What do you call children born in whorehouses?
Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger!
My wife gets upset when I steal her kitchen utensils...
But it's a whisk I'm willing to take.
Edit: Thank you, children. It would appear I've peaked as a father.
My actual son will be devastated.
"What are the broken condoms doing on the couch?!" "Our children have names, Harold!"
Pablo Escobar was being informed on by local children. Mortally wounded by police gunfire, his last words to them were: "I would have gotten away with it if it weren't for you Medellín kids"
Dark humor is like cancer. It's even funnier when children get it.
The wife and I decided we don't want children. We're telling them tomorrow.
Father: Son, I donated all your toys to the children's home.
Son: Why did you do that?
Father: So you will not be bored there.
A friend of mine, a mother of four, refused to have her children vaccinated.
Edit: mother of three...
Edit: mother of two...
Edit: mother of one...
I'm a proud anti-vaxx mother of five children!
Edit: four children
Second edit: 2 children!
Why are women and children evacuated first? So we can think about a solution in silence.
Why are women and children always the first ones to get evacuated on a emergency situation ? So men may think on a solution in silence
A new study shows that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead.
In my spare time I help blind children. I mean the verb, not the adjective.
9 out of 10 doctors reccommend for children to drink water instead of soda that 1 doctor lives in flint michigan
Why are women and children evacuated first in a disaster? So we can think about a solution in silence.
TIL unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic Because they are more likely to be dead
What do you call children who are born into a Whorehouse? Brothel Sprouts.
Farts are like children I'm proud of mine but disgusted by yours
Raising children is hard as a trans parent They see right through me
Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital? I dunno, I just fly the drone...
My wife and I decided we don't want children... ...if anybody does, we can drop them off tomorrow.
After work, I volunteer to help blind children By the way: Verb, not adjective
I like to help blind children. The verb, not the adjective.
Always remember that children can drown in as little as one inch of water so please if you are drowning children, don’t waste water.
What did little Johnny's mother do when she caught him zapping the other children with static electricity? She grounded him.
My wife accuses me of favoritism over my children, which is not true. I love Matthew and Not-Matthew equally.
Husband: Honey why are there broken condoms on the couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their real names.
Don't vaccinate your children! Let a trained medical professional do it!
Husband: Why are there broken condoms on the couch? Wife: Would you please call our children by their names!?
I dislike Nike because they use Indonesian children to make their shoes I hate Indonesian children.
What is brown and has got four legs and an arm? A Rottweiler on a children's playground.
Why are transgender people rarely seen with their children? Because they're transparent.
How are non-vaccinated children and good jokes similar? They both never get old.
It's pretty disgusting how celebrity parents name their children after cooked rodent. Poor Chris Pratt
I had a vasectomy because I didn't want any more children. Apparently a vasectomy doesn't stop you from having children, it only changes the colour of their skin.
I think Taco Tuesday sets a bad example for children. They need to grow up knowing that they can eat tacos every day of the week.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and Casper? One is white and scares young children and the other is a ghost.
There's a new restaurant made out of a life-sized gingerbread house in town. I wonder if they serve children there.
My Indian engineering teacher told us this today Growing up in America, you've probably heard your parents say, "Eat your food, there are starving children in India." But I tell my children, "Do your math homework or an Indian child will eat your food."
Why do women an children evacuate first in any disaster? So men can think of a solution in silence.
Anti vax moms are actually saving their children You can’t be drafted if you don’t make it to 18
A dad was playing with his kids one day
And he said: "You're so adorable I could eat you kids all up!"
One of the children ask: "Daddy, what do we taste like?"
And the dad replies: "When you're older, ask your mother."
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny raised hand. and replied, "Because people are sleeping."
Why did a blond decide to be a virgin for the rest of her life? Because she wants to be an example for her children.
Our son Luke loves that we used Star Wars as inspiration to name our children... His siblings R2-D2 and Chewbacca aren’t as amused
Did you hear Forever 21 is declaring bankruptcy? It’s being replaced by Never 21: clothing for the children of Anti-Vaxxers
What do you call a sausage made of obnoxious children? A bratwurst.
What’s something this meme and unvaccinated children have in common? They’ll both die in new.
What's the difference between an ISIS compound full of terrorists and a grade school full of children? I don't know, I'm just the pilot
I’m going to start a new school system for children of anti-vax parents. If anyone knows where I can hire some kindergarten teachers and a mortician that would be great.
