it to Stephen Hawking because he can't catch.

Stephen Hawking can be pretty funny sometimes, But I dont think he could do standup

“There is no God” -Stephen Hawking, 2011 “There is no Stephen Hawking” -God, 2018

^too ^soon?

Apparently Stephen Hawking is in hospital after he went on a date last night... She stood him up.

Did Stephen Hawking have a donor card? . .Cos I really need bits for my kids go-kart

What's the quietest album in the world? Stephen Hawking - unplugged

Sometimes I feel like Stephen Hawking in the morning Because I can't get out of bed.

Stephen Hawking If Stephen hawking started a company, What would his position in the company be?



The Chairman

What do you call a hand job from Stephen Hawking? A stroke of Genius.

I finally got round to reading that Stephen Hawking book the other day. It's about time.

Stephen Hawking is a very paranoid man He's always looking over his shoulder.

What's black and sits at the top of the stairs? Stephen Hawking in a house fire

Stephen Hawking has his first date in a long time... When he returned from the date, he had a twisted ankle, a broken wrist, his glasses were cracked and there was dirt all over his clothes.

Apparently she stood him up.

Popular Topics

New Stephen Hawking Jokes

Stephen Hawking was the real Slim Shady We just didn't know, cause he couldn't stand up

Before he died Stephen Hawking went on his first date for years When he returned he'd broken his glasses, fractured his wrist and broken his knee.

Apparently she stood him up

I knew a guy who used to get Tony Hawk and Stephen Hawking confused Understandable, they both loved ramps.

Stephen Hawking - "The doctors finally removed my pop up blocker" "Now I can finally get an erection"

Party time I was invited to a dinner party this Saturday, the host asked "what vegetables do you like"?

me "well, I used to like Stephen Hawking but I guess Harvey Price now"

I'm now free on Saturday

Stephen Hawking So, Stephen Hawking went out on a date with someone, but the date ended early because she stood him up.

That say that knowledge is power... But i'm pretty damn sure I could beat Stephen Hawking's ass

(Bonus joke)
In fact, I bet I could beat Hawking up before he can even say anything about it

They say that carrots have an IQ of 4. Now that Stephen Hawking's dead, they must be the smartest vegetables around!

What's with all of the rude Stephen Hawking jokes?? The man can't even stand up for himself..

I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book It’s about time

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he is hooked into? The computer actually runs

Why can't Stephen Hawking become a 'stand-up comedian'? Because he's dead.

Stephen Hawking is such a bad comedian He can't do Stand Up.

So stephen hawking walks in a bar Just kidding

Stephen Hawking walks into a bar It’s a miracle

What was the smartest vehicle ? Stephen Hawking

Can we get an F in the chat Stephen Hawking: God doesn’t exist

God on 14th March 2018: Stephen Hawking doesn’t exist.

Even the most intelligent people can't survive a day without electricity Like Stephen Hawking

What’s black and at the top of the stairs ? Stephen hawkings after a house fire.

Stephen Hawking’s final theory, written just before he died, was released yesterday. It's about time

Did Stephen hawking have a donor card? I need some parts for my go kart.

What’s the opposite of Stephen Hawking ? Stephen Walking.

How does Stephen Hawking recover from a hangover? He presses F5

Why did Stephen Hawking only eat meat? Because eating vegetables would be cannibalism.

Stephen Hawking's favorite Migos song is Walk it Like I Talk It He couldn't do either

What killed Stephen Hawking? Ctrl\-Alt\-Del

Stephen Hawking was quite persistant in his older age He never walked away from a challange

Stephen Hawking... It's a shame Stephen Hawking died. He could pursue a career in comedy. Too bad he can't do stand-ups!

They Just Released Stephen Hawking's Last Words "1 percent battery life remaining. Please find nearest charger and plug in device"

Ultimatum Vladimir Putin gave Great Britain 24 hours to explain the death of Stephen Hawking.

What did Stephen Hawkings say when his computer crashed? Nothing....

What were Stephen Hawking's last words? Ctrl + Alt + Del

Billy Graham and Stephen Hawking meet each other in the afterlife. That was Amazing! Billy says to Stephen.
It sure was, let's do that again! Only this time I get to be the bad cop.

Apparently Stephen hawking isn't dead!! He fell asleep, someone just had to wiggle the mouse

Did you hear about Stephen Hawking? His computer suffered a fatal error.

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song? Stairway to Heaven

Stephen Hawking asked Albert Einstein "What do you want for your birthday?". He responded, "You.".

When Stephen Hawking was found dead yesterday... Did they call the paramedics or the IT guys first?

Stephen Hawking has passed at the age of 76. ALS well that ends well.

Earbud tangles are so bad... Even the smartest people currently alive are having trouble untangling earbuds...

Like Stephen Hawking

Popular Topics

Long Stephen Hawking Jokes

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawkings.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

Self confidence boost didn't quite work so well

So me and my dad were talking about my school and he said:

"You're good at school but bad with self-confidence."

Me: "ok"

Dad: "Wayne Rooney was good at football (soccer for the Americans, I'm English) but bad at school

Stephen hawkings was good at being an astronomer but bad at 100m sprint."

And I was laughing so hard

John really loves black women, but can never seem to date one. He seeks help from his friends.

He meets up with them: "Guys, I am 27 years old. Soon I'll settle down with a nice girl and build a family. But whatever happens, I really want to date a black girl. I fear that when I'll get married, I won't ever be able to fulfill this desire of mine."


Robert, his stoner friend, suggests John: "John, I've known you for a while and you're a cool guy. I'll help you out."


"But how?!" says John.


"You must seek Stephen Hawking and ask for his advice."


"What?!" shouts John. "Why would an 80 year old physicist lecture me on how to date black women?"


"Now now, John." says Robert. "I'd trust him. After all, he's been studying black holes ever since he was a little boy."

Stephen Hawking was on his death bed.....

Stephen Hawking already knew he was going to die, so he called in his next of kin to tell them who gets what after he dies.

He told his first child to take all of his research he has gathered and share it with the world. The son then grabbed the files and ran off.

Stephen proceeded told his next child to take his wheel chair schematics and give it to technology corporations so they could help other people with ALS.

Stephen was almost at the end of his life, and his daughter Lucy Hawking is holding her dads hand with tears welling up in her eyes.

Stephen told Lucy that he loves her and has already given her the last gift he could. Lucy asks what it was because he was damn near dead just telling her the last sentence. He says with his last dying breath, “You....got......”

Lucy tearfully said,” Yes dad?”

Stephen flatlines as he says, ”ALS.”

A YouTube fangirl is taking a test

Test: What did Stephen Hawking say about God?

The girl writes: There are 10 million million million million million million particles in the universe that we can observe, your mama took the ugly ones and put them into one nerd

Popular Topics