Ya know what the difference between broccoli and boogers is?
I don't eat broccoli.
(my 9yr old daughter told me this joke and I loved it. thought I'd share it with you guys)
[Bad joke] The other day my sister asked me what the difference between cellular division and a sock is To which I replied 'Nothing, they both involve mitosis'
What the difference between a catholic priest and a pimple? Pimples wait until puberty to come on your face.
What the difference between a ISIS member and a child? I don't know, I just fly the drones.
What the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid.
What the difference between a feminist and a knife? A knife has a point.
What the difference between John Wayne and Jack Daniels? John Wayne stopped killing Indians a long time ago.
What the difference between a hippo and a zippo A hippo is heavy, but a zippo is a little lighter.
I called in to work and asked my boss what the difference between work and his daughter was. I'm not coming into work this morning.
What the difference between playing a piano and dropping a piano? One sounds like Thelonius Monk, and the other sounds like a melodious "thunk!".
What the difference between meat and fish? If you beat your fish, it dies.
What the difference between a thermometer and a rectal thermometer? Taste
What the difference between a Lamborghini and a pile of dead bodies. There isn’t a Lamborghini in my garage.
What the difference between...
a dead dog in the road and a dead Frenchman in the road?
There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Do you know what the difference between pink and purple is? Your grip.
What the difference between a pick pocket and a peeping tom? A pick pocket snatches watches
What the difference between my dad and a police officer? I don't need to be black for my dad to beat me.
Do you know what the difference between a hippo and zippo is? One is big and heavy, the others a little lighter
Do you know what the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean is? I wouldn't pay $100 to have a garbanzo bean on my face.
What the difference between carbon and my ex? She could form more than 4 bonds at the same time.
What the difference between a pizza and a tinder hookup? You slice up the pizza before you enjoy it, not after.
What the difference between a feminist and a pencil? The pencil has a point
Somebody once asked me what the difference between ignorance and apathy was. I told them "I don't know and I don't care".
What the difference between anime and hentai? The camera angle.
What the difference between your wife and your job? After 5 years your job still sucks.
What the difference between a cat and an emo? The cat still has 8 other lives.
What the difference between an owl, and a good archer. A good archer shoots and hits.
What the difference between a blonde and a Misquito? Misquito stops sucking when you slap it..
My girlfriend asked me what the difference between a moon-roof and a sun-roof is. I told her it's night and day.
What the difference between gotham and the world in gotham the bat never killed anyone
What the difference between a tube and a dutch comedian? One's a hollow cylinder and the other's a silly hollander!
In USSR there were two popular newspaper...
..."The Truth" and "The News".
One visitor asked a local what the difference between them were.
"Well, there's no news in "The Truth", and no truth in "The News""
Do you know what the difference between an eightball of cocaine and a four year old child is? Eric Clapton wouldn't have let an eightball of coke fall out of a 53rd story window.
What the difference between a toddler and a bag of coke? Eric Clapton would never let a bag of coke fall out the window #TearsInHeaven
What the difference between acne and a catholic priest? Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12
What the difference between Amy Schumer and a whale? The whale won’t steal other people’s jokes.
Do you want know what the difference between how it is To "Love" vs. To be "Loved" Anyone can give love, but you need to be loved to get the "d"
My Life and the pit of death
What the difference between my life and the pit of death?
One's a dark, never ending shithole of hopelessness, immense pain and unbearable despair and the other is a well in Sparta.
What the difference between a tube and a crazy Dutchman? Ones a cylinder and the others a silly Hollander!