The rainbow hasn’t seen his children in years He just got out of prism
What is yellow but can’t swim? A school bus full of children.
I survived a genocide where millions of children were killed ...as the last sperm cell
What's the difference between a school and a Taliban training ground? The children are taught to aim for the sky, the Taliaban are taught to aim for this guy.
At a disfigured children's ball...
A boy with a wooden eye goes up to a girl with a harelip and asks her to dance.
"Oh boy, would I!"
The boy walks off in a huff and screams, "Sorry I'm not good enough for you, girl harelip!"
I've been babysitting for many years, and I have finally learned the secret! The biggest weakness of most children is fire.
Some people like to call me Santa Clause Because I love to shove my bag down little children's chimneys
My elderly neighbor has grown children. In her backyard, quite impressive.
Recent study shows that fertility is heriditary. If your parents didn't have children, chances are you won't either.
I’d like to die peacefully in my sleep like my dad did. But not like the children in the school bus with him.
My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic.
I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.
So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.
Breaking News: Public schools are forcing Islamic teachings on America's children. Yeah, it turns out algebra was invented by some 9th century Muslim.
How did the cow know its children have been working out? Its calves are getting bigger
I got a vasectomy so I wouldn't have anymore children, Turns out, vasectomy only changes the color of your child.
What do buffalo tell their children before school? Bye son
I always wondered why I don't see any food pictures on Instagram from third world country children Then it hit me, silly me they probably can't afford cellphones
You think Elon could create a machine to save the children trapped in the US camps? Too soon?
My children's chess addiction is getting out of hand. But I have managed to keep them in check so far.
Where do parents send their ADHD children during the summer? Concentration camps
I’m writing a children’s book about a female otter that goes to college. It’s called Alma Otter’s alma mater.
A Sunday school teacher ask the children, "why is it necessary to be quite in church?" The children replied, "because people are sleeping."
Just read a children's book about the pope.... Boy was it touching!
I used to deal LSD to children But now, they're all gown up
What's the difference between a laundry machine and children? A laundry machine doesn't cry when I put the load in.
How do Jedi get their children to eat? They Force feed them.
What's happening in this country? School children dressing like whores...
-and whores dressing like school children. It's a nightmare!
You don't know whether to carry candy or cash.
I could not be a children's doctor. I would lose my patients.
Why did the Alabama conservative Christian politician vote against abortion?
There will be Moore children to rape.
EDIT: Credit to /u/shahooster for completing the joke.
A lot of parents don't know that there is another way to entertain children rather than by giving them an iPad. By giving them an Android tablet!
What do you call a vegetable that doesn't take care if it's children?
A dead beet dad
Hope you liked my OC joke
Why don't Asian couples have Caucasian children? Because two Wongs don't make a white.
TIL that unvaccinated children are less likely to be autistic. They are most likely to be dead instead.
I treat children the same way I treat adults but some parents don't seem to like that. Apparently they don't appreciate me telling their kids to blow me.
Donald Trump is writing a children's book about running for President He's going to title it, "Marco's Little Adventure"
I put on one of those things that prevents me from ever having children. A shell suit.
So I heard that Bruce Lee had children apparently
You got problems with parenting...
You start to get headaches. I follow the instructions on the aspirin bottle:
"Take two and keep away from children."
You know what's most rewarding about working at a children's hospital? Meeting celebrities
Why couldn't the clown make balloon animals for the children? With inflation raising the cost he couldn't afford it.
How many children's TV presenters does it take to change a lightbulb? Two, one to change the lightbulb and another to show one they changed earlier.
What would Kim Jong Un call his children? His young'uns
One my 12-year-old cousin told me
What's the difference between broccoli and boogers?
Children don't eat broccoli.
Today holds a lot of meaning to me. Today is the 2 year anniversary that I lost my wife and children I'll never forget that game of cards.
A football team should setup a charity that gives presents to children with Down Syndrome ...and call it Touch Downs.
Who is the KKK's favorite children's character ?
The White-Power Ranger
I came up with this after reading a cracked article.
Whats the difference between children and lesbians? Children shouldn't run with scissors. Lesbians shouldn't scissor with the runs.
We gave our children old-fashioned names... Our little boy is Hunter and our little girl is Gatherer. - Brian Kiley
Apple scraps a new product... I've heard that Apple has scrapped their plans for the new children's-oriented IPod after realizing that "ITouch Kids" is not a good product name.
Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?
Which famous celebrity has had the most children over the last 20 years?